The One That I Want

Title: The One That I Want
Author: Madeline Underwood
Characters: Madeline Underwood, Everett Slater

Summary: After a year of being apart, Madeline agrees to let Everett stay with her over the Christmas holidays away from Hogwarts. What she didn't plan on was the inebriated ramblings of a woman who was still in love.

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She couldn’t believe she’d said yes. It was an impulsive move, and Maddie wasn’t impulsive. But something about the way he sounded, even in written prose, made her heart melt. She vividly remembered running her fingers over the words, silently wishing the owl had been blown off course and she would have been none the wiser. When it came to Everett Slater, ignorance was bliss. But the letter arrived anyway. It was his last Christmas at Hogwarts, and the memories of his mother haunted him this time of year. She knew that well. He didn’t want to stay there. He didn’t want to go home, and she didn’t blame him for that either. But taking him into her flat for the duration of the holiday?

And still, she’d said yes. First and foremost, Everett was her friend. They were more than friends and always had been, but at the very core of their relationship was an understanding. So Maddie really had no choice, if she obeyed her conscience. At least the last time they’d spoken had been relatively pleasant. Particularly pleasant, actually. A tear-filled goodbye and emotional promises that could only be uttered in moments of passion and teenage angst.

Six months did a lot to her. She’d moved out of her parent’s home and into a small flat near London. She decided she liked the big city after all. It meant change. It meant moving on, starting her life outside the familiar stone walls of the castle and the people inside it.

If her state of mind was any indication of progress, she was doing well. She was working odd jobs for the Ministry as a precursor to Auror training, her admiration for Sariss Ravon still strong after all these years. It was time consuming, tedious and relatively thankless. But it kept her occupied. It kept her mind off people who sent owls asking if they could stay for the holidays because they didn’t want to be alone.

She’d sent Everett a few owls, keeping him updated on her whereabouts, and he replied with Quidditch stats. It was comfortable, and avoided all the real personal details. Even his last letter was very matter-of-fact, which was part of the reason she accepted. It wasn’t laced with anything nostalgic. It was a favor for an old friend, and to tell the truth, Maddie could have used the company.

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Everett felt his patience wavering. He didn’t remember the train ride to King’s Cross being so bloody long. He shifted in his seat, and considered taking a walk down the aisle to see what people were up to. He usually spent the winter holiday at school, but after the terrible year he’d had, Hogwarts was unbearable. He didn’t want to go home either. The idea of spending Christmas with Stefan was akin to the thought of beating himself in the head with his bat. So on a whim, he owled Maddie in the hopes that she’d be willing to let him crash with her. He found his mind drifting to the sleeping arrangement after she’d agreed. Would he have to sleep on the floor? Would she make him do chores? Would she even talk to him? He really hoped she at least had a couch for him to sleep on. Her letters sounded like she’d probably hit some hard times, but Ev didn’t take up much room. He got the feeling she didn’t want to be alone as much as he didn’t want to.

And he hadn’t forgotten how they’d left each other, in the North Tower the night she left Hogwarts. Maybe they could just go back to the old days. That wouldn’t be too hard. It was a perfect arrangement, really. So with a burst of excitement, he gathered his things and bounded down the train corridor to the exit, as it pulled into King’s Cross.

Everett had followed the crude instructions, Apparating outside a dingy pub that was marked on the map. He squinted at the familiar print, unable to make out the name of the streets. Women and their directions. He pulled his luggage behind him as he walked, hoping maybe that staring at them long enough would make them readable. He supposed he should have gotten a taxi. At this rate, he wouldn’t make it to Maddie’s place until the holidays were over, and he’d have to spend the next few weeks wandering aimlessly through suburban London. Though it was still better than going home.

Hmm. Well, it looked like the right street. At least it started with A and ended with LT, which was as much of the name as he could make out from Maddie’s dodgy directions. The snow was starting to fall, landing and weighing down his blonde fringe. He flung it from his eyes absentmindedly as he read each number, counting up to her place. A big brick building with modest green shutters. It looked like someplace Maddie would live. He was already grinning as he made his way up the steps to the door. This was going to be much better than any Christmas he could be having. It would be good for him and he knew it.

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She was dying. Dying a slow death in front of a mirror. Why did she care? Because it was Ev. And Ev was…well, he was Ev. That was the only explanation. And though they hadn’t been together in a year, when they’d left each other for good at the end of the school year, there was always this hope. The words “I’ll find you” played over and over in Maddie’s head. That’s what Ev had said. He would find her.

Surely he wasn’t talking about this though. Right now was about him having a place to stay over a painful stretch of time. Her modestly furnished apartment wasn’t the best for housing guests, but she had a comfortable pull out couch for Ev, and she’d even sprung for some new pillows and bedsheets. And spent an hour fluffing and patting them to her satisfaction.

