The Death Eater's Valentine

***No Canons for me, they hurt my ears. :)



CHAPTER ONE: Interviews With a Deatheater


Hermione looked at her watch again and scowled. He was late, again. She shoved a few files into her desk drawer and reclined in her chair, drumming her fingernails on the smooth surface of the desk as she waited. She shook her head slowly, her annoyance growing stronger with each passing minute.

For the last month she had been conducting interviews with the last living deatheater all because the ministry had decided that the history of the Dark Lord and his followers was important enough to warrant cataloguing. As the Ministry Archivist and Curator it had fallen to her to see to the unsavory task. Not that she minded the research or even learning more about Tom Riddle and his egomaniacal reign of terror, it was the interviews with him that were getting to her.

Lucius Malfoy was the sole remaining deatheater and unfortunately her most reliable source of information. Though he seemed to spend more time making jests at her expense than giving her information that would help her bring her project to a close. He seemed to think that she had nothing better to do with her time than sit in her office and wait for him. She made appointments with him every week but he rarely kept them, instead he would prance in whenever he felt like it and expect her to drop whatever she was doing to attend him.


It seemed things would not be changing as he was officially thirty minutes late for their meeting. She looked down at her desk and frowned slightly at the half eaten box of chocolates sitting there, a gift from Harry. It was Valentine’s Day and instead of getting ready to be wined and dined by some handsome wizard Hermione was sitting in her office waiting for a rather unpleasant pureblood to make an appearance.


“Arrogant bastard.” She muttered just as the door to her office opened and the blonde giant made his appearance.

“What was that?” He asked, one silver brow arched high over his artic blue eyes.

“Well what do you know, the old saying is true, speak of the devil and he appears.” Hermione said sarcastically as he removed his cloak with great flourish and hung it from a hook behind her door. “You are late, Lucius, again.”

“Were you missing me, Ms. Granger?” He asked, leaning his cane against the edge of her desk before seating himself and crossing his legs.

“The way one might miss a hole in the head.” She said, a tight smile on her face. “Did you perhaps consider that I might have plans for the evening? It is Valentine’s Day.” She frowned when the pernicious wizard started laughing.

“Absolutely not.” He said, smirking at her from across the desk. “From the looks of things you were heading home to your sad little flat to finish that box of sweets and drink a bottle of cheap wine while you read some disgustingly sappy novel about lost love or some other such nonsense.”

“You really are a bastard.” She snapped.

“My parents were married when I was created, so I am perfectly legitimate, little one. I notice you didn’t correct my assumptions.” He said, laughing once more at her expense.


“Shut up, Lucius, and let’s get this over with shall we?” She looked over the file and tried to get a better hold on her frustration. The man rubbed her the wrong way and he never failed to get a rise out of her, something he took great pleasure in doing.

“So what is on your list for tonight, little one?” Lucius asked, staring at the young witch as she perused her file. He actually enjoyed these little meetings with the little mudblood. Her determination and cleverness intrigued him, as well as that fiery temper she had such trouble reining in. She seemed rather volatile where he was concerned and he enjoyed her reactions to his goading.

“Well, I was to take you on a tour of the collections, get your feedback and stories surrounding some of the things we have acquired, but I don’t think we will be able to complete the entire tour today since you are always late.” She said, slamming the file closed.

“Now, now Ms. Granger, no use getting your knickers in a twist.” He said.


“The condition of my knickers is of no concern to you.” She said, pushing away from her desk. Lucius watched her with avid interest as she came around her desk and stood in front of him, arms crossed over her plump breasts, foot tapping as she glared down at him. “Are you coming or not?”


“As my lady commands.” Lucius drawled as he unfolded his long body from the chair to tower over her. “Lead the way, little one.”

“Stop calling me that.” She snapped, leading him from her office and down the long corridor, her heels clicking sharply on the black tiled floor.


“It is not meant to be offensive, little one. Just an observation, you are a mite…short.” He said, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly.

“No, I am average; you are just a bloody giant.” She said, withdrawing her wand from a special pocket sewn into her skirt. She unwarded the door and shoved it open, standing aside for Lucius to pass through. He stood just inside the darkened interior and waited patiently for the little spitfire to lead him to their destination.

