Up is the New Going Down
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,898
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,898
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Up is the New Going Down
Up is the New Going Down.
A/N: a cannon is a mounted gun for firing heavy projectiles. And as there are no heavy projectiles to be found in this one shot, we can assume it is non-cannon, disregard everything from book 6.
A silly one shot with no smut.
***
Thanks to Severus Snape, it had been determined that Voldemort was surrounded by a heavy shield protecting him from all spells with ill intent. Anything from the Jelly Legs curse to the Killing curse would simply splash off. However, they could heal him, make him happy or hit him with positive charms…
… This was not particularly useful in a war. In fact, it was utterly useless to the Order who’s chances of killing the Dark Lord once and for all looked slimmer by each passing day.
“What are we going to do?” asked nineteen-year-old Hermione Granger, on hearing the report provided by their spy.
“We need to work on bringing down that shield.” Harry said, flicking to the index of a Dark Arts reference. He’d become quite adept at research, but wasn’t on the same calibre as Hermione.
“How?” Hermione asked, flicking open another book, “We’d need to get close enough to analyse it, without him noticing, and then disable it – without him noticing…”
“Ah.” Harry said, closing the book.
“I have an idea.” Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling for the first time in months at a scrap of hope, “Miss Granger, I do believe this is a task for your astute mind and quick thinking…”
***
Hermione had been a ‘Death Eater’ for three weeks; hidden beneath a disguised appearance and a false, but highly convincing Italian pedigree, she had slowly and gently discovered that the shield would only destruct at the caster’s will, a clumsily dropped wand or on the death of the caster. And as they couldn’t remove the shield, they couldn’t destroy him. Stabbing, shooting with a muggle gun, poisoning and whacking over the head with a blunt instrument were not options, as the shield protected the Dark Lord from harm.
Hermione’s research was proving problematic, as was trying to avoid the attention of the other Death Eaters. She had spun a story that she couldn’t join in the sexual revels as she was to give her virginity, and any other sexual favours to her husband-to-be (an Italian pureblood of a respectable family) on her wedding night. Oddly enough, Voldemort agreed and placed her under his personal protection – but she was made to watch by his side as the Death Eaters had their celebratory orgies. There was no rape or torture, but a rather large cauldron of lust potion was involved. There were no others but purebloods, they did not want to taint themselves through sex with anyone who wasn’t pure.
And oddly enough, it was these orgies that gave Hermione an idea…
***
The final battle dawned on a gloomy evening in November, the Order and its supporters lined up on one side of a muddy field, the Death Eaters lined up on the other.
Silence.
The Death Eaters stood masked in their leather armour behind their Lord, primed like coiled springs for the battle.
In the fraction of a second of calm before the storm of curses that would fly, Hermione cast her spell at the tyrant’s back – hoping her assumptions were correct.
The red light passed through the shield and gently diffused into the Dark Lord’s body, he was enveloped in a warm orange glow before he showed a look of utter surprise and dropped his wand – a motion, he had discovered, that uncast the shield.
Harry spoke two words: “Avada Kevada!”
***
“That was too easy!” Fred said, gently kicking the body of the darkest wizard known in history.
“He just dropped his wand and died?” Neville asked, shaking his head.
“Hermione, and pardon my language, but what the fuck did you hit him with?” Harry said, completely baffled.
“Oh, I bet it was from some illegal Dark Arts text!” Ron said, trying desperately (and failing) to keep his eyes out of her cleavage, the Death Eater corset certainly left noting to the imagination.
“No.” Hermione smiled.
“Non-illegal Dark Arts text?” George asked, smug with his guess.
“No.”
“A book?” Harry tried.
“No.”
“Miss Granger, what spell did you use?” Snape asked, removing his own skull mask and black robes to reveal a surprisingly handsome figure in the dark leather.
“Penis molior sustineo” she smiled, trying to bite back the giggle.
“I am not familiar with this charm.” The potion’s professor said, his brows knitted as he thought.
“No, it was in Witch Weekly’s problem pages – a spell for erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation combined…” she began, only to be cut off by Harry.
“Voldemort was Mbeaten by Witch Weekly?!”
“Evidently, he was shocked enough to drop his wand – and that action disabled the shielding.” Dumbledore said, grinning like a fool.
The Order walked away from the battle field (where there had been no battle), Hermione watched happily as her Dark Mark faded away. The aurors gathered the remaining Death Eaters who had been frozen at their Master’s death; it had taken fifteen minutes for Bill to re-animate Snape and Hermione, he was being less careful with the other mask-wearing foes.
“At least he died happy.” Fred and George chorused.
