I Wish I Was Some One Else

"My Happy Ending" by AVRIL LAVIGNE.
So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead Was it something I did? Was it something You said? Don't leave me hanging In a city so dead Held up so high On such a breakable thread You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be
[Chorus:
You were everything, everything that I wanted We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away All this time you were pretending So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends I know what they say They tell you I'm difficult But so are they But they don't know me Do they even know you? All the things you hide from me All the shit that you do [CD version
You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be
[Chorus
It's nice to know that you were there Thanks for acting like you cared And making me feel like I was the only one It's nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done
[Chorus x2
[x2 Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh... So much for my happy ending Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Snape flinched as Madam Pomfrey poked at his neck, trying to see if the wounds were healing properly. Her fingers were gentle but still Snape flinched at the feel of another person’s fingers on his body. He was fine it had already been four months since Voldamort had almost killed him. Pomfrey poked her finger against a spot under his ear and he had had enough.

“I insist that you quit, Poppy I am quite fine. I am quite sure that I can teach brats with my eyes, ears, hands and legs chopped off, little scratches that remain from my wound is nothing. I assure you Poppy, I will come in here one a week for you to poke and prod me all you want.” Snape stood to his feet and walked to the door. “Oh and Poppy will you please tell the Head Mistress that I will not be at the new school year’s feast. I was planning on trying this potion that I invented.”

“You know she’ll be angry! This is your first day back to the students and staff as the man they thought was evil. What will it do to the students if you aren’t there to say that you aren’t evil anymore?” Poppy teased Snape as she pulled her gloves off and threw them in to the waste basket.

“You should go to the dinner. You can get as much as you can eat, and then you can try your new potion.” Poppy paused, “Severus what exactly is your potion, are there any risks that maybe might tell you not to try it?”

Snape shook his head, ‘She’s not going to tell you go until you tell her about the potion.’ Snape’s voice screamed in his head.

“Poppy.” Snape pause and stepped away from the door, “The potion is only to relive memories. Without using a pensive. It’s nothing dangerous.” Snape reassured the Mediwitch. “If I have any problems I will be running to your office, you should have no fear in that.”

Madam Pomfrey nodded, then turned to her desk and started to put away her potions and utensils she thought she might need but didn’t.

“Severus you should still go, and afterwards you can bring me a plate to eat.” Poppy sighed, “Or you can just let me starve to death!” Poppy’s eyes popped out to exaggerate her starving and Snape almost smiled.

“I’ll go and bring you food afterwards. My potion can wait if not for a few hours.” Snape turned and walked out the door. He was not tired of his conversation with the witch, but he did know that if he stayed she would convince him that trying a new potion would be dangerous.

Snape smirked he knew that trying new potions was dangerous he was “The Potions’ Master” after all. But Snape could not back down from this potion it had been haunting him for many years, haunting him, begging him. His memories that he cherished so much, his memories of Lily would not let him be. He needed to see her again, if not in person than in memory.

Snape wandered in to the great hall through the back entrance. The room was almost already filled with students arriving from the train. Almost reluctantly he looked towards the Gryffindor table. He was not happy that Head Mistress McGonagall had offered Harry Potter and his two companions to come back to finish their final year. Happily he noticed only one red head, sitting at the table and it was the girl. Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter’s precious girl friend, or rather fiancé, was sitting at the table surrounded by giggling girls, half of who were looking at the young girl’s hand.

“Severus, I’m so happy that you could come. I had thought that with that nasty wound you wouldn’t be coming this year.” Professor Slughorn said to Snape as he sat next to him. “I was even more surprised to know that you took back your job as Potion’s teacher. I mean the students around here have been telling me for the last two years that you wanted nothing else than to be the teacher for Defense against the dark arts.”

“I must say that they were right, but after teaching it once, it has lost its meaning. I had wanted the Defense against the dark arts because I thought I was best at it. I have seen now that my talents lie in potions, and nothing more.” Snape talk to the man with speed and precision. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to eat, grab Poppy’s food, and run to his chambers to try his potion.

“Come now man, you were brilliant in being a Spy for Dumbledore. If only we could teach legillents or you know, that kind of things. You would be the best teacher here.” Slughorn tried to comfort Snape but his words came out jumbled and harsh.

