Dynex: Insert Witty Slogan Here!
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Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,113
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
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Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,113
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters of the books or the movies. I do not own Best Buy or Dynex. I have no rights regarding any of them. No infringement implied. I don't make money from writing this.
Dynex: Insert Witty Slogan Here!
Another Disclaimer: I do not own Geek Squad or anything related, including slogans.
A/N: A quick word of caution: this is probably way more amusing if you work at Best Buy or know someone who works there! Of course, however, it's not necessary! Also, I really don't want anyone to get upset because Harry or Draco is so O.O.C., so be prepared for that as well. Take it as it was meant to be taken - a short story born of extreme boredom written at work! Enjoy! ^.^
“Best Buy? What on earth is a Best Buy?” The blonde looked more than a little perplexed as Harry dragged him into a blue building with a ginormous yellow tag on top.
As soon as they stepped inside, an overly anxious young man in a blinding canary shirt all but screamed, “Welcome to Best Buy, home of the reliable brand Dynex: Guaranteed To Work All The Way To Your Car! Can I help you guys with anything today?!”
“Harry, I’m scared…”
“Oh, come on Draco, don’t be such a puss. You promised that today was all about me, remember? That means that we buy what I want, shop where I want, and eat what I want.”
Draco just continued to pout with his arms across his chest.
‘Effin’ petulant child.’ Harry tugged him forward but upon stumbling when Draco refused to move, promptly turned around and whispered in his ear, “We agreed that today would be for me. We never said anything about the night. Make this worth the effort and I’ll make tonight worth yours.” He swiftly pulled the other man’s earlobe into his skilled mouth for a split second and then walked away, leaving a gelatinous blob of Draco Jelly near the front doors of Best Buy. Draco quickly pulled himself together and scampered after Harry towards the music section.
“I don’t understand why you insist on stocking up on these infernal music discs, Harry. You know as well as I that we could just charm the songs to play instead of wasting your money. Or we could buy them at the muggle specialty shop that the Mudblo-Granger owns in Hogsmeade instead of suffering through this hell!”
Harry rolled his eyes. “How many times must I go over this with you? I like to support the artists. Plus, again, I say – this is my day!”
Huff. “Fine. But I think that three copies of ---“
“My name’s Brian! Welcome to Best Buy, home of Dynex: The Gift To Give Your In-Laws! Is there anything I can help you find today?”
“Erm, no, not right now, Brian. Thanks though.” The raven-haired man watched as Draco’s veins comically (for him at least) began to pop.
“Sure thing, sir. If you need anything, just give a holler!”
“…Thanks.”
As Brian skipped down a different aisle and found a new victi-customer (“…home of Dynex: Trashbag Included!”), Draco spun to Harry and stated simply, “You have one hour and then we are so out of this madhouse.”
“Fair enough.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Flipping through DVDs, Harry let out a triumphant yelp as he grabbed something called ‘Teeth.’ He was about to go share his “good” fortune with Draco, but sure enough his outburst had attracted another employee.
“Thanks for shopping at Best Buy, home of Dynex: When You Just Can’t Be Bothered To Give A Shit! My name’s Amelia! Can I help you with anything?”
“Gods, what is with you people?! You’re like fuckin’ ninjas, just popping up everywhere!” Draco appeared to be about three seconds away from blowing the proverbial gasket, and not the good one. Harry quickly shooed the employee away.
“Draco, just breathe. She’s just doing her job, ok?” After seeing that his words had no effect, he decided to try a different approach – blatant distraction! “Look what I found!” He slapped the other man with the DVD that started all the ruckus…subtlety never was his forte.
“’Teeth’?” (A/N: go to BestBuy.com, type in the SKU number 8772205. I dare ya.) After perusing the back of the box the blond no longer looked angry. Mission Accomplished, Score 1 for Harry! Well, now he just looked sick. Score 0 for Harry… Indicating to the DVD, Draco managed to squeak out, “It’s times like these that I am so glad that I’m gay. That’s just horrifying… Here, I found one too. Looks good. Ok, well, I didn’t actually read the back but the title sounds super-sexy. ‘Wet Hot American Summer.’ Mmmm, sounds naughty, yea?”
“Dear, that’s not a porno. It’s a comedy.”
“Oh, come on, Potter. I’m not that gullible. The name says it all! ‘Wet’? ‘Hot’? ‘SUMMER’?!”
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’?”
“What? No. What kinda stupid nonsense are you spouting now? Anyways, we’ll watch it at home and then you’ll see, I’m right. Malfoys are always right, darling.”
“Yea, sure, whatever you say.” Harry deftly rolled his eyes behind his lover’s back, something he was getting to be quite good at.
