Eat Harry

Eat Harry

It was one in the morning, but despite the early hour, stocky Dudley Dursley barged into his cousin Harry Potter’s bedroom, slammed the door, and shook the boy awake.

“What in the—“

“Who is Cedric?” demanded the blond boy through gritted teeth. “You’ve only been shouting his name for…” he paused…”oh, all night. Does wittle Harry have a boyfriend he forgot to tell us about? Dad will flip!”

Harry sat up immediately and cowered back against the wall in surprise. “Wait-whoa! What? How do you know about Cedric?”

Dudley grinned. It was obvious he was glad that at this moment, he wasn’t the thick one. “As I said, cuz, you’ve been sleep-talking about him all night, and being that I’m in the next room over, thought I’d come over and check if you’re not wearing yourself out…”

“What?” repeated Harry, dazed. “I was—I was talking about Cedric? And—“

“Shit, didn’t we cover that?” Dudley asked slowly. He crossed his arms. “Out with it, freak.”

“You’re not making sense. Go to bed. I never thought I’d say this, but you’re even more brainless at night,” Harry stated coolly.

Dudley grabbed his dick and started rocking back and forth. “Cedric. Oh, Cedric. Oh yeah!”

“I WASN’T DOING THAT!” Harry said loudly. “You make me sick, you know that? Bet you get a lot of practice, sure seems like it.” His face was bright red.

“Yeah, maybe, but not about blokes named Cedric,” Dudley exclaimed, unable to wipe the defiant smirk off his face. “Cedric. What a pansy name.”

“DON’T—“ Harry began defensively and then realized what he was doing. “I mean…”

“He is your boyfriend, then,” Dudley laughed. “God, Potter, you are such a freak!”

“Shut the fuck up, Dudley! You don’t know anything about Cedric and you know nothing about me! It isn’t what you think, but then again, you don’t think, do you? Even after dieting, you’re bigger than before—you are the sheer posterboy of a disgusting, heterosexual and I’m sure you don’t get any sex, is that why you’re jealous?” Harry was ranting and ranting and ranting; Dudley had gone absolutely too far.

However, the blond watched his cousin with interest. He wasn’t sure what ‘sheer’ was, and he had no idea what a ‘posterboy’ meant, but at the same time, Dudley knew that he had struck a delicate spot. “That what you think?” he inquired lazily, and sat down at the edge of Harry’s bed, the springs groaning under the weight of him.

“Is what what I think?” Harry asked angrily, scooting backward even more. Dudley’s size and strength used to terrify him to bits and pieces, that was for certain. All of Dudley’s friends were almost as big and almost as mean, and a great deal of Harry’s childhood had involved being used as a punching bag. Now, even when Dudley had reached a formidable stature, Harry wasn’t just a victim, and Dudley didn’t really scare him in the least. He had greater fears than a schoolyard-grade bully.

But Dudley never ceased to annoy him.

“You think I haven’t had sex,” Dudley said casually.

“I know you haven’t had sex,” Harry replied,” unless she was either raped or drunk.”

This almost blew Dudley’s cool attitude, for he raised up his fist and cracked it. Harry sighed. “It didn’t happen like that, Potter,” Dudley declared. “She asked for it!”

“Isn’t that what you say after you beat up little kids? They asked for it?” Harry scoffed. “Or do you mean it in the literal sense? If you do, I fear for the girl, because who on this planet would ask to have sex with you?” Harry snorted and said in a high voice: “Oh, please, Dudley Dursley, please take of my virginity! Yeah right.”

“Look, Harry,” snarled Dudley,” I don’t know what literal is, but whatever you mean, you’re wrong, because I have had sex! Three times!”

Harry noticed that Dudley was becoming quite pink in the face. ‘He can’t mean it!’ “Dudley, it’s okay, you can tell me the truth. I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“Fuck you! You’re such a twat. I have. But maybe you haven’t!”

Harry blinked. It was a strange, strange day, for Dudley had worked out a way to turn the tables. “I—uh— yeah, I have,” he put in.

“Yeah? Well, where did you do it?”

