Nonsense for Nutters

Nonsense for Nutters


It was a very lovely day in the Wizarding World. The morning sun was shining brightly and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The lovely castle of Hogwarts stood glistening in the distance.

It was not just any castle though. It was a school that had been around for many years. This castle was a living piece of history. Its founders were four talented beings that had left their legendary mark within its walls. And while the founders had passed, the school continued to grow. Many great Headmasters over the years had come to call the castle home. And with good reason as the school was warm and inviting while providing the highest level of magical education. It was a very nicely balanced school.

But now, the fabulous school that had once housed many students and had hosted a number of legendary events had become quiet. The hustling and bustling that used to be a daily occurrence was no more as now the halls were empty. What had happened to this place?

Well, for starters, most of the Wizarding World had embraced new places to explore and most were in the Muggle World. And how did this all come about? Well, no one really knows but the speculation is that once the Minister of Magic was seen at the inauguration of the new president of the United States, things started to change. And though change was inevitable, it was a change that one would change about as much as they would change their underwear.

And the wonderful minister returned to the Wizarding World to speak of the changes that had to be changed. And thus changes in the Wizarding World were made, and most of the Wizarding families embraced this new change. One of the changes was that more ventures led outside of the Wizarding World, and poured into the Muggle World.

So, while all of this change was going on, the-Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, was enjoying his newfound hobby; Necromancy. And before he knew it he was resurrecting all of the ones who had died in the battle with the Death Eaters. First came the former Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, then the beloved Weasley twin Fred, then Remus and Tonks followed by Dobby and many of the others that had been on the ‘good’ side. And after giving the veil a good swift kick, even Sirius was able to return to the land of the living.

No these people didn’t come back as sparkly vampires and no Remus’s Lycanthropy didn’t just magically go away. Sorry, but he’s still a werewolf. I mean this was a resurrection done by a teenager, not God. Ahem, so Harry finished resurrecting all those good people.

“You have done well, Harry. Resurrection is a complex thing.” Dumbledore commented as the good guys also known as Dumbledore’s Army and the Order of the Phoenix all embraced each other and thanked Harry. “I had a lot of faith that you would bring everyone back.” He added as he brushed the dirt from his robes and adjusted his half moon spectacles.
“Thank you, sir. I did my best though I couldn’t bring my parents back.” Harry replied slightly disappointed.
“I am afraid that was to be expected. After all, the writer of this story would probably have a hard time keeping this a one-shot if you were able to bring everyone that had ever died back. I am very proud of you though, Harry. I do believe that you will have a bright future with Miss Weasley.”

“Thank you sir, but I really don’t want a future with Ginny.” Harry blurted out.
Dumbledore looked shocked. “I suppose that my memory isn’t what it used to be but I do recall in one of the chapters of the Half-Blood Prince, that you kissed Miss Weasley.”
“The half-blood what?” Harry questioned and Dumbledore just shook his head.
“Never mind, but I do know that you kissed her.”
“Well, yeah but I kissed Cho too. That doesn’t mean I want to spend the rest of my life with either of them.”
“My dear boy,” Dumbledore reached into his pocket and pulled out a book, flipped to the back of it and pointed at the Epilogue. “You see, Harry, it says right here that you and Miss Weasley have children together nineteen years later-“

“No! That is all wrong! I don’t want my future with her. I want it with ….with…” Harry stopped as his eyes formed into giant red, beating hearts. And suddenly a huge dreamy smile crossed his face.

“I want Bellatrix Lestrange!” He said almost breathlessly.
“Great Merlin’s Beard, Harry, are you out of your mind?” Ron gasped as he came rushing over.
“No. It’s all clear to me now. I want an older woman who is wild and eccentric!”
“Um…sorry to break it to you, Harry but she’s dead.” Hermione chimed in as she joined in the conversation.
“I’ll fix that!” Harry said as he waved his wand and poof Bellatrix was back.

“Potter!” She screeched as soon as she saw Harry.
Harry was in awe. “Hello Bellatrix, nice to see you again. You’re looking rather hot and sexy.” He said bluntly.
Ron made a gagging sound and Hermione slapped her hand over her mouth in disgust. Dumbledore just sighed quietly shaking his head.
Bellatrix was furious at first but then she softened up and blushed. “My, my, Potter you can be quite charming.”

Harry chuckled. “I try.” He replied. And then right there, in front of everyone who was gawking in shock, Harry kissed her.

Ron was on the verge of puking when Luna stepped up to hand him a towel. As soon as their eyes met, Ron felt his heart skip a beat as he smiled at her. Luna laughed lightly, smiling back at him.

Hermione noticed this and then smacked Ron in the back of the head. “Ronald Weasley! Are you flirting with Luna?” She gasped.
“Well, kind of. You see, I have been doing some thinking and I rather think that Luna would look hot in a short, black, mini dress with some fishnet stockings and stilettos.” Ron was on the verge of drooling while Luna was turning redder by the second.
“My goodness, Ron, I had no idea what sort of fantasies you had about me.” Luna replied almost breathless as she took his hand into hers. “I must admit that I have had fantasies about you too.”
Ron’s ears and cheek turned red. “My fantasies include you chasing away all the Crumple-Horned Snorkack and cuddling with me in a pool of pudding. I hope to make that real someday.”
“I can help with that.” Ron volunteered.

“Well Ronald, if you are going off with Luna, then just who am I supposed to end up with?” Hermione grumbled.

“With me, of course,” Draco Malfoy had appeared on the scene and Hermione looked confused as he walked up to her.

“Malfoy?” She asked.

“Indeed.” Draco replied grinning as he continued on. “It has been known for some time now that Dramione is one of the most popular relationships out there. I even got my hands on a few, myself.”

Hermione blinked in confusion as he continued on.

“It all started a few days ago when I was at home and while I was sitting on the toilet, I happened to find some nice reads about us being a couple.”
“C-Couple?” Hermione gasped.

“Yes and my first reaction was exactly like yours. The idea was repulsing. I’m a pureblood, you’re a muggleborn. However, some of the scenarios they put us in were entertaining and a few were enough to get me turned on. They’ve got some really good sex scenes with us in it. Anyway, so after a few hours of reading numerous stories, I realized that the Dramione writers do have a point. I mean look at us; we’re both smart. And I’m rich in money. You are rich in knowledge. And we’ve got quite a following. Another thing is that our kids would be so good-looking that they would dominate the world.”
Hermione blinked rapidly as he took her hand into his. This was indeed a very awkward situation, even for the onlookers.
“Plus, I-I’ve always loved you.” Draco added slowly.
And then there came the awkward silence. No one knew what to say, not even Hermione.
The silence went on and on for several minutes. It was so silent that you could hear a pin drop. It was as quiet as a calm breeze. Not a sound could be heard. The silence was-

“Alright, enough with the bloody silence description! We all get the point that it was a silent moment now if you don’t mind, I am about to start talking again!” Draco shouted up at the heavens.

Then he looked to the brunette in front of him. “So, would you like to try dating me?”
Hermione’s eyes glistened a moment, but then she shook her head. “No, I don’t want to date you.”
A look of disappointment crossed the handsome, blonde young man’s face. “You don’t want to date me? But I’m better for you than any other guy, even Potter. If it weren’t for that bloody thing called canon, we might have had a chance to be alone at some points and grow to like each other naturally.”

“Draco, dating just isn’t for us,” Hermione mumbled as she looked into his eyes. “But marriage is.”

Draco’s eyes widened in shock as Hermione moved forward and kissed him. He had no problem in returning the kiss and embracing his future wife. The crowd awed and broke into applause as the two continued to savor each other’s lips. Of course this was very odd as no one really liked Draco but since it was such a touching moment, everyone began clapping.

