Until It\'s Gone

Something about that man had changed, Lily thought as she brushed out her hair. She had been working with James Potter and the Order, something she had thought would result in a continuation of school, but she was mistaken. James was not chasing her like he used to, in fact, he was treating her like a friend. James was completely taken aback when he found out that she wasn’t doing anything for her birthday and insisted on taking her to a Ramones concert. As she applied her make-up, she thought some more about how James had changed from a boy into a man, but her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

So gentlemanly, she thought. “Coming!” she shouted as she put her stuff back in her make-up bag, made one last adjustment to her hair, and ran downstairs to let James in.

“Well, well,” she said as she opened the door, flabbergasted by the bouquet of daisies and the appropriate muggle clothing. “James Potter I never thought I would see you in a pair of jeans.” She stepped aside to let him into her flat.

“You can expect it a lot more frequently. Who knew muggle clothes could be so comfortable.” He walked inside and thrust the daisies out towards her.

“Thanks, you really shouldn’t have,” she said, taking the flowers. “And muggle clothes are comfortable when you don’t have Sirius dress you in women’s clothes. I’m gonna put these in water. Do you want something to drink? We have a few minutes before we have to go.” She turned and walked back into the kitchen.

“No, that’s all right, but thanks.” James took a seat on the couch, his arms stretching out and rubbing the course fabric. After rummaging around under the sink, she found a vase and put the flowers in them. Standing at the sink, she looked out across her apartment at James sitting on the couch, seemingly oblivious to her. Lily couldn’t help staring at him. That tight Beatles t-shirt clung to his muscular form, and the light brown color made his eyes that much more prominent. His messy hair and casual attitude really pulled the whole outfit together. Lily could feel her heart beat starting to race and a heat between her legs.

I haven’t been attracted to James in almost six months, well, at least I’ve tried to make myself believe I wasn’t, Lily thought. She froze as she imagined their last night together, and an image of her practically jumping him before the concert flashed through her mind’s eye. No, we’re just friends now, she thought as she tried to shake the image of sitting next to him on the couch and running her hands over his… She turned around and grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with cold water.

“So, did you invite me because you couldn’t find anyone else or because you knew I’d love the guilty pleasure of listening to my favorite muggle band?” James called from the sofa.

Lily giggled. “A little of both,” she called back as she walked back in and took a seat on the floor across from James, just in case her imagination got carried away. “Who would have thought James Potter liked muggle punk music?”

“Well, you and Sirius got me hooked.” Lily smiled. Sirius Black, James’s best friend, was a little obsessed with muggles. Currently he was working on getting a motorbike to fly. Lily had helped him acquire a small Vespa to get started and experiment with, and was helping with some of the charms. The Vespa had a little radio that Lily had shown him how to work, thus inadvertently getting the Marauders into the punk scene. It was very similar to their favorite band: Helen and the Trojans. The boys had even requested an old record player from her so they could listen to more muggle music.

“I guess I’m guilty as charged,” Lily shrugged. “Did you want to come with me because you felt bad that I was alone on my birthday or did you just want to see The Ramones for free?”

James stroked his chin and sat silently for a moment. “I would have to say, after careful contemplation, The Ramones.”

“You wanker,” Lily yelled as she tossed a pillow sitting on the floor at him. James laughed, dodging the pillow but knocking his glasses askew.

“Honestly Lils, do you really not know the answer to that?”

She stared at her feet and smiled. “We should get going.”

* * *

The Ramones were coming out for a second encore, much to the restless crowd’s delight. Lily screamed, though her voice was just about gone from all the screaming she’d done already. She jumped with the beat of the music and looked over at James. The rain pouring down was making things difficult for him. He was trying to wipe water off his glasses with his already soaked shirt. Lily laughed and reached for his glasses. “Let me,” she shouted. She pulled her wand out of her jeans and pointed it at his glasses, giving them a water repellant charm.

“Thanks,” he shouted and started jumping. “This is really great,” he shouted in her ear.

“Yeah it is,” she shouted back. A big burly guy next to her slipped and knocked her into James, sending them both sprawling into the mud. They laughed as they climbed out of the puddle. A little dirt wouldn’t spoil their good time.

“This song’s about to end. Let’s squeeze out before everyone else,” James said.