*~*~*~*~*~*
After hording up on tons of CDs, DVDs, and games (he only got to go to actual muggle stores once in a blue moon, of course, so he had to take advantage of it while he had the opportunity!) there was just one last thing they needed in the electronics store – a new TV. With Draco whining the whole way (“But I don’t even know how to use the damn thing!”), Harry managed to make his way to Home Theatre. They’d only been in the department for not even two minutes when BAM!!! Fucking ninjas…
“My name’s Juliet, can I help you find anything today? Remember, we don’t work on commission so feel free to talk to anyone! Thank you for stopping in at Best Buy today, home of Dynex: At Least If You’re Robbed, They Won’t Take This!”
“Thanks for coming to see us here at Best Buy, home of Dynex: The ‘X’ Makes It Sound Fancy! My name’s Lawrence, what can I do for you gentlemen today?!”
“How can I help you guys? My name’s Brina, and I just wanted to remind you that we don’t work on commission so anyone you see would be more than happy to help you find the best solution to all your electronic needs! I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank you for shopping at Best Buy, home of Dynex: Now With More Baby’s Blood!”
Oh, that did it. After a startled pause, the over-stimulated blonde lost it. “Ok, that’s it! Everyone go away and leave us the bloody hell alone! Next person to mention anything that sounds remotely like Dynex gets their bollocks hexed off right here and now!!! Wait… You, girl. Did you just say baby’s blood?”
*nods*
“Yea? Ok, not you. You can stay. But everyone else, skedaddle!”
Loyal Best Buy associate Brina helped the couple pick out a new TV (“Are you sure that I can’t interest you in an Open Box Dynex 20” tube? Dynex: You Suck, So Why Shouldn’t Your TV?”) and they were finally on their merry way.
*~*~*~*~*~*
At Home, Later That Night
As they finished up a dinner of McDonald’s and Ben and Jerry’s (it was a Harry’s-Choice Day, after all!) and the end credits of ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ were rolling in the background, Harry shifted in his boyfriends lap so he could see his face. “Today wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“No, love, I suppose it wasn’t as disastrous as expected. But if you ever drag me into a Best Buy again, no sex for a week. And I’m sticking to that! By the way, you could have saved me ten bucks by just telling me in the store that this movie wasn’t a porno. I find it very disconcerting that you would lead me on like that.”
“But I ---“
“No, no excuses. Upstairs, now. Despite your obnoxious behavior, I got you a little something today while you were immersed in your music.” Draco kissed Harry nervously. He hoped he liked the gift, Draco didn’t even understand what the infernal thing did exactly! He led the man from the loveseat and up the stairs, stopping to cover his eyes in front of the study door, not wanting to ruin the surprise. As soon as he shoved Harry unceremoniously into the room, he removed his hand and waited for Harry to lavish him with praise for his expert cleverness.
Nothing.
Well, nothing except the obscene sounds of fornication from the new computer on the desk.
Harry stood in the doorway, jaw on the floor as he watched the girl in the pop-up perform very disturbing acts involving a pogo stick and a donkey. And then he started laughing. Hysterically. So hard he was crying. And Draco looked as if someone had just popped his birthday balloon and it had landed on his cake.
“Well, that didn’t quite work out how I’d hoped.”
Harry still couldn’t stop laughing. All of a sudden, the computer burst into flames.
“Draco, sweetheart, did you buy virus protection for that computer?”
Draco just blinked at him. “No, Harry. Do I look like a complete and utter moron to you? It’s a machine, not a human, it cannot possibly get a virus. That asinine associate tried to sell me something like that too. Said that a Geek could install it and that it’d be like Me, Happier. Or maybe something like having a mini-Geek in my pocket, always with me. I don’t remember. But the point is, I saw straight through his lies! Silly boy, a machine catching a virus! Ha! What do you two take me for?! Not that it matters now anyways, the damn things in flames… Grab the marshmallows will you. They’re in the bedside table.”
“Why are they there?”
“I happen to like marshmallows, ok?! Just go get them. No more questions!”
Harry promptly returned with a bag of marshmallows and two pointy sticks. As they were roasting their mallows over the computer-induced camp fire, Harry shyly peeked at Draco from under his lashes. “You know, I bought a new camcorder and a tripod today. If you want a porno that bad, we could, I dunno, always, maybe, just make one ourselves.” The Boy Wonder was blushing furiously. “Or if you think that’s weird, we could not make one, you know it’s really all up to you. AH!!!!!!!!”
Harry shrieked as Draco threw him over his shoulders and grabbed a Best Buy bag containing said items and hurried to the bedroom.
