Forgiving

A/M: This is a story documenting every family member downwards to Lucius, I.E., Abraxas' grandfather, father, Lucius, Draco... So. It spans between different family members, and explains why Lucius loves Draco.


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The Malfoy family has always been an enigma.

The Manor, of course, is one of the biggest mysteries of all - considering that they are a 'dark family', the house absolutely must be filled with all sorts of disastrous mayhem known only by men who kill. Men who kill - murder had never been a big issue in Abraxas' rulebook, something he'd been raised to do, something he'd watched.

His father was insane. Sable Malfoy, a murderous, cunning man whose smile was a commodity. Everyone had always wondered why Gabrielle, Abraxas' supposed mother, had 'disappeared' - rumors were that she died in childbirth, that she had left him for another man. Or killed herself.

The second theory was disgustingly extortionate. Gabrielle, wife of one of the richest, most good-looking men in the wizarding world - a cheater? No, it didn't work. Abraxas, as Sable would affectionately croon to him in private, never questioned his father on this topic. The only time he had dared to question, Sable turned on him with the force of a hurricane, words hissed with such anger that they were barely coherent.

"Your mother," said Sable with great animosity, "Was a bitch. No good to you, and you should be quite thankful that she left. In fact, I would hope that she's dead, after all she had put you through as an infant."

And from there onward spawned hateful feelings from the young Abraxas, who barely remembered anything of his life before the age of six. All he knew of the world at that point was that he lived to be pampered, treated well, adored - at least, when he acted correctly. When daddy was angry, the entirety of the Manor's occupants would rise in an unsettling wave of fear - and only Abraxas would suffer at his anger's hand. But that, really, only happened when he was a bad boy, when he threw tantrums.

He was remarkably smart for a ten-year-old.

Abraxas had quickly learned that laughter was the best medicine to keep from getting new wounds on his body. When his own grandfather was still alive, Sable was always on edge, coming in and out of his wing and looking more distressed and... Disturbed, as far as a child could generalize such feelings in an adult. More than once, Abraxas would situate himself on Sable's lap, looking up at him with what once were lively gray eyes, and the sweetest things would come out of his mouth. Because, when grandfather was angry, so was daddy, and when daddy was angry, Abraxas was in... Well, he was in pain.

"Daddy," he said, "Why does Grandfather make you so upset? He's only human, after all, and he's very sick."

"I hate him for the same reasons you will hate me in later life, Abraxas. You just don't understand it yet."

The child looked up at him with intense curiosity, but said nothing for the longest time. Abraxas looked anxious, almost shaking as he heard his grandfather scream from almost across the Manor. He hated how the place was always so quiet, so shaken, to where if a person laughed or a pin dropped you could hear it from across the house. "I don't understand, father. Why would I ever - could I ever hate you?" Sable picked him up, and gave him a critical look before placing him on his feet, delicately on the floor. And Abraxas stood there, simply watching him as he sped off towards his father's rooms once more, staring at him in question like he always did.

***

The day of his sixth birthday was the first and last day he'd been truly a child. Abraxas had been lifted into Sable's lap in the parlor, where he was hastily unwrapping presents. There were only a few times in his life that he could remember actually seeing the man he called his grandfather, and those times were always unpleasant. Of course, they never had more contact besides a glance of connecting eyes or a simple, polite 'hello', but in Abraxas' opinion it was always unpleasant and a bit of an intrusion.

"Daddy," he'd complained after the second hour, "Do I even know half of these people? There are so many presents here, I lost count at thirty-seven!"

Sable simply smiled, an adoring look on his face as if he were staring at his love or something. The door had quietly opened, and Abraxas' head twisted to one side, glimmering blond hair falling around his shoulders. Before he had come into realization about a lot of things, he had always kept it long at daddy's request, after which he had cut it short. There stood his grandfather, whose name he was (even now, at his adult age!) frightened to utter, staring directly at him. Sable immediately stood, walking to the door, blocking the older man's vision. Abraxas could have cried.

"You can't take forever in your decisions," he hissed. Sable - did he twitch? Abraxas stood, swaying, almost falling into his presents. "You know what happens to those of us with bad blood, darling. They are removed and forgotten. Surely you do not want to risk losing darling baby Abraxas, do you?"

Now, what in the hell was he talking about? Suddenly, Abraxas felt frightened, and pushed an adjoining door on the other side of the room open, running down an empty corridor. Faintly, he heard his father calling for him, but he didn't stop, no, not for anything. The next thing he remembered was running into a closed door, then pitch black, black, black...

Satin. Black satin.

***

"Dear Lord, I thought you had died with all of the screaming you did!"

Sable was angry with him. Or, it looked that way. Abraxas cringed, attempting to claw himself out of the blankets. But he was so small, so weak, so... Helpless. And, apparently Sable knew exactly why he was distressed, because once their eyes met his expression softened. "I'm not going to get rid of you, darling. There are just too many things that you can't - don't, rather, understand, and..." Abraxas flinched. Again, what was he talking about? "I'm not exactly the right person to explain it to you."

"I don't want to die," he screeched, suddenly writhing and pulling against the sheets. "I don't want to - I don't want to be removed or whatever grandfather was talking about, I'll be good, I promise!"

His father took him from the bedsheets, pulling the small figure against him and not letting go, no matter how much he tried to hit him or push him away. His grip tightened on his sides as Abraxas thrashed, putting up a good show for a small boy who didn't eat correctly and probably never would. There was murmuring outside, and he simply picked up his wand (which was lying dormant on the bed beside where the boy was laying, thank Gods) and flicked it at the door, tossing it onto the expensive carpeting with a scowl. Silencing spell or something - Abraxas hated magic.

"No one is going to die. Do you hear me? Calm down, no one is going to die or be removed."

Damn it, why wouldn't he explain that to him? Abraxas began to open his mouth again, but Sable put a hand over it, clutching the small boy with a possessive arm and breathing slowly. "You aren't going to die. At least, not if you do what I say. Calm down and listen to me - stop being such an irritating little boy. I know damn well that you think and speak just like a man of my age, so act like one and put your fears aside."

He took his hand off his mouth. Abraxas looked ready to scream again, but he didn't, suddenly very fearful of the man who held him for reasons that he couldn't explain.

"What are you talking about? What decisions? Why does grandfather hate me so much? You said I'm adorable, does he think I'm ugly? I'm not hideous, you said so! And I'm not annoying, look, I have things to talk about - "

Sable shut his eyes, softly muttering something about children and their need to talk constantly. Abraxas fell silent, gray eyes brimming with tears. "He doesn't hate you, specifically," he softly said. "He hates you through me, because I had you, because what he lost the day you were conceived he can never get back. I'm sorry for this, Abraxas. I've doomed you to a life of monotonous hatred and servitude."

"What?"

"Excuse me, darling. I was rambling." Sable took a deep breath, placing the boy back onto his bed. Abraxas looked depressed, and Sable looked away. Irritating. "You have to..."

Abraxas' pretty hair, his bright eyes.

"I have to..."

His perfect smile, his long legs.

"I have to..."

Why was he thinking like his father did?! Sable's fists tightened, he was unable to look at the child anymore. Abraxas began to cry once more, only silently, not wanting any more pain added to his confusion. Sable leaned his head into his hands, finding it hard to complete his sentences.

"I have to make you mine and keep you that way, until the day of my death approaches."