Lily nodded and stepped behind James to follow out of the park and into the street. She grabbed the back of his belt and felt his wet body moving around her fingertips. She wanted to invite him back to her place, but James had changed so much. She felt like it was really over this time because he had stopped pursuing her. They were only friends now. For the first time, she realized what she had lost.

* * *

Lily walked up the steps to her flat a little slower than normal. The taxi dropped them off outside, charging them extra for the soggy seats. Stopping outside her door, Lily was preparing to tell James a regretful goodnight,

“Lils, I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward,” James said. Lily looked up into his face, dropping her keys. James stooped to pick them up. “Would it be all right if I came in and washed off some of this mud?”

“Of course, James,” Lily said, what she thought was a little too eagerly. At least she didn’t have to seem desperate begging him to stay, though she did feel like a clod for not thinking of inviting him in to dry off. It would have been perfectly polite and innocent, or at least seem to. James handed her keys back and they stepped inside. “You know where the bathroom is, I think there are clean towels in there,” Lily said a bit nervously, running her hand through her wet hair. “Yell if you need something.”

James nodded as he started to walk back towards the bathroom, peeling the wet t-shirt off of him like an unneeded layer of skin before disappearing down the hall way.

She took a deep breath, head spinning from the contact high at the concert and the thought of James in her shower. All she could think about was James; the high only amplifying her raging emotions. She looked down at the coffee table in front of her and saw his glasses. She hadn’t even realized he took them off and tossed them there. They were clunky and hideous, but endearing at the same time. She could see her picking up those glasses and placing them on his bedside until the day he died. She shifted her weight and again felt the warmth between her legs, but before she could get control of herself, James started screaming her name.

She ran over to the bathroom door and shouted, “What is it?”

“What? I can’t hear you,” James bellowed.

“What is it?” Lily shouted even louder.

“Nope, still can’t hear you. Just open the door and come in here.”

Lily laughed. “James Potter what sort of fool do you take me for? I’m not coming in there.”

“What? Still can’t hear you if you’re talking out there. Just come in here.”

“No!” Lily shouted, practically hysterical from this game. Her stomach jumped and heart raced. James had changed, but not as much as she thought.

“If you don’t come in here, I will run out there totally starkers and drag you in here,” he shouted.

“Fine,” Lily opened the door and her eyes took a minute to adjust to the bright light and the steam. The round and smoky shapes made her want to spin around and try to capture them, but her eyes quickly moved beyond the steam and to the man standing in her shower with the curtain pushed aside. He looked like a statue of a Greek God come to life. Lily stood frozen in the doorway, not sure what to do. It wasn’t as though she had never seen him naked before, but something about this moment made James seem that much more intense.

“Shut the door for Merlin’s sake. You’re letting all the heat out,” James said, and Lily did. “And look at you. You’re wetter and dirtier than I was. Why don’t you step in here with me?” James extended a hand out from the tub towards Lily, who remained frozen for only a moment longer.

Lily grabbed the bottom of her wet shirt and started to pull it over her head, but James stopped her. “No, no, no. Come over here and let me do that.”

As though mesmerized, Lily walked towards him and stepped into the tub. James pulled the curtain closed behind her and pushed her gently under the water. “You’re freezing,” he said as he slowly peeled away her shirt and unbuttoned her jeans.

Lily moaned softly. “James, wait. I don’t know.”

“When are you going to stop listening to your head and start living with your heart?” James said, his dark eyes penetrating into hers.

Lily bit her lip as James pulled at the zipper on her jeans. “I just, it’s happening so fast, and I’ve missed you, and…”

“Shh,” James whispered into her ear as he pulled her close to him and started to undo her bra. He kissed her shoulder and up her neck to her ear. “Just let us happen, Lily.”

Lily let go of all thoughts of where this was going and what they’ve been through to be in this moment. She moaned a little louder and pressed herself against James’s naked flesh.

James pulled her hair back from her face and kissed down her jaw, following one of the many water droplets down her. He lingered for a moment by her lips, and she moved towards his mouth, but he pulled away smiling. “Not yet,” he said. His fingers had been fumbling for a bit, probably due to his distraction from the water, but James finally undid Lily’s bra and her breasts hung freely. He tossed the bra to the back of the tub where her shirt lay long forsaken. Slowly, James kissed down her chest, stopping to suck the water off of the tip of her nipple, barely even touching her skin. After letting his tongue rove over it lightly, he continued down her stomach. Lily’s whole body tingled and clenched underneath James’s touch. He got down on his knees as he pulled away her pants and panties, pulling each leg up individually, kissing and rubbing as he went, until she was free from her clothes.