Under the flames, a charring label read: Dynex: Warning! Buy condoms while you’re out today so you’ll have something to do when this product inevitably fails!”
The End……..?
A/N: A quick word of caution: this is probably way more amusing if you work at Best Buy or know someone who works there! Of course, however, it's not necessary! Also, I really don't want anyone to get upset because Harry or Draco is so O.O.C., so be prepared for that as well. Take it as it was meant to be taken - a short story born of extreme boredom written at work! Enjoy! ^.^
“Best Buy? What on earth is a Best Buy?” The blonde looked more than a little perplexed as Harry dragged him into a blue building with a ginormous yellow tag on top.
As soon as they stepped inside, an overly anxious young man in a blinding canary shirt all but screamed, “Welcome to Best Buy, home of the reliable brand Dynex: Guaranteed To Work All The Way To Your Car! Can I help you guys with anything today?!”
“Harry, I’m scared…”
“Oh, come on Draco, don’t be such a puss. You promised that today was all about me, remember? That means that we buy what I want, shop where I want, and eat what I want.”
Draco just continued to pout with his arms across his chest.
‘Effin’ petulant child.’ Harry tugged him forward but upon stumbling when Draco refused to move, promptly turned around and whispered in his ear, “We agreed that today would be for me. We never said anything about the night. Make this worth the effort and I’ll make tonight worth yours.” He swiftly pulled the other man’s earlobe into his skilled mouth for a split second and then walked away, leaving a gelatinous blob of Draco Jelly near the front doors of Best Buy. Draco quickly pulled himself together and scampered after Harry towards the music section.
“I don’t understand why you insist on stocking up on these infernal music discs, Harry. You know as well as I that we could just charm the songs to play instead of wasting your money. Or we could buy them at the muggle specialty shop that the Mudblo-Granger owns in Hogsmeade instead of suffering through this hell!”
Harry rolled his eyes. “How many times must I go over this with you? I like to support the artists. Plus, again, I say – this is my day!”
Huff. “Fine. But I think that three copies of ---“
“My name’s Brian! Welcome to Best Buy, home of Dynex: The Gift To Give Your In-Laws! Is there anything I can help you find today?”
“Erm, no, not right now, Brian. Thanks though.” The raven-haired man watched as Draco’s veins comically (for him at least) began to pop.
“Sure thing, sir. If you need anything, just give a holler!”
“…Thanks.”
As Brian skipped down a different aisle and found a new victi-customer (“…home of Dynex: Trashbag Included!”), Draco spun to Harry and stated simply, “You have one hour and then we are so out of this madhouse.”
“Fair enough.”
*~*~*~*~*~*
Flipping through DVDs, Harry let out a triumphant yelp as he grabbed something called ‘Teeth.’ He was about to go share his “good” fortune with Draco, but sure enough his outburst had attracted another employee.
“Thanks for shopping at Best Buy, home of Dynex: When You Just Can’t Be Bothered To Give A Shit! My name’s Amelia! Can I help you with anything?”
“Gods, what is with you people?! You’re like fuckin’ ninjas, just popping up everywhere!” Draco appeared to be about three seconds away from blowing the proverbial gasket, and not the good one. Harry quickly shooed the employee away.
“Draco, just breathe. She’s just doing her job, ok?” After seeing that his words had no effect, he decided to try a different approach – blatant distraction! “Look what I found!” He slapped the other man with the DVD that started all the ruckus…subtlety never was his forte.
“’Teeth’?” (A/N: go to BestBuy.com, type in the SKU number 8772205. I dare ya.) After perusing the back of the box the blond no longer looked angry. Mission Accomplished, Score 1 for Harry! Well, now he just looked sick. Score 0 for Harry… Indicating to the DVD, Draco managed to squeak out, “It’s times like these that I am so glad that I’m gay. That’s just horrifying… Here, I found one too. Looks good. Ok, well, I didn’t actually read the back but the title sounds super-sexy. ‘Wet Hot American Summer.’ Mmmm, sounds naughty, yea?”
“Dear, that’s not a porno. It’s a comedy.”
“Oh, come on, Potter. I’m not that gullible. The name says it all! ‘Wet’? ‘Hot’? ‘SUMMER’?!”
“Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’?”
“What? No. What kinda stupid nonsense are you spouting now? Anyways, we’ll watch it at home and then you’ll see, I’m right. Malfoys are always right, darling.”
“Yea, sure, whatever you say.” Harry deftly rolled his eyes behind his lover’s back, something he was getting to be quite good at.