She hated herself for being so nervous. She didn’t want to be. But her flat was a personal part of her life, one that Ev wasn’t really a part of anymore. It was her comfort zone. And this was going to take her out of it, and put her back in that Hospital Wing a year ago, when she’d said three words that set off a chain of events better left to her distant memory.

She rubbed a finger along her lips, which were chapped like they always were during the winter. She ran her tongue along them to moisten them momentarily, knowing it would do little more than supply split second relief. She tucked a stray curl behind her ear, and heard a telltale knock at the door.

Her heart went double time. Breathe. Just breathe. She took a few purposeful breaths, bracing herself against the kitchen table. She could do this. She could. She took slow, calculated steps to the door, giving the room a once over to make sure she’d cleaned everything. This was it. She swung open the door, and the memories hit.

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She was exactly like he remembered. He broke into a broad smile, one that he knew used to have an effect on her, and grabbed her instantly, gathering her up and off the ground in a big hug. “Madfaces…it’s so good to see you,” he said truthfully. A few flutters made their way around his stomach, but they left as soon as they came. Maddie squealed in surprise, quickly giving in and wrapping her arms around his neck, just like they used to. She hated herself. She hated that he could grab her by the waist and hold her, and everything would come rushing back and she had no power. He’d always been able to do that to her. It was irritating.

He dropped her to the ground, dragging his luggage in and letting her close the door behind them. Taking a good look around the room, he smiled. It was decidedly Maddie. Modest, clean and functional. Not to mention the Slytherin banner hanging in the corner, next to a picture of their Quidditch team. He snickered, dropping his things and taking a few steps in that direction. “I remember this picture,” he noted. Maddie followed him over, having nearly forgotten about that little tribute to her house. It was right after the first game of that year, against Ravenclaw. Maddie and Ev were in the height of their relationship then, and they could be seen in the back row of the team picture, cuddling and giggling, Ev reaching over to pull on her curls or kiss the side of her head.

Yeah. Good times.

“So do I get the grand tour?” Maddie raised an eyebrow. “Ha. Well, it’s not very grand, but yeah I can give you the tour.” She pointed to the couch. “That’s your bed.” She turned to the kitchen. “That’s the kitchen, please don’t eat everything.” She pointed to the small corridor. “Bathroom’s the first door on the right, my bedroom’s on the left. Any questions?” She smiled cheekily. She was just happy she was able to form words at all.

“Thanks. That was special,” Ev joked, plopping down on the couch. He patted it lovingly. It would do just fine. “Nice bed.” He curled up in a little ball, and pretended to snore. Maddie shook her head. “It pulls out into a bed, dork. New sheets and everything. So feel special.”

Ev feigned sleep for a few moments longer, then sat up abruptly. “So what are we doing tonight then, huh?” Maddie tapped a finger to her chin. She hadn’t quite thought that through far enough. It was plenty of work trying to prepare her flat, and to prepare herself, for Ev’s arrival. “Um…I don’t know…” Her mind floated quickly to the bottle of wine in her cooler. Which was a terrible thought really, as Maddie rarely drank, but it would calm her nerves.

“I have drinks and what not. We could watch a Muggle movie,” she said, pointing to the old television set she’d taken from her parents’ house. She never was able to give up some of those childish comforts. “Though I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share…” she trailed off. Ev winced at the allusion to his family. He didn’t want to think about them, or what had happened over the last few years, particularly not now, at Christmas, and in Maddie’s company. Ev rested forward, his elbows on his knees and hands hanging freely between them. “That sounds good,” he said with a hint of sadness, which he tried to counteract immediately with a smile. Maddie was unconvinced, merely because she knew him, but she played along and smiled back.

It was hard. It was very hard. It as quite apparent to her that whatever feelings she thought she’d tucked away for Everett Slater were still there and were roaring to the surface with a vengeance. She was very good at avoiding what was supposedly unavoidable, but only to an extent. She was only so strong. Could she really last the whole holiday pretending to feel nothing? It would probably be one of the harder things she’d done, save leaving the Hospital Wing after Ev’s accident. That WAS the hardest thing she had done to date. She didn’t know if she had the strength for something that would last for weeks.

Still the same old Maddie, Ev mused. Which was comforting. It was familiar, and it was a reminder of a happiness he’d known way back when. Of course, that was ancient history now. And that was a fact that found its way to Everett’s thoughts every now and then, but not so much that it deterred him from his relationship with Caleb. Ev had mentioned his relationship with his best friend numerous times to Maddie, as on the whole it was on-again, off-again, as it had been for years. Caleb was the one he ran to after Angie was gone. There was no replacing that.

And yet, Maddie had been there for him too. She had been there for him when he was probably in the worst emotional state he had ever been in. God, it had been awful. It was fresh in his memory still, though he rarely thought about it. It had been a year, and the effects were plain as day. Of course, since he hadn’t been dating Maddie this year, it had allowed him to further explore his relationship with Caleb, something he was thankful for.

