After Death: Last Chance

“Avada Kedavra!” The world shattered into pieces before his eyes…the image of Harry was distorted and all wrong. The breath was pushed from his lungs as the world spun out of control, there was only confusion and loss as he fell from the broken pieces of the living into the light of those dearly departed. No, none of this made sense but at the same time it all came together…Sirius was dead, it by the killing curse, he had an idea that it was his cousin who did him in. This did not slow down the falling pieces that hit the ground around him…he was staring up at a clouds…white and very unreal to him. The way they glittered across the sun lit sky which seemed to be forever setting.

Sirius sat up and ran his fingers through his hair and sighed softly, there was so much he had wanted in his life that never came to pass. The most important aspect of his life was Harry…was to care for him and get him out of that muggle house disaster. He had wanted him to know what a real home could be, what it meant to be surrounded by people who care about you…Of course he himself had never had that joy until he moved in with James…but he wanted that for his only Godchild. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, death was something that was overrated as it were anyway. People were so up in arms about what was to come after the last breath. And this was it, peaceful, yes but it didn’t suit his wild nature. Everything was far too quiet and he wasn’t feeling the joy of being released from his human form.

Once he was sure of where he was, the old dog picked himself off the ground and moved in the direction of where the most light was coming from.

Crunch, Crunch

The sounds of his feet crushing the pieces that had followed him into the afterlife was the only sound that could be heard within the space of what seemed to be a vast landscape that reached far beyond what the eye could see. He wasn’t impressed, this wasn’t relaxing, it was mere unrest…No this certainly wasn’t a place he was meant to be. He was almost sure of that. The movements were slow and deliberate; he knew that this was going to be something he would have to get use to…but this emptiness that pressed down on him was overwhelming. If he was suppose to he dead, then where were the people he knew that he died before him? Heaven was suppose to be a place of rejoining, a place where you spent the rest of time with lost loved ones and friends…This place couldn’t of been it…beautiful and quiet as it was, there was no one here it seemed.

He frowned softly, what could this place be? It certainly was not heaven nor could it be hell. The walk toward the light continued on as he tried to figure this all out, death was not what he expected it to be. This was something that didn’t seem to make any sense, no matter how it was looked at. This didn’t even seem to be a world at all, he closed his eyes and shook his head…no this did not make any sense. But when was he ever used to things making sense?

His steps were quiet and deliberate he figured there was no hurry in trying to get to where ever it was he was getting to, the silence however was just so…boring. What was a wild man like himself suppose to do with all this quietness? He had almost gone insane during those months stuck in that damned house…Ah yes his house…more like the nightmarish idea of a childhood idea. He sighed to himself and shook his head, it had been such a joke…that place, the entire lot of him, and it was a cruel and not a very funny joke at that. He closed his eyes and sighed to him self, those memories were so…far away and so very near to him all at once.

~*~*~Flashback!*~*~

The room was dark; there was something very wrong with this place, this house…and everything that was in this home. The place was heartless and cold just as were the people who lived within the walls. Anyone could see from the outside that it was a beautiful home, lavished with expenses and everything else that a large home might have. But on the inside when the farce of a happy home was no longer needed, it was a lonely place to be and often cruelty ran ramped within, it wasn’t unusual to hear a strangled cry of pain or despair echo through the hallways in the darkness; usually a house elf that had displeased the owners of the house in some way. Nothing about living here was pleasant, and it certainly wasn’t a place a child really needed to be. The eerie darkness and hatred gripped this place, in a way it could believed this house could be haunted…not by ghost though. Houses could be haunted in another way, somehow the anger, murder, and torture could drive a house mad, making it creak and groan under the weight of more hate being poured into it.

Sirius hated this place, every room, every piece of wood that constructed this place, and every shadow that filled the corners. This wasn’t a house for anyone to live in, anyone who had any sanity left in them anyway. He slid his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes; he only wished the holidays could go by quicker. His parents insisted that he come home every chance he had, he didn’t understand why though…As far as he was concerned they hated each other with a deep passion that was growing more out of control each day. He had no use for his parents, not when they were so harsh and cruel to anyone they thought of as beneath them. It made him sick; he only wished to be far away from them. He honestly couldn’t wrap his mind around any of the actions they had taken. His parents had a blood lust that seemed to be insatiable…their love of the dark arts and anything to do with the torture of muggles or anyone else they thought worthless…just didn’t make much sense to him.