He heard her close the door behind them and softly instruct the room to illuminate. He looked around in amazement at row after row of shelves filled with various objects.

“Now isn’t this interesting.” Lucius said, walking up to a shelf and investigating a collection of wands. He reached out for one that was encrusted with diamonds only to have Hermione slap his hand.

“Don’t touch anything.” She said, nearly laughing at the stunned expression on his face. “Come with me.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you are a bossy little witch?” He asked, following behind her and admiring the soft swing of her hips as she walked. The little witch had a soft curvy body that he couldn’t help but entertain lascivious thoughts about.

“I hear it daily from the boys. Keep up, Lucius, and stop ogling my backside.” She said, turning sharply around a corner and continuing down another long aisle.

“Then I would suggest you stop swinging your hips as you sashay in front of me, little one. Hard not to stare at something so plump waving in front of ones face.” He said.

“Did you just call me fat?” She asked, glaring at him over her shoulder before taking him on another turn down yet another long aisle way.

“No, I implied that you have a rather plump bottom, not that it is a bad thing. Always did prefer women with a little more meat on their bones.” He said thoughtfully.

“My bottom is not what we are here to discuss.” She said, wondering why he insisted on being so suggestive and bold when he addressed her. What bothered her was that it didn’t offend her in the slightest.

“Well at the moment your bottom is all that I see, therefore it is what we shall discuss. Skinny flat women don’t appeal to me much…would be like shagging one’s wand.” Hermione stopped suddenly and Lucius nearly slammed into her back as she turned around to stare up at him incredulously. “I much prefer bouncing off of a nice cushy bottom that leaves no bruises.”

“Why would you think this information would be of any interest to me?” She asked. “And why do you feel it necessary to converse with me so inappropriately? Do you address all women in such a forward manner or is it just me?”


“Just you.” He said, a slight sneer on his face. “I would never subject a pureblood witch to such vulgar conversation.”

“I see, we are back to the pureblood/mudblood dynamic are we?” She asked, turning around and continuing on to her destination. “I wonder how you would feel were I to suddenly decide to verbally express my opinions on the various aspects of your…wand.”


“Nonsense, you have never seen my wand therefore you would have no idea what you were talking about.” He said, smiling at the saucy little witch’s cheek as they rounded another corner.


“Oh I can imagine.” She said.


“And I am sure you have.” Lucius drawled. She came to a halt outside another door and flashed him another of her glares before she opened the door and led him into a perfect recreation of Tom Riddle’s cave/home. “Bloody fucking hell.” He said softly, looking around in amazement.

“It is exactly as we found it.” She said, watching him as he looked all around the familiar setting.

“I can see that.” He said, walking over to throne that dominated the center of the room. Hand carved serpents wound about the arms and legs of the black frame, and silver snakes were embroidered into the black velvet cushion. “He thought himself king.” Lucius drawled, running his fingers over the arm of the chair.

“He thought himself a lot of things.” She said softly. She started when she heard the loud clicking and then the soft boom of the wards surrounding the ministry building. “Oh no!” She said, a horrified expression on her face.

“What is it?” Lucius asked, his attention drawn from the room and back on her.

“Business hours are over…the ministry is closed.” She said, her eyes wide.

“Not a problem, we can just apparate out when we are finished.” Lucius said, shrugging as though it were no problem.


“That’s impossible…the ministry wards will not allow it.” She said, looking around in a panic.


“Since when?” He asked, attempting to disapparate only to receive a jolt for his effort.

“Since a group of children and deatheaters decided to battle it out and destroy the department of mysteries several years ago!” Hermione snapped.

“Oh yes…I remember.” He smiled, recalling the incident. “So what do we do?”

“Nothing, it seems that you and I are locked in this cave until morning.” Hermione said, a look of pure rage on her face.

“Now isn’t that….interesting.” Lucius drawled, his silver eyes flashing as he seated himself in the ostentatious throne. “However will we pass the time, little one?”

*** **** **** ***** **** **** ******


Was in the middle of a DM/HG fic when this wouldnt leave me alone.....decided I had to write it so I could focus on the ferret. :)