A River of Dreams
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Sirius/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
4,025
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Sirius/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
4,025
Reviews:
5
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
So it Goes
For the first time ever Hermione was grateful that she was sitting in Sirius’ house at 12 Grimmauld place. The dingy walls, dank atmosphere and musty smell matched her mood perfectly and she was more than happy to revel in it for the moment. Any other day, any other time she would be expected to be alert and perky and intelligent and aware. But tonight…Tonight for the first time in a long time she was alone and she wanted to be sad. Be sullen. Reflect. Revel in her own depression and self destruction.
She let out a deep sigh as she stared into cheerfully blazing fire in the fireplace. Her legs were tucked up underneath her as she absently held a teacup in her left hand. Her thoughts wandered through the last few months, few years. Life was not what she had expected it would be.
“Hermione?”
The soft sound of her name on someone’s lips broke her briefly from her reverie, and she looked up to meet Sirius Black’s eyes, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
“You alright love?” The three words everyone kept asking her. Such a simple question. Such a complicated answer. Her smile became more self-deprecating.
“No” The answer, the truest she’d given was simple. How could she be alright? She heard the soft rustle of linen as her best friend’s godfather entered the room and approached her, slowly and hesitantly as if afraid of scaring her off. Her eyes drifted back to the fire, palming the tea cup in her right hand.
“Want to talk about it?” she didn’t look up at him, but felt his body heat as he stood before her. She chose not to reply, letting the silence run deep and thick between them. It stretched on, speaking as loudly as any words ever would. There was another rustle of fabric as he shifted, moving his weight from one foot to another and she turned her head sharply, as if she’d forgotten he was even there.
“Have you ever been in love Sirius?” she asked, warm hazel eyes seeking out cool blue. He tipped his head thoughtfully to one side, as if trying to figure out the correct answer to her question.
“I thought I was once” came back the soft response. Hermione mimicked his head tip, wordlessly encouraging him to continue. A small, wry smile cracked across his handsome face. Older, wiser, lined with the years…but still so handsome.
“Was it - ?” she asked, watching him intently. Sirius interrupted her
“Lily? Merlin no…I’m not sure where everyone got that idea. Lily was beautiful, strong, intelligent…But I most definitely did not love her” he responded firmly. Hermione nodded, understanding. “There was a woman…well really a girl now that I think about it. A Ravenclaw, a 7th year like myself at the time. I believe…well at the time I believed I was very much in love with her. But now?” Sirius dropped his gaze away from her, “The truth is I don’t know. I don’t know that I’ve ever been in love. I mean, I’ve shagged a lot of birds. But been in love? I don’t know that I’ve ever had the chance to fall in love”
The words were whole, honest. There was no self pity, though perhaps a bit of wistfulness. Hermione dropped her gaze back to the fire, the pit in her stomach getting a bit heavier. “I got the last…I got the last part from Ron’s will today” she said quietly. She felt Sirius sit on the ottoman in front of her. She picked up a pocket watch from the coffee table next to the chair she was sitting in and passed it over to him.
He palmed it, observing it with the gravity it deserved. It was clearly a family heirloom, though it was probably worth more in sentimental value than in galleons. But for Ron it had been a way for Hermione to remember him. Something precious enough he had given it to her, placed it out of his family certain she would value it for what it meant. Looking over at her he noted her eyes were closed.
“I feel so guilty” she said, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. Reaching out tentatively, Sirius took one of her hands in his own.
“Why, love?”
“Because I didn’t love Ron. I mean – “ she amended quickly, opening her eyes, a flash of fear and guilt passing over them, “I cared for him. Loved him like a friend, even lusted over him for a time. But love? True love? I can’t…I mean it was so long ago. We were so young. I know now it wasn’t love. But HE believed it was”
She let the rest hang in the air. He knew what she meant without having to explain it. He knew so much of that loneliness, that empty space that filled the hours between friends and family. Sirius squeezed her hand comfortingly.
“Hermione, its not your fault” A soft sob escaped her lips “Its not your fault you didn’t love him. It’s not your fault he never knew. It’s not your fault Ron died” Two tears escaped her eyes and she pulled his hands to her face, kissing his knuckles.
