Under Pressure

AN: Let’s just say this is another of those memories Sev keeps in the pensive… >> It gets worse in the future, much worse. Also, note that I'll update as soon as I get a few reviews, so if you want more please r&r, thanks.

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Summer vacation, finally. Severus had been waiting all year for this, since Lily had let him down, since she’d started seeing that Potter boy he’d been planning. He didn’t dare do anything this brash at school, nor did he believe he’d have thought twice about it while they were still friends. Well… Maybe he would, but he’d never have actually done it; he had respected her too much. Respected himself too much when he was with her. Now… Who cared anymore? Who honestly wanted to care?

He’d made the potion before the holidays, he knew better than to use magic around Tobias, his father, and though he could do this while the man was at work he dare not risk setting up a caldron in his room. Not that his father ever got within six feet of him or anything else that reminded him of what his wife was, but it would still have been a risk.

So now he walked as quickly as he could up the stairs to the drab little room he spent the holidays in. His father wouldn’t be home for over an hour, which was more than enough time to at least test this out. Although, what his father would think if he walked in… Severus couldn’t even imagine. He’d likely not even get it, truth be told, but if he did… Tobias hated ‘queers’ almost as much as ‘freaks’, and queer would be the first place his small mind would lead him.

Severus got up to his room and pulled his trunk in behind him, closing the door and piling his luggage behind it for good measure; Tobias or no Tobias he was already feeling paranoid and dirty. He still had a few dregs of respect for the girl, somewhere deep down, though he’d never admit it to himself. He didn’t care anymore, he’d lost her to one of those scum bag ‘marauders’. No one else gave a damn, why should he?

He pulled one of the potion vials out of the pocket of the black jeans he wore at home. The potion was a nice shade of lilac, though why Lily should be lilac he couldn’t comprehend. He had prepared the potion before he’d left with a few strands of hair he’d found on a sweater she’d forgotten she’d left with him. He’d also spent some seemingly limitless amount of time with his face buried in said sweater, but that is entirely another fic.

He took the stopper out of the bottle and raised it to his admittedly rather hooked nose and inhaled deeply. It smelled of rose petals and mint leaves. Gods, she was perfect. Who else could make such a vile serum seem downright pleasant?

On a sudden inspiration he put the stopper back in the vial for a moment before digging through his trunk and pulling out a table mirror, about a foot high, and setting it up on the desk at the end of his bed. He sat down on the bed and looked at himself, sneering in an unattractive way at his own person. He looked like shit. There was no other way to say it.

He was dressed like a muggle for his father, wearing a rolling stones t-shirt of all things that Tobias insisted looked ‘normal‘. First thing to do when he was of age was to burn that damned t-shirt. He hadn’t showered for a week at least, and his skin was taken on a dim grayish yellow tone. He had taken to showering once a week at most, and he was frankly surprised his skin hadn’t stained that color permanently. His hair was as greasy as was often alleged. Again, he looked like shit. He also looked remarkably like he would fifteen or so years later, but again, that’s another fic. Or series of novels, as fate would have it.

He looked aside and frowned, turning his attention back to the vial he had set down on the bed next to him. He reopened it again and inhaled, closing his eyes and smiling; an odd sight considering the person in question simply because it looked so out of place. He looked RIGHT when he was scowling, when he smiled he either looked devious or pathetic…

One last thought, he re-corked the vial yet again and picked up the sweater he had pulled out of his chest as he dug for the mirror. He placed it on the bed at his side, almost being careful with it before he remembered he was upset then just dropping it in a crumpled little pile. For some reason this provoked a wave of anguish that was quickly converted to anger by the ‘boys don’t cry’ reflex all men and neglected children have.

On that note he un-stoppered the vial for the last time, closed his eyes, and downed the potion, tilting his head back as though it were a shot of some foul tasting alcohol. Almost fitting considering how much of a bandage this would be for the gaping wound that was Severus’ emotional state. Quick fixes are quick fixes, aye? Cheers mate, have a good time fucking yourself over worse.

A few moments of expected pain and a wave of nausea later he re opened his eyes and simply gazed forward into the stunning emerald eyes in the mirror. Unlike Severus, Lily looked very nice with a smile on her face. Even of the smile was accompanied by a sort of dazed expression. Severus licked his lips and his smile turned to a grin as he watched the woman in the mirror do the same. He gave himself the 'come and get it' look and almost started giggling like a little girl. Saying he was manic would be an understatement. His mood might have been comparable to that of someone who had just simultaneously won the house cup, found a cure for Dragonpox, become minister of magic, and gotten laid by the most attractive woman in school, all while burning a certain obnoxious t-shirt.