But did he have some regret? Damn straight. But regret did him no good now. It got them no where. All they had right now were Muggle movies and…

Wine?

Ev quirked an eyebrow as Maddie emerged from the kitchen with a bottle of wine and two stemmed glasses. Classy. “What’s the occasion?” Ev asked, scooting over to give Maddie room to sit.

Hmm. What WAS the occasion? She supposed there wasn’t really one, other than the fact that the wine was pretty much all she had to drink. But she wouldn’t mention that. “Celebrating the holidays of course,” she said finally, swiftly uncorking the bottle. She couldn’t afford it often, but had once again bought some on impulse with the sheets and the pillows. She nudged a glass over to Ev, and began pouring a healthy amount for herself.

Ev picked up his glass, jutting it out under the lip of the wine bottle. “Well, happy Christmas to you then!” He smiled as she filled his glass, and he waited until she had a chance to raise hers too. “To pull out beds and bad Muggle television,” he cheered. With a swift flick, he downed a good swallow.

Maddie mirrored Ev and put the glass to her lips, sipping on it at first. Damn, it was good. It was one of the few wines she enjoyed, some elf made variety that Delilah had turned her on to. It was strong, stronger than a lot of wines, but it went down easy. One glass would definitely put her at ease. She reached and turned on the television, handing over the control to Everett.

“You can pick what we watch. You’re the guest, after all.” Ev scoffed, raising his glass once more. “Sure thing. It’s been a while since I even looked at one of these.” Ev’s face fell a bit as he remembered home, Stefan and everything that reminded him of his mum, which included all these Muggle devices. Even Stefan had stopped using magic for the most part, and what’s more, was wholly incapable as a parent now. Ev took another mouthful at the thought.

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Nearly one bottle of wine and two movies later, the television played static. But Maddie and Ev didn’t care. They were having a magnificent time reminiscing on Quidditch plays and arguing over the tactics. They’d paid no mind to the droning sound in the background.

“No no no…he spun like this,” Ev argued, standing and spinning on the spot, mimicking a dramatic dodge by a fellow teammate. “And it blasted right by him. By this much.” Ev held his thumb and index finger close together. “It was brilliant. You should have seen it.” Maddie giggled and nodded, downing the last of her glass. “I wish I could have. I considered coming for the last game of this season. Versus Gryffindor. That’s always a good one,” she joked, nudging her glass away. Perhaps she’d gone a bit far here. Her mind was beginning to fuzz, and her vision was growing just a little blurry. Her conscience screamed a warning of self-control.

She sunk into the couch at the thought, letting out a sigh. Ev mirrored her, looking over with a slightly glazed expression. This was the way it was meant to be. This was comfortable and easy. Though the alcohol may have helped, Maddie mused. But whatever it was, she felt just fine at the moment. She looked over at Ev, who was looking over at her, and had the daft idea of opening her mouth.

“You know, originally I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. Letting you stay here, I mean,” she confessed, leaning forward to pour another glass. Ev twirled the crystal between his fingertips. “Oh yeah? And why is that?” he replied cheerily. Why wouldn’t she want him to stay? She was just as alone as he was, it just made sense. Maddie poured herself another helping and sat back again. “I don’t know, I just thought maybe after everything last year, it would be awkward or something.” Everett laughed, in spite of himself. “Mads, it’s not like we have this terrible past. I mean, yeah, we had some bad times, but who doesn’t right?” He leaned toward her expectantly, glass in hand. Maddie grabbed for the bottle and attempted to pour, and missed terribly. “Hey! Maddie, you missed the glass,” Everett said, stating the obvious.

So she had. Silly Maddie. “Are you drunk?” Ev asked cheekily. Maddie put down the bottle and sat back again, smiling dreamily. “Maaaaaybe I am.” With a small hiccup, she rose her glass to her mouth again and took another swig. Ev raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I should cut you off then, hmm?” Maddie giggled and shook her head. “No way!” She wrapped her two small hands around the cup of the glass, protecting it from Ev. He laughed heartily, grabbing his own half-filled glass. “Fine, fine, but I’m taking your bed if you pass out on the couch,” he said, secretly hoping that’s what would happen.

Ev watched as Maddie’s expression changed once more from happy and carefree to somber. What was her deal? Maddie looked down at her glass, suddenly afraid to look at Ev, and afraid of what she was about to say. “For what it’s worth Everett, I’m really sorry about last year. That was so terrible of me,” she said. Ev shook his head, his hair flopping back and forth. "You're kidding, right?" Maddie blinked at him sadly, then lowered her head. "I was the one who said 'cool' after you told me how you felt. That was pretty stupid." He scratched his jaw, missing and clawing at his neck instead. "Ouch. Well, anyway, I was such an idiot. I spent the whole night in the hospital wing thinking about jumping off the stairs again to kill myself." Maddie snorted as Ev continued.

