Imitation of Love

Title: Imitation of Love
Characters: Draco/Theo
Rating: R
Prompt: 73. Draco/Theo, popsicles
Word Count: 2300
Summary: "Amortentia doesn't really create love, of course. It is impossible to manufacture or imitate love. No, this will simply cause a powerful infatuation or obsession.
Author's notes: Thanks to Aspen and Smefy for betaing! This is now AU by virtue of its having been written prior to DH.

"Amortentia doesn't really create love, of course. It is impossible to manufacture or imitate love. No, this will simply cause a powerful infatuation or obsession. It is probably the most dangerous and powerful potion in this room--oh yes," he said, nodding gravely at Malfoy and Nott, both of whom were smirking skeptically. "When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love..."

Draco pulled the hood of his cloak up before consulting the live map of Hogwarts he was given by the heir of Slytherin himself. It had been such an honor at the time, but now, as he scanned the map with tired eyes, he realized what a curse it had all been.

Potter and Dumbledore, both gone on the same night-- who would've guessed? Potter's shame for almost killing him and the distraction of the Weasley girl had given Draco great leave for doing things that he needed to get done. It had been finished for days. Now was the optimum time to bring the other Death Eaters in.

He was just giving one final look around the dorm room he'd called home on and off since he was eleven. Crabbe and Goyle were tucked safe in their beds. Blaise was... elsewhere. Draco smirked to himself and sighed indulgently before his eyes rested on Theo, who was sitting up, staring at him.

Staring. Theo was so often staring. Their camaraderie lent it some context, but sometimes Draco would find it a bit unnerving-- especially just now, when he was trying to make his grand escape.

"Malfoy?" he whispered, turning to slip out of bed.

Draco held out a hand to stop him, but there was no stopping Theo when he chose to do something. Sighing, Draco waited till Theo got close. He looked at the taller boy critically, noting that he couldn't see Theo's dark eyes in the eerie green glow that came from the lake water, even at night.

"Where are you going?" asked Theo. His brown floppy hair was mussed and he was wearing blue silk pyjamas. He looked rumpled and sweet. Draco knew better than that, particularly after the stories his aunt had shared about the Nott family, but for the moment, he just looked like a normal boy.

A normal boy that seemed to attract shadow.

"Go back to bed," said Draco. There were several times he'd almost asked Theo for help, but then, he didn't want to drag him into the middle of all of this. Theodore was an orphan now, thanks to Potter and his friends. They had that in common and it had been enough to keep them watching each other's backs.

This was one of those times where he had to watch Theo's back.

"Is this more of your... mission?" asked Theo. He looked bright-eyed about it, but all Draco could do was shrug.

"It's a secret. Just..." Draco watched him wearily, knowing it had mostly been just dumb luck that Theo hadn't followed him before now. They'd gotten to be such good friends while Potter was hogging all of the potions attention, but he just couldn't say anything. "Just get back into bed. Don't come out till morning. Promise me?"

"I promise," said Theo, tilting his head, his brow creased with worry.

Draco pointed to the bed for Theo to get into it.

Theo paused and looked at Draco for what felt like hours. Then he leaned in and kissed Draco's cheek. Draco parted his lips for a shaky breath and closed his eyes, keeping them closed long after the radiant warmth of Theo's cheek left his.

"For luck," said Theo.

Nodding, Draco straightened his arm to point harder at the bed. He didn't open his eyes again until he heard the springs protest the extra weight.

"Till morning. You promised," said Draco. "Don't try to follow me."

He watched what he could see of Theo's face and he didn't look happy. Draco wished he had more time, that he could stay and debate this, but he had to go. "Just stay in here tonight."

"Tonight," said Theo as he pulled the covers up to his neck.

"Just stay safe."

Draco didn't know what else to say after that. He wanted to pound Theo for distracting him, for scaring him with the notion that Theo would try to follow. He wanted the world to stop so he could fully appreciate a kiss on the cheek from a boy and why it had excited him so.

