Nothing Was Alright

Author's Note: As you'll probably know if you look at my main page, I've got a bunch of chapter fanfics currently in the works, which I won't be posting until they're completed, that way you all won't be abandoned. However, this little ficlet swooped in through my bedroom window like a bat out of hell and knocked me over the head last night. I couldn't stop thinking about it so I had to get up and write the outline. I'm a slash virgin, so be gentle with me, loves.


Nothing Was Alright
by
FifteenStitches

1/1

There was bright light all around him; he could tell by the way it shown through his shut eyelids. He was comfortable and the unbearable pain he had felt had been lifted from his weary soul. He was laying down, and he was almost certain he was naked with naught but a sheet covering him. His eyelids fluttered while his amber eyes grew accustomed to the light surrounding him. Was this Heaven?

"Remus?" a disembodied voice spoke from above.

"God?" Remus croaked, suddenly aware of how hoarse his voice was.

The deep, silky voice let out a low laugh, one that he was most likely trying his best to hide from him. "No," the voice answered, "but you're not the first to refer to me as one."

And suddenly Remus knew exactly who it was. "Sirius?" he asked, lifting his head off of the pillow. He immediately wished he hadn't, because all the pain from the damage of last night's transformation ripped through his body. He barely muffled his yelp of agony before his head fell heavily back onto the sweat-drenched pillow.

The edge of the bed sunk down as Sirius sat and Remus felt a well-toned arm snake beneath his head, lifting it so Remus could sip from the glass that had been put to his chapped lips. The young werewolf eagerly obliged; he felt like he hadn't had a drink in weeks. The cool water was a shock to his dry throat at first, and Remus gave a muffled cough. The man holding him pulled the water from his lips for a moment, allowing Remus to catch his breath, before he silently urged more water into the weakened man's mouth. While Remus acquiesced and drank his fill, his amber irises raised to the stormy grey eyes that were staring at him intently. He silently admired the way a few rogue strands of the jet black hair of his companion fell gracefully over his forehead, or the way his perfectly angled jaw was clenched in determination, like a picture of a muggle model. There was always an underlying tension when one (be it female or male) was around Sirius Black. The man oozed confidence, aristocratic good looks, and sexuality; everything Remus did not. He could vaguely recall a conversation he had had with James in fifth year about Sirius, and even Prongs himself had admitted to feeling an odd sense of admiration for the Black heir.

Prongs, whom was currently in hiding with his wife and child, would have gotten a kick out of Sirius' blatant concern for Remus. All the Marauders were protective of their werewolf friend, but none more than Sirius Black. Especially after the incident that had occurred back in their sixth year. Sirius had always been an "Act First, Think Later" type of guy, and because of an impulse based on his overwhelming hate of Severus Snape and a disregard of his common sense in the heat of the moment, he had sent Snape to what would have been his death, and Remus' imprisonment, had James not saved the day. Of course, Sirius had only been thinking of the small consequences that would've befallen Snape, not the possibilities of death of his fellow classmate or of Azkaban and/or execution that would have come to one of his best friends. When James had explained to Sirius later on in their dormitory the danger he had put Remus in, and the possible death he could've caused, Sirius' eyes had lost a little of their shine. Still, being the prideful pureblood he was, he had simply shrugged and laid back down, saying that nothing had happened so there was nothing to worry about. James had been so angry with his best friend that he refused to speak to him further and shut the curtains around his bed. Peter, sensing the tension, had also shut his curtains, not wishing to take part in the fighting amongst the once carefree Marauders. Remus had been justifiably wounded, especially since out of all the Marauders, he had been closest with Sirius. Sirius had always been the first one to the hospital wing, cheering him up and reassuring him everything was alright; always the last one to leave.

Remus wasn't even angry, he was just... broken-hearted. It was the only word to describe the pain in his chest that had nothing to do with the prior transformation. Remus had laid awake long after his dorm-mates had gone to bed, staring at the ceiling above him and wondering what he had done as a child to deserve his affliction. He had listened to the other's steady breathing well into the a.m., and he had been so absorbed in his heartache that he hadn't noticed that one person's breath wasn't as steady as the others. It wasn't until he heard a barely muffled sob that broke him from his thoughts. The werewolf's ears had perked and his forehead had furrowed- small doglike characteristics that he seemed to carry even without the full moon. He hadn't been sure he had heard it, but then, as if it was an answer to his unspoken question, he heard it again.