“I felt like an idiot just watching you go. I mean, honestly, what was going through my head? I just wanted to get away from being hurt, and then it was like, well, this sucks a bunch." Maddie nodded as he rambled on and on, nodding until she became dizzy and had to stop. The room was beginning to spin. “I told you to leave, which was so stupid.” Maddie looked up at him, her eyes starting to water. Why was she crying? She didn’t want to cry. It wasn’t sad. It was just…reminiscent. Ev’s slightly clouded amber eyes found hers. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. Without thinking, Ev took her hand in his. She fought the urge to gasp at his touch. “Mads, come on. In that case, I’m sorry for being a prat and telling you to leave, when all you wanted to do is help. Stop worrying about it,” he said with finality. “You knew I was an idiot from the beginning. I'm over it.” Which was true, for the most part.

Maddie found herself hurt by the words 'I'm over it', though she knew she wasn't taking them in the right context. How could he be over it? Here she was, feeling hot at his touch, and he was over it. "It hurt, though," she added. Everett winced. "You promised you'd come find…come find me." She wanted to know if his promise still stood. She wasn’t even aware she was saying the words. Her mind was on auto-pilot now, and all her thoughts and insecurities were out in the open. Everett's eyes narrowed slightly, but a grin started at the corner of his mouth. “And here I am,” he replied simply. Maddie smiled now behind the brimming tears, which she wished would go away.

Shit, there it was. The smirk on the side of his mouth and the flicker in his chest that accompanied it to ruin any solemn moment. He still cared for Maddie. There was no use in denying it anymore. That had been the plan all along. The whole reason for the fight, for the fall and for the breakup. He wanted to save himself the heartache. He wasn’t sure he’d saved himself at all.

She looked down at their hands, which were still loosely clasped together, and the fluttering in her chest kept on. She could hear her pulse in her head, bounding like a drum against her better judgment. Without looking at him, she whispered her deepest secret. “I still think about it,” she stated matter of factly. Ev shook the hair from his eyes, not sure where this was supposed to be going. “Why?” A logical question, he thought. The past was past. They both had moved on with their lives.

Maddie pulled her hand from his grasp, reaching up to tug at her hair. She’d started in now, she couldn’t stop, even if she had been sober. Though there was no way she’d have gotten here otherwise. “Because I don’t want to forget,” she muttered, still refusing to look at him. Ev felt himself inching closer to Maddie, wanting so bad to touch her. She looked in pain, and he didn’t understand why. “Forget what, Maddie?” What was this nonsense? He did not understand girls. Two minutes ago they were laughing and joking like old friends, discussing Quidditch and de-brooming David Bane. And here they were, getting all emotional. He didn’t like it.

Maddie finally found his eyes now, nearly unable to hold in the tears and the pain and the feeling of loss. Damn wine. In vino veritas. “What it felt like,” she choked out, wanting to look away but unable to break their gaze. There was so much she wanted to say, to tell him, to ask. She’d spent a year of her life trying not to feel this way, and all the boy had to do was show up on her doorstep. It was so infuriating.

He looked down at her. She was about to cry. Why did girls always cry? He rarely made Maddie cry when they had dated, save for their breakup. He figured the less she cried, the less he had to deal with. That, and he’d much rather make her happy if given the chance. “And…how was that?” He had a good idea what she meant, but he certainly didn’t want to misinterpret this. The results could be catastrophic. Much to his dismay, his heart beat faster as she looked at him. Like that. The way that she used to.

Maddie turned to face him entirely, bringing her legs up underneath her body. “You don’t remember?” Her tone was slightly accusatory, though unintentionally so. She wanted so badly for these feelings to be mutual. It was terrible when that didn’t happened, when things were all one way. For the duration of their relationship, it had been very mutual, up until they split. She longed for the reciprocation.

She was inching closer to him now, and he held her eyes as she did so. Of course he remembered. Did she think that he didn’t? Why didn’t she get it? That was the whole reason they were where they were! He’d saved them the additional pain of hanging on to “what it felt like” for longer than necessary. It had been better for them both.

“Of course I do,” he said, finding his voice. He was being forced to drudge up feelings he’d tucked far, far away, with good reason. It had been the right thing to do. Her gaze was blazing, her beautiful sea green eyes searching him from behind a brim of tears.

She couldn’t stop herself now. She was powerless, and it scared her. Her body was submitting to a hostile takeover by her slightly impaired judgment. “I loved you.” She whispered into the space between them. She wanted to be near him. A breath away, her knees were touching the sides of his legs.

