Something To Write About

This is what happens when we need a break from the angst of 'All That You Leave behind' and what happens when overworked Q and caffeine fuelled A randomly muse fandom, the Potterverse, and fickle AFF reviewers. Be afraid, be very afraid!


Something To Write About

"What's this thing called again?" Ron asked doubtfully.

Rolling her eyes at Harry, Hermione sighed patiently and said, "It's a computer, Ron."

"But I thought you said that Muggle tech stuff wouldn't work Hogwarts," Ron said, peering at the strange contraption, still doubtful.

"Usually it wouldn't," Hermione said, frowning at the screen as she took a seat, "but this one has been charmed to work, for Muggle Studies classes."

"Oh," Ron said and took a seat next to her, Harry on her other side.

"Dudley had one,"Harry observed, "I wasn't allowed to use it. Always wanted to have a go though." He looked at the screen, trying to see what had absorbed Hermione's interest. She appeared to be deep in concentration as her eyes sped across the screenful of words.

"Is that all it's for?" Ron asked, "Reading? May as well open a book," he sighed, bored.

"Don't be silly!" Hermione scolded, her eyes flying over the words on the screen, "Computers open up a whole new world, Ronald!"

"I'll say," sniggered Harry, havingperused some of what Hermione was speeding her way through, "have a look at this, Ron. You may actually enjoy reading for once."

The three Gryffindors huddled around the computer screen eyes avidly devouring the printed lines. Ron's eyes grew wider by the second, his expression one of enraptured astonishment.Hermione's eyes narrowed as she read on, her cheeks pink, and her expression shifting between mild disapproving disgust, and consuming curiosity. Harry's emerald green eyes also grew wide, but his expression was one of embarrassed amusement. The three finished reading at approximately the same time and sat back, allthree pairs of eyes wide now.

"I didn't even know people could do that!" Ron said in soft wonderment.

"I don't think people should do that!" Hermione exhaled in a burst.

"I wonder what people do do that?" Harry said, still amused.

"If this is what Muggle Studies and computers are all about, count me in!" Ron said happily. "Show me how to work this thing, Hermione! I've suddenly become a voracious reader!"

"What is this?" Harry asked Hermione, throwing Ron a smile behind her back. "A site? Is that right?"

Hermione had grasped the mouse and was clicking buttons and making things flip onto the screen and away again rapidly.

"Erm...it's a writers’ site....for original fiction," she said squinting at the screen, "Writers can post their own stories on the site, and everybody can read them. Then there's a page for readersto write a review of the story you read. You know, a critique saying what you did or didn't like about each story."

"You mean there's more of this stuff on there?!" Ron said delightedly and Harry laughed.

"Pages of it," Hermione said, clicking away, "a whole...enormous...archive of it!" she added in amazement.

"Divided into categories, even," Harry added, pointing at the screen.

Hermione controlled the mouse as the three randomly opened and perused the vast selection of stories. Some were very good, some mediocre, some were so bad that Harry was sure even Dobby could have done better. Hermione tried telling them that they should leave a review for each story they read, but Ron had scoffed at that, until they came across a story that left the three of them with scalded eyeballs, flushed faces, and somewhat embarrassed to look at one another.

"Well.....that was certainly.....different," Hermione squeaked.

"I'll review that one,"Ron said, pulling the keyboard towards him.

Good story. I LOVE it.

"What?" Hermione scowled, "What sort of review is that?"

"A true one," Ron said, with a smirk at Harry, "I did love it!"

"It was just PWP!" snapped an indignant Hermione, glaring at him.

"What's PWP?" Harry asked

"Porn Without Plot!" Hermione hissed, "Plot? What Plot? Whatever you choose to call it it’s just sex! Relentless sex! No story, no plotline, nothing butsex! It wasn't even erotic, it was just pure smut!"

"Pure smut," Ron laughed as Harry snickered, "that's the kind of story I like!"

"It wasn't a story, Ronald!" Hermione snapped snatching back the keyboard, "it was just pornography, and dodgy pornography at that!"

"Maybe that was the plot,"Ron said reasonably, "and it was a good one too!"

"Yes, well, as we all know,you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon anyway,"Hermione sniffed, "but I would have thought a bit more of you, Harry!"

