Should've Said No

Harry stepped quietly out of the floo at his flat, tired and happy to finally be home. He had been gone for two weeks for an Auror convention in America, and had finally decided to come home a few days early. He had gotten so used to sleeping next to someone that he couldn’t sleep very well in an empty bed. He missed Draco; even though he had spoken to Draco every day that he’d been gone, it just wasn’t the same.

At first Harry didn’t think Draco was home yet, but as he moved further into the flat, he heard voices coming from the kitchen. As he got closer, he recognized Draco’s voice, along with Pansy. Her voice seemed strained; as if she was angry, but trying very hard not to scream. Harry was about to enter the kitchen when he heard his name in the conversation.

“He’s not stupid, Draco! He will know something is going on,” Pansy said angrily. “I know I’m your best friend, but I really can’t believe you. I almost wish you hadn’t told me.”

Draco’s voice was so quiet, Harry had to strain to hear. “I know, Pans. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

At that, Pansy exploded. “Draco, I don’t know what you were thinking either! I can’t even begin to imagine what you could have possibly been thinking when you risked the best thing that ever happened to you for some two Knut whore.”

Harry gasped, but the sound was lost as the chair scraped across the floor in Draco’s rush to stand. “You’re not helping me, Pansy! I know it was stupid. I would take it all back if I had the chance.”

“I don’t know what I can help you with. You have to tell Harry. Tell him as soon as he gets back and then throw yourself at his feet and beg for forgiveness. You can say it was a mistake because you missed him so much since he’s been gone. He just might forgive you for that.”

Draco mumbled something that Harry couldn’t hear in response, but apparently Pansy heard it clearly. Her voice took on a deadly calm tone, that Harry had learned usually came directly before physical violence.

“You are telling me, Draco Malfoy,” Harry winced in sympathy for Draco, knowing that the use of his full name did not bode well, “that this happened before Harry left for this convention? You are telling me that you slept with that stupid bint two months ago and have not seen fit to confess to me or Harry?”

Harry felt tears begin to form in his eyes, and he wanted to leave; wanted to get as far from the flat, and Draco, and the truth as he could get. But his feet stayed planted in his spot, needing to hear Draco confirm what he already knew was true.

“It was a moment of weakness! She was there, and she offered, and I said yes! It was stupid and I have no excuse for it, but I need your help, Pansy. I need you to tell me how to convince Harry that the past is the past, and that we can move on and everything can be just the same as it always was. I can’t lose him, Pansy.”

Harry backed away before he heard Pansy’s response. He walked quickly back to the floo, then stepped out at the Leaky Cauldron a moment later. He knew he must look awful, but Tom didn’t comment. He just gave Harry a room key and an understanding smile.

When Harry got to the room, he threw himself on the bed and cried. Just the thought of Draco being unfaithful to him was killing him. And it was months ago! Draco cheated on him months ago and had been acting like everything was fine. Harry thought Draco must not feel guilty at all if he had kept it a secret all this time.

Suddenly the pain Harry felt changed into anger. Draco had been lying to him for months. And now he expected everything to be fine? That Harry could just forgive and forget, and everything would be the same as it always was? Harry got up from the bed, a plan forming in his mind. He ran out the door, hoping he could accomplish everything before the next afternoon.

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It had taken some convincing, and Harry was pretty sure that he’d paid double what he would have if he hadn’t been in such a hurry, but he was finally ready to confront Draco when the blond came home from work. Thankfully, Hermione hadn’t asked any questions. She simply packed helped him pack his things, all the while giving him a look that told Harry that he would be discussing the matter later.

In the rush of activity, Harry was able to push his hurt away and focus on his plan and his anger. However, now that he was done and just waiting for Draco to come home, the hurt came back again and made Harry’s heart ache. He was fighting back tears as Draco stepped out of the floo.

Draco took one look around the flat, which was much emptier than when he had left it that morning, and turned to Harry.

“You know.”

Harry nodded. “I took the liberty of dividing our belongings. I tried to be as fair as possible, but if there is something else that you want, just let me know. The flat is yours, I took my name off the lease. I’ve already moved all of my stuff out. I took the bed from the guest room, and I left you our bed.”

“Harry—“

“We had some good times in this flat. I’ll miss it. It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers…everything is gone. Yesterday I found out about you.”

Draco clasped his hands together in front of him. “Please Harry, just let me explain.”

“Even now, just looking at you feels wrong. You said that you’d take it all back, given one chance. It was a moment of weakness, and you said yes.”

Draco realized that Harry must have overheard his conversation with Pansy. “Yes, Harry, that’s exactly it, I would take it—“

Harry held up a hand to stop Draco from continuing. “You should have said no.”

“What? Harry, please…”

“You should have gone home. You should have thought twice before you let it all go.” Harry stared hard into Draco’s eyes, and Draco’s vision was suddenly clouded by tears.

“You should have known that word of what you did with her would get back to me.”

“I know. Harry, I’ve tried a thousand times to tell you about it. The guilt has been eating me alive. I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t thinking…”

“Well, you should have been. I should have been there in the back of your mind. But you weren’t thinking of me at all. What was it, Draco? What was our relationship missing that you thought so little of it when you got the opportunity to get laid?”

Draco dropped to his knees in front of Harry. “Nothing! Our relationship is wonderful, there’s nothing missing. I just made a mistake. A terrible mistake, but not because of us. I love you, Harry.”

Harry’s eyes filled with tears as he shook his head. “I shouldn’t be asking myself why! You shouldn’t be begging for forgiveness at my feet. You should have said no.”

Draco moved quickly to his feet and put his hands on Harry’s shoulders. “Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry, Harry. I never meant to hurt you. I swear it will never happen again. We can get past this.” Draco moved his hand to cup Harry’s cheek and smooth away his tears.

Hearing Draco’s words, Harry wanted so much to give in, to just melt into Draco and forget the whole day ever happened. Then he remembered what a smooth talker Draco was, and just how many times Draco had used that tone of voice to get Harry to do what he wanted.

With a vicious pull, Harry extracted himself from Draco’s grip. Harry gave a bitter laugh and said, “You know all the right things to say. But do you honestly expect me to believe that we could ever be the same?”

Draco reached out to Harry again. “I’m willing to do whatever you want me to. I can fix this. I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“Draco, you cheated on me. Worse than that, you hid it from me for months! If you had really wanted to fix this, you would have been honest with me from the beginning. I’m sorry, I don’t think this is fixable.”

“It has to be! There has to be something I can do to make it right! I love you, Harry. Please. Tell me how to fix this.”

Harry turned away, unable to bear listening to Draco beg. Draco never begged for anything. It was painful to hear. Harry started moving towards the floo. One last time, he turned back to Draco.

“Before I go, tell me this…was it worth it? Was she worth this?”

Draco slumped, keeping his head bowed. “No.” He whispered.

Harry took some floo powder and threw it in the fire. “Then you should have said no.” he said quietly before he stepped in the floo.

The last thing he saw before he green enveloped him was Draco down on his knees, slumped forward, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

-fin-