“At my school.”

“Who was she?”

Harry thought quickly. “Cho Chang!”

“What the hell kind of name is that?” Dudley asked rudely.

“You’re judgmental.”


“You didn’t fuck any chick named Cho.” Dudley grinned and punched Harry in the shoulder.

“I hope that wasn’t the hand you grabbed your cock with,” Harry said distastefully.

“Whatever, you didn’t have sex. Not even with Cedric?” Dudley drew out the name in a mean tone.

“Shut up, Dudley! Why are you so interested in me having sex with a guy?”

“I didn’t say I was!”

“Yeah, well, you’re sure obsessed with it.”

“Am not.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Oh Hell. Who cares? No. I didn’t have sex with Cedric, okay? Cedric was my friend, and now Cedric is dead.”

Dudley blinked. “Oh.” He was quiet for a moment—it was apparent he was trying to think of some sort of quip. “Uh—did your bad sex kill him?”

Harry smacked himself in the forehead. “No. No, Dudley. He’s dead, though, so let’s just not talk about him, okay?”

“Fine. I didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” Dudley was quiet again. “So you’re not gay, then?”

Harry was rigid. Should he lie? He shrugged casually. “What’re you even talking about? Of course not, don’t be an idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot,” said Dudley matter-of-factly,” but you’re gay.”

“Really, Dudley, go work out your issues with one of your little bitches. I’m sure they’d be honoured to get fucked hard by Big D,” Harry said dryly. “As for me, I need to go to sleep. And you need to get the hell out of my room and away from me, because frankly, you’re being very disturbing.”

“Oh yeah?” Dudley said. “Well, I think you are gay. And I think you wouldn’t mind it either.”

“Wouldn’t mind what, either, Dudley?” snarled Harry, losing his patience.

“Getting fucked hard by Big D,” his cousin grinned.

“Honest to god, Dudley, if you don’t get out of this room right now I’ll hex you—“
But Dudley was all ready creeping forward, his blond bangs falling down in his face. The bed creaked. He pulled down Harry’s covers with one solid, muscled arm.

Harry was in shock. He wasn’t sure what to expect. He had half a mind to start shouting as to wake up his aunt and uncle, but he shuddered to think of how they could turn the situation around.

“I like girls,” Dudley was saying, all the while pulling down the elastic on Harry’s pajama bottoms,” but if you don’t, you should just admit it.” He pulled down his cousin’s pants slowly and carefully, being sure to savor just how confused the boy was becoming.

“Dudley, I really don’t think—“

“Shut up, Harry, you’re so stupid.”

“No, but the thing is, I do like blokes! Okay? I said it! Can you get off me now? You can tell your friends, I don’t give a shit—but—“

“Harry, I’ve done stuff with Piers. So it’s not like I think it’s all that strange or something,” Dudley shrugged.

“Piers Polkiss?”

“Yeah,” Dudley said off-handedly, and then bent over Harry’s torso and began to suck Harry’s penis in a hungry way, as though he were having a brisk mid-day snack.

“Oh my—“ Harry paused, his head bumping up against the wall as his body tensed up. He wasn’t sure why it felt so good, he wasn’t certain why it was Dudley, after all, hadn’t he just said that Dudley was the best representation of the stupid straight-male community? But… Harry leaned back as his cousin licked at him and nibbled away, as though it were second nature. Harry moaned. ‘Not right, not right, not right,’ he thought, but Big D wasn’t going to stop any time soon and did Harry want it to stop? He wanted to say he did, but his body told him he didn’t, because as Dudley went on, he was quickly becoming rock-hard.

He would have been happier if it was a terrible, life-ruining thing. But Harry, arching his back and trying hard not to moan, was enjoying this immensely.

Seconds later, he came, and Dudley grunted as his mouth was filled.

“Sorry!” Harry said breathlessly, not sure what he was sorry about… as though Dudley was suddenly going to say it was all a joke and punch his lights out for ejaculating.

But Dudley looked unconcerned. “It’s okay. The nurse didn’t say I couldn’t have you this summer.”