Wizard Idol

Wizard Idol

Loony Lovegood was getting ready for the new Wizard Idol show. She was checking her radish earrings and her makeup. She smiled a pale-blue lipped smile into the mirror before staring into space and waiting. Only a moment later somebody came in to tell the TV show host that she was on in ten seconds.

Loony walked onto the stage to wait. Ten seconds were soon up and the cameras were rolling.

“Hello everybody and welcome to Wizard Idol!” Loony said dreamily. “Let’s meet our judges shall we?” Loony walked over to the three judges and pointed at each one as she said her name. “This old geezer is the one and only Albus Dumbledore!”

“Hello everybody!” said Dumbles cheerily. “Lemon drop anybody?”

“This prestigious man is the fudgey minister himself, Cornelius Fudge!” Loony continued.

“Hello everybody! Vote for me next term!” the Fudgey man said.

“And this young women here is Hermione Granger,” announced Loony.

Before Hermione could say anything Loony cut her off with her next announcement. “Now is everybody ready for our first contestant?!” Loony asked the audience.

The audience all said things along the line of ‘yes’ so she began the show for real.

“Will everybody please welcome our resident dark lord and golden boy, Voldemort and Harry Potter singing ‘Smack That’ by Akon and Eminem!”

The two mentioned waved and got set. Voldemort started singing where Akon sang.

“[Voldemort:]
Harry
Dark Lord
Upfront
Voldie
Harry Potter

I see the one, because she be that lady! Hey!
I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Why don't you jump in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me

[Chorus (2X):]
Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oh!

Upfront style ready to attack now
Pull in the parking lot slow with the lac down
Convicts got the whole thing packed now
Step in the club now and wardrobe intact now!
I feel it down and cracked now (ooh)
I see it dull and backed now
I'm gonna call her, than I pull the mack down
Money no problem, pocket full of that now!

I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Why don't you jump in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me

[Chorus (2x)]

[Harry:]

Ooh...Looks like another club banger
They better hang on when they throw this thing on
Get a little drink on
They gonna flip for this Voldie shit
You can bank on it!
Pedicure, manicure kitty-cat claws
The way she climbs up and down them poles
Looking like one of them putty-cat dolls
Trying to hold my woodie back through my draws
Steps upstage didn't think I saw
Creeps up behind me and she's like "You're!"
I'm like ya I know lets cut to the chase
No time to waste back to my place
Plus from the club to the crib it's like a mile away
Or more like a palace, shall I say
Plus I got pal if your gal is game
In fact he is the one singing the song that's playing
"Voldie!"

[Voldemort:]
I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Why don't you jump in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me

[Chorus]

Harry is rollin', d and em rollin' bo
And all marvelous them rolling
Women just holding big booty rolling'
Soon I'll be on Harry throwing "D!"
Hitting no less than "Three!"
Block wheel style like "Whee!"
Girl I can tell you want me because lately

I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Why don't you jump in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me

[Chorus]”

“That was Lord Voldie and Harry Potter folks! So judges, how were they?” Loony asked the judges.

“They were excellent like lemon drops,” says Dumbles.

“They were acceptable,” says Fudge.

“They suck,” says Hermione.

Loony turns back to the stage. “Now for our next contestant… Severus Snape singing the song ‘Don’t Cha’ by Pussycat Dolls! C’mon Snapey, don’t be shy.”

Snape comes onto the stage and starts to sing.

“
[Busta Rhymes]
OK (ahh)
Yeah (ahh)
Oh, we about to get it just a lil hot and sweaty in this mu'fucka (oh, baby)
Ladies let's go (uhh)
Soldiers let's go (dolls)
Let me talk to y'all and just you know
Give you a little situation... listen (fellas)

[Buster Rhymes]
Pussycat Dolls
Ya see this shit get hot
Everytime I come through when I step up in the spot (are you ready)
Make the place sizzle like a summertime cookout
Prowl for the best chick
Yes I'm on the lookout (let's dance)
Slow banging shorty like a belly dancer with it
Smell good, pretty skin, so gangsta with it (oh, baby)
No tricks only diamonds under my sleeve
Gimme the number
But make sure you call before you leave

[Pussycat Dolls]
I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
That's why whenever I come around
She's all over you (she's all over you)
I know you want it (I know you want it)
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be on with me (babe)

[Chorus:]
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?

Fight the feeling (fight the feeling)
Leave it alone (leave it alone)
'Cause if it ain't love
It just ain't enough to leave my happy home (my happy home)
Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly)
You have to play fair (you have to play fair)
See I don't care
But I know she ain't gonna wanna share

[Chorus:]
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?