Flashback

Remus sat up, letting his eyes roam over the beds in the darkened room. His only light was the faint glow of the moon, but that was all his acute senses needed. James and Peter's beds were both hidden by curtains, but the Gryffindor colored draperies around Sirius' bed looked like they had been drawn in a hurry, for there was a gap in the sheets that gave Remus a clear view of his childhood friend. The always calm, cool, and unfazed Sirius Black was lying shirtless on his stomach with his head in his pillow. From the way his shoulder were shaking and his breath came out in uneven gasps, Remus knew he was crying. It startled the werewolf in all honesty, seeing the rock of the Marauders in such despair. It may have been a childish assumption, but Remus had always thought that Sirius was uneffected by life. That was always his way, to just take everything as it came with that damn arrogant smirk. Never before had Remus pegged Sirius as someone who cried into his pillow like a little boy, and something in Remus' stomach twisted at seeing Sirius in such a vulnerable state. Sirius Black wasn't perfect after all, and Remus found that he liked this imperfect side a lot more.

"Sirius?" Remus spoke softly, pushing himself up off his bed. Sirius' shoulders had stilled, probably trying to feign sleep. "Sirius," said Remus again as he silently walked towards his friend's bed. He slid in through the gap in the curtains and shut them behind him. "I know you're up." He didn't ask permission to sit down, instead just taking the liberty to. "Are you alright?"

"Peachy," came the muffled reply.

"Look at me, Sirius," Remus urged, nudging the black-haired boy's shoulder. Sirius shook his head into the pillow, refusing Remus' request. "The least you can do is look at me after the stunt you pulled." Okay, so it was a dirty trick to play the guilt card, but Remus didn't want Sirius closing himself off right now. Apparently he wasn't as uneffected as they had originally thought. It was Sirius, after all, and he would never intentionally hurt his friends.

Sirius shifted onto his side, and red-rimmed, sorrow-filled eyes stared up at Remus. His usually perfect hair was mussed, and his lips opened and closed, as if he were trying to say something, but he couldn't quite find the correct words. The entire school looked at the Sirius Black they all knew and saw perfection, but as Remus stared at this version of Sirius Black, the one without the mask he wore for everyone else, he saw true perfection. There was a bond he felt with Sirius in that moment that coiled around his heart, deepening the friendship that he had only hours ago thought was over with.

"It's alright," Remus assured, pushing the hair back that was stuck to Sirius' forehead. It was an odd gesture, and he wasn't quite sure why he had done it, but it was the only way he could think of to put the grey-eyed man beside him at ease. There was just enough room for Remus to lie down next to him, so he gave Sirius a half-smile and laid down beside him. They were both on their sides, face to face, both recognizing the years of rejection in eachothers eyes. "Everything's alright now."

The words and gestures of comfort seemed to be Sirius' undoing, and fresh tears slid down his cheeks. "I didn't mean it, Remus," he whispered shakily, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "He said that I was going to end up just like them," Remus knew exactly who Sirius was referring to. Sirius' greatest fear was growing to be evil like his family of Death Eaters. "I got angry and told him to meet me in the Shack for a duel, told him how to get there through the Willow. I didn't think... Merlin, Remus... I didn't want anyone to get hurt, I just wanted him to get spooked. I figured he'd hear all the shrieking and run, I didn't think he'd have enough nerve to keep going." Sirius drew a shaky breath, but Remus didn't interrupt him. He had a feeling that Sirius needed to get it all out. "I could've gotten him killed, Remus. I don't like the git, but I don't wish death on him. I could've gotten you sent straight to the dementors... I would never, ever hurt you, Remus. Please believe me. I'd die for you before I'd let anyone hurt you. I just.. I have no excuse for my actions, I'm just a fucking asshole, Remus. Severus was right, I ended up just like them after all."