*~*~*~*~*~*
After hording up on tons of CDs, DVDs, and games (he only got to go to actual muggle stores once in a blue moon, of course, so he had to take advantage of it while he had the opportunity!) there was just one last thing they needed in the electronics store – a new TV. With Draco whining the whole way (“But I don’t even know how to use the damn thing!”), Harry managed to make his way to Home Theatre. They’d only been in the department for not even two minutes when BAM!!! Fucking ninjas…
“My name’s Juliet, can I help you find anything today? Remember, we don’t work on commission so feel free to talk to anyone! Thank you for stopping in at Best Buy today, home of Dynex: At Least If You’re Robbed, They Won’t Take This!”
“Thanks for coming to see us here at Best Buy, home of Dynex: The ‘X’ Makes It Sound Fancy! My name’s Lawrence, what can I do for you gentlemen today?!”
“How can I help you guys? My name’s Brina, and I just wanted to remind you that we don’t work on commission so anyone you see would be more than happy to help you find the best solution to all your electronic needs! I’d also like to take this opportunity to thank you for shopping at Best Buy, home of Dynex: Now With More Baby’s Blood!”
Oh, that did it. After a startled pause, the over-stimulated blonde lost it. “Ok, that’s it! Everyone go away and leave us the bloody hell alone! Next person to mention anything that sounds remotely like Dynex gets their bollocks hexed off right here and now!!! Wait… You, girl. Did you just say baby’s blood?”
*nods*
“Yea? Ok, not you. You can stay. But everyone else, skedaddle!”
Loyal Best Buy associate Brina helped the couple pick out a new TV (“Are you sure that I can’t interest you in an Open Box Dynex 20” tube? Dynex: You Suck, So Why Shouldn’t Your TV?”) and they were finally on their merry way.
*~*~*~*~*~*
At Home, Later That Night
As they finished up a dinner of McDonald’s and Ben and Jerry’s (it was a Harry’s-Choice Day, after all!) and the end credits of ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ were rolling in the background, Harry shifted in his boyfriends lap so he could see his face. “Today wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“No, love, I suppose it wasn’t as disastrous as expected. But if you ever drag me into a Best Buy again, no sex for a week. And I’m sticking to that! By the way, you could have saved me ten bucks by just telling me in the store that this movie wasn’t a porno. I find it very disconcerting that you would lead me on like that.”
“But I ---“
“No, no excuses. Upstairs, now. Despite your obnoxious behavior, I got you a little something today while you were immersed in your music.” Draco kissed Harry nervously. He hoped he liked the gift, Draco didn’t even understand what the infernal thing did exactly! He led the man from the loveseat and up the stairs, stopping to cover his eyes in front of the study door, not wanting to ruin the surprise. As soon as he shoved Harry unceremoniously into the room, he removed his hand and waited for Harry to lavish him with praise for his expert cleverness.
Nothing.
Well, nothing except the obscene sounds of fornication from the new computer on the desk.
Harry stood in the doorway, jaw on the floor as he watched the girl in the pop-up perform very disturbing acts involving a pogo stick and a donkey. And then he started laughing. Hysterically. So hard he was crying. And Draco looked as if someone had just popped his birthday balloon and it had landed on his cake.
“Well, that didn’t quite work out how I’d hoped.”
Harry still couldn’t stop laughing. All of a sudden, the computer burst into flames.
“Draco, sweetheart, did you buy virus protection for that computer?”
Draco just blinked at him. “No, Harry. Do I look like a complete and utter moron to you? It’s a machine, not a human, it cannot possibly get a virus. That asinine associate tried to sell me something like that too. Said that a Geek could install it and that it’d be like Me, Happier. Or maybe something like having a mini-Geek in my pocket, always with me. I don’t remember. But the point is, I saw straight through his lies! Silly boy, a machine catching a virus! Ha! What do you two take me for?! Not that it matters now anyways, the damn things in flames… Grab the marshmallows will you. They’re in the bedside table.”
“Why are they there?”
“I happen to like marshmallows, ok?! Just go get them. No more questions!”
Harry promptly returned with a bag of marshmallows and two pointy sticks. As they were roasting their mallows over the computer-induced camp fire, Harry shyly peeked at Draco from under his lashes. “You know, I bought a new camcorder and a tripod today. If you want a porno that bad, we could, I dunno, always, maybe, just make one ourselves.” The Boy Wonder was blushing furiously. “Or if you think that’s weird, we could not make one, you know it’s really all up to you. AH!!!!!!!!”
Harry shrieked as Draco threw him over his shoulders and grabbed a Best Buy bag containing said items and hurried to the bedroom.
Under the flames, a charring label read: Dynex: Warning! Buy condoms while you’re out today so you’ll have something to do when this product inevitably fails!”
The End……..?