Swallow Your Pride

Swallow Your Pride

“Why do you always only come over when I’m sick?” I ask while trying to lift my head up. He doesn’t give me an answer, he never has. It’s always like this when I’m sick.

I see him everyday at work and we occasionally share some small talk. There’s never more; no drinks on Friday after a long week at work; no lunches shared even when we’re the only two in the office; no interaction whatsoever outside of work. Well besides this; whatever this is. I let my head fall to the side as he walks up the length of my bed. He stares at me with those unreadable eyes and as per the usual I feel even more helpless. He slowly slides his hands under my back and head, lifts them up and sits down while slowly lowering my head down onto his lap.

“Can I get you anything?” he asks and I notice that he has already retrieved a bowl of ice water and a cloth. I stubbornly refuse to answer. Apparently my silence doesn’t matter, never has. I’ve closed my eyes but I think I hear the splash of water as he prepares the cloth. The cool sensation that seeps through me after he puts the cloth on my forehead confirms it. “How about a glass of water? We don’t want you to get dehydrated.” He prompts but I’m not going to give in this time.

“If I wanted water I would get it myself!” I say a little harshly. Too bad for him if I’m a little snarky. Besides it’s his fault, coming here acting like he can do whatever he wants. Well this is the last time. I’m going to prove to him that I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Deciding that water did sound like a pretty good idea, I made a move to get up to go and grab some. Stubborn hands on my shoulders prevented me from getting very far.

“And where do you think you’re going? He asks, giving me an exasperated look.

“I feel like getting up…” I try but it seems like that’s not going to fly with him. Letting out a long sigh I roll my eyes up at him. “I’m thirsty and am going to get myself some water.” Again my attempt to sit up is futile.

“Now, now, now, my Lady no need. I will fetch you some.” Slipping his legs out form under my head, he gave me one last look before leaving the bedroom. He implored me with his eyes to stay where I was. I resigned myself to lying back down. I hadn’t even realized that I had sat up.

I am slowly losing my will to fight this. Fight him. It happens like this every time I get sick and he manages to hear about it. Although it’s not altogether too hard for him to attain this information; we do work in the same office after all. Every time, without fail he shows up at my house.

I can’t let him continue this. We barely know each other. This isn’t even an overreaction either. I can list the things I know about him on one hand; ONE HAND! Number one: he has an apparent fascination of taking care of me when I’m sick. Number two: he works in the Department of Mysteries. Number three: his name is Draco Malfoy.

Since he appears to have changed since Hogwarts I see him as a completely different person. He doesn’t appear to present any prejudice against non-purebloods; he can convey a vast array of different emotions, no blank masks since I started working with him. However I don’t know these things for sure. These are just observations that don’t even really have concrete grounds.

The creaking of my door stops my musings. He’s leaning against the doorframe and it makes me wonder how long he’s been there. Since he has yet to move from the doorframe, I decide that now is a good a time as any to confront him. Looking him in the eye, which is only proper in these situations, I ask him what’s foremost on my mind.

“Why? Every time, without fail, you’re here when I’m sick. You have yet to tell me exactly why you decided to start this endeavor. And every time afterwards it’s as if this never happened. You’ve never tried talking to me at work unless it involved something work related.” At this statement I receive a look. “Alright, I haven’t either. Nonetheless I’m not the one who started going to your house when you were sick with no explanation given. You will tell me because I’m at my wits end with this; whatever this is.” During my spiel my eyes never once left his.

There’s the unreadable mask again. I’ve decided to wait and be patient for his answer. I can tell that he is going to answer I just can’t tell what kind of emotions are going to be coming with it.

“You know,” he starts. “You are a very independent person. You always have been. When you want something, you go for it. You never ask for help; at least that’s what I have noticed. It got me thinking; does she ever ask for help? Does she always put up this front of being a strong person? Now don’t give me that look; I know that you are a strong person. Even the strongest person in the world, though, needs someone to lean on. I know for a fact that your best friends lean on you for almost everything.” At this he takes a pause followed by a big breath. I can tell that he has more so say.

“In the end, however, who do you lean on? Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley? They are too busy with their families to really be there for you. Ever since we started working together I realized that your strength was something that I really admired. When I really started thinking about it, I also realized that there never appeared to be anyone that you could lean on. There was never anyone who really let you be the dependent one in the relationship. It made me feel for you. I wanted to be someone you could learn to depend on. I figured taking care of you at some of your lowest moments would be a good place to start. I never asked for your permission because I knew I had never given you any reason to say yes. And you know what else? I enjoy taking care of you.”

Five minutes after he had finished I still hadn’t spoken. His hands were fidgeting; a sign of his nerves. I couldn’t help not answering. I was shocked, dumbfounded even. I hadn’t even really started analyzing what he had said when I blurted out my instinctual response. “I don’t need anybody to depend on.”

I could tell that now he was the one who was shell shocked. Yes, I realize that he had, in a way, just poured out his heart to me. However I never really like the idea or thought of having to depend on someone. I actually don’t think I ever wanted to depend on anyone either. I have depended on people in the past (ie. My parents; Harry and Ron; Madame Pomfrey sometimes), but in those situations I really had no other choice.

“Damn it Hermione! Swallow your pride!” he practically snarled at me. “It’s not healthy to be as independent as you are. You can’t possibly think that you can do everything by yourself and not have some repercussions. Do you ever wonder why you’re sick so often? You’re stressing you’re body to its limits every other day. Yes it’s good to be independent, but damn it you have to let people help you. Look around you and tell me of one other person who doesn’t depend on at least one person. You won’t be able to, and would you like to know why? It’s because everyone else seems to be able to grasp the concept that they can’t do everything by themselves. Everyone else in the world seems to know they have limits. Take for example, one of your best friends, Harry Potter. The most powerful wizard in all the wizarding world. As a baby he had the pressure of saving the wizarding world from one of the most vile creatures it has ever seen. However, even he learned to depend on others. He knew he was the only wizard strong enough to stop Voldermort but he depended on others, you included, to help him train and get through.Is any of this even sinking in?” he asked me with a surprisingly calm voice. After that tirade I had expected anything but calm.

Now I may seem like a strong person, and in retrospect I guess I am, however even I am not impervious when a very attractive person is practically begging to take care of me. I also can realize and understand when I have been an idiot. It usually takes something drastic to get me to realize when I have been wrong, but the end result always pays off.

“Well… once you’ve handed me my water, could you please fetch me some more blankets. I am quite chilled.” That seems to be the best answer I could have given him as a huge grin spreads across his face. After giving me my water Draco zipped over to the closet and grabbed some more blankets.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” he asks me with the biggest and most contagious smile. I can’t help grinning.

“Actually, I would really love it if you would read to me. Any book is fine.” I give him a silly smile whilst saying this.

“Gladly.” He says whilst walking over to the bookshelf. As he settles into his favorite spot, my head on his lap while he leans back against some pillows, I decide that maybe this whole depending on somebody wouldn’t be so bad after all.

La Fin