A Return To Hogwarts
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Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
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Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,678
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
A Return To Hogwarts
Introduction:
The Headmaster himself, Albus Dumbledore, has requested my presence. However, I am no stranger to the moors and lochs and secret places of Scotland, or the famed wizarding school hidden therein. I had attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry only ten years prior, graduating with all outstanding scores on my O.W.L.s and N.E.W.Ts, graduating a year early, because of the accelerated study programs I was involved in.
I have a great admiration and respect for Albus Dumbledore, and I am sure he wouldn’t have sent for me if he didn’t at least respect me in some way. I’m not entirely sure why I am headed for Scotland, but I suppose I will know when I get there. Why has he asked for me, specifically, you might ask. Well, I suppose I should start from the beginning, as that is how most tales begin…My given name is Aurora Collins, the name my Northern country tribe bestowed upon me is Siguna Snowsong.
Chapter 1
It has been a while since I was integrated with normal society, wizard or otherwise. I have traveled to many places the last ten years, learning with masters of various defense techniques, studying with shamans about their craft of trance and healing, and sitting with some of the wisest of the wise, listening to their prophetic visions, meditating in their silence, and learning the arts of war and peacetime in the process. Many of these places are very remote, away from the hustle and bustle of society. Remote sanctuaries, tribal reservations, all the nooks and crannies of the world have been my home for the last few years. Some of the more sophisticated crowd would now say I am a wild woman, uncivilized, because of the turn my life has taken, especially a certain Minister of Magic. It will be interesting to see reactions from others who knew me before. I would refer to myself as a Mystic Warrior, and perhaps even a Walker Between the Worlds.
For the past five years I have been living with a remote clan of Vikings in Iceland, one of the last few remaining tribes of those who have survived the culture assimilation of the once mighty Northlands. They have long since given up pillaging and burning of villages, however they had not yet given up the old ways of farming, trading, and of course worshipping the old Norse gods. They also have not forgotten the old ways of sword-fighting and axe-wielding, not usually on other humans, but have always had problems with giants, trolls, and the occasional fire-breathing dragon. In contrast to their blood-stained hand crafted steel, they also have rune-craft, seidhr (pronounced ‘seeth’ the ‘th’ pronounced hard like ‘the’ not like ‘th’ in ‘teeth‘, a shamanic practice used for prophecy, spell-work, and communication with the gods, in legend it was Freya who taught Odin this craft), skaldic poetry, brewing of the holy alcoholic mead, and that sweet old Nordic hospitality. I had been accepted into the tribe only a few months of arriving, then adopted by the clan-leader, King Hrothgar VI, and had planned on living the rest of my days there, until receiving Dumbledore’s post this morning. Much to my astonishment, his legendary phoenix, Fawkes himself delivered it, so it was obviously critical.
It took a couple hours to convince King Hrothgar I had to leave, if even for a short time, he apparently knew it was urgent but he didn’t want one of his best women-warriors, modern-day Valkyries named after Odin’s Daughters of legend, to leave, especially one with a title in the ranks equal to a General. Finally he understood it was a matter of honor, and respect for Dumbledore, and he then said it was best if I did go to preserve that honor and respect. He knows Dumbledore is a truly powerful wizard and would be a great ally should the need ever arise for us to call upon him. Feeling it to be necessary, I urged him not to collect a wergild on me should I get killed honorably. A wergild is an Old Norse word meaning to demand something in return, like money or a valuable item, for the life of a slain person. He wouldn’t promise that if my death was preventable he wouldn‘t claim it, but did agree if I died in an honorable way he would accept it and would merely request my body be returned home. He hastily wrote a note for me to present to Dumbledore containing these terms for my services, which will be sent back with a school owl to Hrothgar with Dumbledore’s signature. Hrothgar is truly like a father to me, and before I left I was blessed in a ceremony that ensures upon my death, my spirit will be sent straight to Freya’s Hall: Sessrumnir. Freya normally takes half the fallen warriors as she chooses, but I am a dedicant of Freya, not of Odin. Therefore I will not be going to live in Odin’s hall, Valhalla. Hrothgar has filled a void in my heart that my real father used to fill, I look up to him as a parent, and because he once had a daughter but lost her to the dragons’ raids, I came at the right time to fill that void in his heart as well. I have since avenged her death, in the name of Hrothgar and Freya, as she was also a dedicant of Freya. A dedicant is one who dedicates their life to a particular deity, Freya chose me, I did not choose her. She came to me in a meditation and has guided me henceforth.
I was also given two revered artifacts before leaving by order of the king, presented to me by the second in command, Ragnhild the Fair, my Valkyrie sister. One of these said artifacts, is dragon scale armor, which is stronger than steel, immune to certain magic, and as light as leather armor; the other artifact is a sword, not an ordinary sword, but has the power to change it’s length at the wielder’s will. It can be a dagger, or as large as a two-handed claymore, yet still relatively light-weight, with the ability to reflect unsavory spells back at the caster. According to town legend, both artifacts are said to have been crafted by mountain dwarves, nearly as legendary as the goblins for their handicrafts, but dwarves are not as underhanded and sneaky as goblins are. Dwarves have their moments, though. They were created for Hrothgar’s ancestors in trade for portions of a cave which his ancestors mined. I also have brought my wand with me, the very same I held in my hand the day I graduated Hogwarts. I also have my raven, Hugo, with me, he’s currently flying about eight meters below me. Hugo was named after one of Odin’s famed Ravens, Hughinn, in Old Norse that translates to “thought”.
Right now I am flying over the ocean, on a relatively new broom obtained only a few hours ago. It was a real pain trying to find something on such short notice, but somehow I tracked down, by way of the westernized campfire-version of the floo-network, a manufacturer on the coasts of North America. The founder of the company is a good friend, he also happens to be part of a Native American tribe I had once studied with to learn natural medicine and shape-shifting from. His company had recently designed and created a broom that they call the White Buffalo 780, made from birch tree wood, with the handle carved at the tip to resemble a curved buffalo horn. Some tribes have kept their old ways, and decided to keep some dignity by creating magical items, rather than sell out and open gambling casinos. I guess some would see what they are doing as selling out, either way, but they don't sell to just anyone. They have found a decent market with us "wizard types", but I know they save the good stuff for their own people. Who else better to make magical wooden brooms than those who have lived in the woods for generations though? I was told it wasn’t quite done with long-range flight testing but every other test had held up quite well, the longest run it had was 245 miles, with great success, but if I was willing to test it for them I could receive the broom free of charge as long as I gave them a full report when I reached Hogwarts. Within minutes of agreeing to their broom testing, there was clap of thunder in the room, and in looking around I realized I was face to face with a rather handsome raven-haired native American, he is known as Bearclaw, as handsome as he is shy, with the most stunning dark amber eyes one could ever hope to see in their lifetime. Spanning his shoulders, was a large Thunderbird, hence the clap of thunder. He smiled, wished me luck, and presented the broom to me; but before I could utter very many words other than ‘thank you’, in another rumble of thunder, he was gone. So how did I manage to get some of the better stuff? I'll get to that in a minute, but let's just say I'm like family.