[Busta Rhymes]
OK, I see how it's goin' down (ahh, don't cha)
Seems like shorty wanna little menage pop off or something (let's go)
Well let me get straight to it
Every broad wan watch a nigga when I come through it
It's the god almighty, looking all brand new
If shorty wanna jump in my ass then vanquish
Looking at me all like she really wanna do it
Tryna put it on me till my balls black an blueish
Ya wanna play wit ah playa girl then play on
Strip out the Chanel
And leave the lingerie on
Watch me and I'mma watch you at the same time
Looking at ya wan break my back
You're the very reason why I keep a pack ah the Magnum
An wit the wagon hit chu in the back of tha magnum
For the record, don't think it was something you did
Shorty all on me cause it's hard to resist the kid
I got a idea that's dope for y'all
As y'all could get so I could hit the both of y'all

[Pussycat Dolls]
I know she loves you (I know she loves you)
I understand (I understand)
I'd probably be just as crazy about you
If you were my own man
Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then old friend
Your secret is safe with me

[Chorus:]
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?”

All was quiet for a moment before Loony started talking again. “So judges, how was he?”

“Excellent like lemon drops,” said Dumbles.

“Acceptable,” said Fudge.

“He sucks,” said Hermione.

Snape left. “Now for out next contestant, Sirius Black singing ‘Animals’ by Nickelback. C’mon out doggy man!”

Sirius runs out onto the stage grinning like a madman. He was sure he would when this. He started to sing the song.

“I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight
I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out
I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing
Screamin'

[CHORUS]
No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in

You're beside me on the seat
Got your hand between my knees
And you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze
It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear
But I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears
By now, no doubt that we were heading south
I guess nobody ever taught her not to speak with a full mouth
'Cause this was it, like flicking on a switch
It felt so good I almost drove into the ditch
I'm screamin'

[CHORUS]

So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Look at the trouble we're in

We were parked out by the tracks
We're sitting in the back
And we just started getting busy
When she whispered "what was that?"
The wind, I think 'cause no one else knows where we are
And that was when she started screamin'
"That's my dad outside the car!"
Oh please, the keys, they're not in the ignition
Must have wound up on the floor while
we were switching our positions
I guess they knew that she was missing
As I tried to tell her dad it was her mouth that I was kissing
Screamin'

[CHORUS]

So come on baby, get in
We're just a couple of animals
Get in, just get in
Ain't nothing wrong with it
Check out the trouble we're in
Get in, just get in”

“That was Sirius. So judgies, how was doggy man?”

“Excellent like lemon drops,” said Dumbles.

“Acceptable,” said Fudgy man.

“He sucks,” said Hermione.

“Oookay… Plz say something different each time. It gets really old. Bye bye Sirius,” Loony said as Sirius leaves the stage. “Next up is Ginny Weasley singing ‘Girlfriend’ by Avril Lavigne. C’mon Ginny!”

Ginny bounced onto the stage smiling and waving before beginning her song.

“
[Chorus]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
No, it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

[Verse 1]
You’re so fine
I want you mine
You’re so delicious
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And Hell Yeah
I’m the motherfucking princess
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right

[Bridge:]
She’s like so whatever
And you could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!

[Chorus:]
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
That's Right! No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

[Verse 2]
I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again
(And again and again and again!)

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

Hey! Hey! You! You!
I know that you like me
No way! No way!
You know it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I want to be your girlfriend

In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
She’s so stupid
What the hell were you thinking?!
[repeat]

[Chorus]”

“Thank you Ginny for that wonderful performance. If it doesn’t work out with you and Harry Snape says to call him,” Loony said.

“No I did not!” Snape called angrily from backstage.

“Anyway, judges?” Loony said.

“Acceptable,” said Dumbles.

“Excellent like lemon drops,” said Fudge.

“She sucked,” said Hermione.

Ginny went backstage with the rest.

Loony shrugged. “Works for me. Our next contestants are Fred and George Weasley singing ‘Because of You’ by Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson. Get in here you to pranksters!”

Fred and George came bounding out from backstage and advertised for their shop a bit. Then they started singing the unexpected song.

“I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you”

“Yet another good song. When will this end. No seriously, when will this end? My throat hurts as do my feet. I can’t wait until the break. Aaanyway… judges, please do some judging,” Loony said and pointed at the judges.

“Very, very good,” said Dumbles.

“Yes, just as he said. Very good,” said Fudge.

“They sucked,” said Hermione.