He closed his eyes and tried to remind himself that he wasn’t like them in the least, he didn’t go out of his way to hurt people…unless they pissed him off something terrible. He was pretty in control of his anger, he wasn’t spontaneous with it if people pushed his buttons just enough…He could be unbearably cold and calculating if the moment ever called for it. He was very intelligent and very dangerous when he put his anger and wits together. No one had ever really had to deal with that side of him though; no one had ever really pissed him off that much…except for Severus, too bad for him really. Of course his plan hadn’t quite worked out the way he thought it would, he really only wanted to scare the idiot but he almost got himself killed. For a Slytherin, he had been pretty stupid.

He stopped his thoughts long enough to pull himself away from the window, it was so cold against his skin…and the wind seemed to be picking up, he sighed to himself and moved out of the empty room he was hiding in, to his own. He remained silent and somber; making sure no one would read what was going through his mind. He couldn’t allow anyone to use this mood of his against him, and knowing his family…they would and they would be anything but gentle about it. He shut and locked his door behind him and sat on his bed and glanced out the window as the wind continued to pick up. There was such an evil hatred around this house…that seemed to fill the very air that was within his lungs. He fell back against his bed and closed his eyes, he always hoped that when he woke up, he’d be somewhere else, but that was never the case…anytime he was here, time seemed to come to a complete stop and none of his wishes and dreams ever came true here. This place was very close to what Sirius thought hell would probably be like, misery filled every fiber of this house and of his being. It was suffocating, sometimes he felt like he couldn’t even breathe…the feeling was more evident when he was forced to spend time with his parents, they were just as cruel and calculating as he was…but they were like that all the time. Any and every weakness that could be spotted in anyone was viscously used against them; Sirius was no exception to this rule. If anything he was more at risk then anyone else.

He stared up at the ceiling for a long period of time, no thoughts really going through his mind anymore, he was tired of thinking, and tired of being here. He missed his friends at school more than ever around the holidays. Everything about Christmas was supposed to be happy and joyful. Around here, in this house, there was no such thing as joy…He didn’t understand how he had been able to be so happy when he was a child. He had been blind to how his parents really were; blind to the facts and horrid truths about this place he had once called his home. He didn’t want to live here anymore, he didn’t want to have anything to do with his family, he hated them, all of them because pretty much they were all the same when it came down to it.

He rolled onto his stomach and closed his eyes, sleep was never easy coming to him, and his dreams weren’t pleasant when he was here. Childhood nightmares and other night terrors filled his sleepless nights. No one ever paid attention if he happens to scream out into the night, no one came to comfort him here, because really no one cared. He clenched his fist and punched his pillow, it was no use…he would never feel completely happy again, not after being raised in a broken home like this.

~*~*End Flashback~*~*

Those memories were such a passionately cruel reminder of where he had come from, the shadows encompassed his childhood and the walls of that wretched house; it would be forever etched into his mind, dead or alive. He sighed again, knowing that this was not heaven, so much unrest…and so many memories of what should have been. He could have made a friend and saved a life if it hadn’t been for so many actions…so many selfish mistakes to meet his own personal ends and amusement. But it had been at the cost of someone’s happiness. What had he been thinking…Damn if he’d only been wiser…it was only in death that he had come to all these conclusions. This was not how it was suppose to end, not how it was suppose to be.

“Many things within life do not turn out how we wish them to be.” There was a voice somewhere in the distance but it sounded so close to him…he tried to peer more so into the light so he could get a better handle of what was going on here.

“Who are you…and what is this place?” Sirius wasn’t feeling his normal saucy self there was too much confusion to be daunting. “To some I am God; to others I am Vista or Shiva…I have been given many times through the centuries that man first came into being, call me as you see fit.” The voice was soft and calming, no amount of tone could be found within the words, “This is near heaven…those who have certain unrest even after death.” Sirius took a moment to think this through, so there was a God…he had never given it much thought before, other than he knew at times he had been saved by something other than his own dumb luck. “So what…am I doing here? I know I’m really all for this peace and quiet but what am I suppose to do here?” He cocked his head to the side as he ran his fingers through his hair. He wanted to figure this out…but he was sure he had all the time in the world and more now at this point.

“You have a choice Sirius, a rare choice that is only given to those who truly see the mistakes they’ve made in life for what they truly are. Though you can not change the history in the dimension of earth, I can give you a chance to relive life with the knowledge of what will come to be through another dimension” Again the voice was gentle and yet so toneless, he shook his head…trying to grasp this offer…to relive his life and yet not…He fretted over this, having the knowledge of what was going to be and be given the chance to choose to change what might come to pass…and yet not. Perhaps it would put his mind to ease…knowing there was something he could do, he could not refuse this…he simply could not, not when he could see everyone could…

“I will take this up…God.” He wasn’t sure what to call this bodiless voice.

“Very well, may this waking dream be more pleasant then the last you granted yourself Sirius Black.”