The broom made me pretty nervous at first, but so far I am making good time, and no problems yet. I have tried to fly over as many small islands as possible, uncharted or not. It would be disastrous to go down in the icy depths below me. I am cold but not so cold that I am frozen to my broom. I stopped briefly on a small island for a moment to eat something so my core temperature stays up. The dragon scale also has a mild warmth to it, especially in colder temperatures. Perhaps that is how the dragons keep from freezing while they live in the mountainous regions at higher altitudes. I had to put a shrinking charm on my suitcase so I could carry all my belongings I need with me, it still keeps 65% of the weight, maybe that is why I’m not moving as fast as I could be. The coastlines of Scotland are visible now off in the distance at the very edge of the horizon. Now my only worry is getting into flight trouble in a muggle populated area. I’m sure the Ministry for Magic would have my head skewered on a pole if I should crash into a populated area. Speaking of the Ministry, I spent a brief stint interning to be an Auror there, but within three months I found it to be very monotonous, and menial, that is when my decision was made to take a pilgrimage around the world and study with as many masters as humanly possible. I spent several years in each place, and in ten years I have been to four places. I am a quick study, and therefore I learn things at an accelerated pace. Many masters have told me it would have taken others years to get to my level, and although I am not considered a master at anything I have learned, I am confident about everything I have learned in theory and practical application, because most of it I have used on and off the battlefield. I'm an adept, and I keep in tune with natural cycles, whether I want to or not. I can tell you which direction North is, even underground with no sun-light. I'm a rather odd individual.
Before Hogwarts I traveled with my parents, who were hippies of sorts, traveling and dragging me along with them. I had already been to several interesting places, and have been a part of some interesting social circles of people my parents knew. My folks were both magic oriented people, and I had already experienced several wonderful magical places, Sedona, Arizona, the Bermuda Triangle (although we didn’t see much happening the day we were there, but felt the high energy levels that reside in that mysterious region), the pyramids of both South America and Egypt, and of course Stonehenge, among the more memorable. It is only natural for me to want to travel now and be free. My family and I settled in a cabin in a communal area owned by local group of Druids, it was in a beautiful forested country area of Britain . I learned a great many things from the Arch Druid, Rowan Gray, of the community. He told me stories of his boyhood, of the night Britain was saved from Hitler and the Nazi Regime by his group of Druids, who performed rituals all night, which caused a fog that the Nazis couldn't penetrate. He also told me Winston Churchill was, at one time, a Druid. He was the first wisest person I had ever met in my life, aside from my real father, of course. I had learned from him many things about nature, and natural magic. Not to mention learning about the mysterious creatures that live in forested areas that many muggles often overlook. Aside from the faeries, brownies, and sprites, he taught me about tree-spirits, Dryads, and Nyads, and how to call on them if you are in trouble; he also taught me much lore of the forests, about healing yourself by natural means with herbs and potions, forestry survival, and forest animal lore. What I learned from Arch Druid Gray carried with me to Hogwarts. My letter came the following year of living there, when I turned eleven. My parents had both went to a North American wizarding school, as my parents were both American. They had heard of Hogwarts, and they trembled with joy and excitement as I tore open my letter.
I feel I owe a lot to Dumbledore, I wasn’t the greatest student starting out, and I’m really not a social butterfly. Needless to say, I had some trouble fitting in to the cliques and the clubs. Through all the hard times in my first year, I was encouraged by Dumbledore himself a few times that I could be better if I worked at it. After all, in his words, he told me there is only room for improvement, he then pulled out a bag of curious looking candies and popped a couple into his mouth before winking and shuffling off down the corridor. It wasn't really what he said, so much as it was the way he said it. His whole heart seemed to echo those words. As far as my being a student, I did fairly well, as I mentioned I got all Outstanding grades on my exams, all except for History of Magic, which was still above average. From that day forward, when he bestowed that gem of wisdom on me, I did try harder, made a couple good friends with whom I still exchange brief letters with at least once a year on their birthdays, to hear about their civilized lives and families while they know I am still alive and trekking my way across the world learning the wisdom that lies in the trees and the grass, while their children climb the trees and sit on the grass playing with wizarding preschooler toys. Back home I have yet to find a suitable one to settle down with. I have had a few offers from various kinsmen of the clan, but none of whom I have found to settle down with, most of them too ‘beardy’, or too ‘farmy’, or too drunk on mead to be a fitting father or husband. Perhaps I am too picky about a mate. Perhaps it has something to do with the last relationship I had with a Native American, Bearclaw’s brother, Hawkwind. Hawkwind was leading a hunting ceremony for a boy in the tribe who was becoming a man. The bear they were hunting, who had recently become a nuisance to the tribe killing horses and other livestock, had become rabid. The bear snuck into their campsite while they slept and brutally killed Hawkwind. The bear was brought to justice by the boy, but at the expense of my Hawkwind. It was much too late to save him with healing magic as he had been completely decapitated. After his funeral and burial ceremony, I decided to leave to continue my pilgrimage. I am still spoke of warmly amongst them, and that is why I am entrusted with the "better stuff" his tribe offers.
It has been five years ago this week I left the tribe to join the Viking clan in Iceland. Now I am leaving them to assist Dumbledore. I have learned from them all I needed to know, but it is now my home, and I miss my long-house and hearth-fire already. Now all I can think of is whether or not there will be a chance to go back home, or if I am flying to my death and instead receiving a welcoming home to Asgard, the final destination of the Norse Kinspeople before me. As I look below I am above the coastline of Scotland. It can’t be long now. I fly over the moors and lochs, and finally like a beacon in the night, I see Hogwarts, sitting majestically hidden. As I hurtle toward it, I wonder if Dumbledore has lifted a few of the magics that secure the grounds because he knows I am coming.
Upon landing on the meadow between what I believe to be Hagrid’s hut and the school, I see one of the infamous thestrals dart quickly up and then back down into the forbidden forest. I saw my father die when I was a little girl, I had only been at Hogwarts for two years when it happened on summer vacation. I try not to think about it too much. Arch Druid Gray had been my father-figure after that. It was very hard for him and my mother to watch me leave the confines of the community. They knew I had to follow my heart though. My legs were slightly cramping, I stopped for a moment to rub the back of my calf and noticed the vague shape of the whomping willow is off in the distance. While shuddering at the thought of landing near it, I decide I should make my way up to the doors before it gets too dark out. If I am correct in thinking, school hasn’t started quite yet, as it is only the beginning of August. It is a warm summer evening and it is just before twilight. The sky is a pretty purple-pink, and the clouds are puffy like cotton. I beckon Hugo to my shoulder, explain to him he will probably have to stay outside, and he gracefully flew off in the direction of the lighted window of Hagrid’s hut. I still have to send word to Bearclaw about the success of the broom, maybe I will use a fireplace later for that purpose, hopefully. I'm not using the Floo Network, but I'm still using the fireplace. Think of it as your home phone, but temporarily using a different long distance carrier.
As I walk up the familiar stone steps to the front door of the ancient school, then immediately as I reach for the door handle, the hair on the back of my neck prickles. I can feel the magic rising in the area like water quickly coming to a boil. Dumbledore must know I have arrived, and has restored the magic to the area. Carefully opening the door to step inside, the familiar robed shape of the tartan-clad Minerva McGonagal comes rushing to my side from the nearby stone staircase.
“I am glad you have arrived safely Auro…”, I shot a glance at her, “…Siguna.” McGonagal corrects herself.
“It’s ok Professor, I expected that, not a problem. Thank you, I didn’t have too much trouble.” I reply with a respectful smile.
“Dumbledore will be sending for you to his office shortly, he’s having a meeting right now, with the Minister.”
“The Minister?” I replied somewhat sharply, worrying about my well being, perhaps I had been sighted flying my broom here.
