Angel Without Wings

Angel Without Wings:
A Harry Potter Fanfiction
By: Lady Nocturne Juliet


WARNING: This story contains self mutilation. If it offends you in any way or is a trigger for you, please do not read. I do not wish to offend anyone.


Chapter 1: When Angels Cry Blood

Aren't hero's supposed to be strong and brave? Aren't they supposed to bathe in their own glory? Well, it was nothing but a facade no one could see through. The darkness surrounded him. Everything had become dark. The life within was fading. He felt so far away from everyone, detached from himself. He put a mask of lies for everyone. Harry Potter was the golden boy in the wizarding world but from the inside he was nothing special. A brave hero to the world he indeed was. He really wasn't brave at all behind closed doors. After all, he wasn't brave enough to face his own problems. The golden boy barely could sleep for whenever he would drift away from the real world, images of terror would plague his subconscious. The pain he would try to push away crawled its way to remind him when he would sleep. His defenses would weaken and so nightmares would fill his long nights. Harry saw things a person should never have seen and experienced a loneliness no one could understand. His whole existence was laid out for him for the world to see and yet no one really knew him. People wanted to be around him simply because of his famous name and yet the ones who really cared for the real person he was would vanish from his world. Sometimes Harry didn't really know why he did it. The scars of his painful existence lay hidden beneath the robe of his sleeves. Perhaps, he deserved to have the pain inflicted upon him in such a way. At least, it helped the other pain fade away.

"Harry." Hermione snapped him out of his silent reverie. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." Harry answered. Faint bruises circled around his eyes that he had gotten from lack of sleep. Besides the weary look, he appeared older. It was Harry's sixth year. His usual untidy hair was a little more tamed. Harry had grown over the summer. Quidditch had given him nicely taught muscles and washboard abs hidden under his long dark robes. Quidditch was a nice escape as well. "Just a bit tired." A small smile curved upon his lips to reassure his best friend. Glancing at the clock above the fireplace, Harry realized it was midnight. Hermione and Ron were still working on the piles of homework their professors had given them.

Ron let out a long yawn. "It is getting pretty late," he muttered. He gathered his books and stood to his feet. While peering down at his two best friends he said, "I'm turning in."

Hermione nodded at him as he left to the boy's dormitories.

Harry stood up to leave but was stopped by a firm grip on his arm.

"Wait..." Her eyes moved to meet his.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Worry was written all over her face. "You know, you can tell me anything," she said softly.

Gazing into her eyes, he could see the concern she held for him. When no one else seemed to notice something was wrong with Harry, Hermione was the one who would. It was like she could see right through him. Harry had the sudden urge to let her know everything, to spill his heart out to her but he did not want her to worry so much about him. It seemed Hermione already did enough of that. He could not burden his best friend. She wouldn't understand him anyway. He pushed it away. The nagging suspicion that Hermione would most likely go straight to Dumbledore to share his problems was in the back of his mind. "I'm fine," he simply said. Turning away from her, he gathered his books and left to his dorm.

Hermione watched him leave. She saw the hesitation in Harry and the question that danced in his bright green eyes. It was as if he were trying to decide whether or not it was best to share his thoughts with her. Her best friend would constantly say he was doing great but she knew something was wrong. Even his smiles could not hide it from her. His smiles did not reach his eyes. Hermione was not stupid and definitely not blind. What did Harry honestly take her for? Perhaps, whatever it was that was bothering Harry wasn't something to really worry about but still it tugged at the back of her mind.

The next day, Harry was unusually quiet. He picked at the food in his plate with a fork. It was lunch time in the Great Hall. The Great Hall was filled with a choir of loud voices and laughter. It was a whole different world in Harry's eyes. A world where people lived normal lives. The worst things that happened in that world was getting cheated on by a significant other or receiving an F on an exam. The simple cares people had were so far from Harry's own world. How he longed to be like them. He wanted to worry about those simple things but he had Voldemort to worry about and so much more. Harry longed for the simplicity that everyone around him seemed to hate. If only he weren't Harry Potter. If only Voldemort hadn't chosen him or his family.

"What's the matter, Harry?" Ron asked, with a mouthful of food.

Harry's head snapped up to attention. "Nothing," He said.