“What in the name of Merlin is going on here?” Blaise Zabini shouted as he came stomping over holding a large box.
“Blaise, can’t you see I am in the middle of making out with my future wife?” Draco snapped as he pulled away from Hermione, glaring at the handsome, young Italian that had just arrived.

“Future wife?” gasped the lusciously tanned young man.
“Yes, now go away! I’m busy.” Draco replied turning back around to Hermione who suddenly jumped into his arms.
Blaise was about to interrupt them again when-

“Ohhhhh Blaise!”

Blaise turned to see Ginny Weasley standing there in a sparkling white wedding dress. His jaw dropped as he walked over to her.
“Weaselette, what are you wearing?” He asked.
“This is my –Notice-Me-and-Please-Marry-Me-Blaise-Wedding Dress.” She replied.

“Well, I certainly have noticed you, but about that wedding part I don’t-“
“Oh please, please please, Blaise!” Ginny said as she lunged forward. Fortunately, Blaise was able to avoid being tackled to the ground by the red headed girl. However the unfortunate part was she had managed to grab a hold of his leg.
“Isn’t this a little extreme?” He asked raising a brow as the redhead wrapped her arms around his right leg. “I’m not sure that I want to get married yet and as far as marrying you goes I-“
“But it’s my lifelong dream! I have worked so hard to get you and I will do anything so please please please, marry me!”
“Go for it, Blaise. It’s obvious she wants you!” Draco shouted to him. “And just think, you two might be able to have a ship like Dramione.” He chuckled, still holding Hermione in his arms.
“Drama-what?” Blaise asked scratching his head in confusion.
“Dramione,” Hermione jumped in. “It’s where you take the names ‘Draco’ and ‘Hermione’ and put them together!”
“In their case they would be Ginny and Blaise something like Glaise,” Draco chuckled.
“Oh yes, Glaise! Lovely and they almost sound like Glaze as in glazed doughnuts, all sugary sweet. Yes, I think they fit well together.” Hermione agreed.

“I love that! Thank you, Hermione!” Ginny squealed.
“What if I am not ready for marriage?” Blaise shouted over the now talkative crowd.
Ginny smiled sweetly. “I’m patient and I’ll just hang on until you decide.”
“And do you think that this method is going to make me want to marry you?” He asked with a chuckle.
“Well…it worked for my mum.” Ginny replied.

And of course while everyone was watching the drama with Blaise and Ginny, Draco and Hermione made a run for it and escaped the whole scene. I’m sure we will see them again though.

“Alright now, what if I say that my answer is maybe?” Blaise mumbled.
Ginny looked sad.
“Oh for Merlin’s sake, Ginny!” Ron grumbled as he stomped up to her.

“Zabini already said he doesn’t want to marry you, give it a rest.” Harry grumbled.
“You stay out of this, Harry!”Ron growled as he turned his attention back to Blaise.

“Hey, I never said that I didn’t want to marry her, I just said that I’m not sure.” Blaise snapped.

“Well bloody hell, Blaise make up your mind then. You are Ginny’s only reason for living right now. If you reject her then the writer might kill her off!” Ron snapped sharply.
“I don’t want to be killed off!” Ginny whined, as she clung to Blaise’s leg for dear life.
“Will you get off?” He shook his leg.
“No!” Ginny screamed.
“Get off, Weaselette!” He shook it even harder but Ginny refused to let go and tightened her grip more.
“I’m losing feeling in my leg!”
“I don’t want to be killed off! Save me, Blaise!” wailed the girl as she continued to cling to him.
“I still don’t understand this. What makes you think that you will be killed off?” Blaise asked, scratching his head.
“Because the writer doesn’t like Ginny unless she is coupled with you. You are the only one who can save her.” Ron said with severe concern in his voice.

“Why me?” Blaise groaned.
“Blaise, please don’t let me die. “ Ginny whispered looking up at him with sparkling, hopeful eyes.

Blaise looked to the heavens nervously and asked, “You won’t really kill her off, will you?”
However, dark clouds began to move in slowly and thunder rumbled throughout the sky.

“You see?” Ron whispered, as he swallowed nervously.

“Well, let’s do this slowly and kind of play it out at least for a few chapters.” Blaise replied slowly.
“What? There are no other chapters, you git! This is a bloody one-shot! That means if you reject Ginny then she will be killed off very soon.”
Ron’s eyes slowly and nervously shifted to Harry.
“Hey, don’t look at me; I’m not killing her off this time. This isn’t Jealousy Games and Deadly Consequences!” Harry stated firmly.
“Are you…sure about that?” the red headed young man replied warily.
“For crying out loud, read the bloody title!” Harry pointed up.

“Look, okay, I have thought it over and I’ll marry Ginny.” Blaise said slowly. “I was just hoping for a chapter that focused only on me and my sock collection, but since this is a one-shot, then my answer is yes.”
“Oh Blaise, thank you! I love you!” Ginny cried as she jumped up and threw her arms around the handsome, Italian young man.

“And now, let us all go on about our lives seeing as we have them to live.” Dumbledore spoke slowly. And so, everyone began to disperse with only Harry and Bellatrix; who had fallen asleep on Harry’s shoulder, left standing with Dumbledore.

“Something wrong, sir?” Harry asked noting the vacant expression on the old wizard’s face.

“Oh I was just thinking. I must admit that you are full of surprises, Harry. Bellatrix was the last person that I thought you would ever choose. Of course, I really can not condemn you as I too have my …preferences.” Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“Oh!” Harry replied. “I never really thought about how lonely it must be for you not to have someone special in your life. But since everything is okay now, I’d be happy to help you find a suitable woman-“

“I-I do not have an interest in women, Harry.” Dumbledore spoke slowly.

Harry’s eyes widened. “Sir, you mean…you are gay?”
The old wizard nodded.
“I had no idea. How come you never said anything?” Harry asked.
“It wasn’t relevant.”
“What do you mean?”
“Harry, I chose to keep it a secret because of a certain someone.”
“I’m afraid that I don’t understand.”
“Harry, would you be willing to resurrect one more person?”
The question caught Harry off guard but he sighed and nodded. “Sure, professor. Who would you like me to resurrect?”
“Harry, I would like you to bring back…Lord Voldemort.”

“WHAT!?” Harry nearly fell over. “B-But sir-“

“I have fancied him for ages though he never would look at me the way I wanted him to. He’s never loved, so how could he know that he has been loved by someone?”

“Sir, that sounds kind of creepy. Are you sure that you want me to bring him back?”

“Yes Harry, it is my only request.”

“Alright.” Harry’s shaking hand reached for his wand and after a few waves a black plume of smoke appeared and as it subsided, the most feared Dark Wizard emerged.

“I have returned once more.” Voldemort hissed. “And this time, the one who brought me back was… Harry Potter?”
Harry swallowed nervously but Dumbledore stepped in front of him and approached the Dark Wizard.

“My dear Voldiepoo, I requested Harry to bring you back not to take over the world or cause chaos, but to be my life partner.”
Voldemort blinked rapidly and then burst into a loud series of happy sobs. “Oh Dumblekins, I’m so happy!” And Harry had to turn his head away as the two wizards embraced.


Fast forwarding to sometime later on a windy afternoon somewhere in the Muggle World, Dumbledore and Voldemort were finishing up their partnership counseling with Dr. Phil.

“So, as you two can see, your partnership will work out if you just communicate with each other. You both have to work together to help each other when the need arises and to overcome your obstacles together. Well I think this concludes our session and I am so glad you two came to me for advice.” The bald man said as he ushered them out of his office. Then after shoving some pamphlets to them, Dr Phil bid them farewell and they exited his office.

