The Draco Horror Picture Show

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The Draco Horror Picture Show

Harry sat leisurely in his magisterial chair, with Ron, Hermione and Ginny standing ornamentally around him and thirty something guests mingling about the Great Hall.

Ever since Dumbledore died Harry put off finding the remaining Horcruxes for a while in order to make is one dream a reality.

To become a gothic transvestite and have everyone dress up with him. Also to create the perfect male specimen.

Once Harry announced that he was gay, everyone merely shrugged or clapped him on the back and told him it was time he admitted he was gay. Harry was a little peeved that his coming out was expected among everyone. Especially when finding out some of the Houses had bets going about when he would come out of the closet.

Harry brushed it off for there were more important things to achieve.

The crowed mingled on as Harry sat side ways on his chair, legs crossed looking into a mirror and checking to see if his eye shadow was dramatic enough.

“How do I look, Hermione?” He inquired, still gazing into the mirror.

“You look fine, fabulous, oh wow.” Hermione replied unenthusiastically.

Harry averted his eyes to Hermione, “Unbutton your blouse a bit more, I’m not seeing enough cleavage.”

Hermione exasperated and undid another button. Ron glanced.

“Ron, how you holding up?” Harry asked adjusting his fishnet stockings.

“Apart from looking like a sodding freak wearing this massive hump on my back and having to see my best mate wearing tights, an afro wig and make-up, I’m holding up brilliantly!” Ron said dully.

“I’m so glad everyone’s enjoying themselves!” Harry announced gaily, swinging his legs girlishly.

“You didn’t ask how I was doing!” Snapped Ginny, her top hat teetering dangerously atop her head.

“Oh, no, Ginny darling, you’re more of an ornamental character.” Harry said sweetly, waving a, laced arm banned, hand about airily.

Ginny huffed, crossing her arms heatedly. “Well I can’t wait for this demented FANTASY of yours do be over with so we can go on with our normal lives!”

When noticing Harry wasn’t paying attention to her, she shouted “AND THAT WIG IS ATROCIOUS!”

Harry simpered, “Somebody’s cranky.” He said in a sing-song voice while touching up his lipstick for the umpteenth time.

Ginny smacked her lips irritably, “I’m getting a drink.” She said stonily and stomped off.

Harry finished applying his fifteenth coat of lipstick, “Where’d Ginny go?” he asked finally noticing her absence.

“Harry!” Hermione snapped.

“Yes, dear?”

“You are being unbelievably awful and rude! I’m appalled at how you’ve just treated, Ginny.”

“Huh?” Harry replied dumbly, looking quite ridiculous.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Think you’re taking your fantasy a little too seriously. You’re becoming this THING who disregards other people’s feelings and I want you to stop before I throttle you!”

Harry primed his wig absently, “Fine. I’m sorry, there. Happy?”

Hermione curled her fist in a ball and was about to punch Harry in the eye, when Neville suddenly shambled toward Harry’s throne.

“Harry! There’s someone requesting entrance to your unveiling, their name isn’t on the list.” He said, as he desperately held one arm up to balance his enormous feathered head dress.

Seeing Harry dressed up in an afro wig, make-up, fishnets, corset and heels was disturbing enough, but seeing Neville dressed to the nines in a Las Vegas Showgirls costume was absolutely abysmal.

“Did he give you his name?” Harry inquired philosophically.

“He said it was Dudley and there was another man standing with him.”

Harry jumped out of his seat horror stricken. “What?”

Harry fled to the door, gesturing Hermione and Ron to follow. Harry’s high heels clicked as he neared the door.

There, out side the door, behind the red velvet ropes, stood Harry’s cousin Dudley, looking quite frightened and petrified.

Dudley groaned once he saw Harry, possibly to repress the urge to throw up.

“Dudley!” Harry exclaimed. “How did you get here? Muggles aren’t supposed to detect-“

Harry trailed off noticing the cloaked figure standing ominously behind Dudley, “Who are you?”

The cloaked figure pulled down his hood. Harry, Hermione and Ron gasped.

“Professor Lupin!” Hermione said.

“Harry, I’m here to put an end to this catastro - er…are you wearing a corset?” Lupin inquired incredulously, looking quite horrified as he took in the damaging sight of Harry.