“It has nothing to do with you dear, these meetings have become rather… regular.” I breathed a small sigh of relief, apparently McGonagal knew what I was thinking, as she gave a rather rare smile, and surprisingly joked with me a little sensing my apprehension: “That would have been something, if a few muggles had spotted you, wouldn’t it?” I laughed nervously at her rhetorical question, and wasn't at all shocked that she knew precisely what was in my head.
She lead me into the main hall, where the students normally sat, and told me Professor Snape would come and collect me when Dumbledore was ready, because she had some pressing business that needed attending to, and she ‘couldn’t spend all night waiting on the Minister to get his rear end out of Dumbledore’s office’. Then she added, ‘No offense to you of course, dear.’ Before she left however, she did offer me some hot spiced tea to warm me up, which she transfigured herself, more likely with the help of the Hogwarts House-Elves, into a lovely rather large tea cup in front of me, apparently to last a while, and a plate of toast with honey popped up next to it out of nowhere. I was used to the cold north winds, I do come from the land of ice and snow (with the midnight sun, where the hot springs blow), but not at high altitudes as I had experienced in my travels, and the hot drink and toast was a welcome treat. I settled in by the fire on the eastern wall of the Great Hall and began to sip the hot tea and nibble the toast. The comfort reminded of home a little, and I sighed a little as I thought of the Great Longhouse at home where we had community celebrations, honoring Frey, Freya, Thor, Odin, Frigga, and the other Gods: the bards sang, the mead flowed, oaths were sworn, we toasted the Gods with drinking horns, and feasted till dawn. While up north, I was never able to locate Durmstrang, the famous northland wizard school, but I didn’t look too hard though. I had more important things to do at home, besides the celebrations, there was a lot of work, and being one of the high commanders of the king’s army, my was plate quite full.
The fire crackled and my thoughts were pulled back into the present. I assumed I was to wait here in case I was to accidentally overhear the conversation between the Headmaster and the Minister. I began to admire what they had done with the Great Hall since my days at Hogwarts. Not much had changed, really, however I was re-marveling at the ceiling, which looked like a clear evening sky dotted with slowly appearing stars, the warm glow of floating candles, and mulling over the good old days in my head of being a student here, the good, and the not so good. I wanted to explore the old dormitory, I was a Ravenclaw when I was sorted. Nearly put into Slytherin, but apparently I wasn’t ‘shrewd’ enough at heart. Shrewdness must have been the only trait I lacked, I do go after what I want as most Slytherins are famous for. I got up from my seat and stretched. I took my dragon scale helm off, and let my auburn hair fall to my waist. The armor itself had a strange swirly blue-green-with-flecks-of-gold color quality to it, the tone of the color complimented my silvery green eyes. It seemed to mold to me as I wore it, much like a second skin, but I could easily take it off. I wondered if it could stop even “Avada Kedavra,” if it was flung at me, as I fingered the nose-guard. It is supposed to stop most harmful curses directed at the wearer. The Cruciatus curse and the Imperius Curse are the only two unforgivable curses that have been attempted on it. The armor passed with flying colors. I planned on protecting this armor with my life, if it literally came to that, hopefully the armor would do the same for me. It was made for a queen who once ruled over the tribe. She was very fair and just, yet was also a formidable warrior. Apparently also very curvaceous, like myself, because the armor fit as though it were made for me, not a long-dead queen, and I mean that respectfully. We still sing songs of her glory to this day. Also, I think I may look little like her, because I am sort of named for her, and a few town historians who are the quill-keepers of the tribe, have told me by the descriptions written down in her time, I fit a close resemblance to her. Her name was Sigyna, pronounced Sig-eena. Mine is pronounced Sig-unna. I felt very honored to know where my name came from after my ‘adoption’ ceremony into the clan. I had trouble at first learning the Norse language, because it is hard to grasp, but soon it becomes second nature.
In the full armor I thought I looked like some sort of Dragon Goddess. It reminded me of the time I had spent in China, with the monks, and most of the dragons there were playful unless they perceived you as a threat. I thought about looking in a mirror and using a mild version of the “Spirit of the Dragon” summoning charm, just to watch a harmless form of the more powerful summoning charm swirl around me in the armor just to see what it looked like. I knew this was only a passing thought, as I don’t think it would be very honorable to use such a powerful charm, even in a weaker form, just to see if I looked good standing next to the wispy form of a flying Chinese dragon in my armor. The thought was an awesome one though, nonetheless. Speaking of places I’ve been on my Pilgrimage, the first place I pilgrimaged to was the middle east to study with master Yogis, mastering my mind with transcendental meditation, and mastering my physical being with various forms of yoga, and to learn my energy centers, followed by China, where I began intense physical training, and even more intensive mind control, then North America with the Native American tribe to study herbalism, shamanism, and a not so successful experience with shape-shifting, then finally to Iceland. Iceland was nearly an accident. I went there to experience the brutal winters, self-survival techniques, and to view the Aurora Borealis, my birth namesake, however, I found a wonderful home there, and in fact a new name. I meditated for a brief moment on my beginnings and what had brought me to this point to clear my head, and to dismiss thoughts of homesickness I was already feeling the pangs of. However, at this moment, I feel I have come to visit a home away from home I had forgotten about. As I reflected on my home and life there, I remembered I needed to send word to Bearclaw, and I reached into my pocket to pull out a bag of homemade floo-like powder. I tossed a pinch into the fireplace, and stuck my head into the flames. I uttered the word “Bearclaw” and felt my head spinning around to find his fire. Within moments I was staring at Bearclaw, as he crouched beside his own fire.
“Well?” he said beaming.
“Excellent!” I said. “Not any trouble at all with this one.”
“Awesome, little sister, awesome,” he always called me that. Funny since he is actually Hawkwind’s younger brother. “Never a doubt. Well, if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to call me. Maybe we’ll get the chance to see each other again some day to sit and talk.” he paused looking reminiscent and a little sad, “We all miss you, you know.”
“I know, sweetie.” the truth is I didn’t really want to sit and talk with him. The memory of Hawkwind dying still churns my stomach, and makes my heart feel like a terrible hand is grasping it and squeezing the life out of me. “Well, I have to go, lots to do.”
“I understand, well, until we meet again, and don’t stay away so long this time. You are still family to me, to all of us. I love you, little sister.”
“I know, my friend, I know. Thank you again. Love you too. Send my love to mom and dad.” He smiled warmly, nodded, and mouthed ‘I will, and you’re welcome’, or perhaps he said it, either way I was already pulling out of the fire. I stood and shook my head, like a wet dog. Partially because of the floo-powder sensation, but also because I was trying to get tired old thoughts of Hawkwind out of my head. The funeral, the burial, and finally the memorial which Bearclaw and their other brother, who simply went by the name of Sam, had already started constructing as I left the next day. I did half want to see the completed memorial. I’m sure it did his memory great justice. His family did love me, just as Bearclaw insinuated. I would not be surprised if the memorial had a small mention of me. They were very upset I wanted to leave, but I had already learned as much as they would teach me not being a full-fledged member of the tribe, and after Hawkwind died there was not much else for me there. His mother was especially distraught, but his father understood why I wanted to leave. He was not eager to see me go, because he said it was like loosing a daughter, as well as a son. He knew I couldn’t stay, but told me I was always welcome in his home.