“Yeah… next up is Peter Pettigrew singing ‘Ridin’’ by Chamillionaire. C’mon out!”

Peter walks out slowly and starts singing his song with confidence despite his appearance.

“[Chorus]
They see me rollin
They hatin
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud
I'm swangin
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

[Verse 1 - Chamillionaire]
Police think they can see me lean
I'm tint so it ain't easy to be seen
When you see me ride by they can see the glean
And my shine on the deck and the TV screen
Ride with a new chick, she like hold up
Next to the playstation controller is a full clip and my pistola
Turn a jacker into a coma
Girl you ain't know, I'm crazy like Krayzie Bone
Just tryin to bone ain't tryin to have no babies
Rock clean itself so I pull in ladies
Laws of patrolling you know they hate me
Music turned all the way up until the maximum
I can speak for some niggas tryin to jack for some
But we packin somethin that we have and um will have a nigga locked up in the maximum
Security cell, I'm grippin oak
Music loud and tippin slow
Twist and twistin like hit this dough
Pull up from behind and is in his throat
Windows down gotta stop pollution
CDs change niggas like who is that producing?
This the Play-N-Skillz when we out and cruisin
Got warrants in every city except Houston but I'm still ain't losin

[Chorus]

[Verse 2 - Krayzie Bone]
I been drinkin and smokin holdin shit cause a brother can't focus
I gotta get to home 'fore the po po's scope this big ol Excursion swerving all up in the curve man
Nigga been sippin on that Hennessey and the gin again is in again we in the wind
Doin a hundred while I puff on the blunt
And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain't givin a fuck
I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls
Roll a nigga tree, green leaves and all
Comin pretty deep, me and my do-jo
I gotta get back to backstreets
Wanted by the six pound and I got heat glock glock shots to the block we creep creep
Pop Pop hope cops don't see me, on a low key
With no regards for the law we dodge em like fuck em all
But I won't get caught up and brought up on charges for none of y'all
Keep a gun in car, and a blunt to spark, but well if you want, nigga you poppin dark
Ready or not we bust shots off in the air Krayzie Bone and Chamillionaire

[Chorus]

[Verse 3 - Chamillionaire]
Do what you thinkin so, I tried to let you go
Turn up a blink of light and I swang it slower
A nigga upset for sure cause they think they know that they catchin me with plenty of the drink and dro
So they get behind me tryin to check my tags, look at my rearview and they smilin
Thinkin they'll catch me on the wrong well keep tryin
Cause they denyin is racial profiling
Houston, TX you can check my tags
Pull me over try to check my slab
Glove compartment gotta get my cash
Cause the crooked cops try to come up fast
And been a baller that I am I talk to them, giving a damn bout not feeling my attitude
When they realize I ain't even ridin dirty bet you'll be leavin with an even madder mood
I'mma laugh at you then I'mma have to cruise I'm in number two on some more DJ Screw
You can't arrest me plus you can't sue
This a message to the laws tellin them WE HATE YOU
I can't be touched or tell 'em that they shoulda known
Tippin' down, sittin' crooked on my chrome
Bookin' my phone, tryin' to find a chick I wanna bone
Like they couldn't stop me I'mma 'bout to pull up at your home and it's on

[Chorus 2x]”

Everybody was silent for after his song to before they burst into applause.

“Wow Peter, I think you did great. Now to the judges before we have our well deserved break. Judgey dudes?” said Loony.

“Astounding,” said Dumbles.

“Interesting,” said Fudge.

“He sucks,” said Hermione.

“Now it’s break time. We will be right back folks. See ya!” said Loony.

Commercials came on. Loony went back stage followed by Peter. In a corner Loony could see Harry and Tom making out and Ginny staring at them with jealousy. The teachers that were on the show were talking and Mad-Eye Moody was practicing his song.

Loony sat down in her favorite armchair and conjured a tub of hot water. For the rest of the break she let her feet sit in the scolding water. Commercials were over far to soon for her feet but she was, other then her feet, ready to get out there and announce.

“And we’re back. Hope ya’ll didn’t get to bored with the commercials. Now I guess you’re all ready for out next contestant right? Right? Well, next up is… Minerva McGonagall singing ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ by Guns-N-Roses. Get in here Minnie!”

“Don’t call me that,” Minnie said as she walked on the stage. She then began to sing.