Harry put his arm akimbo. “I am.” He said defensively.

“Wow…okay, um…” Lupin trailed off, momentarily set off track by the appalling sight of Harry. “I’m here to – do you have to stand like that?”

Harry shifted his legs together.

“Harry, this is not normal. You should be out fulfilling your destiny. Not doing…” Lupin gestured widely to Harry, at a loss for words, or perhaps, at a loss for appropriate words. “What ever in God’s name it is your doing.”

Harry sniffed, “I intend to fulfill my destiny. Right after the party. I’m creating a man you know, m’hm, the perfect male specimen.”

Lupin quirked an eyebrow.

Harry grinned. “I suppose you didn’t know I was gay, huh?”

“Actually I knew you were gay since the first time I met you, Harry.” Lupin shrugged.

Harry gapped.

“Not hard to miss, really,” Lupin continued, “The girlish hand gestures, effeminate sprouts of anger, the long side glances at Draco Malfoy-“

“I was glairing at him loathingly, because he’s my enemy –” Harry defended.

“Crying out boys’ names in the middle of the night-” Dudley announced for the first time.

“It was nightmares! I’d been traumatized!-” Harry piped.

“Staring at Oliver Wood too long in the shower rooms after Quidditch-” Ron added.

Harry’s eyes narrowed. “You weren’t even on the Quidditch team while Wood was.”

“Fred and George told me. They were the ones who created the inter House bets.”

“Everyone knew you were gay before you came out Harry.” Hermione affirmed.

“I think everyone is a bit exaggerative, Hermione.” Harry said, loftily.

“No, seriously. Everyone did know, Harry.” Hermione stressed. “Every-”

“I get it!” Harry snapped.

“Yep, Sirius, Dumbledore, Dobby, well everyone at Hogwarts-” Lupin said.

“My mum and dad, Mrs. Figg, the old milk man Mr. Rochester-” Dudley added.

“My mum and dad also knew, as well as my brothers-” Ron checked off.

“Ginny even knew Harry.” Hermione added. Everyone, except Dudley, nodded. “And that day you kissed her in front of everyone, she didn’t have the heart to turn you down.”

“Everyone became a little confused when you started hanging around Cho more. We figured you were just putting on a charade.” Ron added.

“Yeah, even Cho knew.” Hermione said at the sight of Harry’s flabbergasted expression.

Harry accumulated all of this information with wide-eyed shock.

Sir Nicolas took that moment to interrupt. “What’s everyone talking about here?”

“We’re confessing how everyone knew Harry was gay long before he came out.”

“Oh yeah, everyone did know my dear boy. All the portraits, ghosts, even the sorting hat!” Sir Nicolas confessed.

“Why didn’t anyone say anything before?!” Harry exclaimed.

“Suppose everyone thought you knew we knew you were gay.” Ron shrugged.

“Before everyone realized you were covering it up by liking girls.” Hermione added.

“That’s another reason why everyone thought you were such a brave boy, Harry, valiantly coming to terms with your sexuality at such a young age.” Lupin said.

“My mum and dad thought you were dating the red head.” Dudley said pointing a beefy thumb to Ron.

“I though you were too.” Sir Nicolas shrugged.

Harry felt himself teeter on his high heels a bit. “Okay, enough!” He shouted, “What are you doing here Dudley?” He questioned, desperately steering the subject to a different direction.

“I brought him here because I thought you would need the support of a family member.” Lupin confessed.

Dudley shoved his fat hands in his pockets and groaned abjectly, crouching his beefy head down with embarrassment.

“My family isn’t supportive, they never were! They hate me!” Harry announced.

“It’s true. But the weirdo promised me sweets, loads of them, free, if I’d come here with him to see…you.” Dudley said.

Harry crossed his arms. “This isn’t very supportive.” He said stonily.

Lupin shrugged. “I was on a tight schedule.”

“He can leave. I don’t want him here.” Harry said.

Dudley perked up.

“I suppose, if he really wants to…” Lupin sighed.

“Of course he does.” Harry said at once. Dudley nodded his head fervently.

“Well, if he goes home now he won’t get the sweets I promised.” Lupin said.

“Then I stay.” Dudley instantly stated.