But now it was time to go. He checked his time piece and nodded. It was nearly the appointed time.

"I have to go," said Draco, as much to himself as Theo.

Theo nodded, but looked sad, letting his hair hang down in his face, shrouded in darkness from the green velvet curtains over mahogany. "I know."

Then Theo spoke so quietly that Draco thought it might be a hopeful auditory illusion as he walked out. He didn't dare to even hope it.

"I'll find you," said Theo.

"Don't," Draco whispered back before closing the door.

--

"The thing is, Draco, dearest," said Bellatrix, her tone trying to sound soothing, but he could tell she was edgy with irritation at having to defend anything Voldemort did, "that the Dark Lord is best pleased with how things have come about. Severus was given an opportunity to prove his loyalty to us, and he didn't lose an extra man that he needs."

She looked between Draco and Theo. Theo was staring again and Draco was glaring at him from outside of Draco's tiny room, just passing in the hall, but he'd stopped to listen. Draco slammed the door in his face and then leaned against it, arms crossed.

"So then why am I down here in the dungeon guarding prisoners?" he asked, kicking the door.

Fortress hidden in the Forbidden Forest it may well be, but the doors were light for Draco's liking, not that anyone considered Draco's feelings on anything anymore.

Shaking her head, Bellatrix likewise folded her arms. "You are too young, too brash and far too eager to be sent into the fray. Besides, the Dark Lord is not yet done being angry with your father. Without him here to..."

"And whose fault is that? I don't recall being the one to abandon him at his post!" Draco slammed his mouth shut, knowing that this was not the time or the place for this rant. It could only lead to him being behind the bars instead of guarding them with Theo.

Bellatrix held up one warning hand to remind him of the perils of that course of discussion and then looked behind Draco to the door. "What of Nott? Why the animosity? I'd never been of the impression that you two were bosom buddies, but in the past, you've at least been able to hold your temper."

If questioning his father's imprisonment were impolitic, admitting that the bulk of his anger with Theo was for joining the Death Eaters would be deadly. He couldn't very well say that he didn't want Theodore to follow him here, to be entangled in this mess because he'd been too fond of him.

He'd been on the cusp of abandoning this sinking ship when Theodore showed up, so excited to see Draco that he'd shouted "Malfoy!" in the dungeons, loud enough that the word reverberated over the dark stone and seemed to shake the torches.

"I said I'd find you!" Theo had said. His eyes were bright and his lips drawn back in a smile far too happy for the dungeons of a hidden fortress.

"You shouldn't have," said Draco, something twisting in his chest at Theo's visible disappointment. "You really, really shouldn't have."

Draco looked back at Bellatrix, brought into the present by her impatient sigh. He shrugged. He couldn't tell her that he was trying to protect Theo from the start and it hadn't worked out. He felt incompetent and foolish for doing all he did to no avail.

"He's just here to steal my glory," he said, falling back on old excuses.

She nodded as if she understood, but he knew she really didn't. No point in clearing that up. Bellatrix crossed to him and stared into his eyes so intensely that he thought she might kiss him, but instead she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

He let her hold him for a few moments, but only because she felt like and sort of smelled like his mum. It was a minor indulgence before he pulled away and opened the door to show her out.

"You will do great things, Draco. I know you will. Just be patient. I'll see what I can do," she said, slipping from his room.

He watched her walk down the corridor, haunted, creepy steps, lethargic stride of the damned. It wasn't her he was watching, though. He waited till after she'd turned a corner. Waited until that dark head popped out of his room, Theo looking even more rabbity with his head poked out of his room. Draco thought he even saw Theo's nose twitch.

Even though Draco glared, he was pleased that Theo was still watching.

"I loathe you," said Draco, narrowing his eyes at Theo. Then he slammed the door again, leaving Theo looking completely baffled.