"What'd I do?" Harry laughed, pulling the keyboard towards himself, "Here, let me have a go then."

I enjoyed your story very much. There wasn't much plot, but there was plenty of action, with a really creative use of whips and chains. Please write more.

"You're just as bad as he is," Hermione said disgustedly, and bega flipping through page after page again, looking for something to catch her eye, all the meanwhile lecturing them on the merits of outlines and plotlines, and the obligation of "fic" readers leaving reviews for the stories they read.

"C'mon, Hermione,"Ron sighed, "you're taking all the fun out of this for me and Harry!"

"Oh shut up, Ronald!," she snapped, "reviews are there to guide other readers to help them to decide if a particular fic is for them, and also to let the author know if they're doing a good job or not in presenting their ideas and storylines, or if their writing is just crap."

She paused, returning to the story that both Ron and Harry had tried to review, pulled the keyboard closer and started typing. Ron and Harry gaped at the amount she put.

I have just finished reading your story and whilst it is enjoyable, felt there were several issues:

1 – In the second chapter the position that the two characters are in
whilst coupling is anatomically impossible.

“Aw, Hermione I liked that one!” Ron grumbled, but carried on reading her comments.

2 – It was an enjoyable story but sadly you need to learn the difference between it’s and its. It’s is short for it is, its means it belongs to it. Please learn the difference.

“God, Hermione, could you be more of a geek?” Harry asked, rolling his eyes.

3 – I felt that at one point the characters went out of character. You opened by portraying one character as “mean and moody” but by chapter five he was begging the other to “treat him like a bitch”. A little continuity is a good thing.

4 – I did enjoy the smut, but felt that it going on in various guises for twenty five chapters was relentless!

Ron moaned, “You keep whinging about all the things I liked best!”

Hermione harrumphed and submitted the review. “That’s a proper review,” she said, sounding pleased.

She clicked back on the main story page and began scrolling again. She snorted as she kept seeing the PWP warning in the summaries. “Honestly!” she cried, “Does anyone write an actual story? I want to read something with a plot, where relationships are developed, not just porn.”

Ron laughed. “Are you mad? I want to read nothing but PWPs, they’re great! All that action! It’s really hot! What do you reckon, Harry?”

The other boy was reading the story summaries that were on the screen.

"Hey, stop at that one,"Harry said pointing, "I want to read that."

Both Ron and Hermione turned to look at him in surprise, and he began to blush and stutter, "I…well...it...it looks interesting."

"It's bloke on bloke, mate," Ron pointed out, as if Harry had suddenly taken leave of his senses.

"Yeah...well...just you know....something different..." Harry said, trying to keep his voice casual. He turned towards the screen, but before he could begin reading, a deep voice full of silky menace sounded from behind.

"And what do we have here, hmmm? Our three most famous Gryffindors. King Weasley, Know-It-All Granger, and The Boy Who Lived To Annoy Me," Severus Snape said with evil glee, looking at their blushing faces and then over their heads to see what had them so flustered. He lifted an eyebrow as his eyes scanned the text. “Two men together? Why Miss Granger I never would have had you pegged as one of those women interested in male sex!”

Hermione stammered. “Th-That wasn’t me!” she squeaked indignantly. “It was Harry who wanted to read it!”

The black haired boy flushed brighter red than before and glowered at his friend. He turned his attention onto Snape’s face, and what he saw there surprised and intrigued him.

The older man had a becoming blush spreading across his cheeks. Abruptly he shot his hand out and twisted it into Harry’s robes, pulling the boy to his feet. Snape growled in a low voice, "I'll give you something to write about, Potter!" He brought his harsh face close to Harry’s and was then even closer, his lips urgently fastening on the boy’s, pulling him closer and closer to him.

Ron and Hermione both suddenly found the floor fascinating to stare fixedly at. When they looked up, Harry and the teacher had vanished into a small store room and suspicious noises were emerging from it.

Hermione muttered, “You can play music on these things too, you know,” and quickly searched for some downloads, anything to drown out the sounds coming from the cupboard.

Harry and Snape emerged later. The teacher swept past them without a glance, but Harry, with a misty, far-away look in his eyes, a silly grin on his swollen red lips, walked stiffly over to them looking thoroughly debauched.

He sat down with a wince and said dreamily, "I'm with you, Ron. Go with pure smut."