Ron gave a quick glance toward Hermione but she shrugged. The red head turned to engage in a conversation with Seamus and Dean.

"Next week is Hogsmeade Weekend." Hermione said, in her attempt to bring Harry's spirits up. She longed to see the light that once sparkled in his bright green eyes.

Harry forced a slight grin. "Yeah..."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood up after the bell of dismissal. "Hey, a galleon." Ron bent down and picked it up from the floor.

"Oh look, Weasel's found money." A drawling voice came from behind the trio. Draco Malfoy stood with a clear look of amusement on his face. His gaze swept over Harry. "Potter, you're in luck. Maybe he could buy you a new family." An unpleasant smirk curled on Malfoy's lips.

Harry whipped around and glared at him. A flame of rage lit inside. He began to shake with anger. A rare fit of rage that came during his third year when his Aunt Marge insulted his father and last year when his God-Father was murdered before his eyes.

Hermione placed a soothing hand upon his shoulder. "No Harry. It's not worth it. Ignore him." She tried to calm him down.

Malfoy and the group of Slytherins standing behind him broke out into fits of hysterical laughter. "What's the matter, Scarhead? I don't think you're dead mum and dad would appreciate this," he taunted.

That was it for Harry. He had lost all restraint and rationality. Lunging at Malfoy, he roughly pushed him into the Gryffindor table. Harry grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him onto the floor. Wrapping his hands firmly around the Slytherin boy's neck, he cut off his breath. He pulled Malfoy's head up by the neck to slam his head against the floor. Again and again.

Malfoy's eyes widened as he tried to push hard against Harry's chest.

A huge group of students circled around them, cheering them on.

"Harry!" Hermione called out to him.

Ron stared with his mouth agape. He had never seen Harry act so impulsively. He had to admit Malfoy deserved it and whole lot more.

"What's the meaning of this?" Came a cold severe voice. Professor McGonagal.

Snape ripped Harry off Malfoy's body and set him upon his feet so hard his knees wobbled. The dark haired Professor grabbed the boy by the collar of his robes. Ice cold death in his eyes. "Potter!" He hissed.

"Severus! Leave Potter to me as I am head of his House and you deal with Malfoy," Mcgonagal said.

With one last glare at Harry, Snape released his hold on him. "Come." He pulled Malfoy up to his feet and led him out of the Great Hall.

"This way," Professor McGonagal ordered. Harry was led down a long corridor. As soon as they arrived in her office, Harry was told to sit down. She stared at him with disbelief. "What's gotten into you, Potter? I would expect this from Malfoy but not from you."

"He deserved it," Harry said without thinking.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "It doesn't matter. You do not go attacking students!"

Harry remained silent, trying to control his temper.

"You will receive detention for a week and 100 points off from Gryffindor."

Harry grimaced. "But Professor--"

"It is settled," she cut him off. "You may leave now."

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
oh I...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

Nearly a week passed since Harry fought with Malfoy. He felt the anger burn through his veins. What was he angry about? Everything it seemed. He had kept it all bottled up inside for as long as he could remember. The tension and the weight that crushed him would get worse with every passing day. He was ready to explode any moment now.

Ron and Hermione waited in the Common Room for Harry to go to Hogsmeade.

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Harry had forgotten all about it. So much had clouded his mind already. Harry locked himself inside the bathroom in the dormitory. He grabbed a razor and lifted the sleeve of his robes. Its sharp edge pressed against the surface of his forearm. He forced it roughly, ripping at his creamy white flesh. Blood seeped to the surface. He gritted his teeth at the pain. His breath caught in his throat as he was brought to euphoria. All other senses vanished around him. He could no longer think of anything else for the short moments the euphoric feeling lasted. Voldemort's face, Cedric's lifeless form, Sirius, his parent's screams before they died...it was all fading away. Each horrid memory spilled with every drop of blood. He cried blood for every pain, memory, and nightmare. With each drop, with each sting he lost himself. Harry was lost to the world and lost to himself. And no one could find him.

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
oh why...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything


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A/N: The lyrics that were posted toward the end of this chapter are to a song called Fields of Innocence, by Evanescence.

Not sure if anyone will read this fanfic because it seems very depressing and dark but I will update as soon as I can. It will get fluffy and cute later though, lol.