Being Young and Alive

Being Young and Alive

Hermione was not a sporadic person. All of her actions were carefully planned and calculated and thought out. She did not act rashly, and any action she performed quickly was one that was practiced; a honed, tuned skill. And for this reason, among many others, she was a particularly valuable accomplice to Harry Potter during the war. She planned, she prepared, she was ready for whatever could perceiveably be coming.

Always a willing student, Hermione prided herself on her observational skills. But the summer before what would have been her seventh year at Hogwarts, the summer before Bill and Fleur's wedding, something occurred that Hermione did not perceive to be possible. Something slipped past her, out of the beacon of light that shone upon the world around her, showing her the truth about the world, and into the darkness.

What she had not perceived, what she had not at all planned for or taken into account, was the fact that she might lose herself in the whole process.

Remus Lupin, oft' referred to as Moony by his childhood chums, understood what it was like to be Hermione. As a child, he had, by a terrible accident, become afflicted with lycanthropy. This fact was common knowledge to those with whom he worked closely in his adult life. The Order of the Phoenix, the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place, and the Burrow, were well aware of his affliction, in addition to a few unnamable others in the world. What mattered was, that the people he knew and cared about understood what happened to him once a month with the rise of the full moon - understood, and accommodated him as needed. But as a child, Remus Lupin lived a much different life. Before attending school, he'd had a lot of time after he was bitten by Fenrir Greyback to think about what his affliction would mean for him. He was determined that no one, absolutely no one at his school, discover his disease. He, and his caring parents, took every precaution to prevent the knowledge of his condition from spreading outside of the small circle of people who needed to know. Remus Lupin spent many months before his coming to Hogwarts preparing lists of explanations for his monthly changes. He knew he would be living closely with other students, and was determined not to pique their curiosity by not being able to explain away why he was absent from classes with every full moon, and why he felt horrible in both the preceding and following days. His explanations were detailed, planned, and ready in his mind should someone ask. He was determined not to be caught off guard.

But somehow, he had overlooked one small factor. Remus Lupin never thought he would want to tell someone his secret. He never thought that he would trust someone enough to reveal to them this carefully protected information. But he did. At Hogwarts, he met three boys who would become his best friends in the entire world - people who actually liked him, people with whom he could relax, take a break, and let loose, so to speak. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew became his closest confidants, and his best friends. Upon learning of his condition they did not run from him, did not sever ties and bid him adieu, but they actually wanted to help him cope. They felt compassion for him - a thing he never thought could be done. When he was a young man, a young man with so much ahead of him, those three boys taught him to laugh, to be thankful for being young and alive, and to celebrate it. They stepped through his shields and taught him to act without thought, without planning, to live in the moment. And for that he would be eternally grateful. The friends he had made at school had shed light upon his life. And even in such dark times, where death was ever present, and the future looked bleak, he was able to be thankful that he was alive.

Years later, the lessons he learned from his friends at Hogwarts lived on. By the time he was nearing his forties, he still remembered them, even though the friends who had taught them were long gone, in one way or another. Remus had made new friends, after losing his old ones to death, madness, or evil. He watched as Harry, Ron, Hermione, and all their classmates and companions had to struggle through a world which was both very similar and very different from the one in which he grew up. These kids, these young adults were faced with horrors no one should be forced to face - people so young still, so innocent. He watched them the summer before what would have been their seventh year, and he felt their pain. Harry, Ron and Hermione suffered the most of all. Harry was carrying the burden of what he would have to do, to murder another, and Ron was there trying to be the best friend he could be in a time like this, while still dealing with trying to protect his family from his position. And Hemione, well, Remus truly felt for her. The poor girl had tried to protect her family, and in so doing, had sent them off to Australia, erasing from their minds every thought of their daughter. She had known their was no other way to keep them safe, and prayed that it worked. Hermione had always been the cleverest among the trio of friends, and so she felt particularly responsible for researching spells and ensuring they were well prepared for what had to come next. Remus saw how she threw herself into her planning, and while he knew it was important, decided he had to remind her of one last thing before she and Ron and Harry left for wherever it was they were going.