Dammit. She’d said it, again. Kind of. She didn’t say she still loved him, only that she had. And that she wanted to remember it. He did remember it. He still felt it. He was currently feeling it. It was spreading through his body like a drug, hitting every nerve. He felt her legs brush against his, and he knew what he had to do.

“I still do.”

Maddie grew wide-eyed as Everett brought his hands up to her face and pulled her close. He pressed his lips firmly to hers, her jaw resting easy in the palms of his hands. God, she had missed this. Ev was a fantastically gifted kisser, and after their breakup, she’d have given anything to feel this again.

They sat locked in a never-ending kiss, not wanting to part but needing to breathe. After a few moments, she pulled back, taking a deep breath as the need for oxygen ate at her lungs. She locked her gaze with his, and knew it was over. She was completely defenseless. “What was that for?” she asked, her tone throaty and breathless. With a grin, he ran a thumb along her cheekbone. “I don’t know. I just wanted to.” And with that, he pulled her back again.

This time, she raised her arms up to his neck, encircling it and bringing her body as close as she could. He took that as a sign to move forward. He turned toward her, pressing his tongue against her lips, and felt them part willingly beneath his own. Damn, he’d forgotten what this felt like. He hadn’t been with a girl since Maddie left, and though Caleb was thoroughly satisfying in his own right, there was something about the plushness of Maddie’s lips that drove him crazy. His hands moved down from her face to lose themselves in the mess of curls that cascaded down her back. His fingers got caught in them as he fought against the quickly intensifying urge to do something potentially regrettable.

Maddie met his tongue with hers, and savored the feeling as they fought one another for control. She was still competitive at heart, and rarely the pushover when challenged, so she’d meet his advances with a few of her own. She mirrored Ev and ran her hands along the back of him, her fingers entangling in the shaggy blonde hair.

It was several breath-taking moments before Maddie pulled away. “What are we doing?” she asked, the desperation and surprise clear in her voice. Ev twirled a finger around one of her long blonde curls. “It just seemed like the thing to do. Do you want to stop?”

Did she want to stop? Not in the least. Should they stop? Probably, if common sense was to play any part in this night. Still, Maddie shook her head. “No. I don’t,” she said purposefully. In a move she was quite sure she’d regret later, Maddie slipped her legs out from under her. She swung one leg around his knees and braced herself, straddling his lap. She wasn’t sure what that was going to accomplish as far as common sense was concerned, but hey, it seemed like “the thing to do”.

Ev had fully expected Maddie to tell him to stop, or to turn all sheepish and Maddie-like. It was cute and endearing, and provided she didn’t outright tell him no, he’d probably still press on. So he was surprised to all hell when she took a large step forward by sitting rather suggestively on his lap. What the hell? his brain screamed. His reaction time was seriously delayed as it was, no thanks to the wine, so it was good few seconds before he realized what was going on. Who the hell was this girl and what had she done with Maddie?

He was not going to complain, however. After his brain caught up, he flashed a devious smile. “Well then, I guess that’s a no,” he replied, stating the obvious. He gripped her hips rather harshly, pulling her towards him. She’d made the move, he certainly wasn’t going to stop it. So when she moved down to kiss him again, he met her lips with renewed force. Testing the waters, he ran his hands up her front, brushing firmly against the fabric of her sweater. He smiled into her mouth as he groped at her chest, and moved his hands up into her hair once more. He was quite satisfied when she gasped at his touch.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Maddie whispered, her voice oddly guttural for such an accusation. Ev moved just a touch forward, so that his lips were pressed up against Maddie’s as he whispered back. “Nothing.”

It certainly didn’t feel like nothing. It felt like everything. His lips were on hers again as he feigned innocence as to what his hands were doing. Cheeky, and oddly sexy, she mused. She felt Ev’s hands move down to her waist again, slipping under her sweater and up her back. She arched just a bit in response, to her dismay. She was trying to be strong and seductive here, dammit, and he was ruining it!

He grinned again as he felt her move toward him at his touch. This was becoming a game, a game he knew he could win. He’d always have the upper hand when it came to Maddie, and he knew it. He didn’t exploit it however. He knew how she hated to lose. But there was only so much he could do to hold back now. That was all a brief, passing thought. His hands crept higher, slipping under the clasps of her bra and massaging the skin there, kissing her deeply and pressing her forward.

Maddie wanted badly to just submit and let what happened happen, but she was still far too stubborn to just let go. As Ev’s hands moved higher, she caught her breath, but stifled the moan she was sure he was looking for. Instead, she moved her hips forward in a most dangerous fashion. And she was pleasantly surprised when she heard Ev hiss against her lips.

Dammit, she’d gotten him. That suggestive little rock of her hips pressed against his lap in a startling, though not at all unwelcome manner. It was just a little unwelcome for a living room couch. Her maneuver gave him the last nudge to the point of no return. Without hesitation, he grabbed Maddie around the small of her back. He stood from his spot on the couch with little effort, as Maddie was fairly petite, and his adrenaline was raging.

