Jason Isaacs Times Five - a Parody - COMPLETE
folder
Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
4,015
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
7
Views:
4,015
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
None of the male characters belong to me. They belong with the owners of the movies listed below. I just borrowed them for awhile. No copyright infringement intended or profit made.
Prologue - First, a Bedtime Story
This is for Jason Isaacs fans. It employs his characters from the following five movies:
Lucius Malfoy from “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” and “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” and "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" (aka the wizard in this story)
Colonel William Tavington from “The Patriot” (aka Tav, dragoon, and Will in this story)
Lord Felton from “Dragonheart” (aka Milord in this story)
David “Percy” Sledge from “The Last Minute” (no other names used)
Captain James Hook from “Peter Pan” (no other names used)
I wrote this way before Michael Caffee or Mark Brydon came along, unfortunately. 8-(
It takes place on Earth but in an alternate polyandrous universe. 'SHE' is not named because it could actually be anyone - perhaps...you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First, A Bedtime Story
“Dammit, Lucius, get your cane out of my arse!” snarled Lord Felton.
“If you would manage to wear something more than that rusty medallion to bed, you would have a bit of protection,” came the disinterested reply. Lucius turned to glower at the ostrich feather in his face. “Must you wear that monstrosity of a hat to bed, Hook? It’s tangling up my hair.”
Hook pulled the silver blonde hair off his feathered hat, slicing a few of the strands off. “Let me help you remove some of your hair, Malfoy, from your scalp!”
“Why, you technicolor one-armed bandit! You did that on purpose,” Lucius fumed. I’m getting my wand…”
“Don’t bother, Malfoy, you know you can’t get at it where she put it. I’ve tried to get my sledgehammer too. Did you have to show her how to use that damned stick? Those protection spells she put around all our weapons are impossible,” said Percy angrily. “It’s all your fault!” He pulled a piece of lint off his black turtleneck and flicked it onto Lucius’ robe.
Lucius plucked the lint off his black velvet robe and tossed it aside, “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” said Lucius with a reminiscent grin on his face. That had been some night.
Tavington weighed in, “And what’s with all the unrelieved black clothing, Malfoy? Are you colorblind? It’s depressing - like sleeping next to an escapee from a bad vampire movie.”
Felton snickered at Will, “I suppose it’s better to look like little Lord Fauntleroy’s idiot sister, or,” he glanced at Hook’s regalia, “a peacock who fell into a can of gold leaf.”
“Better than wearing a nappie, Felton,” sneered Hook. “We were all relieved when she made you wash it out. Did you last do laundry in the dark ages? Some of us have standards of cleanliness, don’t we, Will?”
Percy laughed, “Well, we all know your knickers are clean, Captain. Those paisley shorts of yours were eye-blindingly bright last week when you caught your hook on your trousers and ripped the seam.” Percy continued viciously, “And Lucius’ sneer is probably caused by the pain from his ‘tighty whiteys’. Or are they black too?”
Lucius sneered, then stopped, not wanting to add to Percy’s malicious remark. “I suppose you wear pretty silk lace knickers, do you, Percy?”
Percy smiled evilly, “Actually, I don’t wear any at all.”
“Really, Percy,” Tavington said with distaste, “Too much information.”
She entered the bedroom just then, halting the escalating squabbling. “Gentlemen, please! It’s bedtime. And all this fighting is starting to give me a headache.”
Multiple gasps erupted, punctuated with moans of, “Oh, no,” “Not a headache!” “We’ll be good, we promise.” “See what you’ve done, now!” ”Please, not a headache!”
She looked at each of them in turn lined up on the vast bed. Innocent smiles met her gaze. Innocent, hopeful smiles. “Very well, men. Get the straws, Felton. Let’s do ‘long straw’ tonight. Shortest straw is last.”