So, one quiet evening about a week before Bill and Fleur's wedding, Remus found Hermione sorting through a massive stack of books in her room after supper. He stood in the doorway and watched her for a moment. She was sitting on the floor, bathed in lamplight. She had obviously previously read all the books in front of her, for she was skimming them discriminately and sorting them into two piles. He knocked on the open door, quietly, but she heard him regardless. She looked up at him, her doe brown eyes capturing his, and smiled.

"Professor, how are you?" she asked, pleased to see him there. She moved to stand, but he stopped her with a gesture, indicating she could remain seated.

"I'm doing well, Hermione. But tell me, how are you getting along?" he asked, clear that his question was more than just a pleasantry. He moved into the room and sat on a bench near the wall, the fringes of her book sorting arrangement laid out at his feet. She looked down at the books before her. Some how Remus Lupin always demanded of her complete honesty. Not that she was a naturally dishonest person. It was more that he had an ability to encourage her to admit things she naturally wouldn't, even if she wanted to. It wasn't even worth it to attempt to satiate him with a simple answer like, 'I'm fine,' or 'I've been keeping busy.' She knew he would eventually wriggle out of her the stress and near panic she was feeling deep down inside due to the trio's impending journey.

"I... could be better." She said, looking up into his face, a face in which she never was able to find any pretense, a face she despised at times for seeming to know her better than she did herself. The face smiled.

"Hermione, I know you've heard plenty of lectures in your life about the dangers of over-stretching one's self, of trying to take on too much, trying to keep too much under control. I am not going to give you one of those lectures, but merely a bit of advice." He paused, to give her a moment to think. He was right. She had heard such things before, from Harry and Ron concerned over her excessive study habits, from Professor McGonagall in the year of the time turner, and from her parents, both biological - the Grangers, who had recently moved to Australia - and surrogate - the Weasleys, specifically, Mrs. Weasley. Hermione for the most part felt she knew her own boundaries. But even she had to admit that, at this point, they were well stretched. She considered all of this, and sat back a little, willing to listen to Lupin continue.

"Believe me when I say that I can understand your position, at least essentially. You kids, you young adults have faced so much in your lives. I want to say this now not because I want you to throw caution to the wind, but because I want you to remember it for afterwards, if, by some turn of fate, I am not here to remind you." He paused again, his meaning quite clear. No one knew who would be left after this war was ended, and it pained Hermione to think that her favorite Professor, and most appreciated friend, might not survive it. She nodded her understanding, the conversation clearly having turned toward something of great importance he wanted to pass on to her. She was ready to learn one last lesson from the old Professor.

"Hermione, after this whole mess is cleared up, you have to promise me you will remember to do one thing. I learned this lesson years ago from my friends, and it saved me in the darkest of times. When the war is over, and you are done doing your duty for us all, remember to celebrate being young and alive."

At these words, she looked up at him, surprise mixed with interest evident in her eyes. She considered him for a moment, and then replied. "Professor, Remus, thank you for being so caring. I promise you that once the war is over, you and I will meet again, and we will both celebrate together how happy we will both be at being young and alive. How is that?"

He chuckled at her reply. Trust Hermione to bargain with you when you are only trying to save her happiness. He had no qualms however, about agreeing to her deal. "Alright Hermione, deal." She stood, and so did he, and she climbed over a shallow pile of books and embraced him in a friendly hug. "Remus, you're such a good friend, a good man. Thank you." She said into his shoulder, getting slightly emotional. He smiled, rubbed her back soothingly for a moment, and then released her.

"I'll leave you to your sorting," he said, indicating her books with a sweeping gesture. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." she replied, re-settling herself among the books. He turned, and walked out of her room calm and assured by the hope that both she and he would be able to make good on their promise to one another.