“Welcome to the jungle
We got fun 'n' games
We got everything you want
Honey we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money honey
We got your disease


Chorus:


In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,n,,n,n,,n knees, knees
I wanna watch you bleed


Welcome to the jungle
We take it day by day
If you want it you're gonna bleed
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you won't get them for free
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my, my serpentine
I, I wanna hear you scream


Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here everyday
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll take it eventually
You can have anything you want
But you better not take it from me


Chorus


And when you're high you never
Ever want to come down, so down, so down, so down YEAH!


You know where you are
You're in the jungle baby
You're gonna die
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your shu n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,,n knees, knees
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my, my serpentine
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,,n,n,,n.n, knees, knees
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
It's gonna bring you down!
Ha!”

“Excellent Minnie! Judgey dudes?” said Loony.

“Brilliant Minerva!” said Dumbles.

“Just as he said, brilliant,” said Fudge.

“She sucked,” said Hermione.

“Yeah, whatever. Now on to our next contestant, Arthur Weasley singing ‘Firecracker’ by Josh Turner. Hit it Arthur!” Loony said.

Arthur ran in smiling and started to sing.

“Yeeeaaahhhh

When I look in her eyes
It aint no surprise
Sparks start a flyin like the 4th of July

She gets me so hot, my heart starts a pumpin
When we get to kissin, there aint no stoppin'

When it comes to love
She aint no slacker
My little darlin is a firecracker

When I light the fuse
I gotta get back quick
You gotta be careful with a dynamite stick

Son of a gun she fun to handle
And she packs a punch like a roman candle
She a pack of black cats in a red paper wrapper
My little darlin is a firecracker

Chorus:
We might not ought to take a roll in the hay
Cause we'd burn the barn down one of these days
Were a match made in heaven
And it aint no joke.
But Id sure I hate to see it go up in smoke

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.

She goes off with a great big BANG
Boys I tell ya its a beautiful thing
She takes off you better hang on tight

Shes a blonde bottle rocket
In the middle of the night
[ Firecracker lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

When she makes love shes a Heart attacker
My little darlin is a Firecracker

Chrous:
We might not ought to take a roll in the hay
Cause we'd burn the barn down one of these days
Were a match made in heaven
And it aint no joke.
But Id sure I hate to see it go up in smoke

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.

Uhhh Haaa

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.

Shes a Firecracker
Shes the light of my Life

Firecracker
Firecracker

Whooooo hoooo

Firecracker
Firecracker

BANG

Firecracker
Firecracker”

“Great job Mr. W! Judges, what do you think?”

“A great job Arthur, a great job indeed!” said Dumbles.

“As he said, great job,” said Fudge.

“He sucked,” said Hermione.

“Our next contestant is wife of Arthru Weasley, Molly Weasley singing ‘My Humps’ by Black Eyed Peas! Get you’re butt out here Mrs. W!” said Loony.

Molly comes out from backstage in smiles though a little green after watching Harry and Voldie making out. She started to sing.

“What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,

She's got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let's spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I'm really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can't touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don't pull on my hand boy,
You ain't my man, boy,
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got you,

She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) [x4]

She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

[Will.i.am]
So real [x17]”

“Good job Molly. Sure didn’t expect that song from you but great job anyway. Juuuudges?” said Loony.

“Excellent job Molly,” said Dumbles.

“As he said, excellent job,” said Fudge.

“She sucked,” said Hermione.

“Right. Our next contestant is none other the ex-auror, Mad-Eye Moody singing ‘Sexyback’ by Justin Timberlake.

“[Verse 1]
I’m bringing sexy back
Them other boys don’t know how to act
I think you're special, what's behind your back?
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.

Take 'em to the bridge

[Bridge]
Dirty babe
You see the shackles
Baby I’m your slave
I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave
It’s just that no one makes me feel this way

Take 'em to the chorus

[Chorus]
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you’re working with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it
[Repeat 6 times]

Get your sexy on

[Verse 2]
I’m bringing sexy back
Them other fuckers don’t know how to act
Come let me make up for the things you lack
'Cause you're burning up I gotta get it fast

Take 'em to the bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I’m bringing sexy back
You mother fuckers watch how I attack
If that’s your girl you better watch your back
Cause she’ll burn it up for me and that’s a fact

Take 'em to the chorus

[Chorus]”

For the third time that day everybody was silent before Loony started talking again. “Wow, that was great Moody. Judges, what do ya’ll think?” Loony said.

“Um… good job,” said Dumbles.

“What he said,” said Fudge.

“He sucked,” said Hermione.

Moody just grunted and walked back into the back.

“Next contestant is Lucius Malfoy singing ‘Dance, Dance’ by Fall Out Boy. C’mon out Lucy!”

“Don’t call me that,” said the blonde aristocrat before singing his song.

