Lucius\'s Toilet\'s Problems
Lucius's Toilet's Problems
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Lucius's Toilet's Problems
Disclaimer:
The character of Lucius Malfoy belongs to J.K.Rowling. I am only borrowing him
for a while. No copyright transgressions are intended and no profit is made.
We
all think that Lucius isn't affraid of anything. Well... it's wrong. Look what
he's wrote in his secret diary besides other things. We know that he's always
neat and glamorous. And what he fears then? Well... being smelly, of course.
This is what he's wrote about what he hates when he's in the toilet. How I get
this? Better don't ask.
Ghost
Shit
You know
you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the toilet bowl.
I think then my magic wand was somehow slip in the bowl when I wasn't lookin'
and cause this. Then I remember – I don't take wand with me in the toilet.
Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so
slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. Or even smell it. No traces of
shit on the toilet paper, so you have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you
did it!
Gooey Shit
This has the
consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 15 times and it still doesn't come
clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it.
This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. Dobby hates when it happens.
This is my favorite torture for him. Lick 'till it's shiny and sparkly!
Second Thought Shit
You're all
done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize
it.....you've got some more. I hate when this happend. It's usually when I'm
late to be with Death Eaters.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is
the kind of shit that killed that muggle singer Elvis. It doesn't come until
you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. When I come up,
Narcissa always thinks that I had sex with some wench in the toilet. That's way
everyone thinks that I'm a great lover. If they knew the real truth...
Right Now Shit
You better
be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get
your pants down.
Mega Shit
This shit is
so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into
smaller chunks. I unusually love to break this kind of shit with my magic wand.
This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit
hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet. I'm glad
when this happens in clean toilets where no one were there before me. Who knows
what illness I might have if someone didn't flushed the toilet. Brrr...
Wish Shit
You sit
there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit! Oh, I hate those!
Cement Block or Oh Merlin Shit
You wish
you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.
Snake Shit
This shit is
fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
I didn't hate snakes until then. I can't even watch my snake shape tattoo.
Cork Shit (
Shit
Even after
the third flush, it's still floating in there. My gods! How do I get rid of it?
This shit usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican ( Muggle's Food ) Shit (
You'll know
it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning. And fuck myself in
the ass, of course.
Beer Drunk Shit
This happens
the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but
this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom
( I hope it's not some woman. ) This kind of shit also usually happens at
someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of
shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Bungee Shit
The kind of
shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water. And again my
ass is wet.
The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of
shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of
a cigarette lighter. I know then how Narcissa feels when I fuck her in the ass.
The Crippler
The kind of
shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the
waist down. Thank Merlin for my cane.
The Big Bobber
The kind of
shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the
surface.
The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of
shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's
normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of
shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out. That's why I
depilated ass area. Who knows when would happen again?
The Party Pooper
The giant
shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as
the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of
shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then
you wake up in some strange place.
The kind of
shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche -
but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl. And me,
damn it! When Narcissa saw brown stains I always tell her that I fell. That's
why I often go with cane in public.
The Windy City Shit
When you sit
down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.
Thank Merlin for deodorans!
Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so
much and wipe your ass so furiously that you run out of toilet paper and you
say OH SHIT! Narcissa and her bad cooking!
The Never Ending Shit
It's the
shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start
wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This
always happens after eating chicken Narcissa made it.
Ouch That Hurt! Shit
The type of
shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat.
Sensation usually lasts hours. Thanks to Merlin that I enjoy anal fucking,
because who knows how will I felt if I don't.
Dear readers, I hope you like it. I know it's
strange to put this joke like a story, but why not? Everything for your laugh!