Although totally naked, Lily never felt more comfortable and secure in her life. She didn’t feel vulnerable or ashamed, but instead open and confident, as though this was meant to happen. Lily could only spend but a moment thinking this as James buried his face between her legs and began lapping his tongue across her most sensitive of areas. Lily released a loud, deep moan and reached for the wall with one hand and James’s hair with the other. Her knees began to shake at the heat rising throughout her body. She was being driven close to her breaking point faster than she had ever thought possible. The closed she got, the harder she pulled James’s hair and moaned, which drove James to lap at her even faster and more desperately.

Lily screamed out as she came and James stood up and kissed her neck, holding her close. Lily, who had been standing underneath the stream of water, stepped back to let James be splashed by some of it.

James let the water run down his face before pulling Lily back underneath it. He lapped the water dripping of her ear lobe and then he leaned back and stared at her. Lily wanted to scream out that she loved him, but could say nothing underneath the weight of his intense stare.

“Lily,” her name rolled off his tongue. He leaned in to her and almost kissed her, but instead gently licked at and sucked the water dripping of her lips. His lips touched her softly before moving a bit closer and kissing her lightly. Lily wanted more, but James pulled his face away and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. She wanted to say the words, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t leave herself that vulnerable. James’s mouth, by her ear, began to move and whisper softly. “Lily, I know it’s supposed to be over, but I can’t not tell you. I love you, Lily Evans, always have and always will. Even if this is our last time together because I know you deserve so much better than what I can give you, I want, no, I need you to know that you will always be my one and only.” His hands ran over her back. With everything pounding through her head, Lily just realized that James whole body was pressing against her. She moved as she felt his erection, huge and hard, pressing into her side, wanting desperately for it to be inside of her.

“James,” Lily whispered.

“No, don’t say anything. I know I shouldn’t have said anything, just let me have this one moment, this one last moment before I have to grow up and come back to reality.”

“No, James, you don’t understand.” Lily pushed against him, though her body practically cried out in sadness at being pushed away from that which it desperately longed for. Her hands ran up to his face and she looked into his eyes, the eyes that had been so intense on her were now clouded over with sadness. “The last few months have been miserable without you. I’ve hated myself for giving you up. All I wanted was to make things right again because you are my world. I love you, James Potter, always and forever.”

James stepped back and stared at Lily. The intensity returning to his eyes as he smiled at her. His arm moved behind her neck and he pulled her close to him, finally letting their lips meet and unleashing all of the passion and emotion that had been welling up inside of him. Lily felt her muscles contract and release into his kiss. His tongue gently parted her lips and slipped into her mouth. Their tongues swirled around each other, a passionate dance few knew or could understand. James’s hands pulled at her desperately, wanting more. Lily turned her head away from his kiss to get some air, leaving him to find solace in her neck and chest. She could feel his passion and desperation in every touch, which only drove her own to further depths.

“Take me James,” she said between gasps of air.

James turned and pushed her up against the wall, holding her body in his hands as he pushed himself against her. Lily gasped loudly as she felt him enter her and move inside her. At first it was slow, gentle, delicate as though she were a porcelain doll, but with each thrust James gained momentum. Lily screamed his name, digging her fingers into his back and through his hair. Lily felt her body tense up and release as she came, feeling James give a few last strokes as he did, too.

They stood there under the water catching their breath and absorbing everything that had happened. James pulled out of her and set her back down. Lily, still gasping, gave him a small half smile as she rested a hand on her heaving chest.

“Would you believe me if I told you I invited you hoping this would happen?” Lily asked.

“Would you believe me if I told you I’d been trying to think of a way to do this for months?”

Lily smiled up at him, but quickly moved away, half running and skipping out of the tub, laughing.

“What the, Oh my God that water is cold.” James yelled, leaping from the tub and grabbing the towel from Lily’s outstretched hand.

“Wonder how long it’s been like that,” James said.

“Does it matter?” Lily asked.

“Well, no, but-” James was cut off as Lily kissed him.

“So,” Lily said, James smiling down at her as she stared at his chest and ran her fingers over him. “We’re back?”

James took her face in his hands and kissed her softly. “We’re back.”