As I continued to reflect on my life and sip my hot spiced tea, which seemed to warm me from the tips of my toes to my very soul, I heard the faint, distant, sound of long striding footsteps and the unmistakable whoosh of swishing cape, sounding much like a bat swooping in. If you were a student, that could only mean you were probably about to get house points taken away for even looking suspicious, up to no good or not. It was the familiar sound of Severus Snape, Slytherin house head, and Potions Master. While most students despised him in my day, as I am sure the tradition continues, I for one had a slight fondness for him. I could never put my finger on it, perhaps it was his aptitude for potions, his snide remarks to the students who were considered to be the popular crowd, the crowd who often poked fun at my sheer ‘weirdness’, or was it his mere presence. I felt an strange almost unnatural affinity with him, and I was curious about our first face to face meeting as adults. Potions was one of my favorite classes, finding herbal mixtures and creating the proper combination with successful results always gave me an unnatural rush. I wondered what he would think of one of former star students, I was no longer the slightly pudgy, slouchy, introverted girl I used to be, I had a commanding force about me now. I am, back home, a legion squad general, to my clan, and king’s army. Men and women follow my orders and strategies against the mountain troll armies, and the rogue giants, and dragons we war against. In spite of this, like a true Valkyrie of legend, I still have a voluptuous feminine quality, even with my war-forged muscle. I have maintained my honor among my people, and some have written and sang bardic tales in my honor at yearly celebrations, I think my favorite was “Siguna Snowsong the Golden Hearted“, sung by our best Bard, Johann Silvertongue, accompanied by players of the Celtic harp and Pan-pipes. His footsteps were growing closer now, I cursed myself for having nervous-sweaty palms and quickly tried to wipe them on a napkin sitting near my spiced tea cup. I thought briefly perhaps he was the reason I could not bring myself to settle down, no, it couldn’t be that. I have that “golden heart”, and he, well, I wouldn’t say dark-hearted, because Dumbledore trusts him, but let’s just say I know he isn’t made of daisies and rainbows. Neither am I, with as much proverbial blood that is on my hands.
He entered the Hall, with piercing eyes that hunted down my presence. I stood to meet him, not knowing whether I should shake his hand, or just let everything happen. I knew I was here for Dumbledore, not to get reacquainted with a crush I had years ago as a student. I could feel my blood racing through my temples and jugular, as he glided up to me. I didn’t expect I would feel this same way years later, it even felt more enhanced now that I had reached adulthood. I must maintain my composure, I thought, as my mouth watered for his flesh on my flesh, entwined together. I quickly thought of home to persuade my thoughts to go elsewhere. His eyes met mine for several moments as he approached me, and the slightest hint of a wicked grin spread across his face which quickly turned serious again. I nearly forgot at that moment he was an expert at the mind-reading craft, legillimency. I looked away for a moment at a floating candle, hoping he didn’t read my thoughts. His actions, beyond that hint of a momentary nefarious grin, were quite professional after that.
“I see you have returned to Hogwarts.” he said with a dignified air about him, his eyes continued to focus on mine. His eyes were soft at the moment, not fiery or dangerous.
“Yes, Professor,” I tried to sound as collected as I possibly could given my mindset previously. “I came as soon as I could.”
“No need for professional titles, you are no longer my student, even though you were one of the best I‘ve taught in my career here.” I swallowed, hard. Afterwards I was afraid he heard my gulp. “But if you are more comfortable with formalities…”
“Oh, whichever you prefer, sir.” I said, feeling woozy from the sudden rushes of adrenaline and pounding blood coursing through my veins and arteries, it was almost hard to hear him over the sound pulsating through my own ears.
“Severus.” he said, and I thought I would faint. “If it pleases you.”
“What?” I said, looking a little taken aback, trying to force myself to hear him correctly, desperately trying to strain to hear over the constant thudding in my ears.
“I said Dumbledore is waiting to see you.” he said, growing more than a little impatient. “And you may call me Severus.” he said eyeing me with a raised eyebrow, as if he were testing me for some reason.
“I’m sorry, I am a little tired from my journey. Yes, Severus, I will go with you to see him.” I felt strange, had I really just heard that? My feet felt numb because I don’t think they were getting any blood at the moment, but my head felt like it could burst.
“Are you feeling quite well?” he asked with that slight twinge of impatience, more as though he was questioning my mental well being than my state of physical health. His eyes inquisitively burned into me, as he continued to look down his nose at me, as though he was studying me like the latest book on herbal qualities for potion making.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I lied, I know he sensed something, but I was hoping that it wasn’t as precise as the brief image of our bodies entangled in waves of passion that had passed through my mind as he gazed into my eyes. For an instant, I almost thought they were half his thoughts and half mine. Surely not, because I can’t pick up on anything visual, or auditory from him that would indicate otherwise. “Can I just sit for a moment?” I felt a little queasy, not as though I would vomit, though.
“That is fine. Perhaps you just stood up too fast, after riding that broom over land and sea. I don’t you collapsing on me while we walk to the Headmaster’s study.” he said with his hands clasped in front of him, he motioned for me to sit.
“Thank you, Severus.” I sat for a couple minutes, trying to ignore him. He stood facing the fireplace with his hands folded behind his back, staring lazily into the flames. I forced myself into a calm state, using forms of meditation that would allow you complete power over your bodily functions, including a rapid heart beat. Quite useful in battles with trolls, and crushes you haven’t seemed to get over. After only a couple minutes or so, I stood back up, slowly. I felt better, more serene, and more in control. “Alright,” I said, “Let’s go.” I stood there, waiting for his reply.
Severus didn’t say much as he turned towards me in one fluid movement, but his expression always speaks volumes. He was standing there, with arms folded as though his patience was beginning to wear down. However, his eyes almost showed a hint of concern, as though he was studying me to make sure I really was ok to walk. I don’t think he really wanted to scoop me up off the floor and carry me to Madam Pomfrey’s this evening, should I pass out. Finally he nodded a single nod, and I followed him out of the Great Hall.
We headed up the staircase, in the direction of the gargoyle that lead to Dumbledore’s office. As we walked along the corridor, I strode beside Snape. My armor surprisingly didn’t make much sound as we swept through the hallways. Normal scale mail would make metal chinking sounds at the very least. I tried not to look at him, purely because when I did I only thought of stopping him from going further and pressing him against the nearest wall and do lustful things with him, things that definitely are not anything that I came here to accomplish. It had been some time for me, being with a man, I briefly thought of Hawkwind and the first night we spent together. I was much more innocent then. I loved Hawkwind deeply, and I didn’t really want a lustful, sexually ravenous relationship, not even with Severus. I looked down at the floor as we walked quickly down the hallways, the moonlight had just begun peeking into the windows and was casting a silvery glow on the shiny floors, looking a lot like standing water. I somehow thought we were taking the long way around. Suddenly Severus began taking a visual interest in my armor, which had seemed to take on a warmer glow, perhaps with my mood and the fact we were walking quite fast, I haven‘t yet discovered all the secrets this armor possesses. He slowed a little. Severus had apparently noticed it too.
“Is that Dragon Scale Armor, Aurora?” he said, eyebrows raised with mild curiosity.
I barely noticed he didn’t call me ‘Siguna’, “Yes, Severus, it is, forged by mountain dwarves from the scales of a perished dragon.” I felt slightly stupid after spouting out too much information.
“Really.” he said with a vaguely interested lazy tone, he stopped walking, and I stopped as well. Half hoping this would be the part where he tore my armor off of me and showed me why he was the head of a house with a large snake as its mascot. “I find it quite mesmerizing, the way the colors seem to swirl. I have heard of Dragon Scale Armor, but never had the distinct pleasure of touching it. May I?” he began to gracefully hold out a hand, patiently waiting for my invitation.