“I feel like we are on the right track, Dumblekins.” Voldemort said as they walked arm in arm down the crowded streets.
“I do believe you are right. Oh look up there; I believe that is Harry and Bellatrix. Shall we go and greet them?”
“Yes, let’s do that.” Voldemort replied and so the two happy men skipped merrily down the walk.
“Oh look, Bella, it’s Professor Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort.” Harry said.
“Please Harry, we’re not in school anymore so just call me Albus and it is Voldie now.”
“Okay, sorry I keep forgetting. So um what brings you two out and about today?” Harry asked.
“Oh we had a lovely session with Dr. Phil and we learned a lot about each other.” Voldemort replied.
“And we are learning how to communicate better, right Voldiepoo?”
“Oh yes, very much so.” Then Voldie sighed and asked. “So, what plans do you two have today?”
“Oh we’re going to a place that serves food called Mudonalds I think.” Bellatrix said proudly.
“Actually, I believe it is McDonalds and I hear they serve decent food. After that, we don’t have plans.” Harry said with a light chuckle.
“Oh? Well how about we all go on a fabulous double date?” Voldemort asked.
“I think that is a wonderful idea!” Bellatrix replied.
“Sounds fine to me. Harry?” Dumbledore asked.
“Oh yes profess-I mean Albus.” Harry agreed.

“Good, so what shall we do tonight?” Voldemort asked eagerly.
“Let’ go see a movie. They are playing old Muggle movies tonight and I think one is about a sinking ship.” Bellatrix suggested. Everyone seemed to agree and so with their plans now set, the two happy couples merrily strolled down to the McDonalds restaurant.
As they walked in, they noticed several people gawking at them and their strange attire.
“Uh, we have just come from a cosmopolitan playhouse!” Dumbledore announced, hoping the onlookers would stop staring. However, even more people stopped eating and turned to look at the oddly dressed people.
“Uh sir, I think we order food over there.” Harry whispered quietly. Dumbledore sighed then he and Voldie followed Harry and Bellatrix up to the counter.

The thin young man behind the register stifled a laugh and then forced on a serious face. “What can I get you, today?” He asked.
“Erm…I’d like a piece of dead cow between two slices of bread with that sweet tasting blood and no plants.” Bellatrix said quickly.
“I-I beg your pardon?” replied the man taking the order.
“You heard me, I want a piece of dead cow between-“ Bellatrix began.
“I want a dead chicken with extra sweet blood and no head.” Voldie interrupted sharply.
“And I will have a hippogriff salad with lemon sauce and some butterbeer if you don’t mind.” Dumbledore spoke casually.
The man taking the order just blinked rapidly.
“Erm Albus, he doesn’t know what those things are.” Harry whispered.
“Oh, my apologies. Could you just order something fitting for me, Harry? I’m terrible with public places in the muggle world.”
Harry nodded then looked to the man. “He meant to say he wants a chicken salad and a small drink and I would just like a small burger with lettuce and cheese.” Harry stated hesitantly.
The man nodded then began to ring up the orders.
“Would any of you care for fries?” he asked.
“Hmm, only if they have blood,” Bellatrix snapped.
“Yes, put blood on mine too!” Voldie sneered.
“No fries for me, thank you.” Dumbledore replied.
“None for me either, thanks.” Harry answered.
“Alright, the total is twenty-seven dollars and thirteen cents.”
“Do you take galleons?” Dumbledore asked, looking a bit hesitant.
“I’m not sure what that is, but we only take cash, credit, or debit cards. I am afraid we don’t take travelers checks or foreign money.” The man said.

“Well uh…give me a moment; I think I have my credited card in my pocket.” Voldie said as he turned his back. He opened the palm of his hand and mumbled something. Slowly a shiny, black card appeared. Confidently, the dark wizard turned back around. “Ah here is my credited card. I knew I had it somewhere.” He then presented it to the man who blinked as he took it.
“Death Eater Credit Union?”
“Yes, it’s an exclusive card that only I have because I am the highest and most powerful of the Death Eaters.” Voldie said proudly.
“Right…can I see your driver’s license please?”
“Certainly,” Voldemort turned around, and produced what looked like another card in the palm of his hand. Then he grinned widely as he gave the man the card.
“What is this?” the man asked.
“That is my Death Eater Drivers License.” Voldie replied proudly.
“Is this a joke? I don’t see any social security number, or state. All it has is you smiling wickedly at the camera holding some sort of stick-”
“Wand! It’s not a stick it’s a wand and a very powerful one at that. Do you know how many people I have killed with it?” Voldie sneered.
Harry slapped his hand to his forehead and shook his head. Dumbledore raised a brow at Voldie then shook his head at the Dark Wizard as well.
“Look, I can’t take this. It’s clearly a fake.” The man said. “And I can’t serve you your food if you don’t have any real money.”
“Harry, do you have any muggle money?” Dumbledore whispered to the dark haired young man.
Harry began searching through his pockets but found nothing.
“Sorry, I don’t have any muggle money on me.”
“Oh for Merlin’s sake, why don’t we just give him a good Cruciatus curse? That should make him hand over our food!” Bellatrix hissed as she whipped out her wand.
“No, no Bella, put that away!” Harry ordered.
“Ohhh Harry, your demanding tone is such a turn on!” Bellatrix swooned as she obediently did what she was told.
“Excuse me, can you weirdoes hurry up and pay for your damn food already?” snapped an inpatient man in a grey suit. “Some of us are in a hurry.”
“How dare you speak so rudely to us? Do you know who I am?” Voldie snapped back.
“I don’t care who you are, now hurry up and either pay or get out of line!” the uptight, man in the grey suit, replied.
“Excuse me!” A tall, plump man with grey hair said. “My employee has informed me of your ludicrous behavior and it is clear that none of you have any money. So, either you four get out of here right now or I am calling the cops!” It was obvious he was the manager.

“Stupid muggles! You dare to threaten us. With two simple words I could-“ Voldie began but Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder.
“There, there Voldiepoo. It is clear we are not wanted in this muggle establishment. So, we should quietly take our leave and go elsewhere.” He said gently.
Voldie just snorted and stomped out of the restaurant followed by and equally angry Bellatrix. Harry cleared his throat and then followed the two out.
Dumbledore sighed and then looked to the crowd. “You know, this establishment would be so much better with some floating candles and a bit of lively color.”
“Get out!” the manager shouted.
Dumbledore nodded and pushed the door open and then stepped outside to meet with his three companions.

“And you wonder why I hate those blasted muggles!” Voldie grumbled.
“Yes, they are lucky that I didn’t end every single one of their pathetic lives.” Bellatrix snapped.
“Bellatrix, calm down.” Harry said gently as he took her hand.
“So, where are we going to eat? I’m hungry!” Voldie growled.
“Perhaps it’s best to go to the Wizarding World for now. We could come back after we eat there.” Harry said trying to sound cheerful.
“Brilliant idea, Harry.” Dumbledore commented.
“Well, let’s apparate there!” Voldie said impatiently.
“Off we go!” Dumbledore announced.
And in that instant all four of them disappeared.


“Oh my god, Draco. That was amazing!” Hermione said as she lay in Draco’s bed breathing heavily.
“Yes, it was.” Draco agreed as he snuggled up close to her. Then after a moment of cuddling, the two got up, and got dressed.
“So, since we’re getting married, when do you want to start moving your stuff into Malfoy Manor?” Draco asked as he brushed his hair.
“What do you mean?” Hermione asked.
“Well, I assume that you will be moving in here soon since we’re together and all that.” Draco replied.
“Actually, I was kind of hoping that we would live in the Muggle world.” She replied hesitantly.
“The Muggle world? Hermione, I am not really that fond of muggles with the exception of you.”
“I know that but I would like for you to be there when I tell my parents about us. I don’t want to go it alone.” Hermione said nervously.
“Alright, I suppose I can stomach the muggle world for a short time.” He replied with a sigh.
“Wonderful!” She squealed. “Now, let’s go!”
“What? Now?” He blinked.
“Yes, I want to get this part over with and while I am feeling confident, I want to tell them.”
“Looks like that is the best idea so let’s go!” Draco stated.
Instantly, the two disappeared.