"No," said Remus in a firm tone. He pulled the long sleeve of his nightshirt over the heel of his wrist and gently swiped his palm over Sirius' cheeks, drying his tears. "You're not like them. You're just a guy who made a mistake. I'm looking at the difference between you and them right now, Sirius." He had to smile at Sirius' look of wonderment. He was staring at Remus as if he wasn't sure he was hearing him correctly. "You feel guilt and remorse. They don't."

Sirius' leaned his head foward slightly, but then he shut his eyes tight, as if he thought better of whatever he was about to say or do. Instead, he nodded jerkily while he took a moment to compose himself. "Say you forgive me, Remus, please," he pleaded softly, keeping his eyes shut; obviously fearing the rejection he felt he deserved.

Remus stared at the face inches away from his own and regarded him carefully. He knew that Sirius was truely sorry, and would probably think about his mistake every day for the rest of his life and kick himself in the arse again and again for it. He understood what could have happened, and his guilt was written all over his face. The love Remus held for his friend and the grattitude for all Sirius had done for him in the past overcame the anger he had had earlier about this one mistake; so with a small smile, Remus said "I forgive you, Sirius."

Grateful grey eyes snapped open and locked with Remus', before they darted to the smile that was plastered on the werewolf's face. "Thank you," Sirius whispered, and Remus nodded his head.

"Goodnight, Sirius," Remus murmured, officially feeling the weariness of the past few days taking it's toll on his body. He made to get up, but a hand on his arm stopped him. Remus laid back down facing Sirius and stared at him curiously. "What's wrong?"

"Stay," said Sirius softly, with an expressionless face. His eyes, however, held his hopefulness, and Remus' eyes darted up to the curtain, making sure it was closed. He knew if James and Peter caught them sharing a bed, no matter how innocent the situation was, they would never let them live it down.

"Okay," he said simply, and let Sirius pull the quilt up over the both of them. Remus shut his eyes and shifted a little over the pillow, making himself as comfortable as he could get without accidentally brushing up against Sirius. A few minutes of silence passed and shifted once again, opening his eyes to determine whether or not he had enough room to lay on his back. But when he opened his eyes, he met Sirius', who smiled sheepishly and looked away. "Everything alright?"

Sirius raised his brows and scratched his bare stomach, shrugging noncommittally. "Yeah."

Remus nodded and shifted onto his back, resting his hands on his polyester-clad chest. He shut his eyes once again, but the feeling of someone watching him soon made him glance over at Sirius. Sure enough, the animagus was examining Remus' profile. Sirius hadn't noticed that Remus had opened his eyes yet, and Remus shifted uncomfortably from the scrutiny he felt he was under. "Are you gonna try and get some sleep?" he asked, and Sirius looked startled at having been observed in turn.

"I'm not very tired," he answered, and propped himself up on his elbow., facing Remus and looking down at him. "You know that I'd never hurt you, right, Moony?"

"I know, Padfoot," Remus replied, giving Sirius a reassuring smile before he shut his eyes once again. Sirius was obviously still concerned about their earlier conversation to be asking a question like that.

No sooner than Remus had closed his eyes, however, did he feel lips press against his own.

His eyes snapped open and bulged to almost comical proportions, and he shoved Sirius' shoulder so his lips were freed. "What the hell are you doing?!" Remus whispered hastily, eyeing Sirius in shocked disbelief. He would've expected a crucio from Sirius before he ever expected a kiss on the lips from him. Sirius Black was the notorious lady-killer. He'd dated almost all the girls in their year, and Remus knew for a fact he had sex with them, having caught him and Mary going at it in the middle of the night on the Gryffindor Common Room couch. Remus continued to stare at Sirius incredulously, and once again persisted, "Well?!"

A brief look of hurt crossed Sirius' features before he hid it away behind a calm mask, but his smile was unsure now. "You don't know?" he asked a bit cheekily, even though his voice shook a little, but whether it was from fear or something else, Remus couldn't tell.