“Yes, of course.” Trying not to show my shakiness, I offered my arm so he could touch a gauntlet, or shoulder pauldron. Again I felt as though I could faint, as he reached and felt the armor, as though he was a fine clothier choosing a delicate silk to make a brocade shirt. He delicately brushed my hair away, which had gotten caught by the armor with a little static-cling. I briefly closed my eyes forcing myself to not be in the moment. I felt like a hunter who hadn’t eaten in a week, and finally located an unsuspecting rabbit hopping around under a bush. After opening my eyes, trying in vain to falter my thoughts, I looked up at his face realizing he was watching my eyes again, as though trying to read what I was thinking. I stood up to his shoulders, he was fairly tall, about six-one, I was maybe five-six at best. Perhaps he was reading me to make sure I hadn’t been planning something against the very man I was scheduled to meet, he looked away when he knew I noticed his gaze.
“Quite remarkable,” he said as he continued to examine it. “I have read a few things about the qualities dragon skin possesses, perhaps if you are free sometime I could show you a few books in our library that are very detailed on the subject.” he said still examining the gauntlet, he took my hand in his and held it out at my arm’s length to get the full movement of the gauntlet and arm pieces together.
He was standing nearly close enough for me to feel his breath on my neck. I could have been stabbed in the side at the moment, and I would not have felt it. Was he asking… I mean… ‘if you are free sometime’, what does that entail? My thoughts were rushing at a million miles per hour, maybe I heard him wrong. I simply nodded, hoping that if I did not hear him correctly, a nod would at least be a correct response.
As I wondered what to say next, during this uncomfortable silence, he gracefully stopped touching my gauntlet, and insisted we get to Dumbledore’s office. I chuckled a private chuckle, in my head: “gauntlet“. I only wish that was what kids were calling it these days. Despite the fact I was almost enjoying my fantasy of ravaging Severus in the corridor in the confines of my mind, I was really quite interested in getting the meeting with Dumbledore over, so that sleep would soon become a welcomed option.
As we arrived at the stone gargoyle, I realized the alternate route was more than likely to hide my presence from the Minister. Perhaps I am a secret weapon, or it could be that I really am in trouble with the Ministry, without proper authorization maybe I am an illegal alien of some kind. Severus stepped up to the gargoyle.
“Licorice Wand.” he said in that soft and silky voice that made my knees buckle, and the gargoyle leapt aside, and the wall behind it split to reveal a slowly upward-spiraling staircase. I think he was beginning to get an idea why I was acting so strange, there was just something that had changed in his demeanor because he put his hand on my elbow to guide me into the staircase to ride it to Dumbledore’s office. It definitely could have been my imagination, after sitting so long. Maybe he thought I was about to collapse from exhaustion, and he grabbed my elbow to make sure he didn't have to scrape me up from the floor. Sitting seems to make me more tired than non-stop working. I know I will feel more myself after a good night’s sleep, I am not thinking completely rational at all right now.
It was close quarters riding the staircase to Dumbledore’s office. Our arms touched the whole time the staircase spiraled upwards. I wanted to tell Severus what I was feeling, or at the very least get a grasp on what he was feeling. Then at least I would know to drop it gracefully, or pursue it cautiously. Strangely, even his scent was arousing to me. I found myself breathing deeply through my nose a couple of times on the staircase. It was intoxicating, perhaps his pheromones make others cringe, but those sensitive to his brand of DNA are delightfully imbued with scent-drunkenness. He smelled like the dungeons, bubbling potions, fresh herbs, and of course that ‘Severus smell’ that was uniquely his own. He wears it well. Thankfully the staircase reached its destination, and we went into the door to Dumbledore’s round-walled office. Severus ushered me into Dumbledore’s study, where all the whizzing gadgets are, and the portraits of the former Headmasters, none of which were sleeping but they all remained quiet, acting as though they were only half paying attention to us. I thought I could make out the shimmer of the pensieve in a nearly-shut closet like structure in a remote corner of the room. In spite of the other activity in the room, Dumbledore’s seemingly vast, claw-footed desk sat before us, empty.
“He is showing the Minister the way out, he will be back shortly.” said Severus in his silkiest voice, “I will wait here with you until he arrives, but then I need to get back to the dungeons.” he said as he looked around shiftily at all the paintings. The subjects of the paintings were whispering amongst themselves now.
It was quiet again for a moment, I didn’t reply because I didn’t want to risk sounding like a fool. I was also trying desperately to cling to sanity, and forget my passionate feelings. Maybe it was the spiced tea, maybe it inadvertently contained something that effected me like an aphrodisiac, maybe the house elves in the kitchen made it too strong. I tried to rationalize everything, but Severus was standing there, as though waiting for me to say something. He started to come towards me.
“Are you sure you are feeling quite well? You look rather… pale.” He said in what was less impatient and almost sympathetic toned.
“Yes, Severus. I’m ok. Look, I… wanted to ask you.. “ I stammered, trying not to sound idiotic. I’m supposed to be good with words, not the town’s babbling mad-woman.
“Yes?” He said in a deliberately slow silky voice. He began to gaze deeply into my eyes, boring into them, searching for something. I felt like I should let him in, if I couldn’t say it, perchance thoughts would be better. He walked closer to me still, and I still couldn’t get the words out, nor could I willingly let him into my mind. Not out of embarrassment, more because I wanted to hear myself say it to him, something more tangible than thought. The room seemed to get a little darker, until only Severus’ face was visible, his eyes still piercing into mine. I wanted him so badly at this moment, it was maddening. His face came closer still until I could feel his breath against my cheeks, his eyes were still transfixed on mine, tunneling through them, like a miner searching for precious diamonds. Time seemed to slow to a half beat below where it should be. I tried in vain to close my eyes, I couldn’t even get them to shut. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t make a single sound. I was caught like an innocent doe in oncoming headlights. He was only inches from me, his black eyes glinted with some kind of emotion looking like black sapphires. My lower abdomen was beginning to throb because I was wanting him so badly. I was completely frozen to the spot. Closer Severus, please, kiss me, hold me, come closer, I want you….
At that most tense flash of time, Dumbledore burst into the room. I barely noticed him, but the sound of the door shutting shifted my senses back to reality. When I broke away from Severus’ gaze, the room suddenly came back into view. Severus reached for a chintz arm-chair and motioned me to sit, standing behind the chair and me the entire time, he re-introduced me to Dumbledore. I couldn’t help but feel Severus was acting a little strange after that odd entanglement we shared for a concise instant of time. It was almost like getting caught by a parent while trying to put the moves on someone you fancied. He still managed to keep perfect composure. I was just imagining this, wasn’t I? I could have sworn I saw Severus’ lips move repeating the words in my mind as I thought them, about him coming closer just as Dumbledore charged in. No that is just… no.
“Thank you, Severus.” Announced Dumbledore. “If you need to get back to anything Professor, don’t let me stop you, but if you wish to stay you are more than welcome. You know of the goings on just as well as anyone else.”
“That’s quite alright Headmaster. I shall be heading back to the dungeons, however should you need anything further…”
“I believe we will be just fine, Severus. However I will take that to heart, if I should need you this evening.” Dumbledore paused for a brief moment as if in contemplation “Actually, I will need you to show our new staff member her quarters, when we are through here.” Dumbledore’s face remained soft in his usual demeanor.
“Then I will wait for your summons.” he said briskly as he turned for the door.
As Severus swept out the door, and I heard the sound of the staircase begin to shift again spiraling downward once more with Severus riding it. Dumbledore peered at me through his half moon spectacles.