Maddie inhaled sharply as Ev stood from their position, but she followed suit, holding on tight to his shoulders and wrapping her legs around his waist. It was pretty clear where this was going. If she’d been sober, she probably would have thought it through better. She felt herself being carried rather quickly toward what she assumed was her bedroom, as Ev’s hands drifted downward to support under her arse. The light outside her closed lids disappeared, and she knew they’d reached their destination.

Ev fought to keep his gait steady, wanting to rush into the bedroom without a thought, but wanting to keep Maddie waiting and wondering as well. She was going to pay for that little trick back there, and she was going to pay dearly. He walked carefully into the bedroom, thanking Merlin that the door was open. He bit at her bottom lip, eliciting a small yelp. Success. He pulled back to look into her eyes, which were hard to see in the dim light, but he could tell they looked about as lustful as he felt. He was just much better at hiding it. He leaned back from her face, out of reach, and gave her a roguish grin. “So. What do you want to do then?” He leaned in without waiting for answer, and gave her a quick peck on the nose. Then, without warning, he tossed her ruthlessly onto the bed.

Maddie shot Ev a reproachful look as she bounced off the mattress. She had a sinking feeling that she was in for it now. Is this really what she wanted? The adrenaline rush had sobered her up a little, and her mind had started working again. She gulped as Ev crawled onto the bed, crouching over her with an impish smirk, like he had some dirty secret. If this wasn’t what she wanted, she’d have to speak up soon. As in, now.

But she couldn’t bring herself to do it, because, frankly, she didn’t think she wanted to stop. She hadn’t been with anyone since Ev, a little fact that she was sure wasn’t healthy but she supposed she’d never given up on him. So now that he was here, in her bed, did she really want to say no? The thought was quickly erased from her mind as Ev hooked his thumbs under the bottom of her sweater, inching it up slowly and kissing the newly exposed skin as he went on. She let her head flop down onto the pillow as he did so, her breath catching as he made his way northward.

Ev was having a grand old time, and he smiled inwardly at the response he was getting. He was winning. He brought her sweater up higher, finally exposing her chest. She lifted her head and arms up in suggestion, and he pulled the clothing over her head and tossed it carelessly to the floor.

Bad idea. BAD IDEA! Maddie’s brain tried desperately to scream common sense, but her body just would not listen. Her breathing quickened, much as she tried to slow it down. It was becoming readily apparent that this was a losing battle. She glanced downward as Ev planted very strategic kisses along the border of her bra. And then he looked up at her, the look his eyes so deliciously wonton… she gave up. Bad ideas be damned! Screw common sense!

So with that, Maddie pulled Ev’s face up to hers, thrusting her tongue into his mouth again. A last ditch effort before she let him do whatever it was he was planning on doing. He responded favorably by reaching behind her back to unhook the last little bit of clothing that still covered her chest. And she let him.

He wanted nothing more than to rip every piece of clothing off this girl and ravage her. But he would win. The revenge would be sweet, and he had a feeling she couldn’t object either. So he quickly unhooked her bra, then sat upright on his knees and pulled the garment from her arms.

It joined her shirt on the floor, and he looked down at her. Slowly the competitive edge he’d been relying on to keep himself in check was fading, and he found himself looking into her eyes, watching her chest rise and fall, heaving under the rush of hormones and lust. And in that moment, crouched over her, ready to pounce, Everett realized something.

He ran his fingertips along the defined line of her collarbone, which sent shivers up and down her spine. His fingers continued over the gentle arc of her shoulder, running along the outside of her arm, so soft that it felt like breath on her skin. Her pulse quickened as he ran a trail up the same path, taking his fingers up her neck, and along her jawline. Every detail came into focus. The curve of her shoulder, the curl of her hair--all of it was something he found precious. There was something about having her stubborn chin fit perfectly into the hollow of his collar bone that made Everett's chest tighten at the thought of losing this moment or taking it for granted. Oh.. to be in love.

As he stared into her eyes, staring back at him, a million memories flooded his brain, which should have been completely preoccupied with something else. He knew if it ever came to this with Maddie, it wasn’t going to be like any other girl he might have slept with. There were serious feelings there. Feelings that could be hurt. Which was why he never pushed her when they were dating the first time.

She looked up at Ev expectantly, and he paused. He just gazed into her eyes, like he was in another world. His fists were planted on either side of her head, and he was hunched over her, breathing heavy. Why wasn’t he moving? The way he was searching her eyes made her feel vulnerable, even more vulnerable than she was anyway, lying helpless and bare-chested under the one she just couldn’t get over.

His pale blonde hair hung down lazily over his eyes, as he dipped his head down close to her face. She had to know that this wasn’t because he just wanted to sleep with her. She wasn’t a fuck buddy. She was Maddie. She was different. He pressed his forehead to hers, the words reaching his mouth before he had a real chance to think about them.