"Sirius..." Remus started, his eyes darting around as if someone was going to pop out and yell 'Gotcha!' He hesitated, trying to find an easy way to tell him, not wishing to hurt his feelings. "I like girls..." he finished lamely.

Grey eyes searched Remus' face, as if he was waiting for him to add something on. When nothing else came, Sirius furrowed his brows, looking confused. "So? So do I."

Remus eyed Sirius warily, silently questioning the man's state of mind. "So then why did you kiss me?"

Sirius stared at Remus for a moment, before he answered; "Because I love you."

Now it was Remus' turn to look confused. "How can you love me when you like girls?"

"How can I not?" Sirius retored with a mischievous smile.

Remus searched Sirius face for some hint of mischief, but found nothing but honesty. "So, you're in love with me, but you fancy shagging girls as well?"

He nodded, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Erm..." Remus looked decidedly uncomfortable, and was looking anywhere but at Sirius, as if he didn't know whether to run or not. However, from the way he kept stealing quick glances at the man next to him, it seemed he was at least a little, perhaps only secretly, intrigued by Sirius' confession. "I don't know what you want me to say, Sirius."

"Well, do you love me back?" Sirius inquired, now looking a little amused.

"I..." Remus shrugged, now looking directly at Sirius with his amber eyes that almost seemed to shine in the dark. "I love you, too, but.. I don't know if I'm attracted to you... er... that way."

"Well," said Sirius, pushing the sandy brown hair from Remus' forehead to comfort him they way he had comforted Sirius barely a half hour ago, "why don't we find out? If you don't like it, just tell me to stop."

Remus still looked unsure, but Sirius took his silence as permission and leaned foward, capturing Remus' lips with his own. Remus stiffened but allowed the contact, and Sirius moved his hand to the back of Remus' neck, letting his fingers roam through Remus' hair. He pulled the werewolf's lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it gently, which earned a gasp from Remus. As soon as Remus' mouth opened, Sirius used the leverage he had by holding the back of Remus' neck to pull him even closer. Remus felt Sirius' tongue penetrating his mouth and raised his own up to meet his, both warm muscles sliding against one another in earnest. He wasn't exactly sure if this was wrong to like, but his breath quickened and there was steady heat pooling in the pit of his stomach that he had only felt with girls, and never from just a snog. His shaking hand raised up to rest on Sirius' bare chest, still not sure what exactly he was supposed to do in this situation. Sirius' free hand raised up to close over Remus', pressing their entwined hands against the center of his chest. A muffled groan escaped Remus when Sirius sucked on his tongue, and his mind wandered into unchartered territory, wondering what else Sirius would suck on.

They broke the kiss, and Sirius' eyes were hooded with desire, while Remus looked a little shell-shocked at his own enjoyment. In typical Sirius-like fashion, he smirked and raised the hand he held to his lips, brushing a kiss against Remus' fingers. Remus eyed Sirius, surprised by his stiffening cock. Sirius was already standing at attention, tenting his black silk pajama bottoms. They were both so different; Sirius was tan and dark-haired, perfect skin, clad in silk; while Remus was pale and sandy-haired, scarred from years of transformations, wearing the Gryffindor pajamas that came from the house-elves. He honestly didn't know what someone like Sirius saw in him. As if he read his thoughts, Sirius said, "You're thinking too much."

Remus gave him a half-smile but tensed yet again when Sirius let go of his hand to tug at the hem of Remus' pajama shirt. Sirius had seen him naked plenty of times after his transformations, but the idea of being bare in front of him now made him feel... vulnerable. Now he knew Sirius' eyes would be trailing over his scarred chest for another reason other than to check for post-moon injuries, and it made Remus shift self-consciously. However, he raised his arms and let Sirius pull it off over his head. Grey eyes travelled across the scar on his shoulder where Greyback had bitten him, over his naked scarred chest, slid over his toned torso, right down to the hair that swirled around his navel only to dissappear beneath his pajama pants. Sirius eyes did not lose their desire, and unless Remus was mistaken, had actually grown in desire with their indulgence. Sirius moved his hand up to Remus' chest this time, ghosting his fingertips over his collarbone before trailing it down to a pebbled nipple. He glanced every now and then at Remus, and Remus stared back, trying to surpress the shivers that trailed up his spine every time Sirius teased his nipple. Sirius' head lowered and his lips found Remus' other nipple, and Remus jumped a little from the feel of Sirius' warm tongue. His shoulders relaxed and he felt at ease now, a little too at ease, in fact. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment while he tried to stay in control, curbing the wolfish side of him that wished to dominate during mating. However, the bolder side of him slid his hands into Sirius' hair and gently pulled the animagus away from his chest.