At The Burrow, the Weasley Twins sat feeling rather glum.
“What’s the matter with you two?” Molly asked noticing their behavior.
“Oh it’s just that we really don’t have anything to do in this story.” George mumbled.
“Yeah, and it’s so boring, I might as well go back to being dead!” Fred grumbled.
“Now Fred, I’ll have none of that talk.” Molly scolded.
“Sorry, mum.” Fred replied.
“Hey, we could go see what is going on in Hogsmeade-“ George began.
“-and visit Zonko’s. We haven’t been there in a bit.” Fred finished.
“You see? There is something for you to do. Now, off you go!” Molly said.
The Weasley twins grinned, waved, and disappeared with a popping sound.

“Have you noticed that all the main characters always get these fun and exciting plots?” Cho muttered as she, Dean, Neville, and Seamus sat together outside in the lush, green grass.

“Yeah, I kind of wish we had our own plot so that we could be noticed more.” Neville agreed.

“I don’t really think we’ll get much story time because most of us are bland.” Dean stated firmly.

“Well all we need is to find out what exciting things are going on in the Daily Prophet and work on our own plot from there.” Cho suggested.

“Me mum says that it’s been boring in the Wizarding World for days.” Seamus replied. “The Daily Prophet hasn’t been covering anything important either.”

“That right out sucks.” Dean grumbled.

“Maybe if we all turned into the villains then we’d get more recognition.” Cho suggested.
“Sorry but I don’t want to be a bad guy unless I have a cool weapon.” Seamus mumbled.

Suddenly, the wind began to blow and dark clouds formed in the sky.

“Didn’t this happen a little while ago?” Neville asked, pointing at the sky.
“Not to us.” Dean said.
“This is strange.” Cho mumbled.
“I agree.” Seamus added.

And then as the sky grew darker, the wind began to pick up and blow hard.

“What’s going on? I don’t understand!” Dean gasped.
“I know what this is.” Neville replied. “This is what we asked for; more story time!”

And as Neville spoke those words, a large tornado suddenly dipped down from the threatening clouds and began whirling and twirling towards the four who had now jumped to their feet.

“Oh great, this is your fault, Neville!” Dean snapped.
“My fault? I didn’t ask for a tornado!” Neville shouted back.

“Stop bickering you two!” Cho cried out.
“Look! It’s coming; it’s heading right for us!” Dean shouted in a panic as the tornado was closing in on them.
“It must be at least a mile wide!” Neville hollered.
“Never mind its size; we have to get away from it!” Cho shouted.

“Cast a spell, we’re wizards, remember?” Dean yelled as the wind grew louder.
“I am having trouble thinking!” Neville cried out.
“I can’t hear you!” Cho shouted. “The wind is too loud!”

“Expecto Patronum!” Seamus yelled as he pointed his wand at the tornado but nothing happened.

“What the hell was that?” Dean shouted.
“I…erm…it’s the only spell I could think of!” Seamus snapped.
“Oh yes, that worked really well! Now, why don’t we just stand here and let the tornado rip us apart while we’re at it!” Dean yelled sarcastically.

But just then, the winds of the tornado began to die down and as they all looked up, they saw what looked like a little building of some sort. And finally the winds stopped completely and the small building started plummeting towards the four who were standing there gawking at it.

“Oh crap, move!” Dean yelled as he jumped to the side. Neville and Seamus did the same.

“Cho!” the three shouted but it was too late for the small building that was a small house landed with a loud crash right on top of Cho.

“Cho!” Dean gasped as he and the other two rushed over to the house. “Hey look, I see a pair of legs here!” Neville said as he pointed at one side of the house. “I didn’t know Cho wore striped grey and white socks and had red sparkly shoes?”

“Those aren’t hers! She’s over here!” Seamus stated as he pointed at the dead girl.
“Then who the hell is that?” Neville asked, grabbing his head in befuddlement.

Just then, the door to the house opened and out walked a young woman wearing a blue dress, with a little dog in her arms.
“Hey look, it’s a girl!” Seamus said as he pointed at the new arrival.
“I can see that.” Dean agreed with a slight smile on his face.

“Oh my, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto.” The young woman mumbled as she cautiously stepped towards the three young men.

“Um…hello there!” Dean was the first to speak.

“Hello, and who might you be?” the girl asked with a slight smile.

“I’m Dean”
“My name’s Neville.”
“You can call me Seamus”
Then the three young men got on their knees and began singing:

“We represent the Wizarding World, the Wizarding World, the Wizarding World.
And in the name of the Wizarding World, we proudly welcome you to our magic land!” The three all sang together.

“It’s very nice to meet you. I am Dorothy from Kansas.”

“Nice to meet you Dorothy, you must have had quite a scare riding atop that there tornado.” Seamus stated as he walked up to her.

“Yes, it was quite scary. But now that I’m here I don’t know how to get back home.” She replied sadly.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure that Harry can-“ Neville began but Dean slapped his hand over Neville’s mouth and then cleared his throat. “Don’t worry, Dorothy, we can help you get back home. After all, we’re three very powerful wizards.”

“Powerful wizards? Ahahaha!” cackled a voice and then out of a plume of green smoke, an ugly witch with green skin appeared.

“And just who are you supposed to be?” Dean asked.

“I’m the wicked witch of the west and I see that I’m just in time to claim my sister’s ruby slippers.” She replied in a cackling voice.

Dean chuckled as he looked to Neville then Seamus.

“The wicked witch of the west? That’s it?” He asked, raising a brow.
“Yeah, you mean you don’t have a name other than that?” Neville inquired.
“She must not be very important if she doesn’t even have a proper name.” Seamus laughed.

“How dare you make a mockery of me! Once I have those ruby slippers on my feet, I’ll make you wish you’d never met me!” The wicked witch replied.

Dean whipped out his wand and swished it a couple of times. As the wicked witch reached down for the slippers upon her deceased sister’s feet, they suddenly disappeared. And moments later there was a flash of red and the red shoes appeared on Dorothy’s feet.

“What! How dare you!” the witch replied. “Those ruby slippers belong to me!”
“Why the bloody hell would we give them to you to put on your cruddy old feet?” Seamus snorted.
“Yeah, besides they look better on Dorothy.” Neville added.

“You’d better give me those shoes or else I’ll-“
“Oh bugger off, you old hag or we might have to call upon the great storms with our powerful magic.” Dean warned.

“Very well, I’ll bide my time. But don’t think you have seen the last of me. I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too, Ahahahaha!” the wicked witch cackled and disappeared in a plume of green smoke.

“What an annoying old hag.” Seamus muttered as he turned back to Dorothy who was looking rather scared.
“What’s wrong?” Dean asked.
“I’m really scared now. I want to go home and you three said you could help me get home.”

“We can.” They all said in unison.
Neville smiled and rubbed her shoulder. “We just need to get you to a special port key that’s not too far from here.”
“Hey, whoa, stop making moves on my girl.” Seamus grumbled as he put his arm around Dorothy.
“Who said she was yours?” Neville asked sharply.
“I did!” Seamus replied. Then he looked to Dean. “Are you going to try to steal me girl too?”
Dean held up his hands. “Nope, sorry but I don’t do long distance relationships.” He said.

“Boys, please don’t fight over me. Besides, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but I really want to get home so please take me to this port key thing so that I can go home.” Dorothy said rather urgently.

