Remember When It Rained

The sky had darkened and the heavens rumbled, a silent threat that most obeyed. I didn’t move even as the heavens opened up and cried it’s tears. There was so much I wish would have gone differently. You were the person I’d admired most, the man who looked at me and saw who I was. A scared boy who just wanted to survive to the next hour. But I hadn’t always admired you, had I?

I laugh, a short bark like sound. It was a bitter laugh, and it caught in my throat the second time coming out as more of a strangled cry. The others had already left, leaving me with my grief, it was all I had now. I had done my job and now no one cared. Even those I thought to be my friends had abandoned me.

You were never my friend, but you were my protector. You did so much for me, and how did I repay you? I called you a coward. I raised my head to the sky, letting the rain wash away my tears and my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about you anymore but I couldn’t help it. I let out another sob and dropped to my knees, fingers digging into the fresh dirt beneath me,

“Why you bastard! Why Did you leave me…” I whisper, but of course you don’t answer. You will never again, no matter how much I cry, how many tears I shed for you. I know now that I am lost. No one was there to save me anymore. I had saved them all, but only you could save me.

My clothes were soaked and muddy, but still I laid at your side no longer crying. I was clinging to hope, that this was all a dream. I’d wake up and you’d be there waiting with a frown on your face. The tears began again, I was hurting myself more thinking the way I was. But I couldn’t help it. I had watched you die unable to do anything about it. I wasn’t strong enough to save you. I’m sorry.

I finally shift to my knees and attempt to stand, but I can’t. My legs gave out and I crashed back to the ground cursing my weakness and you. Shivers ran down my sides and desperately I called out to you. Please come back, you don’t understand… my vision blurred and I could barely lift my hand.

The darkness was wrapping itself neatly around me, and I was allowing it. There was no point in fighting it. There was only despair, only pain. I didn’t want this pain anymore, I was willing to give up my life for the pain to end. I sighed softly and let my eyes close willing myself to sleep. To go peacefully, but someone was tugging at my arm insisting that I get up.

I can barely open my eyes now and I raise a hand to the face hovering above mine. But I didn’t touch it, my hands shook and I was terrified that it would disappear if I got too close,

“Stupid boy…” the face spoke with his voice and my heart felt like a vice was squeezing it causing a new wave of pain that made me cry out. Gentle hands pulled me against a warm chest and spoke sweetly into my ear. I clung to this illusion even though it hurt me, I needed this. I needed him,

“Why. Why did you have to leave me?” I asked voice weak and pathetic. He didn’t respond simply rocked me trying to soothe my pain. But it wasn’t working, it hurt too much. I couldn’t live without him, I didn’t want to. He chuckled and I looked up to him,

“Pathetic. You’ve survived worse then this. Now wake up. Your friends are waiting…” he placed a kiss to my forehead and my hands clung more tightly,

“Please don’t leave me!” I cried, “I want to stay with you!” I insisted. He smiled sadly,

“I want you to stay as well, but…” I felt something tugging me back and I cried out to him. I watched his face as he began to cry as I knew I was yet again. I fought the force trying to pull me back and launched into his arms again. For a moment it felt like I was going to stay, but it was over in that same moment and I was alone again.

I woke with a start and slowly took in my surroundings. The grey stones around me caused me pain again and I raised my head to the closest. A fresh trail of tears slid down my cheeks and I gently caressed the name on the headstone. I glanced away as someone called my name. My friends, they were there looking concerned. I smile weakly and stood legs threatening to spill me back to the muddy earth.

They embraced me whispering how sorry they were. The pain was still there, but it lessened some. And I suppose it will always be there, this pain. But I had to continue to live. I allowed myself to be taken a few steps away, before I stopped them and picked up the flowers I’d brought. I walked back over to the stone and knelt before it, reading the stone once more as I laid the flowers down,

“Come on Harry. Lets get you home.” I stood and nodded following my friends out of the cemetery, my memories of you locked carefully away. Gone but never forgotten.

Severus Snape
Teacher, Friend and Hero
May He Finally Find His Peace


________________________________________________________________________
*sniff* Ok so it’s 5:23 a.m and I was listening to Josh Groban’s “Remember When It Rained.” And well… I like it. Severus was my favorite character. A snaky bastard who died protecting what he believed in. So let me know what you think… ^_^