Sirius looked at him curiously, but intrigued nonetheless. Remus was bolder now, with a shadow of the wolf showing in his smile. Sirius stared at Remus while he dragged his hands to the waistband of his pants, and Remus watched as Sirius' eyes widened when he tugged his soft flanel pajama pants down. Remus stifled a gasp as he freed his erection, and he actually smirked at the pleasantly surprised look on Sirius' face. He could tell by the way Sirius shifted that he also wished for a reprieve from the restraint his own pants held, but Remus leaned foward and pressed his lips against Sirius', this time the first to initiate contact. Their tongues met and Remus' eyes widened when Sirius grasped his cock, the skin on skin contact making the muscles in his abdomen tighten.

Remus wrenched his lips away and stared at Sirius heatedly, before he leaned back on the pillows and entangled a hand in Sirius' silky hair, saying only two words; "Suck me."

The moonlight rendered just enough light to see the excited smile on Sirius' face. He bent over the werewolf, and Remus was sitting up enough to guide Sirius' head and to watch the show. They were both panting like excited dogs, and Remus' dominating side was in full control now. His amber eyes narrowed with desire when he felt Sirius brush his lips against his cock, and his thick erection jumped from the teasing. Remus' hand tightened in Sirius' hair and he positioned Sirius' mouth directly over the mushroomed head of his cock. His hips involuntarily thrusted up, nudging the soft, pouty lips of his newfound lover, and Sirius opened his mouth to accept him. Remus' eyes rolled upwards and he clenched his jaw, stifling a moan that definitely would've woken their dorm-mates. Sirius' mouth was hot and wet, and one hand was currently fondling Remus' balls while the other had dissappeared in his own silk pants.

"Fuck," Remus whispered, holding Sirius' head steady so he could thrust shallowly into his mouth. Sirius' lips looked stretched at the corners from Remus' width, and every time Remus thrusted a little too far into Sirius' mouth, he could feel the clenching around his cock from the deep-throated penetration. He stifled another moan which came out like a grunt and pulled his now-wet cock out of Sirius' mouth when he felt his balls tighten. Sirius looked a little put out by the loss and Remus' primal side kicked in.

"Take your hand off of your cock," Remus said softly but in a tone that held no room for argument, and Sirius gave one last defiant rub before he followed the command. "Get on all fours."

Sirius looked taken aback but smirked nonetheless and complied, after he reached over to his nightstand for a tube of lubrication He passed it over his shoulder to Remus and shifted impatiently, clenching the sheets beneath him with his fists.

Remus was on his knees behind him, and he smirked at Sirius' intake of air when he tugged the silk pajama pants down Sirius' firm ass. From this angle his backside was exposed, as well as his sack. He unscrewed the tube of lubrication and squeezed and spread a small dollop onto his index finger. His fingertip pressed against Sirius' puckered hole and spread the lubrication around the tiny opening before he slid his finger in completely. Sirius gasped from the intrusion but soon began to wiggle when Remus' finger brushed up against his prostate. A firm slap to Sirius' backside made the animagus look over his shoulder with barely contained desire.

"Behave," said Remus, already inserting another finger to stretch his little hole. Sirius' legs were shaking slightly, and he writhed a bit more when Remus inserted a third finger. Another slap made him lower his head into the pillow to muffle his moan, and his hips swayed in anticipation. Remus pulled his fingers free from Sirius' hole and lovingly soothed the handprints on Sirius' ass. His fingertips trailed down between Sirius' legs to brush against his balls. Remus couldn't make out the incoherent pleasured mumblings of the man on all fours in front of him, but he drew his hand away to squeeze a little more lube on his hand. This time, he spread it across his own cock with his right hand, letting out a breath of air from the heat that coursed through his body as he did so. Sirius' ass jutted in the air, and Remus gripped the man's hips tightly, pressing the thick tip of his cock against the lubricated little hole. Sirius pressed his backside against the werewolf, but Remus smacked his ass once more in warning. "Do you want my cock?" he whispered hoarsely, his erection aching for the tight canal it was pressed up against.

