Shades Of Gray

Why was it so complicated?


All of it was so complicated.


Every feeling ever felt


Every thought ever thought...


Everything was so…is so…fucking complicated.


Shades of gray…


Shades of blue…


Shades of pink…


Gold…


Purple…


Red…


Green…


Red…


Gold…


Green…


But never black…


Never white…


Just…


Complicated.


It’s never been


You and me


Equals


Love


It never follows


Those fucking lines


In those goddamn


Songs


Or


Books


Or


Those bloody long moving pictures


Muggles call


Movies.


Oh no.


And yet,


We listen to them


And read them


And watch them.


Because


We need those colors.


Those specified


Labels.


Because everything is so


Fucking


Gray.


I hate it


When


Writers


And directors


And singers


Screw with those ideas.


Screw with that black and white.


That one


Singular


Uncomplication


That I have.


You


Are my biggest complication


And my biggest


Uncomplication.


You


Are my black and white


And my shades of gray


And every other fucking color


In-between.


And dammit if you don’t know it.


You always know it.


Those


Eyes.


Those beautiful deadly


Uncomplicated


Complicated


Emerald


Pine


Sage


Chartreuse


Oh-so-achingly


Green


Eyes.

That


Skin.


That smooth silky


Complicated


Uncomplicated


Bronze


Chestnut


Ginger


Russet


Sepia


Skin.

And that damn hair.


That unruly


Lusciously thick


Charcoal


Inky


Sooty


Sable


Raven


Hair.

It’s funny somehow,


You’re so opposite from me


You are the visionary of black to my delusory white


Which is a contradiction


In itself


You the are the authentic white


And I am the undeniable black.


Or so they say.


But it’s more


Complicated then that.


Far more complicated.

The first time was a fluke


We were fighting


As always


And somehow


Some way


My lips brushed yours


And never


In all my life


Had I ever felt


Anything like that.


Like the calm before a storm


And the wildness during it


And the serenity afterwards.


An accident


---an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap.---

The second time


Was another fluke


Another accident


But it felt like before…


Like waiting for something wonderful


And then receiving it


And then basking in the outcome.


But


Still it was only


A mishap


---an unfortunate accident.---

The third time though


Everything blurred


And it was fast


But incredibly slow


Something that will always


Go on


But ended far to quickly.


You were so careful.


Like I would break.


A spark of lips


And a trace of skin


Clothes pulled off as if on fire


And then time slowed


And if the world were a “movie”


The camera angle would change


And it would circle around us


Taking in everything


That only makes sense when you experience it.


You pulled me to you


And we kissed.


---Oh god but how we kiss.


Like the world is ending.


Be it rough or soft


Biting or lush.


Always like the world


Will fall away.---


And then I was on my back,


Which is odd


For who I am.


But it felt right.


Right there.


You made me feel


Dominated


But not less.


Like your equal.


Somehow.


You’re so bloody


White that way.


And you moved down my body


And licked


And bit


Sucked and


Kissed.


My eyebrows


My eyelids


My cheeks


My chin


My neck


My chest


My stomach


My hips


My thighs


My knees


My calves


My ankles


---who knew that would be so sensual---


And even the arch of my foot.


---Throw back my head and


Gasping


Didn’t seem to be enough


But that was all I could think to do.


The


Whole


Time.---


And then you moved back up to


My finger-tips


And


My knuckles


---each one---


My palm


The back of my hand


Wrists


Forearm


Soft skin of my elbows


---turned out to be an stimulating spot for me---


My biceps


And my ears.


Merlin but my ears.


Were you to stay there long enough


I was certain I would have come


Right then and there.


Your hands gripped my shoulders


And hauled me up


---My back doing that


Lovely


Feminine


Arching move


You seem so very found of.---


My mouth sought yours,


And was found.


Movement.

A gentle caress

Of the most strong muscle in the human body.


You nibbled at my

---soft pink –your words not mine---


Lower lip


And sucked it into your mouth.


---To this day you still swear nothing tastes sweeter then I do---


And then,


---Even now I never really feel you there


Not as if your preparing me anyway.---


You were inside of me.


You


The very part of you that makes you


All man.


Was inside of me.


And nothing


---on my oath of whatever you can trust me as---


ever felt, feels, that good.


That wonderful.


That uncomplicated complication.


That primitive modern


Surreal realistic…


…


Feeling.


My legs on your shoulders,


You gripping my thighs


Kissing my calf now and again


Sometimes as if it were my mouth.


Crystal sweat rolling down your chest,


The fire glinting off of it


As if to reflect it as


The most precious of stones


Or liquid clear life.


Whimper


Moan


Breath hitching


Crying out


Groaning.


Useless words


For an act of


Pricelessness.


Golden skin,


Blazing eyes


And a smile


That I am certain had been hiding for years.


And it's returned


Gracing a face ---my face--- that was certain it would never grace.


Your throat arches,


That pretty smile


Changes


To an expression of almost lost bliss


Your eyes close


And


A word spills from your lips


One word


And it’s my name.


And then


An explosion


Shattering


Blasting into a million fragments


Knowing you’ll catch every piece


And put me back together.


But not in the order of who I was


Some one better.


Some one more.


No more pure.


But even then I knew


I was just more.


Every time after that,


It was different.


More experience,


More knowledge


Just more.


Never enough.


And the more there is.


The more we know.


And the more I find


There is no


visionary of black


Or


delusory white


Nor is there


An authentic white


Or an


undeniable black.


No.


We are the very


Definition


---answer, characterization, clarification, explanation, individuation, interpretation, key, representation, solution, translation---


Of


Shades of Gray.

We are,


The


Shades of Gray.