Meaning

I didn’t mean to love him. Oh god, I swear I didn’t.
I didn’t mean to look into his eyes, or twine my fingers into his hair.
I never thought that he would let me in, never thought that he would shut the door behind me.

But now he’s pushing me up against the desk and it’s all I can do to remain on my feet.
His hands are iron on my hips, fusing me to him, I can feel him…
Oh god, he’s inching my shirt up, nails long and scraping over my chest, the shirt is flung to some far corner.
He twists me around to face him, and his hands are going lower, lower…

I didn’t mean to wake up tonight, still dizzy with dreams, and throw my invisibility cloak over my head.
I didn’t mean to end up at his door.
And now his lips are on my neck, tasting me ferociously, immortalizing his teeth in my skin.
My hands are scrabbling at his back, desperate to relieve him of his robes, for if I don’t, he may yet swirl them and be gone into the blackness.
Still murmuring wordlessly into my ear, he’s removing just as easily the jeans I threw on no more than ten minutes ago.
He searches with his tongue across my collarbone, mapping me, perhaps he’ll claim me with a flag.
He suckles at a nipple, my knees give. He takes the opportunity to lift me up onto the desk.

I didn’t mean to watch him during class, to look especially for black robes whipping out of sight around the corners.
I didn’t mean to spill that potion on myself so he would have to touch my injured arm. I swear I didn’t.

He’s drawing the tip of his tongue along me. His lips wrap around the head, and I swear I can see constellations in the stones.
And now he penetrates me with slick and mobile fingers, moving his mouth to my chest once more, pushing me backwards, my knee hooks over his shoulder.
His eyes are as penetrating as his fingers and I let them breach my last defenses.

Oh gods, he is, he is.

He’s all the way inside me now, I’ve never felt so much before, never felt so filled.
Filled with sensation, with life, with love, with him.
We rock together, hands are everywhere, he hits the thing that nearly undoes me with every thrust.
More, more, I don’t know what kind of sounds I’m making now but anything that will tell him more, please, faster, more.
We move in a race of abandon, I can’t remember who I am, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, oh GODS.

I didn’t mean to love him. I swear I didn’t.
But I’m crying out his name now and it doesn’t matter, any of it.

Oh gods, I love you, Severus.