"Yesss," Sirius hissed, and gasped when he felt Remus' thick length press itself into his ass. He bit his lip from the pain of being stretched and Remus continued his slow entrance, letting Sirius get used to it. He had to count backwards from one-hundred to keep from plowing into Sirius like a horny mutt. When he wriggled and pressed back against Remus, the werewolf took the sign to continue. He drew back, keeping his eyes shut tight to keep from spilling himself into the outrageously tight hole he was nearly balls deep in. Everytime he pulled or pushed, Sirius' pert ass would clench from the intrusion, but everytime the head of his cock would brush up against that spot buried deep inside, the man on all fours would whimper his pleasure into the pillow. Remus snaked his lubricated hand around to Sirius' front to cup his erection. When Remus pushed foward, Sirius' erection moved through Remus' lubricated, angled palm, and Sirius' curse was barely drowned out by the pillow.

"Shhh," whispered Remus, grinning wolfishly, "You wouldn't want James or Peter to know how much you love my cock, would you?" Sirius shook his head against the pillow and actually bit it when he felt Remus brush against his prostate and run his thumb over the head of his cock at the same time.

Remus clenched his jaw and swallowed a moan when he felt his balls tighten. He was close, he knew, and he couldn't stop himself from thrusting into Sirius' ass faster. His tiny hole was squeezing his cock mercilessly, so Remus tightened his hand around Sirius' erection and began pumping him with vigor. Sirius was grunting into the pillow and pushing back against Remus, meeting his thrusts, wriggling his ass slightly from left to right so he could feel the duel sensations of the head of Remus' cock sliding against his sweet spot. Sirius was gasping and thrusting shallowly against Remus' hand, and Remus leaned over Sirius back. He could feel his nipples brush against the soft, sweaty skin of the man before him and he held back a shiver of pleasure. His free hand reached around and cupped his partner's balls, fondling them gently. The other hand, with it's lubricated fingers, stroked his shaft while he fucked him from behind. Sirius spurted his white hot seed only a few moments later, making a sound close to sobbing into the pillow. Remus also had to surpress a shout as Sirius' little clenching hole milked his cock. When Remus' shoulders sagged in pleasurable weariness, he pulled out of Sirius, and they both seemed to fall onto the mattress like deadweights. They moved into eachothers arms and stared into one another's tired eyes. Remus finally understood what Sirius meant by loving a man yet liking women. They both smiled softly at one another, both thinking the same thing, before they both drifted off to sleep.

End Flashback

Remus had gone to his own bed early in the morning, before the others woke, and later on in the day, when James saw how close Remus and Sirius were sitting and the way they leaned in to whisper a secret into eachothers ear, he had jokingly asked if they had "Kissed and made up." Sirius and Remus had shared a knowing smirk with one another that no one else understood.

"What are you grinning about, Moony?" asked Sirius, who was still holding Remus' head up so he could drink from the glass. Remus shrugged with a grin and shook his head, letting the man beside him know he didn't want anymore water; his voice still too hoarse to speak. His body ached, and all he wanted was more rest. His eyelids felt like they weighed a ton, but he was trying to keep them open, if only to stare into the comforting eyes of the man he loved. The morning after the full moon was always an emotional time for Remus, filled with self-depreciation and physical pain.

"It's alright," Sirius soothed, just as he always did. He laid down next to Remus, letting him press up against his chest. "Everything's alright now."

And at that moment, Remus thought it was true.

*********

One month later, Sirius packed his bags and left without so much as a note.

Three months after that, James and Lily were in the ground, Peter was nothing but a finger, and Sirius was to blame.

Nothing was alright.