The Gazebo

Draco stood in the old gazebo, staring out at the changing trees. The air was calm and crisp, just as it had been that day. Every now and then a cool breeze would caress his cheek and lift the ends of his hair, and it would remind him of how Harry had looked, tousled strands of hair blowing slightly, as he gazed up at Draco with hopeful green eyes.

”Will you marry me, Draco?”

Draco’s breath caught as he looked down at Harry in shock. He’d come to this place thinking he’d be leaving it in tears, and now…this?

“Harry, I…”

“Please, please say yes, Draco.” His voice was soft and pleading. “I’ve never loved anyone like this, ever. You’re my life, my soul. I want to breathe every breath knowing you’re mine, and I’m yours. Please, baby…marry me.”

“I cheated on you.” The words were coming out before he could stop them.

Harry’s face was blank, but his eyes were expressive. A slideshow of feelings played there, moving from shock to pain to anger and then back to pain. He stood slowly and snapped the box that Draco had just noticed he was holding closed. “You…you cheated on me. I…” He ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Who? When? Why, Draco?”

Draco looked down, studying the weather-worn planks beneath his feet. “A bloke I met in a bar last weekend. I was drunk, and upset…I’m so sorry.”

“I was out of town last weekend…is that why? You couldn’t keep it in your pants for two fucking days? Did – did you bring him to our bed, Draco?” Harry thrust his hand out and Draco flinched, but Harry simply grabbed his chin and forced his head up. The answer to his question was written in watery silver eyes. “You fucked some other man in our bed.”

“I’m so sorry, Harry, I…”

“So am I. All these months, all the time I spent defending you to everyone who told me I was a fool to trust you. And it turns out I am a fool. Take this, I have no use for it now.” Harry dropped the box on the floor. “Good-bye, Draco.”

Draco watched Harry walk away, and bent to retrieve the box. Inside was a platinum band studded with small diamonds. His hands trembled as he pulled the ring from the box and slid it on his finger. It fit perfectly.

He removed it and studied it closer. The inside of the band was engraved:

My Dragon, my heart.

It seemed there would be tears after all.

Draco ignored the tears that slipped down his cheeks. It seemed only fitting that he cry here again, a year to the day from that fateful afternoon. It would have been our two year anniversary today, he thought miserably. We could have been married by now, we could have… A sob tore from his throat and he buried his face in his hands.

“I’ve hardly ever seen you cry.”

Draco turned sharply. Harry stood there, hands in pockets, looking like time might have stood still, like this last year had never happened – except for his eyes. Those eyes that Draco knew and loved, that could never hide Harry’s emotions, were hard and blank.

“I rarely did, until I was with you.” Draco’s voice was hoarse.

“Well, I apologize for causing you such misery.” Sarcasm dripped from his reply.

“You didn’t. I just never had the opportunity to feel so much, until you showed me how.” Draco resumed his position of the year before and stared at the ground.

“I’m a little surprised to see you here today.”

“Why are you here?” Draco risked a cautious glance at Harry.

“Why shouldn’t I be? I chose this place, after all. I found it when I was searching for somewhere quiet and romantic to propose to the man I loved. Then I got to discover that said man was fucking other people. So maybe I thought the anniversary of that day would be a good time to come face some of my demons, so I could move on.” Despite the words, Harry’s voice was empty.

“I’m…I wasn’t fucking other people. I made a big, drunken mistake, but it was only once.”

“Oh, well, good to know,” Harry snapped. “The fact remains that you brought someone other than me to the bed we picked out together, and you slept with him there. Merlin, Draco, do you know how much it kills me to imagine you fucking some faceless stranger there? I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. A whole year has passed, and still I think about it! Was it good for you, Draco? Did he look like me? Did you fuck him, or did you let him fuck you? I can’t stop picturing it, whether awake or asleep. Did you even think about what it would do to me? I loved you, Draco, and I trusted you.”

“I can answer all of that, if you really want to know.” His voice shook. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I thought…I thought you were cheating on me, I thought you were going to leave me.”

“What?” Harry asked incredulously. “You thought I would betray you? Why the fuck would I ever cheat on you? I spent every day of our lives together trying to prove to you that you made the right choice in being with me, that I could be good enough for you.”

”Good enough for me?” Draco cried. “You’re the fucking Boy-Who-Lived, shacking up with the son of a Death Eater, and you didn’t think you were good enough for me?”

“Those labels don’t mean anything to me, and you know it,” Harry hissed. “I knew you for nearly ten years before we got together, and for most of that time I got to hear how much better you are because you’re a Purebood and I’m not.”

“But you don’t believe that shit!”

“But you do! Or you did, anyway. I never understood why you wanted to be with me, and I was terrified you’d realize that you could do better.” Harry blinked furiously in an attempt to stop the tears that had formed from escaping his eyes. “And obviously you did.”

“I could never do better than you, Harry. There is no better.”

“Then why?” The tears had gotten through, and were tracing pathways down Harry’s reddened cheeks. “Why did you hurt me like that, Draco? I would have done anything for you.”

“I know,” Draco choked. “Believe me, I didn’t ever want to hurt you, but do you know what it was like? I had no friends, no family. Your friends still hated me, and they never missed a chance to remind me that I wasn’t fit to lick your shoes. That morning you left to go out of town, I thought I’d go to Diagon Alley to shop for an anniversary gift for you, and I saw you in the jeweler’s. You were with Granger, and you held up a ring, and she smiled and hugged you, and you kissed her cheek.”