“I was wondering how long it would take for you to say that.” Hermione laughed, shaking her head.
A/N: a cannon is a mounted gun for firing heavy projectiles. And as there are no heavy projectiles to be found in this one shot, we can assume it is non-cannon, disregard everything from book 6.
A silly one shot with no smut.
***
Thanks to Severus Snape, it had been determined that Voldemort was surrounded by a heavy shield protecting him from all spells with ill intent. Anything from the Jelly Legs curse to the Killing curse would simply splash off. However, they could heal him, make him happy or hit him with positive charms…
… This was not particularly useful in a war. In fact, it was utterly useless to the Order who’s chances of killing the Dark Lord once and for all looked slimmer by each passing day.
“What are we going to do?” asked nineteen-year-old Hermione Granger, on hearing the report provided by their spy.
“We need to work on bringing down that shield.” Harry said, flicking to the index of a Dark Arts reference. He’d become quite adept at research, but wasn’t on the same calibre as Hermione.
“How?” Hermione asked, flicking open another book, “We’d need to get close enough to analyse it, without him noticing, and then disable it – without him noticing…”
“Ah.” Harry said, closing the book.
“I have an idea.” Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling for the first time in months at a scrap of hope, “Miss Granger, I do believe this is a task for your astute mind and quick thinking…”
***
Hermione had been a ‘Death Eater’ for three weeks; hidden beneath a disguised appearance and a false, but highly convincing Italian pedigree, she had slowly and gently discovered that the shield would only destruct at the caster’s will, a clumsily dropped wand or on the death of the caster. And as they couldn’t remove the shield, they couldn’t destroy him. Stabbing, shooting with a muggle gun, poisoning and whacking over the head with a blunt instrument were not options, as the shield protected the Dark Lord from harm.
Hermione’s research was proving problematic, as was trying to avoid the attention of the other Death Eaters. She had spun a story that she couldn’t join in the sexual revels as she was to give her virginity, and any other sexual favours to her husband-to-be (an Italian pureblood of a respectable family) on her wedding night. Oddly enough, Voldemort agreed and placed her under his personal protection – but she was made to watch by his side as the Death Eaters had their celebratory orgies. There was no rape or torture, but a rather large cauldron of lust potion was involved. There were no others but purebloods, they did not want to taint themselves through sex with anyone who wasn’t pure.
And oddly enough, it was these orgies that gave Hermione an idea…
***
The final battle dawned on a gloomy evening in November, the Order and its supporters lined up on one side of a muddy field, the Death Eaters lined up on the other.
Silence.
The Death Eaters stood masked in their leather armour behind their Lord, primed like coiled springs for the battle.
In the fraction of a second of calm before the storm of curses that would fly, Hermione cast her spell at the tyrant’s back – hoping her assumptions were correct.
The red light passed through the shield and gently diffused into the Dark Lord’s body, he was enveloped in a warm orange glow before he showed a look of utter surprise and dropped his wand – a motion, he had discovered, that uncast the shield.
Harry spoke two words: “Avada Kevada!”
***
“That was too easy!” Fred said, gently kicking the body of the darkest wizard known in history.
“He just dropped his wand and died?” Neville asked, shaking his head.
“Hermione, and pardon my language, but what the fuck did you hit him with?” Harry said, completely baffled.
“Oh, I bet it was from some illegal Dark Arts text!” Ron said, trying desperately (and failing) to keep his eyes out of her cleavage, the Death Eater corset certainly left noting to the imagination.
“No.” Hermione smiled.
“Non-illegal Dark Arts text?” George asked, smug with his guess.
“No.”
“A book?” Harry tried.
“No.”
“Miss Granger, what spell did you use?” Snape asked, removing his own skull mask and black robes to reveal a surprisingly handsome figure in the dark leather.
“Penis molior sustineo” she smiled, trying to bite back the giggle.
“I am not familiar with this charm.” The potion’s professor said, his brows knitted as he thought.
“No, it was in Witch Weekly’s problem pages – a spell for erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation combined…” she began, only to be cut off by Harry.
“Voldemort was Mbeaten by Witch Weekly?!”
“Evidently, he was shocked enough to drop his wand – and that action disabled the shielding.” Dumbledore said, grinning like a fool.
The Order walked away from the battle field (where there had been no battle), Hermione watched happily as her Dark Mark faded away. The aurors gathered the remaining Death Eaters who had been frozen at their Master’s death; it had taken fifteen minutes for Bill to re-animate Snape and Hermione, he was being less careful with the other mask-wearing foes.
“At least he died happy.” Fred and George chorused.
“I was wondering how long it would take for you to say that.” Hermione laughed, shaking her head.