“Alright, we’ll take you there. Right, guys?” Dean said firmly.
“Sure!” Neville chimed in.
“I supposed we’d best get going then.” Seamus stated as he started to walk away. Dorothy, Neville, and Dean all looked to each other and then hurried after him.

The sun was sinking behind the clouds as Blaise and Ginny were walking along a yellowish, brick road. They really had no idea where it came from, all they knew was that they had been walking along, engrossed in conversation when they happened to look down to see it.

“You know, I think things will work out well for us as a couple, Blaise.” Ginny said softly as she held his hand.
He just nodded quietly as they walked along. For some reason, his attention had suddenly shifted to his surroundings.
“I’d really like to have a baby with you, maybe ten.” Ginny said dreamily.
“T-Ten babies?” Blaise raised a brow nervously at her. “Ginny, I really think that is too many.”
“I don’t, especially since we’re going to be intimate all the time. I’m pretty sure that I can get pregnant easily.”
“Whoa, let’s slow down a minute. We need to talk more about this later. The first thing to work on is us actually having a relationship together. And my only stipulation is to be nice to my socks. I cannot stand socks being abused.” Blaise said firmly.
Ginny blinked rapidly.
“Blaise…socks are just socks.” She said.
He suddenly stopped in his tracks and spun around glaring at her.
“You have no idea how many socks I have rescued from being abused. Why do you think my box is so full? It’s because of people abusing those socks and they have nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to but me!”
“Okay…I see this is a serious subject with you so I’ll treat every …sock fairly and I’ll do my best to keep them from being harmed.”
Blaise’s eyes sparkled at hearing this and he smiled. “Ginny, you really sound like you will make a great wife after all.” He said proudly.

“Ahahahaha! So, I see a couple of travelers have lost their way!” cackled a voice as a plume of green smoke appeared in front of the two. Out of it stepped an ugly green witch, that yes, we’ve seen earlier in the story.
Blaise raised an unimpressed brow at the new arrival.
Ginny simply giggled.
“So, my little pretties, who shall I cast a spell on first?” the witch asked hastily.
“Uh…first of all, who the bloody hell do you think you are interrupting our private moment together?” Blaise sneered as his eyes narrowed.
“I am the wicked witch of the west! Hahaha!”
“Is…that your name?” Ginny blinked trying not to burst out into laughter.
“Yeah, what kind of name is that?” Blaise added.
“What is with people asking me that?” The wicked witch hissed. “It’s my name, alright. It’s what I have always been known as and I am sick of people laughing at me because of it!”

“Well, it’s just that it’s a bit odd to see a witch who has no real name. Everyone in the Wizarding World has a name.” Ginny replied.
“The Wizarding What?” the witch blinked.
“The Wizarding World. You know the place you are standing in at this moment.” Blaise snapped gesturing around.
“Well, I’m not familiar with that but enough talking, I shall now cast a spell on you to-“ the witch began.
“So why are you wasting time telling us?” Blaise interrupted.
“Well, I-“
“Did you know that by explaining everything, you’re giving people the chance to escape?”It was Ginny who spoke this time.
“What are you babbling about?” the wicked witch snapped.
“Just telling you that all the mono logging isn’t necessary.” The red headed girl replied.
“Yeah, and now while you stay here and think about that, we shall be on our way.” Blaise said sharply as he grabbed Ginny’s hand and the two strode on down the yellow brick road.

“Oh no you don’t!” the wicked witch shouted as she started stalking after them. “No one escapes me!”

“Alright you old hag, you’re really getting on my nerves now.” Blaise sneered as he spun around, eyes gleaming angrily.
Ginny bit her lip and stepped back as she saw how angry he was becoming.

But just then there was a loud pop and both Draco and Hermione appeared out of the air and fell on top of Blaise and Ginny.
Ginny gasped and pushed Hermione off of her, quickly covering her eyes.
“Oh my, that was interesting.” Hermione said as she stood up slowly.
“Oof! What the bloody h-“ Blaise began, then he gasped and pushed Draco off of him. “Get off me, you git!”
Draco had no problem jumping to his feet and then he looked to Hermione. “You alright?” He asked breathing heavily.
“Yeah, but I think that’s the last time that we try having sex while apparating.” Hermione replied almost breathlessly.
“Draco? Granger? What the bloody hell are you two doing here…and could you please put some clothes on?” He added turning away.
Draco sighed then waved his wand and clothes appeared on both himself and Hermione.
“There, you happy now?” Draco asked.
“Yes, thank you.” Blaise replied, breathing a sigh of relief.
“No problem, now who’s the ugly green hag?”
The wicked witch of the west who had been stunned at seeing two naked people had stood gawking until Draco’s insulting comment.
“How dare you call me an ugly old hag!” She hissed. “I am a very powerful witch!”
“We’re powerful too, and that’s why we challenge you to a-“
“Singing duel!” Ginny cut in quickly.
“What?” Blaise asked with a confused look on his face.
“A singing duel? Are you out of your mind, Weaselette?” Draco snapped.
“I like that idea.” Hermione smiled. “It would be entertaining to have a singing duel.”
“Well, I suppose I could ridicule myself a bit for the sake of entertainment.” Draco said slowly.
“Yeah, I can too, especially if it’s to get rid of this eyesore!” Blaise agreed.
“So, you four think you can out sing me, do you? Well, I’ll show you!”

Then the wicked witch of the west cleared her throat and began to sing ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ in the most horrible, screechy voice that one had ever heard.
Blaise, Ginny, Draco, and Hermione squinted and cringed as they listened to the horrendous noise.

When the wicked witch had finished she suddenly found herself standing in front of a wall with the words ‘Wizarding Idol’ She blinked at the four who were now sitting behind a table, staring at her.

Blaise raised a brow then shook his head. “Ah I don’t really think I like this version of that song. It had some pitch problems and I just wasn’t feelin’ it. I wanted to stand up and say ‘Yo, that was the bomb man or it was hot’ but unfortunately, I just wasn’t feelin’ dawg! It didn’t click for me; you know what I’m sayin’?”

Hermione sighed then shook her head. “I’m sorry to say but your performance wasn’t so great. I am going to have to say it was disappointing.” She said with a sigh.

Ginny was all smiles.“Y-You know what I liked about your per-performance was th-that it was just very vibrant. And you made it your own and I think that it has some potential but not a lot. And I’m trying to be the one to boost your confidence but I just can’t seem to do that. And I haven’t taken any drugs yet, so that m-might be why I wasn’t standing up and cheering and dancing. I think with practice you might get better.” She said as she stumbled through every sentence.

“That was an absolute train wreck. One of the most horrendous performances I have ever seen .” Draco began as out of nowhere people began booing. However he cleared his throat and shook his head. “This was not only the wrong song choice for you, but this was the wrong kind of competition for you. There were sharps and flats where they didn’t need to be. It was horribly pitchy, you had no breath support nor did you even attempt to sing correctly. You are not very likable and you just cannot sing. I’m sorry but you are the worst singer I have ever heard.”

The wicked witch gasped in shock at the terrible comments that had been thrown at her.

“Alright, it’s our turn now.” Blaise said proudly as he and the other stood up. The Wizarding Idol wall, logo and table disappeared and now the four were trying to decide who would sing what. After a few moments of deliberating, Ginny stepped forward, now nervously holding a mic in her hand. She swallowed and then began to sing.
“Every night in my dreams, I see you. I feel you. That is how I know we belong.
Far across the distance, and places between us, I am glad you want me today.
Me and you, we’ll make our dreams come true
Even if we’re from places so far.
I love you, you’ll make my dreams come true, and I’m glad we’re together always!”