“I was picking out your engagement ring, Draco,” Harry said quietly. “She was helping me because I’m pants at that sort of thing.”

“I get that now. But you’d left in a hurry, telling me you were going to miss your Portkey, and there you were, with her. I didn’t know what to think for sure, but then the Weasel came up to me, and he told me you were proposing to her, that you’d been cheating on me with her. He said that the reason he’d broken up with her was because she was in love with you, and that you were finally going to leave me and marry her. He said…he said he actually wished for once that you and I would work out because it would hurt less than seeing her marry you.” Draco wrapped his arms around himself. “I didn’t know what to believe. I said he was wrong, that you were going out of town for the weekend for work, and he gave me an odd look and said that if you were going, wouldn’t he be going too since you were partners…and it made sense…”

Harry’s face was red. “Is that true, Draco? Everything you’ve just told me?”

“Yes, it’s true. I’ll repeat it under Veritaserum if you want me to. Look, Harry, I know I was a fool to believe him, but you’d lied to me already, saying you were getting an early Portkey, and everything he said seemed to fit, and I was already afraid you would come to your senses and leave me.” Draco wiped at his eyes. “I was alone, and angry and hurt and afraid…and I went out, got drunk, and made the biggest mistake of my life. I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. The funny thing is, when you came back home, all I wanted to do was find a way to convince you not to leave me.”

“I…I can’t believe this. He lied to me. He…” Harry’s eyes filled with new tears. “Can I not trust anyone? I know he didn’t like you, but how could he do that to me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“And you! I understand that he tricked you, and I get that it seemed convincing. And yes, I did lie to you. My Portkey wasn’t until lunchtime, but I’d arranged to meet Hermione when the shops opened so that I’d have time to pick out something perfect for you. I just wanted it to be a surprise.” Harry paced angrily. “But you should have come to me, Draco! Since when do you just slink away? You should have come barging into the shop, yelling ten-letter obscenities at me and insulting my friends.”

“You hate it when I insult your friends,” Draco pointed out softly.

“When has that ever stopped you? I fell in love with Draco Malfoy – the egomaniacal, sharp-tongued, quick-witted prat who would never hesitate to flay me for even daring to look at another person. Yet you thought I was going to leave you and you just took it, accepted it.” Harry reached for Draco’s hand. “And then you admitted to what you did, when you didn’t have to. You just let me walk away from you. Why didn’t you try to explain?”

“As you said, I fucked another man in our bed,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t marry you knowing I’d betrayed you, and I didn’t deserve to keep you, even if you’d forgiven me somehow.”

Harry dropped Draco’s hand and turned around. Draco’s heart fell; Harry was leaving again. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?”

Draco choked out a laugh. “I’m sure I have some idea.”

Harry turned back. “I mean it, Draco. I haven’t been with anyone since you.”

“Same here.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” Draco looked into Harry’s eyes. “I know I fucked up, Harry. I regret nothing in my life as much as I regret hurting you, and that’s saying a lot, with my past. I miss you so much I’ve considered just ending it all, because I will never love anyone again, not like this.”

“Don’t do that,” Harry whispered. “Don’t even think it.” He stepped toward Draco and ran a hand down his chest. “You need to…what’s this?” He patted a lump beneath Draco’s shirt, then frowned and pulled a necklace out from under his collar. It was a long silver chain, holding a platinum band studded with small diamonds. “You…you wear this?”

“You picked it out for me. I…well, it makes me feel like you’re still with me somehow.” Draco closed his eyes in shame.

Harry began to cry. Draco took a deep breath and raised trembling arms to pull Harry to him. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have worn it, I just…”

“Why did you do it, Draco?” Harry sobbed against his chest. “Why did you hurt me? I bought that ring, I wanted to put it on your hand, I wanted to spend my life with you. I loved you so much.”

Draco squeezed his eyes shut and held Harry as tightly as he dared. His own tears fell into Harry’s dark hair, and he savored the feel and scent of his love, knowing he was holding him for the last time. “I would give my life to take away the pain I caused you. I’m so, so sorry, and I can’t ever make it right.”

“You can, you can make it right.” Harry’s voice was muffled by the fabric of Draco’s shirt.

“How? How can I take it back? It’s done, Harry, and all the regrets in the world can’t undo it.”

“No, but you can promise me you’ll never cheat on me again. You can promise me you’ll trust me, and be faithful, and work to gain my trust back.”

Draco pulled back sharply. “Are you…are you saying you’re going to give me another chance? After what I did?”

“It hurts, knowing what you did, but it hurts more to live without you.” Harry laid a hand on Draco’s cheek. “Ron played on your insecurities, and…look, it won’t be perfect, but I want to try.”

“Harry…” Draco lowered his face to kiss his love, at long last. “I love you, so fucking much.”

“I love you, too.” They kissed again, and when they pulled apart Harry fingered the ring hanging from Draco’s neck. “Hold onto this, all right? Maybe, one day, we’ll come back here and I’ll put it where it belongs.”

“I hope so.”

They left the gazebo, hand in hand this time.