Why Fred and George Will Never Eavesdrop Again ...

The grumbling twins snaked their newest invention, Extendable Ears, over the railing of the staircase at Grimmauld Place. Both Weasley lads were quite angry at being summarily ousted from the kitchen by not only Snape, but both Remus and Sirius’ agreement. They wanted to know just why those three thought their conversation was so important, and exactly what Remus had in the brown-paper package the werewolf had been trying to hide behind his back. After all, they were members of the Order. They deserved to be in the know. Both smiled in satisfaction when the conversation behind the closed door traveled uninhibited to their own ears.

“Give over Moony, no reason to be greedy.” Fred and George immediately heard Sirius berate his friend along with the thump and scrape of many wooden chair legs over an equally wooden floor.

Lupin answered with only a low threatening growl. Snape moaned, long and low, the sound of pleasure bubbling up from deep in his chest, unsettling both boys, who arched their eyebrows at each other in surprise. The sound of lips smacking, Lupin growling in satisfaction this time, and Sirius mumbling with what sounded like a mouthful of something set both twin’s nerves on edge, raising the tiny hairs on the back of their necks. Fred jerked his head back towards their room, making to reel in his ear. George scowled at him, shaking his head and grasping his hand to make him wait.

“Hurry up Lupin, get the wrappers off already.”

“Why do they have to make these bloody things so hard to get into anyway?”

“Good,” Severus moaned once more.

“Such sweet cream!” Remus added enthusiastically.

“For the love of Merlin, Sniv … uh Snape, just lick it off already.” Sirius’ impatient voice boomed up to the dynamic duo eavesdropping shamelessly from the landing.

“Hold on Padfoot, it’s just as good when you go real slow, from around the outside,” chided Remus.

“GEORGE!” Fred hissed, in a shocked whisper, his freckled face turning slightly green.

“I know, I know this is so wrong. But, I can’t stop listening.” George grinned evilly at his discomfited twin. “This is way better than Wizarding Wireless!”

“Oh, OH, OOOOOH!” shouted Sirius. “So bloody goooooood.”

The twins jumped at the sound of someone’s chair legs thumping onto the floor.

“Ohhhhh, I am coming,” Lupin hollered distractedly.

With that revelation, both twins reeled in those ears as fast as humanly possible, scurrying back up the stairs at an alarming rate.

“WE must never listen to those three again.”

Fred glowered at George, who quickly answered, his right hand raised, “I solemnly swear never to listen in on those three again.” He shuddered from the top of his redhead all the way to his toes. They slipped into their room to hide away the new gadgets.

Inside the kitchen, the three older wizards continued unaware.

“What do you call that infernal contraption again?” Severus pondered while licking his fingers.

“A cellular phone,” Lupin answered.

“Why didn’t it make the annoying ringing noise this time? Sirius asked as he watched as Lupin dug the small black thing out of his pocket.

“Vibrates,” Remus explained, opening the flip cover.

“Sweeeet!” Black exclaimed with his eyes lighting up with thoughts of future mischief.

“And these things?” Snape queried holding two chocolate-coated pastries in either hand.

“Ho ho’s,” grumbled Lupin before speaking to the odd little black thing, “Hello?”



I am reworking an old story for practice. Yes, this is a feeble attempt at humor. And, obviously, a particular craving inspired it. Thank you for reading.