--

Days later, Draco was still guarding prisoners. That's what it was called, anyway. There weren't any prisoners. Everyone had either been let go or was killed and Draco had the distinct impression that this war wasn't going very well for the Death Eaters. He folded his arms and leaned against the stone wall, feeling the warm wetness of it. It was a humid summer, and he could feel it all the way into the dankness of the dungeons.

At first, Draco just saw Theo's head bobbing towards him. Theo was tall, much taller than Draco now, and walked with a bit of a stoop, as if his head had to drag the rest of his body along. His shiny brown hair flopped in the torchlight and Draco couldn't help but think of a puppy. Puppy Nott, bounding towards him with something in his hand.

"Ice lolly?" Theo offered, holding one out to Draco. There were two; there was one that was purple and another that was white, with a mother of pearl sheen. The white one was the one that Theo was offering to him, beaming.

Draco just wanted to slap him for being so cheery about being on the losing side of the war, but then, having an ice lolly tended to make even the direst situations have a sense of whimsy to them.

Maybe that's why Theo had gotten them.

Sniffing his, Draco furrowed his brows and looked at Theo with an odd expression on his face. "Did you make these?" he asked.

Theo tilted his head and then nodded. There was something else behind Theo's eyes, something desperate and unreadable. Draco needed to know what that was, but he wasn't at all sure how to ask.

"They smell like you," said Draco flatly, staring at the lolly for a moment. Theo whimpered and gazed at Draco.

He opened his mouth, stretching out his tongue to lick it, pointedly ignoring Theo's hand signals and struggling away from his hand when he tried to grab the lolly from him. "You said I could have it, it's mine. Why do I have to give it back? What did you do? Piss in it?"

"No... no. I didn't... that's not... Just... it's bad, let me give you another one," said Theo, looking as wild-eyed as he had when he discovered his father was in Azkaban.

Draco hadn't even heard Snape approach. Snape was everywhere he needed to be, just in time to save Draco. For this, Draco was immensely grateful, even if his means to show it was often misconstrued.

"I'll take that," said Snape, snatching the ice lolly from Draco.

Snape glared down at Theodore. "You foolish, foolish boy. There is no need for this. Get back to your post and leave Malfoy alone," he said, banishing both lollies with a flick of his wand.

Snape turned to Draco and then looked back at Theo, who was retreating hastily.

"What was that about?" asked Draco, also watching Theodore scramble back to his post.

Snape sighed, a long, weary sigh and then looked at Draco who was staring back up at him, eyes wide. "Was he trying to kill me?" asked Draco.

"No, not kill you...." Snape looked at Draco again and smoothed his hair back from his face. "Just be careful around him, all right? I'm not sure that you're ready for... just be careful."

Draco felt confused, but decided to let it go; only two more hours till his shift ended and he could ask Theo what that was about-- and if he had another ice lolly.

--

With two hours very long hours to think about it, Draco had worked himself up into quite a bit of a frenzy about Theo's potential poisoning. Snape had assured him that Theo wasn't trying to kill him, but just what exactly was he trying to do?

By the time the two hours had passed, Draco had long since left reason and moved on to the greener pastures of Total Hysterical Conspiracy and fled down the winding labyrinthine corridors till he got to Theo's quarters.

He kicked open the door and held out his wand, all but out of breath from how quickly he'd hurried.

"YOU TRIED TO POISON ME!" Draco bellowed.

With preternatural speed, Theo had dropped his book and had his wand out to point it at Draco. "YOU SAID THE POTION SMELLED LIKE ME!"

Draco was taken aback. He hadn't thought that Theo would do anything but beg his mercy and forgiveness and beg him not to eviscerate him where he sat. The smell of the potion hadn't really occurred to him. "THEN YOU SMELL LIKE POISON!"

Whatever answer Theo had been expecting, it was evident that Draco had surprised him. He took a malicious satisfaction in being just as baffling to Theo as Theo was to him.