“I trust you had a good trip here, no problems?” he motioned to a bowl of candies, sitting pristinely on his desk, I obliged by taking one.
“No, sir.” I was still trying to figure out what just happened to me, but the feeling was quickly disappearing.
“I believe you have something for me to sign?” he said in his usual patient voice.
“Oh! Yes sir, I had nearly forgotten.” It was the paper to be sent back to King Hrothgar, the terms of my services. I had meant to read it down in the great hall, but I had let it slip my mind. Dumbledore took it from me, and began to read it. I popped the candy into my mouth, and it exploded into delightfully sweet flavor as I bit into it. As usual, his choice of sweets is impeccable.
“Yes it all sounds in order,” Dumbledore winked. “Of course, we will have to make sure that if you die it won’t be from a shifting staircase or from one of Hagrid’s creatures…” he smiled.
I realized it was one of Dumbledore’s witty comments, to make me more at ease, however I was quite tired from such a long journey and my stamina was wearing thinner every second, especially after the entire encounter with Snape. I was not really in the mood to laugh, but I did manage a weary smile.
“Not to worry," Dumbledore said, "I will personally send this immediately with an owl this evening. I have some other owl post I will be sending, so this will simply be another thing to add to the list. No, not a problem at all.” he put it on a small stack of papers on his desk, that until that point I didn’t notice were sitting there.
“Sir, why have you sent for me?” I said trying to sound respectful.
“Ah, well you see, we need a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, no, I’m kidding. Well, we do need one, but I’m afraid that isn’t why I have sent for you. Actually I have several things in mind for you to do. One is that Severus needs an assistant of sorts, another is that I think we need something of a security guard for the school, Mr. Filch takes care of the dirty work, however we need someone with sympathy and muscle, and of course a balanced mind.”
Being a security guard I could handle, I thought, a bit below my level, but I would be Defender of Hogwarts! I did not know however, about the ‘assistant’ thing.
“Sir, what do you mean Severus needs an assistant?”
“Well, he has been feeling a bit overworked lately. I will set aside some time to fill you in later, right now I will try not to keep you much longer this evening, because I am sure you are exhausted. He needs some assistance both in and out of the classroom, I know you aren't trained as a teacher, but I know you always did very well in school, and your experience in most recent years make you a good candidate.” He was right, I did do well in school. I suppose I could handle it, but could I handle working so closely with Severus? I nodded to him, accepting his offer.
“As far as the specifics,” he continued, “you will have to speak with Severus. I’m sure he is readying his study to meet with you, but I will tell him not until tomorrow. You need your rest. As a Hogwarts Security Guard however, you will take your orders from me, or Minerva McGonagal in my absence. She knows you are to be assisting Severus, so she and I will not be giving you too much to do at once. Mostly I want you to keep you eyes and ears open. You won’t have to discipline any students, but it will help more than anything if you just be observant. I understand not everyone can be in two places at once, not even I am that powerful. However I am confident with your skills, and your values, you will be quite at home here with your duties. Now then do you have any more questions?”
“Yes, just one, where are my quarters?”
“Your quarters are actually near Severus’ in the dungeon. I thought it would be best to have your room near his, since you‘ll be working together. It wouldn‘t be very prudent to have you halfway across the castle.”
“In the dungeon?” I said, hoping I would at least have a room with an outside view, or even a little natural lighting.
“I do apologize, but aside from an empty classroom or two, we haven’t got much else available anyway. I assure you it is quite roomy, and you can do whatever you like with it. I‘m sure you will be pleasantly surprised.” he smiled warmly, but his eyes were apologetic, guilt for feeling like he was trapping me in a dungeon, when he knew I was used to open air.
“I understand, sir.” I wondered why he would have an out of doors adventurer like myself cooped up in a dank, dark dungeon. I would have preferred a teepee out on the lawn, with a fire of course. Heck, I’d almost prefer rooming with Hagrid out in his hut, no not really, that would just be uncomfortable.
“Good. I’m glad. Now then I will send for Severus to escort you.” Dumbledore reached for a whizzing gadget on the desk, as if to study it. He put it back down. “Do you have any other questions before Severus shows you to your quarters?“
“No, sir. I do wonder, though, if I could have a tour though, just to get reacquainted with the castle and the grounds. I remember most of it, but I think it would be helpful to me.”
“Oh, yes, yes. I can arrange something, my schedule is a little full tomorrow, but I will see what I can do.” he said stroking his beard, in thought.
“Thank you sir, I appreciate it.”
“You’re quite welcome, Siguna.” he was the first person I had met this evening that didn’t yet slip and call me ‘Aurora’, not that I minded being called Aurora. I suppose I would answer to either, really.
It seemed like only minutes later I head the staircase shift again, and then Severus opened the door. Perhaps he didn’t take the long way this time. I thanked Dumbledore again for his hospitality and having me come back to Hogwarts to help out, he merely smiled, nodded, and waved his hand, as if to say the pleasure was all his, and we bid Dumbledore good evening. Severus and I left Dumbledore in his office with his whirring gadgets, and Fawkes, who I had just noticed perched on his stand, sleeping with his head stuffed below a wing.
I felt better knowing the evening was almost over, and soon I would be asleep. I also felt good at the prospects of working here. I was walking once again with that confident force about me, feeling like things were looking up. However, I was walking the corridors with Severus, and I still felt just as attracted to him. I was trying to coax my thoughts elsewhere, I didn’t want to seem weak around him. If we were to work together, I wanted him to respect me, not think I was a giddy silly girl, but I also didn't want him to think I was a domineering bitch either. I may be in the position of a General at home, but I always think of my soldiers first. I lead them with compassion. I can bark orders with the best of them, but I would hardly call myself ‘domineering‘. Walking halfway down the first corridor from Dumbledore's office, finally Severus spoke.
“Was there anything you needed to talk to me about? Clearly there was something on your mind earlier.” he said in that silky, almost deadly voice.
I wanted then to tell him, but since our quarters were going to be close together I was apprehensive to tell him once again what my feelings were. Once again I felt less in control of myself. Why did he affect me like this? I wanted to scream, or throw him down on the ground and rip his clothes off with my teeth. I haven’t decided which yet.
“I just wanted to know if you knew why I was here.” I lied again.
“And were your questions answered?” He asked with an eyebrow raised, I knew that he was aware I was lying to him.
“I suppose they were, for the most part. How am I to be assisting you?” I tried to change the subject in vain.
“Not until tomorrow. Dumbledore told you that you needed your rest.” He said with a side-ways glance in my direction. He almost seemed to be avoiding my eyes now. His scent was more powerful than before, and his hair shone in the now full shimmer of the moonlight that kissed our faces from the windows as we walked. We weren’t walking as fast now, though. He apparently was not in a big hurry to show me to my room. I knew he wanted to know why I was acting in a slightly suspicious, aloof way, dancing around what was really on my mind. His hair reminded me of Hugo’s black feathers after a rain shower. Maybe he was off taking care of some personal business before coming to collect me, very personal business. His scent, his extra shiny, almost sweaty looking hair. I tried not to think about ways I could have helped him through his private time of need. However, the thoughts returned momentarily, and I let out a unintentional sigh, which I know he noticed.
“Are we walking too fast?” he said walking a little slower, and he turned his head to look at me.
“What?” I said.
“You sighed, I assumed you were out of breath.” He said regaining an impatient tone.