Snape felt extremely lucky when the Head Mistress raised her goblet and spoke loudly.

“Quite now! Quiet. We shall be welcoming our new students in minuets now. If you will all make room for your new housemates and let us being.” McGonagall’s voice ended as the first years entered in to the room.

“Now, welcome and when I call your name you will step on to the platform and put on the hat, the hat will sort you, and then you will sit down at your house’s table. Now Abbot, Megan!” McGonagall’s voice was faster than usual. She was tried of sorting the little brats. Almost as tired as he was of listening to them being sorted.

A little girl came forward, her body was ridged and she walked like she had a pole up her arse, but she came and sat on the barstool. The Hat sat on top of her head for a couple of seconds before screaming to the room “Gryffindor!” The Table clapped and then died out as the next student was called. The list went on and even though Snape tried not to pay attention few names slipped through. A Jonathan Jones slipped through, he went to Hufflepuff, but few other names slipped through his mind.

Everyone started to clap, so Snape clapped with them. The sorting was finished, and the food appeared. Snape filled his plate and started to eat. A few other teachers talked to him but no one really engaged in conversation with him. Snape almost felt like smiling, almost.

A load of chatter began over to the side of him.

“Did you hear that Harry Potter broke up with Ginevra? After only five months after their announced engagement.” Slughorn muttered to Trelawney. Trelawney nodded and then whispered back.

“I knew it, the leaves foretold it, and only yesterday I saw his name in my leaves telling me of his new found love. And then I read the Prophet today and I was stricken with grief for the young girl.” She nodded her head in talking. “She must be desperate, hurt and feeling awfully lonely.”

Snape looked to the girl sitting around the gaggle of giggling girls. She looked happy. She seemed to be enjoying the company of her friends. Snape turned away and finished eating his food. He did not want to wait for everyone to finish, he had places he wanted to be. Snape stood took one more look out to see that Ginevra Weasley was staring at him from her seat.

Snape stared in to her eyes and watched as her eyes took in all of him at once. Snape looked away and turned to talk to the Head Mistress.

“Minerveral, I hate to cut this delicious dinner short, but Poppy asked me earlier to bring her some food. I was just going to take her a plate full. I figured once I left I would just go to bed.” Snape’s voice almost glided out of his mouth.

“Severus, I never knew you to be so nice to Poppy. Of course you can leave early, after of course I introduce you to the students again this year as potion’s master once again. Please sit, I’ll do it in between dinner and dessert.” McGonagall smiled. Snape sat back in to his chair. He was not happy; he had thought that he was free to go.

Snape’s eyes rose back up, and he saw still that Ginevra was staring at him, almost watching him. Someone called her name and she, this time, broke the gaze. Snape closed his eyes, ‘what are you thinking? She’s so young it should be illegal for you to even look at her.’ Snape shook his head and stared at Ginevra as she conversed with her friends. She reminded him of her. Her hair was redder, her body was filled out more than Lily’s, but her actions reminded him of her. Her temper was even similar.

McGonagall rose, the food disappeared and her voice came out loud and clear. “This year, we thank you all for coming back and welcome new students. We welcome our Potion’s master Severus Snape back, and we welcome Professor Slughorn as our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.” A few students clapped and mostly Slytherins yelped for their return of their teacher.

Snape nodded and then sat and stared directly in front of him, a head shot out of the crowd and Ginevra clapped her hands as she smiled towards the teachers table.

‘She is probably clapping and smiling because she won’t have to see you ever this year. She probably didn’t get in to your N.E.W.T class.’ The voice inside Snape’s head spat in disgust. Snape cleared his head and took on more view of Ginevra, the way her hair fell down her back, the way her cloths were a little too tight for her, the way her breasts almost busted out of her shirt! Everything about her captivated him. Everything.

Snape shook his head, ‘Maybe I should go get laid more often…’ he told himself and then left from the Great Hall as the Desserts appeared on to the tables.

Snape collected the plate of food and walked quickly to the infirmary. Snape dropped the food off and rushed to his office, he was tired of waiting. The potion had been brewing for over three months, he had waited those months patiently. But these last few seconds were hell to him.