Speaking of t-shirts, Severus was now noticing a certain tightness around the area of his chest. ‘My, Lily has a nice rack’ he thought. Have you ever forced yourself to think something? Like your mind says ‘Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if your reaction were something like this?’ then you think it? This was like that, and once it was thought he felt like a cad. But again, the emotional reflexes saved the day as the feeling was shoved to the back of his mind and archived for some later extreme emotional breakdown.

He hesitated a moment, then pulled up his t-shirt and looked down to see ‘his’ breasts as they were freed from the confines of bad rock and roll clothing. He reached up, still hesitantly, and gave an experimental tweak to his borrowed nipples. He didn’t expect such a sexual feeling from something so far from his crotch, to be frank. The feeling sent a shiver running down his spine, and he moaned softly. It startled him slightly when the voice was that of the body he had assumed, then it started the wheels in his mind turning.

He pulled the t-shirt off over his head before clearing his throat. He knew no one was home, but it felt almost too degrading to both of them to do what he was considering doing. He opened his mouth once, twice, and a third time, but he couldn’t do it. He felt like an idiot. He’d settle for any noises he made naturally, at least for now.

His hands when back up to ‘his’ breasts and he turned his eyes back to the mirror, moaning softly again and noticing an unfamiliar moist feeling in his boxers. ‘This is how Lily feels when Potter touches her’. He stopped cold, the anger returning again, and laid back on his bed, content to close his eyes and try to sleep until the potion wore off. It had been a bad idea in the first place. What had gotten into him?

He sat bolt upright as there was a nock at the door, then pulled the sheet on his bed over himself as the door handle started jiggling. He was home early?! No, no… Maybe it was just his mother. “Who’s there?” Merlin, it was still Lily’s voice! He could almost hear Tobias’ eyebrows raise.

“Tobias, Severus’ father.” He said, sounding curious now. “Severus?”

He was panicking now, how was he going to handle this? Obviously he couldn’t answer, let alone tell him the truth. What other option was there? He’d lie, of course, but how do you explain being in a room that isn’t yours with the door barricaded? “He’s not here.”

“Not here? Who are you? Where is he?” The door continued to be shoved but the trunk was rather heavy and not at an angle to be moved easily. Severus swallowed hard. It had only been a few minutes, the potiopn would last at least another hour… He’d just play this up and find some way out of it. He got up and pulled his now too small shirt over his now equally too large chest and moved the trunk from behind the door a bit embarrassed that Lily apparently had more muscle mass than he did.

The door opened and he was standing face to face with his father. As a woman. At least Tobias didn’t seem to be catching on yet. Hopefully he didn’t know about polyjuice potion. He didn’t know about most magic, so the odds were in Severus’ favor for now. Until he said something stupid. He always managed to say something stupid when his father was staring him down like that. He couldn’t think. It was like the slightest glance from that man reminded him of every single one of his flaws and every irrelevant little mistake he’d ever made. He tried too look like Lily would and smiled at his father.

“Lily Potter, I live down by spinner’s end.” he lied, pointing in the direction of Lily’s house, where he had been hundreds of times before she started drifting away from him and closer to those idiot Gryffindors. Tobias looked him over, eyes resting a bit longer on his chest than they had to.

“Oh, from down the block…? Don’t you have your own clothes? Where’s Severus, I need to speak to him.” The location seemed to suggest to him that Lily was not a ‘freak’, which was fine and good because it meant he’d be left alone sooner.

“They’re a mess…” He said the first thing that came to mind, then blushed, knowing what his father would think of that. Then again, maybe it was a way out… “Severus ran to my place to get me another outfit.” he added, smiling cheerfully on the outside at the same time that he was mentally freaking out. If Tobias’ eyebrows went any higher they’d disappear into his receding hairline. Severus mentally snorted. Was he so ugly that his father thought he would die a virgin? For Gods’ sakes, he looked just like the man and obviously Tobias had gotten some, or where the hell had he come from?

“Well, tell him to find me when he gets back, I’ll be in the garage… That shirt looks better on you than it ever did on him.” he said and he winked. He actually winked. At his own son. Sort of. He had never felt dirtier in his life. Never. Tobias left and he laid back down on his bed and eventually fell asleep on his stomach with his hand down his pants. Gods, what would he say to his father later?




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Well, should I continue this one?
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