"No..." said Theo, taking the yelling down a notch, which was just as well, because the dungeons were a bit of an echo chamber. No wonder Slytherins learned to be crafty--you never knew what would carry. "I don't smell like poison. It wasn't poison. There was a potion in that lolly. Amortentia. And it smelled like me."

"Don't be ridiculous! That would mean that..." Draco furrowed his brows and then looked away from Theo. He scanned the room till he saw what book Theo had been reading. It wasn't his usual fare, which tended to be spell or history books. Instead, it was a bit tattered for all of its otherwise grandiose gilt pages and leather. It was a scrap book with the imprint of the Nott coat of arms featuring a Thestral on each page. It was open to a picture in which he and Theo were ten--just before going to Hogwarts. They were curled up together under the Christmas tree.

Draco remembered that night fondly. They'd both been given brooms early for their Christmas presents and had played a terribly unsuccessful game of 'catch the Snitch' with his mum's glass ornaments. To this day Draco wasn't sure if Theo was that much of a butterfingers or if he just kept dropping the ornaments to make Draco laugh.

By the end of the night, the floor was dusted in a fine mist of broken crystal that shimmered in the moonlight, looking invitingly like snow. Draco had seen to getting a rug thick enough to prevent splinters and had been the first to lie down. Theo had declared him an angel on the white rug surrounded by glittering broken glass.

That was the night of his first kiss--of his only real kiss with tongue. They'd still been restless when they settled in on the blanket, Draco still jazzed for an adventure.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" he asked Theo.

Theo blushed deeply and shook his head gravely.

"Me neither. I reckon that I probably will, but I won't know what I'm doing," said Draco.

Cottoning on to the idea, Theo blushed and then made the first move, cupping Draco's cheeks so softly that it almost tickled. Then he pulled him in and all Draco really remembered were Theo's soft lips, the way he tasted, the slick-warm feel of his mouth, the caress of his tongue and the way his fingers stroked Draco's cheeks.

Draco had melted into it, pressing his hips tentatively against Theo's; wondering if this had the same effect on him. He was answered with a jab of Theo's prick against his belly. There they were on the floor, laying sideways to each other, hands gently exploring, pricks rubbing together, just for the simple enjoyment of touch.

They'd both gotten the idea about the same time and grabbed their own cocks before switching, each taking the other. Initially, they touched each other in much the same way, copying rhythm and tenseness. But then Draco became more encouraged and he pulled harder, faster, watching Theo's face- the way his mouth formed an 'O' and he moaned it over and over to Draco.

Draco fucked Theo's hand, pushing against it, needing to feel this, to know it was safe. Draco never thought beyond this. It was what it was. They'd messed their pants, tossing each other off and slept with their bellies pressed together, tacky in the morning. Their parents had no idea and snapped that shot.

Now it was in Theodore's scrapbook.

Draco sat on Theo's bed and stared at it for a long while.

"I didn't want you to join," said Draco.

"I know, said Theo, sitting on the other side of the bed. He lipped an arm around Draco and Draco rested his head on Theo's shoulder.

"I didn't want this for you. You could do better than this, than me, than anything. You could be whatever you wanted, you know," said Draco, maybe exaggerating a little, but it was how he saw it.

"Maybe what I wanted was you," said Theo, pulling Draco closer before setting the scrapbook aside. "And who we might've been."

"That's crazy. We're both boys," said Draco, having a difficult time fathoming this.

"But you smelled me in the Amortentia. You smelled me and I'm what your heart desires. It's not up for debate." Theo was stroking Draco's hair and kissing the top of his head, but he knew that Draco wouldn't respond that easily. He smiled again at Draco and then nuzzled the side of his face. "Stay here for the night. You can sort it out in the morning."

Sorting out his sexual identity crisis at midnight didn't sound appealing and he found that, unlike when other people touched him, he rather liked this. Maybe there was something to be said for craziness with other boys, if it's what your heart desires. Draco closed his eyes, and for the first time since his father was imprisoned, he felt safe.