“Excellent!” Lupin exclaimed, knowing his manipulating had done its charm. “See, Harry, he wants to stay.”

“Only because you manipulated him with sweets! Which, undoubtedly, is his greatest weakness.” Harry huffed.

“Well if you really want him to go home empty handed, Harry, I guess I can escort him ho-”

“Shut up, Harry! I’m here to support you, okay!” Dudley cut in, sharply.

Before Harry could stomp his stiletto foot and erupt into a hissy fit, Neville shuffled out, desperately supporting his enormous wobbling head dress with an arm, to inform Harry that it was almost time for the unveiling.

Harry clapped his hands, “Everyone, inside!” He announced.

They scurried inside, Ron cursing under his breath as he tried to adjust his sidling hump, Hermione fumbled with trying to keep herself from falling out, Lupin trying not to notice Hermione’s bits almost falling out, and Dudley bringing in the rear, looking morose and violated as he tried to hide behind his collar.
Harry stood on stage before a large glass tomb structure. Inside was a mummified body.

Ron took his position at the far end of the room, where a huge red wheel and other gearing switched were station.

The people crowded in for a better view of the glass casket, which Harry was lasciviously leaning against.

“Who would have thought Harry would lose him mind before the war even started.” Ginny commented, standing next to Lupin.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. I just didn’t think it would be this drastic, to be honest.” He commented, coolly.

“Hmm, I don’t think anyone thought it would be this drastic.” Ginny commented, as Harry pranced by them on stage.

“I always thought he would become melancholy.” Lupin admitted. “James and Sirius are probably spinning in there graves right now.” He said with a sigh.

“Looks like the fat boy’s retinas are already permanently scarred.” Ginny motioned toward Dudley.

Dudley’s mouth hung open in transfix terror.

“Silence!” Harry cried, wielding the attention back on to him. “The time has arrived when I will be presenting my unveiling!” He proclaimed theatrically.

“With the finishing touches by the Transforminator, you will witness in awe, as my perfect male specimen is birthed to life!” Harry ended with a very dramatic burst of manic laughter.

A few members of the crowed clapped awkwardly and quickly died out.

“Ron! Start the Transforminator!” Harry cried.

Ron began spinning the huge red wheel at top speed.

Suddenly the candles began to flicker as Ron spun the wheel, and from the ceiling came down a huge syringe looking object. The Transforminator halted above the glass tomb.

Harry began to switch the switches, aligned around the base of the Transforminator, causing a fine liquid to spill into the glass tomb from it.

When the tomb was full, Harry quickly switched them off. “Ron! Switch the levers!” He demanded.

Ron shrugged and switched them nonchalantly.

Several thin arms of electricity sprouted from the Transforminator, licking every inch of the tomb.

Harry burst into a fit of manic laughter again.

“ENOUGH!” He commanded.

Ron switched the levers off with bored ease.

The room erupted in light as a freshly set of new candles lit themselves.

Lupin found the whole theatrical event to be quite over the top and asinine. He yawned widely. They were wizards, a little fancy show of resurrecting human beings wasn’t so impressive.

The mummified form began to sit itself up, arms stretched out in a terribly clichéd zombie manner.

Lupin checked his watch. He was wasting valuable time when he could have been curled up on a couch at home with Tonk’s.

The mummified man began muffling irritably under the strips of cloth cover his face.

This perked up Lupin’s attention. It appeared as though Harry’s perfect male specimen wasn’t too thrilled about being resurrected, wrapped under strips of cotton, as he thrashed around wildly, trying to get the gauze off his face.
“Baby!” Harry exclaimed, and valiantly went to rescue his new boy toy.

Harry managed to help his new squeeze with getting the gauze off, and leapt back with a shriek. The other man shrieked as well.

“What the hell is going on here!” The familiar voice of Draco Malfoy, demanded in tones of horror and the slight distinction of vexation.

Harry stumbled back spluttering wildly.

Everyone in the audience seemed to be donning the same expression of utmost disbelief and awe.

“What’s happening, what’s going on?!” Draco shrieked. As his eyes swept over the sea of people he desperately tried to crawl out of the tomb backwards.

He noticed his mummified hand and nearly fainted.

“WHAT HAVE YOU PEOPLE DONE TO ME!” He cried in his most scandalized tone yet.

*

TBC