“No, Severus,” God! I loved saying his name, how I longed to scream it in throes of passion. “I was just thinking…of home.” I wish I could stop this lying, this charade I was putting on to protect my feelings from him. The time was not right yet to reveal to him how I felt, I was obviously going to be working closely with him and I didn’t want to ruin any future chance with him I may have, if such a thing exists. Also it would make working together terribly uncomfortable. I would have to leave the school, and disappoint Dumbledore. No, the time is just not right yet. I wanted to stall our walk though, so I asked him which side of the castle we were on looking out the windows as we strolled by them.
“That,” he said stopping abruptly by the window, so his robes swished in the air before hanging loosely around him “Is Hagrid’s abode, where the light in the window is, and over there just behind it is the forest…”
“The Forbidden Forest?” I didn’t really mean to interrupt him, but it just sort of slipped out.
“Yes…” he said looking slightly appalled at my interjection while he was talking. “…and just over there,” he pointed through the window panes “is the Whomping Willow, which has been growing there since I was a student here.”
I looked at him now, trying hard not to show my sheer fondness for him. I suddenly thought of the time Hawkwind told me the moonlight captured my beauty in a way that would only make the sun jealous. I wished Severus would see the same thing Hawkwind saw, as the silvery glow flooded the room. His eyes slowly shifted in my direction, as he then began to slowly turn his head my direction, in a very dramatic way, as is his style. He looked mystified as he looked at me for a fleeting moment, his lips parted as though he was about to say something. I turned back to the window, hoping once again he wasn’t pillaging my thoughts. I wanted then to ask him more about what we were looking at outside the window, but my tiredness was really beginning to take its toll on me, plus you really couldn't see much else anyway.
“Well, it’s getting late, we should probably get to the dungeons.” I said as I looked back at him, “Maybe I’ll look around in the daylight.”
His lips slightly curled, as though he could be growing impatient with me again, or something else, but he remained quiet for a time. He was avoiding my eyes again, he looked as though he was very deep in thought. We walked a bit more down the corridor, and at last he turned to me again, he looked back ahead of us, and glanced back in my direction, as though thinking of what to say. Decisively, he turned to look at me again and spoke.
“I hope you find your quarters suitable, I took the liberty of putting a few comforts in there for you. Including a bed, bedside table, and a wardrobe that we had spares of. I had to get rid of a couple of boggarts, but I’m sure you will find them usable now. I inspected them myself.” he said proudly in a soft tone.
“Thank you for your time and your efforts to make me feel more at home, it is appreciated.” I felt quite complimented, not only did he go through the trouble, he also played pest-control for me. I had wondered what the boggart turned into as he faced it, but what intrigued me more was what would happen if he used “riddikulus“ on it.
We continued along the corridor, until we got to the entrance to the dungeons. He then led me directly to my quarters, and entered the room with me. My belongings were already there, which I then reversed the shrinking charm on them so they would return to normal size. There was a small nine by nine inch window where I could see the moon, but it was on the ceiling along an outer wall. At least it was a little something to see out of. I went over to the bed and sat down to test it for comfort.
“I trust this is to your liking.” Severus said, looking up toward the small window, in a silky bittersweet voice as I sat down.
“Oh yes, I could go right to sleep on this bed.” I could also think of several other things this bed would be good for. “Thank you so much, Severus.”
“Well, if you need anything I am only one room away down the hall.” he said raising an eyebrow again, as he traced my face with his eyes.
I thanked him again before he left the room, to which he nodded politely. I began to remove the arm and shoulder pieces of my armor, and I started to ponder, bending over to let the chest-wall of the dragon armor slide off me to the floor, why was he being so nice to me? Usually he is very bad-tempered, grouchy, and somewhat cruel. I kicked off the boots, and unstrapped the leg pieces, was I just hearing what I wanted to hear all evening? Perhaps he was spewing insults at me the whole time and I was thanking him for it. Oh God! What if that was the case? How could I face him now? No, I am certain I wasn’t imagining at least most of it. I put my armor into the closet.
I put on my white cotton nightgown, it felt so soft and cool on my skin. It really felt good to get the armor off. It was comfortable, even for armor, but it was even better to get into something so comfy to sleep in. I laid down on the bed and fell asleep moments later, only to have very vivid dreams of Severus. First I was serving detention with him, then he was knocking the vials and bubbling cauldron off his desk so he and I could become one atop the clean desk. Then I was in the corridor with him again, in the silver moonlight, in a long silken white negligee, like that muggle actress Faye Wray would wear, and he was wearing only his black wizard robe. Again and again, dream after dream we became intertwined in a sweaty mesh of orgasmic flesh. I must have been screaming or talking in my sleep because I was jostled awake by a hard rapping on the door. It was Severus.
“Are you quite alright in there?” He shouted through the closed door. “I heard you screaming my name. I can’t have my assistant being murdered in the dark.” his voice was tinged with light sarcasm.
I hollered back I was all right as I leapt from the bed, running to the door, nearly tripping over my unpacked suitcase, I swung the door open. I was covered in sweat, and Severus was wearing just his white shirt he wears beneath the frock coat and black trousers, looking a little disheveled as well. My nightgown, clung to me from the sweat, and I’m sure I must have had the most hardened nipples in the world at that moment: having erotic dreams, the sudden coldness of jumping out of bed, and then being drenched in sweat was enough to make anyone’s nipples stick out like an emergency flare from a ship in distress.
“Why were you calling my… why are you all sweaty?” He smelled slightly of Ogden’s Own Firewisky, which seemed to compliment his own scent rather nicely. He wasn’t obviously drunk, however he didn’t seem to be his usual cool, calm and collected self.
“I’m sorry Severus. I think I was having a nightmare. I didn't realize I was calling you.” The lying! I wish I could stop it! How hard would it be to just say ‘Severus I want you in my bed, NOW! You aren’t leaving this room until I say you are done.’ no, no, I couldn’t say that. Maybe I should have pretended that I was being attacked by something so I could rush into his arms, or maybe pretend I tripped, ‘oops I fell’, to fall into him. Oh the temptation, sweet, sweet temptation. I was less than an arm’s length away from him as he stood just inside my door way, his hand was propping my door open, grasping around the edge of the door. So close, yet.. No.. I’m dreaming, I have to be. I folded my arms, and I pinched the back of my arm on the sly to be sure, (ouch) no this is real.
“What are you hiding?” he said in a soft dangerously calm, and point blank voice. “I know you aren’t telling me the whole truth, and if we are to work together, you need to work on your honesty.” he spat that last word out, his eyes were fiery, dancing on the periphery of anger.
I was slightly taken aback by his sudden burst of his normal self, however I my have just awoken him, perhaps it was the firewhisky talking. I didn‘t fear him, though, but I knew at this moment I was playing with fire.
“Severus, I … I’m sorry. I wish I could let you know what is troubling me. I’m just not sure, that is, I don’t think it is something I can share with you, at this particular time, and that, sir, is the truth.” Staring him down, not showing any fear, I compassionately put my hand on the door, near his hand, which was still holding open my door, my fingers were touching his. He didn’t pull away immediately, in fact I saw a brief glimmer of fondness, or concern, or something similar in his pitch black eyes. He was motionless for a time before letting go of the door, and I pulled my hand back from his with poise.
“I’m delighted you haven’t been murdered,” he hissed, “but please try to keep it down, you didn’t wake me but you did give me quite a start. Your voice sounded so pleading, I assumed you were hurt. I don’t want you crying wolf, so do try to keep it down, unless, of course, you really do need me.” He looked at me with a strange expression, his face remained hardened, but his eyes told a different story. His eyes shimmered for only an instant, the sarcasm and anger left them, and looked almost emotional.