Then Ginny stopped as everyone blinked rapidly at her. She giggled nervously. “Sorry, I don’t know the words to that song.” She admitted.
“They why did you bloody sing it?” Draco snapped.
“I thought it had nice music.” She replied.
“The readers can’t hear the music! You need to sing something better. And while you think of it, I will sing next.” Hermione insisted as she snatched the mic away from Ginny.
“That’s my girl!” Draco said proudly. Then he blinked as he heard music fade in. “Hey is that ‘Material Girl’ music?” He suddenly asked.

Hermione winked at Draco and confidently began to sing.

“Boys like Harry can be quite scary and Ron can’t do a thi-ing
Krum is boring while Dean is snoring and that is so bor-ing
Times get tough and times get rough and I can’t stay awake
I’m so glad that I caught the attention, of a Slytherin sna-ake

Cause we are living in a Wizarding World and I’ve become a Malfoy girl
Whoa we are living in a Wizarding World and I’ve become a Malfoy girl.”

“Yeah, baby!” Draco cheered as Blaise and Ginny clapped along with the song.
Hermione blew the handsome blonde a kiss then continued on with the song.

“A Malfoy girl is what I am and what I am happy to be-e.
If any guy tries to cause me harm-“

“Then they’ll have to deal with me-e” Draco cut in.

“He’s so hot and he’s so fine, I’m glad that he chose me-e”

“I’m happy love and I’m here for you but right now I’ve got to pee-e” Draco cut in again as he rushed into the woods.

“Cause we are living in a Wizarding World and I’ve become a Malfoy girl” Hermione sang happily.
Whoa living in a Wizarding World and I’ve become a Malfoy girl.
Cause we are living in a Wizarding World and I’ve become a Malfoy girl
Whoa we are living in a Wizarding World and I’ve become a Malfoy girl.”

“Wow, good job, Hermione!” Ginny shouted as she and Blaise applauded.
The wicked witch of the west just rolled her eyes.
“That was boring!” She grumbled.

“Alright, since Draco isn’t back yet, I’ll go ahead and do my song.” Blaise said as Hermione handed him the mic.

He looked to Ginny and Hermione who smiled at him then he popped his neck and began to sing.

“Oh I’m a Slytherin and I’m okay
I know I’m hot each night and day.
My eyes are bright, my skin is dark
And my you-know-what’s top pick
It would make all guys jealous,
Cause it’s so long and thick!”

“Blaise!” Ginny gasped as her cheeks began turning red. “That isn’t an appropriate song! Please sing something else.”

Blaise rolled his eyes. “I’ll change the lyrics then because you haven’t seen my –“
“Blaise!” Ginny snapped.
“Well you haven’t seen it yet, so I’ll be nice and change the lyrics of the song.” He said slowly.
“Thank you.” Ginny replied, breathing a sigh of relief.

Blaise smirked then looked around slowly before he put the mic to his lips. Then he chuckled and began to sing.
“Ohh, I’m a Slytherin and I’m okay
I’m not like Draco who is gay.
At least I’m straight, and women I date
Know I can really kiss
I’m much hotter than that Draco
Who went to take a piss!”

“Stop that!” Hermione snapped, grabbing another mic and stomping over to him.
“Don’t insult my future husband! Nature called.”
“Then he should have called it back or let it skip to voicemail.” Blaise muttered.
“That wasn’t even funny Blaise, but since you want to be rude, I’ve got a song for you!” Hermione then began to sing.

“Ohh, I’m Blaise Zabini and I love socks
I like to steal them off the jocks
I just can’t stop, I want them all
They turn me on you see.
I want my socks much more
Than I want Ginny Weasley”

“Hey, that’s not nice!” Ginny gasped.
“Yeah and it’s not true either.” Blaise growled. “But since you want to go there…” He smirked and began to sing.

“Oh I’m Draco Malfoy, and I’m so bad
I’m quite the idiot like my dad
I can’t keep my comments to my self
I always have to brag.
I’m lucky I got Granger
At least for a one night shag!”

“Ohh you want to get nasty now, do you?” Hermione hissed.
“You started it, mudblood.” Blaise replied viciously.

“I know that I didn’t just hear you call my future wife that name!” Draco sneered as he appeared now dressed differently. He was now wearing a black hoodie with green printed snake on it, black shades, sagging black pants, dark green shoes, bandana, and holding a black and green electric guitar.

“Whoa, what’s up with that get up?” Blaise chuckled.

Draco grinned then shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but I look hot. And now I think it’s my turn.”

He took a deep breath then began to play the guitar quickly as he began to sing.

“All the small things, true spells, we fling
I’ll take once chance, at this romance
Always, I know, Together ,we grow
Each day, each night, we’ll be alright

Say it ain’t so, I will not-“
“Um, Draco. Wait, this just isn’t a good song for you.” Hermione suddenly cut in. “Could you try to sing something more romantic?”

Draco thought for a moment then shrugged. “Okay, I got one!” He replied.

“You can torture me, with anything you need
You can break my wand when I am gone.
Or you can break my nose, and rip my panty hose
And laugh and talk about me all day long.
You can shred my hair, and steal my underwear
And even take a dump right in my bed.
But one thing I must ask, and it’s not a big task
Is make sure that Achey Brakey Song stays dead.

So don’t sing that song, I’ve heard it all day long
It’s so out of touch and out of class
And if you sing that song, that achey brakey song
I will Avada Kedavra your ass!
Whoooo Ooooo!”

“No! No, stop! You’re going to make someone deaf.” Hermione said firmly. “And that wasn’t even remotely romantic! Now come on, Draco, please sing a romantic song.”

“No! Stop singing! I can’t handle you four! I’m leaving.” The wicked witch yelled. The she disappeared in a plume of green smoke.

“Well I’d say that we got rid of her, now does anyone have the urge to lock arms and skip down this yellow brick road?” Ginny asked smiling widely.

“No.” The other three replied in unison.
“How about we just walk along and see where this road takes us?” Hermione asked.
“I suppose that we could do that.” Draco said taking her hand.
“Shall we?” Blaise asked gesturing to Ginny.
“Yes, we shall.” She replied.
And so, the four of them casually strolled down the yellow brick road.


Meanwhile about ten miles ahead of the two couples, Ron and Luna had also discovered the yellow brick road and had begun to follow it in the opposite direction. The silvery moon had now risen into the sky and had been accompanied by a series of twinkling stars.

“It’s a lovely night, isn’t it, Ron?” Luna said softly as they walked along.
“I suppose so.” Ron replied gently as he walked along with her.
“I know that it is strange for us to be coupled together but it is also refreshing.”
Ron just chuckled lightly. “Yeah, well I have to admit that it’s pleasant though I never would have thought of it in a million years.” He replied.
“Neither would I. I was always convinced that my future would be cold and lonely and that my only purpose in life would be to seek out creatures that most don’t believe exist.” Luna commented.
Ron nodded quietly.
“Do you think we will have a happy future together?” She asked.
Ron cleared his throat. “I…uh don’t know but I’d like to. I mean you may be a little strange at times but you’ve got a very pleasant, calming personality. I like how you’re not uptight and that we can talk without arguing.”
“I like that we can talk together too. And there are times where I get a little befuddled but I think it is because of my past. Still, I feel better knowing I have you with me now.” She smiled.
Ron’s cheeks flushed and he cleared his throat as he came to a stop.
Luna stopped and looked concerned. “Did I say something wrong?” She asked hesitantly.
“No, not at all.” Ron replied as he stared at her. “There’s just something about you that is mesmerizing.”
“I am just myself and wish to be liked for who I am. After all, I like you for who you are.”
Ron felt his heart flutter as he gazed at her dreamily. However, a suddenly howl in the night, snapped him from his dreamy state and quickly put him on the alert.
“I think that was a werewolf.” Luna stated bluntly.
“I was afraid you would say that.” Ron gulped.
“Oh look, a cornfield!” Luna said pointing to the rather large stalks of corn to the left of her.
And then in the night, a voice spoke.

