Saddness

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Hermione's POV


Tonight was hard for me. So many things came and went through my brain and body. I took a shower with you and felt a sadness that I had been dealing with all day. One sadness that just wouldn’t go away. You held me in your arms and I asked if I could just watch tonight. I want to see you happy and I want you to be happy. We got into bed and what happened was something that you wanted. You go down on me and it feels good. You move back up and restrain my hands then go back down. Inside I am feeling like I am just watching the whole thing. I feel sad and a little ill. I feel your tongue rubbing on me and I wonder what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to feel anything else right now. I ask her to sit on my face so that I can work to get a little interested. Even that really isn’t working for me. I feel you enter me and still nothing for me. I watch as you both finish. You look so happy and I wonder if you see the sadness that is in my eyes. I’m pretty sure you don’t. I don’t want to ruin the moment for you two. Right now I just really want to be held and told that I’m loved. To be touched, and stroked and calmed. Everything inside is so confusing.
We all talk for a while then it gets quiet. I’m watching as you have your arm around her and start to stroke her. You so tenderly run your hand around her breasts and down her stomach. I watch as you lean over and kiss her so softly. I have been waiting for so long to see that tenderness in you again, instead of just going down on me and thinking I’m ready. Waiting so long for you just to hold me as you are holding her. A tear slips down my face as I watch the way you two are with each other. The way I haven’t felt with you in a very long time. I watch as you slowly caress her and kiss her. As your hand moves down and rubs her. I feel the tremor of the bed as she comes for you. This world is all about you and her. I feel like a third party that shouldn’t be there. I watch as you put on the condom and I want to move away so badly. I know I’m not a part of this act that the two of you are so wrapped up in. After a while you two switch positions and I leave the bed with a mumbled “I’ll let you two finish”. I know I was not wanted or needed for this. As I lay on the couch I let the tears come praying that you won’t see them and ask questions while she is here. I know I won’t be able to answer then tonight as they are so confusing to me.
Tonight is the first night you hold me as you fall asleep since I got here. Tonight after watching you make love to another woman your arm slips around me. I listen as your breath slows and you fall into sleep. I let the tears come then and wonder what is inside me that is so sad.