“Thank you Sirius” she said, honestly as her eyes caught his. He smiled, a small ghost of smile on his own lips, and nodded allowing silence to fill the room again. The two sat, holding hands in mutual contemplation and comfort as the night stretched deep around the house and finally lifted into dawn’s morning rays.
She let out a deep sigh as she stared into cheerfully blazing fire in the fireplace. Her legs were tucked up underneath her as she absently held a teacup in her left hand. Her thoughts wandered through the last few months, few years. Life was not what she had expected it would be.
“Hermione?”
The soft sound of her name on someone’s lips broke her briefly from her reverie, and she looked up to meet Sirius Black’s eyes, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
“You alright love?” The three words everyone kept asking her. Such a simple question. Such a complicated answer. Her smile became more self-deprecating.
“No” The answer, the truest she’d given was simple. How could she be alright? She heard the soft rustle of linen as her best friend’s godfather entered the room and approached her, slowly and hesitantly as if afraid of scaring her off. Her eyes drifted back to the fire, palming the tea cup in her right hand.
“Want to talk about it?” she didn’t look up at him, but felt his body heat as he stood before her. She chose not to reply, letting the silence run deep and thick between them. It stretched on, speaking as loudly as any words ever would. There was another rustle of fabric as he shifted, moving his weight from one foot to another and she turned her head sharply, as if she’d forgotten he was even there.
“Have you ever been in love Sirius?” she asked, warm hazel eyes seeking out cool blue. He tipped his head thoughtfully to one side, as if trying to figure out the correct answer to her question.
“I thought I was once” came back the soft response. Hermione mimicked his head tip, wordlessly encouraging him to continue. A small, wry smile cracked across his handsome face. Older, wiser, lined with the years…but still so handsome.
“Was it - ?” she asked, watching him intently. Sirius interrupted her
“Lily? Merlin no…I’m not sure where everyone got that idea. Lily was beautiful, strong, intelligent…But I most definitely did not love her” he responded firmly. Hermione nodded, understanding. “There was a woman…well really a girl now that I think about it. A Ravenclaw, a 7th year like myself at the time. I believe…well at the time I believed I was very much in love with her. But now?” Sirius dropped his gaze away from her, “The truth is I don’t know. I don’t know that I’ve ever been in love. I mean, I’ve shagged a lot of birds. But been in love? I don’t know that I’ve ever had the chance to fall in love”
The words were whole, honest. There was no self pity, though perhaps a bit of wistfulness. Hermione dropped her gaze back to the fire, the pit in her stomach getting a bit heavier. “I got the last…I got the last part from Ron’s will today” she said quietly. She felt Sirius sit on the ottoman in front of her. She picked up a pocket watch from the coffee table next to the chair she was sitting in and passed it over to him.
He palmed it, observing it with the gravity it deserved. It was clearly a family heirloom, though it was probably worth more in sentimental value than in galleons. But for Ron it had been a way for Hermione to remember him. Something precious enough he had given it to her, placed it out of his family certain she would value it for what it meant. Looking over at her he noted her eyes were closed.
“I feel so guilty” she said, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. Reaching out tentatively, Sirius took one of her hands in his own.
“Why, love?”
“Because I didn’t love Ron. I mean – “ she amended quickly, opening her eyes, a flash of fear and guilt passing over them, “I cared for him. Loved him like a friend, even lusted over him for a time. But love? True love? I can’t…I mean it was so long ago. We were so young. I know now it wasn’t love. But HE believed it was”
She let the rest hang in the air. He knew what she meant without having to explain it. He knew so much of that loneliness, that empty space that filled the hours between friends and family. Sirius squeezed her hand comfortingly.
“Hermione, its not your fault” A soft sob escaped her lips “Its not your fault you didn’t love him. It’s not your fault he never knew. It’s not your fault Ron died” Two tears escaped her eyes and she pulled his hands to her face, kissing his knuckles.
“Thank you Sirius” she said, honestly as her eyes caught his. He smiled, a small ghost of smile on his own lips, and nodded allowing silence to fill the room again. The two sat, holding hands in mutual contemplation and comfort as the night stretched deep around the house and finally lifted into dawn’s morning rays.