“Ex-Excuse me, could one of you kindly get me down from here?” said a male voice.
Luna blinked and started walking towards the cornfield.
“Luna, come back!” Ron whispered sharply.
“Oh it’s alright, it’s just a man made out of straw.” She replied slowly as she pointed at a scarecrow that was hanging from a thick, wooden post.
“A scarecrow?” Ron inquired as he slowly followed Luna into the cornfield.
“I can get you down.” Luna said as she whipped out her wand and swished it a couple of times.
Moments later the wooden post disappeared and the scarecrow fell to the ground.
“Oh my, I’m free!” He shouted joyously as he stumbled to his feet. He had some trouble balancing but after a few attempts he was able to remain on his feet.
“Oh thank you so much!” The scarecrow said.
“You are most welcome.” Luna replied. “I am sure that it was quite lonely and uncomfortable up there.”
“Yes, it was but now that I am free, I can go where I please.” He said proudly.
“Well, it was nice meeting you and all but we must be on our way.” Ron announced as he took Luna’s hand into his.
“Yes, we must go but we wish you well.” Luna said softly.
“Thanks, but I think I’d really like to stay with you two, especially the attractive young lady.” The scarecrow said as he took Luna’s other hand and kissed it.
“Sorry, but we’re kind of wanting to continue on our own.” Ron mumbled.
“But I won’t be able to function on my own. I need this young lady to guide me.” And with that he scooped Luna up in his arms and began to carry her away.
“Wait just a bloody minute; what do you think you are doing with my woman?” Ron shouted.
But the scarecrow continued on carrying a rather confused Luna in his arms. And as he did so, he broke into song.

“I could prove to you I’m happy
And things could get quite sappy
If you’re up to a little fun.

I’d be better than a wizard
And I’d even show my lizard
If you’d let me get things done.”

“You pervert!” Ron snapped as he rushed after them.

“I hate to join this stupid singing
It makes my ears start ringing
But now I have no choice.

If you want to duel with singing
Then you’d best match what I’m bringing
If you fight me with your voice.”

“Ron, that was lovely.” Luna commented.
“Yeah well, I hate to sing but since this is how this idiot fights, I don’t really have a choice.” Ron replied.

“Ha! You’re terrible at singing. Why don’t you just run along and let me keep the girl.” The scarecrow replied hastily.

Ron cleared his throat.

“Sorry, but I won’t back down.” He replied.

“Fine, then.” The scarecrow reached into his shirt and pulled out two pieces of sheet music and tossed one at Ron who caught it.
“Then I challenge you to a sing off.” The scarecrow said. “And whatever song you have, you’ve got to make up lyrics to.”
“Fine!” Ron looked down at the paper in his hand then blinked rapidly.

The scarecrow laughed and then presented his paper which was blank!

“Hey, you can’t do that!” Ron yelled.
“Yes I can and if you can’t make up lyrics to that song, then you lose!”

Ron looked uneasy.
“You can do it, Ron. I believe in you.” Luna said and that gave Ron confidence as well as put a smile on his freckled face. “Alright, here I go.” He said.

“I feel like I’ve found love tonight
But this stupid guy just noxed my light
Challenging me with this stupid singing

And taunting me to sing tonight
Just makes my fists want to wind up tight
And makes me want to give a beating.

Ohh Ohh Ohh

My body say go,

Ohh Ohh Ohh

And you really need to know

If you want to mess with me
The you’ve got a price to pay
You’d better let my girl go,
and run the other way.

If you want to mess with me
Then you’d better pay the price
Cause I’m not very happy
And I’m through with playing nice.

If you want to mess with me,
Then you’ve got a price to pay
I’m a Weasley with a bottle
That I’ll smash right in your face.”


“You’re so talented, Ron.” Luna sighed dreamily.

The scarecrow dropped Luna from his arms and turned glaring at Ron, as suddenly his eyes began to glow red and fangs appeared in his mouth. “So, you dared to threaten me through a song. Well then I will just eat your little blonde girlfriend here, Hahaha!”
“Stupify!” Ron shouted as he blasted the scarecrow with the stunning spell. However as it hit its target, the man of straw blew to pieces. Ron blinked then shoved his wand away and went to help Luna up.
“Are you okay?” He asked as he helped brush the dirt from her clothes.
“Yes, I feel safe now.” She replied dreamily.

Then, suddenly all throughout the cornfield there came wicked laughter and sinister whispering.
“I’m beginning to feel frightened.” Luna whispered as Ron embraced her.
“I am too.”
And the laughter and whispers began to grow louder and from all around them, pairs of red eyes began glaring out of the stalks of corn. And then slowly, small figures no taller than a house elf, began to emerge.
“R-Ron, those look like little children.” Luna commented.
“Y-Yeah, and they don’t look very friendly.” Ron replied nervously.
“I can’t believe we’re going to die like this.” He whimpered.

And as the child-like beings began to approach the two, thunder began sounding overhead accompanied by lightning and drops of rain.
“Ron, can’t we just apparate?” Luna asked.
“We could try though I am not good at it and I’ve been known to do a lot of splinching.”Ron replied nervously. Then he sighed, ‘But losing a finger is better than losing our lives to these things.”
Luna clung to him tightly. “Alright hold on, here we go!” Ron said. Then with a loud crackle they disappeared.

Harry and Bellatrix had split off from Dumbledore and Voldie, and had wandered into a nearby pet shop where Bellatrix had grown attached to a lovely little brown, pigmy owl that was sitting in a silver cage. Harry; being the gentleman he was; gladly bought the owl in the silver cage and the two had merrily went on their way.

However, a half an hour later, the two were briskly walking back to the same pet shop. And this time, neither one was very happy.
As they entered the pet shop again, the clerk lifted a brow.

“Back so soon?” He asked.
“Yes, we wanted to return this owl and get a refund.” Harry said firmly.
“You can’t return it.” The clerk replied.
“And why not?” question Harry.
“Because we don’t take back animals that were killed by their owners.”
“We didn’t kill it!” Bellatrix snapped clearly becoming upset.
“Now, now dear, I will handle this. You go wait outside for me.” Harry said to her.
“That’s probably the best idea, Harry. I’m sure if I stayed in here, I’d eventually Avada him.” Bellatrix mumbled as she walked out the door.

“Alright now, about my refund.” Harry said turning to the clerk.
“You don’t get one.” The clerk replied simply.
“Why not?”
“It’s not really dead, it’s just playing dead. It’s a new trick.”
“Are you trying to take me for a fool? This owl is not playing dead. It is dead.” Harry snapped.
“No, it’s not. It probably just passed out because your breath smells bad.” the clerk said bluntly.
“I highly doubt that.” Harry replied unimpressed.
“But I’ll be nice and let you keep it for free.” The clerk said proudly.
“Why the bloody hell would I want to keep it? It’s dead!”
“No, it’s not. It’s just playing.”
“You can’t pull that on me again, you’ve already admitted that it’s dead.”
“Well, I suppose that’s true, but you’re still not getting a refund.”
“Well then I’d like another owl that looks exactly like this one.” Harry insisted.
“We don’t sell owls here.”
“Yes, you do! You sold me this one a half an hour ago.”
“That wasn’t a sell. It was a gift.”
“No, it wasn’t! It was a very expensive owl and you didn’t bother to tell me that it was sick.”
“You didn’t ask.”
“Well why did you sell me a sick owl?”
“Why didn’t you ask if it was sick before you bought it?”
“Well if I would have asked, then would you have given me a discount on it?” Harry inquired.
“Nope. I’d have never told you that it was a sickly owl.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“ But look at the bright side, at least you can keep it.”
“I don’t want to keep it. All I want is a for you to either replace this owl or give me a refund!”
“I’m not doing either.”
“Great.” Harry threw his arms up in defeat.
“By the way, would you like a kitten?” The clerk offered.
“A kitten?”
“Yes, you know, a little ball of fur that meows all hours of the night and pukes in your best shoes?”
“I know what a kitten is!” Harry snapped with an annoyed sigh.
“Well, would you like one? I’m sure it would replace the owl.”
“I-I suppose so. How much would one cost?” Harry asked irritably.
“I don’t know.” The clerk shrugged.
“Well, how am I supposed to buy a kitten from you if you don’t know how much it will cost?”
“Oh we don’t sell kittens here.”
“Then why the bloody hell did you just offer me one?”
“I didn’t. I was just making conversation.”
Harry groaned and then turned and stomped out of the pet shop. His head was spinning and he was ready to call it a night.
“Oh Harry, did you get a refund?” Bellatrix asked.
“No, the crazy git did give me a headache though.” Harry replied, rubbing his temple.
Just then there was a loud crackle and suddenly Luna and Ron appeared.