Snape reached the door to his class room, and walked straight through it to the next door that opened to his chambers. Snape closed and locked the door before walking over to the tiny caldron that held his potion. He would finally be able to relive his memories with Lily.

Snape poured himself a tiny glass of the golden liquid, and cleared his mind. Once cleared, he imagined the memory he wanted to relive. He wanted to relive the day that Lily had told him that she had feelings for him. It was the last day of their seventh year; she had told him that she loved him. But then she confessed that she could not be in love with a death eater. Her words tugged at his heart, yes that would be the memory to start with.

Snape pictured everything in his head and then drank the liquid. Snape put the glass down on the table and then steadied himself against his couch. His world spun, he collapsed on to the couch, and watched as he relived not the memory that he wanted but every memory that he had.

Snape gasped as he saw himself in the hospital after the war, then he saw himself giving the memories to Harry Potter. Next he skipped and saw himself teaching Ginevra in her first year. Then he saw himself teaching his first year at Hogwarts.

Snape’s world stopped spinning and there he was standing in front of Lily when she was alive, when she was seventeen.

“Severus tell me you’re not a Death Eater! Tell me your not! Please, I’m begging you.” Lily spoke in a low tone so no one would hear her. Lily grabbed his hand and held on to it. “Severus, please tell me?” Lily’s voice cracked and a tear slipped out.

“Lily please don’t cry, You already know the answer. You already know that I am a Death Eater. I even have the mark to prove it.” Snape raised his sleeve to reveal his death mark.

“Severus can’t you give it up, don’t you want to be with me?” Lily said as more tears came out.

“Lily, you know I love you! I would do anything to be with you. But Voldamort, he has a vision! He wants to make the world better! And I want to be there. I want you to be there!” Snape squeezed her hand.

“I can’t be there Sev, I’m a MudBlood don’t you remember. That’s what you’re against. Severus please, just tell me, is this idea more important to you than I am?” Lily’s voice became soft, her voice withered almost to hoarse.

“If I can save you, I will! And the only way that I can see to save you is by this. Lily I love you with all my heart. I do! And I know that being with you is, would be the best thing in life. But I won’t let you live in a world where you have to hide what you are.” Snape pulled Lily into a hug. Lily cried on to his shoulder as he kissed her forehead and hair gently reassuring her that he was still there.

“Sev, I love you!” Lily whispered in to Snape shoulder. “But I won’t be with a Death Eater! I refuse to be with anyone associated with that crazy wizard.” Lily’s voice quivered and she shook her head. “Severus, if you choose to be with him, then from this day on we’re enemies.” Lily wiped her eyes and back away from Snape.

Snape’s face was frozen in the shock of what she had just said. He recovered and shook his head.

“We’re enemies now? Is that it? Have you truly taken the advice of your Gryffindor friends, of your Potter?” Snape’s throat closed a little with every word. “Have they finally convinced you that I’m difficult and evil and that you could never love me?” Snape almost screamed at Lily. A tear shivered out of his eye, trailing its harsh warmth down his face.

Lily shook her head “no” but turned away as more tears ran down his face.

“You choose this Severus, I gave you the choice. And you choose.” Lily let out her breath in a gasp as Snape shoved his lips on to Lily’s. Snape melted in to her kissing her softly at first until he couldn’t breathe.

“Lily, I love you!” Snape let got of her a little. Loosening the grip he held on her.

“I know Sev, I know.” Lily pecked Snape on the cheek with a tiny kiss, then started walking toward the Hogwarts express. “I will always love you Severus Snape…” Lily called back.

Snape watched as the woman he loved disappeared through the trees and met with her friends on the train.

Snape collapsed on to all four, crying. Snape scrapped at his arm, at his tattoo until it bleed, until he felt the pain. Snape quieted himself and boarded the train, sitting next to Bellatrix Black on the way back to the station.

Snape’s body shivered, and he came out of his memory. His body felt tense, rigid, almost as if he had been in one position for hours.Snape checked his clock, it read midnight.

Snape whipped his face finding the tears he had cried in the memory fresh on his face. He went in to his bathroom and washed his face. As Snape stood over the sink he barely notice through the dense fog of steam, his seventeen year old face staring back at him.

“No” Snape whispered before fainting in his bathroom.