“We should stop.”

He retreated back, looking at her to see her reaction. Her expression was hard to read. Maddie’s internal voice was screaming in protest, and her body longed for it. “Wh-wh…why?” she stammered, slipping back into her insecure, girlish tendencies. Ev huffed a sigh, pulling back a little further.

“Because I don’t want to push it.”

Fuck, he DID want to push it. But he knew it was wrong, and he knew the wine was still running unchecked through their bodies, clouding their judgment. This was really for the best. He thought he’d have been able to do it, if Maddie hadn’t looked up at him with the perfect mix of devastation and seduction etched in her face.

“Ev…you don’t have to worry. Not anymore. We’re…not a couple,” she said, trailing off with a hint of sadness. She tried to cover it up with a forced smile, but Ev knew her well enough to see right through that. He rose, setting back and putting his weight back on his knees. “I know,” he replied, his tone just as depressing. It was so much, so fast, and now that he’d taken the time to actually think about it…he didn’t know what he wanted.

With a heavy sigh, Maddie sat herself up on her elbows, still painfully aware of her lack of clothing, but not finding the modesty in her just now to care. She tried to think of something seductive and alluring, but that never was her forte. So she settled for the blunt. “What do you want, Everett?” she asked, her voice soft and tentative, as if she was afraid of the answer. Ev ran his hands down his face. How was he supposed to answer that? He hadn’t the faintest idea.

So he tucked a curl behind her ear. “I don’t want this to happen because we’re drunk,” he replied truthfully. And he seriously doubted either of their decision making skills to be void of some alcoholic influence at this point.

“But you do want this to happen?” she replied anxiously, trying to get to the bottom of this change in mood. “And,” she continued, feeling bold, “I’m not that drunk.” Which was only partially true, because a sober Maddie certainly wouldn’t run her fingers down the inside of Everett’s thigh, much like she was now. Everett closed his eyes against the invigorating sensation, repressing absolutely every urge to do anything but remember to breathe.

“Maddie…” he warned, his tone far from threatening. Maddie recoiled slightly, looking up at him with the same look of determination he’d seen on her face before Quidditch matches. “Look, Ev. I want this. You want this. It’s not about being drunk, or dating, or anything else.” She placed her hands firmly on his thighs, furrowing her brow. “I want you,” she said sharply. He stared back, and eventually heaved a sigh. “Okay.” A coy smile crossed his lips. “But you asked for it.”

And with that, he could no longer ignore the animalistic urges that tore at his body, and his mouth went crashing down onto hers. She was a split second ahead of his thinking, and slipped her hands down between them to grab at his shirt. With a little maneuvering, she pulled the shirt from his head and tossed it down to the floor. They were both heaving breaths in and out, both wanting so much and not knowing what to take. Everett brought his lips down to her chest, planting kisses on the tender skin between her breasts. Maddie’s breath hitched at his touch as he trailed downward, his lips falling close to the buckle of her jeans. He smiled as he heard his name.

“Yes?” he cooed seductively from the base of her stomach. Maddie squirmed impatiently beneath him, mirroring Ev’s desires but once again, not hiding it nearly as well. He kissed his way back up her chest and buried himself in her neck and long crop of curls.

Maddie gasped involuntarily as she felt his hands slip down to the waistband of her jeans, running a finger along the line where they met her skin. His hands were fumbling with the button, and his lips were ravaging her neck. This was almost too much to bear. She raised one arm up to grab the back of his head, and brought his lips to hers.

As Maddie brought his face back from her mess of hair, he quickly undid her jeans and then took the time to press his body against hers. He definitely enjoyed the skin to skin contact; her warm, pale skin against his rougher, tanner skin. The heat of their bodies so close together combined with the intense passion behind it all was rather disturbing that whole stopping plan. The growing need that bumbled inside him was making his own clothing very uncomfortable.

Maddie closed her eyes as Ev fully undid her jeans and began pulling them downward. She bucked her hips to make it easier, and she felt suddenly exposed. She was nearly naked, and he was still wearing clothes. So as he tossed her pants to the floor, she grabbed for the buckle of his jeans and undid it quickly. He glanced down to see what she was up to, and hissed once more as she brushed against his erection.

Maddie wasn’t very surprised to find him hard beneath her hands. Truth be told, this was something she’d imagined many times before that just never got a chance to happen, for one reason or another. But now it was happening, and it had been a long time in the making. She slipped her fingers under the band of his jeans and pulled them downward, Ev moving to sit forward so they could be brought down to his knees.