Ron, what are you two doing here and…” Harry paused. “What happened to your left arm?”

Ron blinked then groaned as he noticed that from the elbow down, his arm was gone. “Why is it always my left arm?” The red head mumbled.
“Are you two doing anything special?” Luna asked.
“No, as a matter of fact we’re on our way home.” Harry replied. “You two can join us for dinner if you want.”
“Thanks for the invitation, Harry, but Luna and I are going to go to my house for the night.”
“Alright then, good night you two.” Harry replied. Then he and Bellatrix vanished with a loud pop.

Luna smiled at Ron. “I’ve enjoyed being coupled with you in this story. I do hope we will become a couple in another one someday.” She whispered.
“You know, I hope so too. We really get on quite well.” Ron replied. And then he felt Luna’s lips touch his and fell into the warm, tender kiss.
After a moment Luna pulled away and then whistled loudly. Down from the sky two thestrals descended and Luna climbed on one. “I think this mode of transportation is safer for you.” She said.
Ron chuckled then climbed on the other thestrals. “Yeah, I agree.”
“Shall we go?” She asked.
“Lead the way.” Ron replied.
Then the thestrals spread their wings and flew off into the night’s sky.


Seamus, Neville, Dorothy, and Dean had finally made it to the port key; a large cherry blossom tree.
“There you go, just tell it you want to go home and it will take you there.”

“Thank you guys so very much.” Dorothy said as she started towards the tree.

“Oh no you don’t!” a voice shrieked and suddenly the wicked witch of the west appeared in front of Dorothy.
“You’re not leaving until I get my ruby slippers!”

“You can have them…if you beat Dorothy in a duel!” Seamus said smugly.

“Oh no you don’t, I will not go through another singing duel!” The witch hissed.

“No, not a singing duel, a fighting duel.” Dean chimed in.

Just then Dorothy had a dose of courage hit her and she pulled out of red and white ball the size of her palm. “Let’s battle, then!” She said, tossing the ball up into the air. It magically opened and Toto came bounding out barking wildly.
“Alright Toto, let’s show this hag that we mean business!”
“Arf Arf!” Toto barked as he took a fighting stance.

“Very well, then I’ll just have to use my winged monkey, Chistery.” The wicked witch of the west cackled as she pulled out a similar ball like Dorothy’s and tossed it into the air.

“Go Chistery!” She shouted as the ball opened and out flew a winged monkey.

“Alright, the first person to knock the other’s creature out, wins the ruby slippers!” Neville announced.

“Toto, use speed!” Dorothy shouted.
“Chistery, use whirlwind!” the wicked witch yelled.

Toto barked and then suddenly began to move faster.
Chistery began flapping his wings quickly and formed a small whirlwind.
Luckily, Toto’s speed was quick enough to avoid a direct hit.
“Toto, use roar!” Dorothy called out.
“Chistery, use Monkey Strength!”

Toto let out a loud roar and caused the winged monkey to freeze in fear, disabling it’s Monkey Strength move.
“Alright now, Super Stream Urine Attack! Go Toto!” Dorothy shouted.
And the little dog charged towards the winged monkey and leaped into the air releasing a stream of all of the contents of its little bladder.
“Dodge it!” screamed the wicked witch and Chistery did just that. But unfortunately, the wicked witch of the west got the brunt of the attack and it proved to be a critical hit!

“Agh!!!!!!!” the witch cried out and then to everyone’s surprise, she began to melt. “No! I’m melting…melting. I almost had those ruby slippers and I would have gotten them too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their urinating dog!” And moments later there was nothing left of the wicked witch except her black, pointy hat laying in the middle of a yellow puddle.

“Whoa! That was a rather disgusting but interesting battle.” Seamus said, and the other two young men echoed that.
“Good boy, Toto!” Dorothy praised as she picked up the little dog that had finished his business.

“Ahem, well Dorothy, I guess this is goodbye.” Neville said slowly.
“Yes, I must be getting home but thank you for your help. “ Dorothy replied.

Then she slowly reached out towards the tree. “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” And as she touched the tree, she disappeared in a white light.

“Well guys, I guess this is it.” Seamus sighed.
“What are you talking about?” Neville asked.
“He means that we’re getting very close to the end of the story.” Dean replied.
“Already?” Neville replied.
“I’m afraid so. It seems like all the loose ends have been tied up.” Dean answered.
“Well, we might as well wrap up our portion. Do you guys want to come over and hang out for a bit?” Seamus asked.
“Sure, we most likely won’t be in the story anymore anyway.” Neville replied.
“Right then, let’s go!” Dean said.
And the three disappeared with a loud pop.


Back on the yellow brick road, Draco, Hermione, Blaise, and Ginny had been walking for quite a while.

“We’ve been walking for hours it seems.” Ginny complained.
“Yes, and we’re not getting anywhere. There’s been no change of scenery at all.” Hermione added.
“You know, you girls are right. This is really boring.” Blaise agreed.
“I’m ready to go home.” Draco said as he finally stopped in his tracks.
“I am too.” Blaise grumbled.
“I think this is the boring part of the story. And since we’re coming to the end, there’s nothing left to really do.” Hermione sighed.
“Draco Malfoy does not do ‘boring’ and how about we all go back to my house and relax?” Draco suggested.
“Yeah, Blaise Zabini doesn’t do ‘boring’ as well. And sure, let’s go!” Blaise said anxiously.
Ginny and Hermione smiled and then nodded.
And then with a loud pop, the two happy couples vanished into the air.


In case anyone was wondering, Dumbledore and Voldie had gone back to relax at Hogwarts.
“Ahhh, this place is always inviting.” Dumbledore said as the two sat in front of a crackling fire sipping hot chocolate.
“I must agree. It’s nice to be back here.” Voldie sighed.
“Yes, and now that I’m back, I’ll be Headmaster once more.”
“Oh Dumblekins, does that mean that you won’t be home as much when the school year is in session?”
“I am afraid so, Voldiepoo.” Dumbledore mumbled.
“That’s just not fair!” Voldie pouted.
Dumbledore thought for a moment, then half-smiled. “You know, we always seem to need a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and since you know the Dark Arts in and out, how would you like the job?”
“Oh really?” Voldie beamed happily. “I’d love it! I could teach the students how to defend themselves from Dark Creatures. After all, there are more dangerous things out there than me.”
“Yes, though try not to be too intimidating to the students. They will be fearful of you at first.”
“Oh then I will have to bake lots of cookies for them!” Voldie replied excitedly.
“I think that is a good start.” Dumbledore replied.

And then he held his cup up. Voldie did the same.
“A toast to a new year and a new life for us all!”
“Cheers!” Voldie said happily.

And so everyone lived happily ever after….at least until the new school year began.

But that, my friends, is another story.

THE END?