Felton grumbled on his way over to get the straws from the bureau. He was put out because he’d been last the night before and thought he should get some special dispensation for the long wait. He perked up a bit at a thought. She usually tucked down beside the last one and fell asleep. Maybe last wasn’t all bad. Felton shook the can of straws and sauntered back to her with a smile and a swing to his medallion.
Lucius Malfoy from “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” and “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” and "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" (aka the wizard in this story)
Colonel William Tavington from “The Patriot” (aka Tav, dragoon, and Will in this story)
Lord Felton from “Dragonheart” (aka Milord in this story)
David “Percy” Sledge from “The Last Minute” (no other names used)
Captain James Hook from “Peter Pan” (no other names used)
I wrote this way before Michael Caffee or Mark Brydon came along, unfortunately. 8-(
It takes place on Earth but in an alternate polyandrous universe. 'SHE' is not named because it could actually be anyone - perhaps...you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First, A Bedtime Story
“Dammit, Lucius, get your cane out of my arse!” snarled Lord Felton.
“If you would manage to wear something more than that rusty medallion to bed, you would have a bit of protection,” came the disinterested reply. Lucius turned to glower at the ostrich feather in his face. “Must you wear that monstrosity of a hat to bed, Hook? It’s tangling up my hair.”
Hook pulled the silver blonde hair off his feathered hat, slicing a few of the strands off. “Let me help you remove some of your hair, Malfoy, from your scalp!”
“Why, you technicolor one-armed bandit! You did that on purpose,” Lucius fumed. I’m getting my wand…”
“Don’t bother, Malfoy, you know you can’t get at it where she put it. I’ve tried to get my sledgehammer too. Did you have to show her how to use that damned stick? Those protection spells she put around all our weapons are impossible,” said Percy angrily. “It’s all your fault!” He pulled a piece of lint off his black turtleneck and flicked it onto Lucius’ robe.
Lucius plucked the lint off his black velvet robe and tossed it aside, “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” said Lucius with a reminiscent grin on his face. That had been some night.
Tavington weighed in, “And what’s with all the unrelieved black clothing, Malfoy? Are you colorblind? It’s depressing - like sleeping next to an escapee from a bad vampire movie.”
Felton snickered at Will, “I suppose it’s better to look like little Lord Fauntleroy’s idiot sister, or,” he glanced at Hook’s regalia, “a peacock who fell into a can of gold leaf.”
“Better than wearing a nappie, Felton,” sneered Hook. “We were all relieved when she made you wash it out. Did you last do laundry in the dark ages? Some of us have standards of cleanliness, don’t we, Will?”
Percy laughed, “Well, we all know your knickers are clean, Captain. Those paisley shorts of yours were eye-blindingly bright last week when you caught your hook on your trousers and ripped the seam.” Percy continued viciously, “And Lucius’ sneer is probably caused by the pain from his ‘tighty whiteys’. Or are they black too?”
Lucius sneered, then stopped, not wanting to add to Percy’s malicious remark. “I suppose you wear pretty silk lace knickers, do you, Percy?”
Percy smiled evilly, “Actually, I don’t wear any at all.”
“Really, Percy,” Tavington said with distaste, “Too much information.”
She entered the bedroom just then, halting the escalating squabbling. “Gentlemen, please! It’s bedtime. And all this fighting is starting to give me a headache.”
Multiple gasps erupted, punctuated with moans of, “Oh, no,” “Not a headache!” “We’ll be good, we promise.” “See what you’ve done, now!” ”Please, not a headache!”
She looked at each of them in turn lined up on the vast bed. Innocent smiles met her gaze. Innocent, hopeful smiles. “Very well, men. Get the straws, Felton. Let’s do ‘long straw’ tonight. Shortest straw is last.”
Felton grumbled on his way over to get the straws from the bureau. He was put out because he’d been last the night before and thought he should get some special dispensation for the long wait. He perked up a bit at a thought. She usually tucked down beside the last one and fell asleep. Maybe last wasn’t all bad. Felton shook the can of straws and sauntered back to her with a smile and a swing to his medallion.