I do need you Severus, was all I wanted to say, but all that came out was a mild-mannered: “Yes, sir.”
“Now, I will see you bright and early in the morning,“ his voice was less dangerous and more calm now, “I spoke with Dumbledore at his request after your meeting and he wishes that I take you on a tour, in case you have forgotten your way around since you were here last. He wants to meet with you tomorrow, as he wants to speak with you again after a good night‘s rest. It’s late, I need you…“ he paused as though he meant to say something else “I need to check on some notes I have been writing, it’s getting late. Now..get..some..sleep.” he ended with a softer, more caring tone.
“Yes sir, thank you, Severus.” I was feeling relieved, I didn’t want to end the night on a note of anger. I did have to work with the man, after all. What was he starting to say a minute ago? ‘I need you…’ I have got to get my ears checked out by Madam Pomfrey sometime, this is really starting to get on my nerves. Maybe I am getting an ear infection from too much cold air blasting into my ears on the flight here. The ride itself was deafening at such high altitudes, but I have since warmed up. What is wrong with me?
He lingered in the doorway, and stared at me again, right in the eyes, boring into them for several seconds. His mouth seemed to curl into a faint smile, he then shut my door, and I heard his open and shut. I pressed my forehead to the back of the door, wanting to bang my head against it out of frustration. I inadvertently listened for a few moments, and I overheard him mumbling to himself. Most of what he said I couldn’t make out clearly. The only thing I could distinguish was broken, and that went something like “Silly beautiful girl… can’t let her inside my head like that…. Business only…I want…” He let out a sound, a mixture of a growl and a moan of what seemed to be longing, and then I heard him smash something into what was obviously a fireplace, because the smash was followed by the hissing, crackling sound of alcohol being consumed by fire. I wanted to go to his room, and knock on the door at that moment, but then there was only a soft thud, to which I presumed he had thrown himself into bed, then all was silent.
I thought for a moment, that look in his eyes, when he said ‘unless you really do need me.‘ I finally remembered that look, Hawkwind had the same distressed look in his eyes the night before he left for the hunting ceremony. Before he left, he, Hawkwind, had told me he may be gone a while, a day or a week, and at that moment his eyes looked the same, or nearly the same that Severus’ did at that moment. I resisted the urge not to go to Severus, to tell him how much I did need him, or thought I needed him. Now putting the two together, it makes perfect sense, the lost-puppy eyes, what I overheard. He does feel the same way. In the same enlightening breath, I was also chilled me to the bone, Hawkwind must have known he was going to die. That penetrating look he gave me, he knew he wasn’t coming back, even if it could have been subconsciously, an inner premonition he wasn’t ready to accept. I remember that evening well, Hawkwind came to me the night before he would leave in the morning, and told me he didn’t know when he would see me again. He was so passionate with me that night, as though that memory would carry with him over the next several days, or as long as it would have taken to accomplish what they set out to do. However, I was not aware at the time it was forever, not just a week or so.
I was no longer very tired, and I thought maybe a short walk would help clear my head. Hoping I wouldn’t run into Filch, I threw on a robe and handmade leather moccasins I used as house slippers, and reached for the doorknob. I turned it quietly as possible, and luckily it didn’t squeak as I opened it. I listened for a moment to make sure Severus wasn’t still awake, or maybe snoring sounds, his door was shut. I heard nothing that would indicate either. Leaving my door slightly ajar, so I was sure I would be able to get back in, I set off down the hallway, and up the stairs. I listened carefully at every corner for Mrs. Norris, or Filch’s footsteps, perhaps they didn't parade around at night when there were no students to monitor. Thankfully I heard neither. I stopped by the windows along the corridor where Severus and I had only walked by a few hours before. I inhaled deeply like a cat using it’s Jacobson’s organ, as if to detect his lingering scent, but nothing captivated my nostrils. I looked out into the grounds. Hagrid’s windows had grown dark, and the full moon was casting an almost eerie glow on the grounds. I wanted to go outside, just for the sake of being outside. I didn’t feel like a prisoner, but I didn’t feel like I had much freedom right now either. I thought I had heard footsteps and I spun around, there was nobody there, perhaps it was one of the infamous Hogwarts Ghosts. I hoped it wasn’t Peeves, no, it wasn’t nearly noisy enough. I turned back to the window, after deciding it was just my imagination, and pressed my hand onto the cool window pane.
I leaned my head on the glass, and shed a few tears and a soft sob. I was thinking about home, worrying about my feelings towards Severus, feeling like a fool. I tried deliberately to keep my noise level down to not attract attention from the living or the dead, but all of a sudden I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I was being watched. I was almost to scared to move. Immediately, I quit crying and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. I wanted to turn again to see who was there, but I stood frozen to the spot. I am a fearless warrior, why was I so suddenly caught off guard? I finally got the gall to turn, quickly, to see who my voyeur was. I momentarily saw a black shape down the hall way, that moved suddenly out of sight around a corner. I figured I should definitely get back to my room. I walked quickly, but still paused at the corners for traces of unfamiliar sounds. I finally got to the stairs leading back down to the dungeons. I looked around behind me to make sure I wasn’t being followed. As I traced my way back down the hall back to my room I could have sworn I saw Severus’ door shut with a slight ‘click’ in the darkened hall in front of me. I got to my door, to find that it was still open just a bit, as I left it. I heaved a sigh of relief, it was a little bit exciting now that I was back in my room again, I felt like I was working in espionage, like I did back home before I was made a General, relaying messages about the Troll armies. Quite the adrenaline rush. When I went to lay down again, there was a note on my pillow:
Siguna,
If you decide to go traipsing around the castle at night,
you may want to be sure you are not being followed.
By the way, the clock is ticking, get some sleep!!
-S
I had one guess who the letter was from, and it wasn’t the bloody baron. Why had he followed me? I was a little angry, and I pondered banging on his door, but I really didn’t want to piss him off. I put the note in a safe place, and I planned on bringing it up to him tomorrow at some point. How dare he sneak into my room! I made sure my armor was as I left it, and everything else was where it should be. Is it just paranoia? Maybe he left it to let me know I really shouldn’t be out by myself at night. I shrugged, and decided to lay back down, and let sleep take me over once more. This time I dreamed of home, and bashing troll-skull, fighting alongside my legions, and the Einherjar, Odin‘s fallen warriors who had come to my aide in the dream. Then I was flying with outstretched arms, to Asgard, home of the Gods. I flew over the gilded halls, Idunna’s apple orchard, Forseti’s gold and silver hall, Baldur’s garden, and Thor’s stronghold. As I enjoyed the beautiful sights of Asgard from overhead, I flew towards Bifrost, the rainbow bridge, and was startled by Loki, perched on a cloud, who smiled a terrifying wicked grin and told me I should be more careful, and if that wasn’t creepy enough, he tossed a viper at me and it nearly missed striking my arm as I dodged out of the way. I awoke again in a cold sweat. “Oh Loki, what is your crazy arse trying to tell me?” I thought aloud, half asleep. I shook my head, hopefully that was just a dream, not a crazy omen. I fell back asleep, after making sure there weren’t really snakes in between my sheets, determined not to allow Loki to do that to me again. I said a quick prayer to Thor and Heimdall, requesting they keep Loki away from me. As I slept, instead of getting freaked out by Loki, I got freaky with Severus again.