Ev looked over to see Maddie’s chest heaving once again. God damn, she was beautiful. And though her touch was tentative, he knew she wanted the same thing that he wanted. She was hesitant for the same reasons he was hesitant. It was a silent understanding that came from years of friendship, and a little less from dating. He gave her a look that asked permission, and she looked back at him in approval, still. He didn’t want regret. He wanted this to feel right, even if it didn’t make sense.

He lay down beside her this time, pulling his pants from his legs. They joined the rest of their clothing, but hadn’t been ripped off in the lustful fury that the rest had. This was the absolute point of no return. As he turned into her, propping himself up on an elbow, Maddie blew past that point when she tugged at his boxers. He felt them slide down over him, and he looked into her eyes as she did so.

This was it. The final gesture and she had made it. She stared into his dark amber eyes as she slid the last of his clothing down as far as her arm could reach. Ev sat up abruptly, completely ridding himself of the boxers now and tossing them away. The light was faint, but as he shifted to position himself over her, she seemed to glow in it. She breathed his name again as he shifted downward to pull at her panties, sliding them down her legs.

His breaths were coming fast now as well. He maneuvered one of his legs between hers, the other following willingly. Feeling abnormally insecure, he crawled forward, placing his hands on either side of her head. As he positioned himself at her entrance, he moved down to kiss her one last time.

“It’s okay, Ev,” she whispered encouragingly. That was enough for him.

He dove all the way into her with one thrust, and Maddie gasped loudly in response. She’d almost forgotten the sensation, and knew it was heightened tenfold because it was Ev. She forced her eyes closed, and it was a good few seconds before he pulled out again.

Ev bit his lip, nearly letting the sound escape. He had imagined quite a few times what this would feel like, with Maddie. He had figured it being the same as any other girl, sure, but not like this. The intensity of it was enough to send him over the edge at a moment’s notice, so he took his time as he drew back. Interestingly enough, he was concerned about her too, and he wanted to make this last as long as possible, though he sincerely doubted how long that would be. As he glanced down, he found her eyes closed tight. Her mouth was open lazily in what he hoped was pleasure, and he reached down to kiss her as he dove back in.

She bucked beneath him, meeting his efforts. She bit at his lip as he quickened the pace, finding a rhythm with her. It was surprisingly easy. Or maybe it wasn’t surprising at all. There was a definite advantage to being in love when this happened, she mused.

She expected that maybe it was a strange realization mid-coitus. Her mind and body were supposed to be dominated by the physical, leaving little room for such emotional realizations. She’d been quite aware of the fact that she wasn’t completely over Ev, but in love? That was so weak. Maddie hated feeling weak. But she did, and she was.

He found his mind fuzzing over, the sensations numbing every other thought except thoughts of Maddie. With heavy breaths, he brought his head down to her neck, his lips savagely attacking the skin beneath her jaw line. He managed to keep his hips thrusting in time, as it was a practiced move. But for some reason, that didn’t seem to matter just now. All that mattered was the woman beneath him, the one he was falling for all over again as each second passed. He pulled back and tried to think of something to say, but found the words caught in his throat as she wrapped her legs around him. Eh, who needed words anyway?

The new sensation of her completely enveloping him, legs and all, was not doing much for his resolve. It appeared the alcohol was not helping much in that regard, though his senses weren’t dulled either. If anything, they were heightened to a frightening degree. He pressed himself downward atop her chest, the skin hot and sweaty now. Slow and steady, he rocked his hips against her. He laid his forehead against her shoulder, forcing himself to take his time. It would be so easy to just sink into her over and over, fast and hard... but, as he had warned himself earlier, he did not want to take this for granted, as he may have done in a normal situation. This was Maddie.

Maddie, who was normally so good at keeping herself together, was finding it very hard not to cry out. This was so much more intense than anything else she’d experienced, and it scared her. When he pulled back, she locked her gaze with his, and they just stayed, lost in each other eyes, as Everett moved rhythmically above her. His mouth dropped open slightly, and she could see the flicker in his eyes that meant this wasn’t going to last much longer.

She snaked her arm around the back of his neck, thrusting him forward to her mouth. He mirrored this movement by plunging deep into her, and Maddie felt the tell tale clenching of muscles that meant he’d reached his peak. She let him ride it out, kissing him deeply. There was not a sound uttered from his mouth, not until he pulled back and let his hair fall into his eyes.

“I’m sor--” But Maddie shook her head, smiling sweetly. “Don’t worry about it.” Her expression went serious again, and she searched his eyes for something, for a sign that what she was about to say was welcome. She wanted to say it. She’d wanted to say it ever since she’d said it that Christmas, when he’d turned her away. She wanted it to be real.

“Everett.. I..” And it was Everett that cut her off this time. He brought a finger up to her lips, laying it there and smiling down at her. “Don’t,” he said, with a sense of finality. Maddie was slightly taken aback, until he dipped his head down, a breath away from her lips.

“I know.” And the way he kissed her then, she understood.