“She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
A joke of a romantic stuck to my tongue
And weighed down with words too overdramatic
Tonight it's "it cant get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like.."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I write them
I need them just to get by
We will own your thoughts
We'll own the songs stuck in your head
We'll leave you kicking and screaming so you can thank us in the end

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance this is the way they'd look
If they knew how misery loved me


into bed with me)

You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call
Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I write them
I need them just to get by

Why don't you show me a little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (with love)

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you love to lead
Dance this is the way they'd look
If they knew how misery loved me

Why don't you show me a little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (with love)
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance”

“Thank you Lucy. Very good. ‘Bout time you loosened up. Judges?” Loony said.

“Excellent,” said Dumbles.

“What he said,” said Fudgey man.

“He sucked,” said Hermione.

“Yeah. Well our last, and maybe least, contestant is about to come up. Bye bye Lucy! Time for Ferret Face!” said Loony.

“Hey!” came the indignant reply from backstage.

“Okay, Draco Malfoy!”

Draco rolled his eyes as he walked on stage.

“He’s singing ‘Fergalicious’ by Fergie! Sissy…”

Draco just turned up his nose like a big snob and acted as though it didn’t affect him, though his face turned that nice rosy red color. He then began to sing his (sissy) song.

“Four, Tres, Two, Uno

Listen up y'all
cuz this is it
The beat that I'm banging is delicious
[Verse 1]
Fergalicious definition make the boys go loco
They want my treasures so they get their pleasures from my photo
You can see me ( you can't squeeze me )
I ain't easy ( I ain't sleazy )
I got reasons ( why I tease 'em )
Boys just come and go like seasons Fergalicious ( so delicious )
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that **** is fictitious
I blow kisses
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got

[Chorus:]
So delicious It's hot, hot
It's so delicious
I put them boys on rock, rock
It's so delicious
They want a taste of what I got
I'm Fergalicious T-t-t-t-t-t- Tasty, Tasty

[Verse 2]
Fergalicious def (x3)
Fergalicious definition make them boys go crazy
They always claim they know me Comin' to me call me Stacy ( Hey Stacy )
I'm the F to the E-R-G the I the E
And can't no other lady put it down like me
I'm Fergalicious ( so delicious )
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym
just working on my fitness
He's my witness
I put your on boy rock, rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch
what I got

[Chorus:]
So delicious It's hot, hot
It's so delicious
I put them boys on rock, rock
It's so delicious
They want a taste of what I got
I'm Fergalicious H-h-h-h-h-h hold up!
Check it out!

Baby (x3)
If you really want me Honey
get some patience Baby
then you'll get a taste Of my tasty
tasty I'll be lassed with lassy It's so tasty tasty
It'll make you go crazy
T to the A to S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty
T to the A to S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty
D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
to the D to the E to the,
to the To the to the, hit it Fergie

[Verse 3]
All the time I turn around,
brothers gather 'round
Always looking at me up and down Looking at my uhhhh
I just want to say It now
I ain't tryin' to 'round up
drama little mama
I don't wanna take your man
And I know I'm coming off
just a little bit conceited
And I keep on repeatin' how the boys
want to eat it But I'm tryin' to tell
that I can't be treated like clientele
Cuz they say she delicious ( so delicious )

But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that **** is fictitious
I blow kisses
That puts them boys on rock, rock
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got

Four, Tres, Two, Uno
My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym
just working on my fitness
He's my witness
I put your boy rock, rock
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got

It's so delicious (x3)
I'm Fergalicious T-t-t-t tasty ,tasty
It's so delicious (x3)
I'm Fergalicious T-t-t-t

T to the A to S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty T
to the A to S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty T
to the A to S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty T
to the A to S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty
Four, Tres, Two, Uno
D to the E
to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
to the D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
to the D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
to the D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
to the D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S
(x2)”

“He he… sissy,” giggled Luna “Judges?”

“Sissy, positively sissy,” said Dumbles.

“Yup,” said Fudgey man.

“He sucked,” said Hermione.

“Well that’s our show for today. Don’t forget to vote on who you want to get kicked off. Now I have to go in the back and watch Voldie and Harry make out. Just don’t tell anybody I told you that. See you next time. Bye!” said Loony before running backstage after a brightly blushing Draco.


A/N: Ha ha ha ha! I still can’t get over Snape singing that song! Anyway, usual thing. Like it, love it, hate it? Plz review! Don’t forget to vote on who you want voted off. I kick two off each chapter. Vote for any two you want off! See ya next chappie!