Memory Revival

I felt like writing this sour'n sweet little oneshot today... just playing with my favourite characters and letting my fantasy run wild...

Hope you like it!!!


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“Lie low at Lupin’s for a while, I will contact you there“…


Dumbledore’s words barely registered with me. It had been so long… we had seen each other the year before, but that meeting was marred by his transformation, all the Dementors and my flight from justice, head over heels, before I ever got the chance to actually speak to him.

I had spent the last twelve months travelling from one African country to the next, keen to avoid the British Aurors who, of course, were all over looking for me. Keen to avoid my arch enemy Severus Snape as well. Why I had chosen Africa? Well, you know, with his pallid skin, the burning heat and the unyielding sun of the South are not his first choice when it comes to finding a place for the holidays…

Of course, it was hard for me, too. After twelve years in the North Sea, with the little sun that made it beyond the four twenty-feet walls and the thick bars on the windows, I suffered severe sunburn at first as well. Then I got used to it. And that was when Harry’s owl made me come back at the speed of light…


I don’t even dare think of what Harry went through in that stupid maze tonight. When I first read about his being entered into the Tournament, I seriously considered hurting the one person I had always trusted the most – Dumbledore. Nothing doing. Nothing good could come from that, I had known all along. And yet… HE was back. The Dark Lord. Biggest – forgive me – arsehole on the planet. It was my own godson, my late best friend’s little son, who had to see him return, who was forced to watch one of his friends die at HIS hands, who duelled him to perfection and alerted Dumbledore. Which, in this case, means the rest of the world. Me. And – him.

Remus.

The only person, I swear, I ever cared about. When Azkaban got too much to bear, I would close my eyes and think back to the hours we spent together. To the first kiss we shared, back in fourth year, still shy and unsure of what exactly we were doing there. Yet, our belief in each other never wavered. Neither did our love. I know that people in school believed I slept around, that most girls swooned as soon as I got near, that there were rumours that I had even seduced the Astronomy professor. We just laughed about them back then. The four of us were never to be separated; at least, that’s what we believed when we graduated. We still believed it when we started our lives outside school. First things first – my best friend’s wedding to the most beautiful Head Girl Hogwarts had ever seen. Lily Evans. I don’t know how I made it through the wedding, being Best Man and everything. Remus wasn’t there. They had set me up with one of Lily’s cousins, a good-looking girl, so that it didn’t seem as if the most handsome bachelor in the Wizarding World couldn’t get himself a date. I was mad at James for weeks for not double-checking the lunar chart when scheduling the wedding. And I remember coming home to Remus’ and my flat, considerably buzzed, and having the greatest make-up sex of my life. There was no way either of us could be angry with the other for long.

To cut a long story short: we never thought anything, anyone, could have driven us apart.

But you know: life is what happens while you’re busy doing other stuff.

Things changed sooner than any of us thought. James and Lily having their little one – and Remus and I getting sulkier every time we visited them was just one example. Today, after I had twelve years to think about it, I know what that was about. Both of us were jealous. We were great uncles – wouldn’t we be great parents, too? By now, I even understand why James and Lily couldn’t have both of us at their wedding. You know, in the Wizarding World, there are no same-sex marriages. (Yet? Who knows. If I live long enough to get my name cleared, I might really start working on changing that law. That is, if…) Got it yet? We would have been sulky and sad all night long. Remus can get really emotional…


Heaven, I was not even listening to Dumbledore anymore. Yes, of course, I had to run. The minister was going to be here shortly.

I went over to Harry again, squeezed his shoulder and winked at him goofily before transforming into my Animagus self, Snuffles, and leaving. Where did I have to go? Dumbledore hadn’t mentioned any address. I couldn’t Apparate, since the Ministry was still trying to track down traces of my magical signature. Oh, yes, Big Brother is always watching…

I focused on the place Remus and I had bought when we got out of school: a nice little two-bedroom flat in a village a few miles from Hogsmeade. It was the only place I could reach without having to Apparate or take a Portkey, and it was close enough for Dumbledore to be able to contact me without too much trouble. I lowered my nose to the ground as I trotted along the silent main street. It was right around here… then I caught wind of the most seductive smell. Remus. Without my knowledge, I had reached our old place. It felt so weird to think that… our place. Christ, it had been so long!!!

It was too risky to transform back into my human self with God knows who watching, so I just let out a bark. You’ve never heard me bark, but believe me – once you do, there will be no ignoring me!


There was a light outside the door before I knew it. The door swung open, and Remus gave me a goofy smile.
“I’ve already heard what happened”, he said. “Come on in, old friend. You must be exhausted.”

This voice! I wagged my tail frantically, and the minute the lock snapped closed, I transformed back into my human self. We stood in front of each other – him being slightly taller than me, lanky, his light brown hair streaked with grey, his indefinable eyes twinkling as he extended his hand. Silence fell as I took hold of it, fighting to ignore the tingle that spread through my body at this simple touch. I did not dare look into his eyes, for he used to know me so well – would he still be able to read my every thought from just one glance?

“Thank you, Moony”, I rasped out. “It’s so horrible… I still can’t believe…” My voice died. Jesus, did what I witnessed tonight really affect me that much?

Well, apparently, Dumbledore had had his reasons for sending me here, because before I knew it, lanky arms enveloped me in an awkward hug.
“I’m so sorry, Padfoot”, he whispered. “Harry is tough. He will get over it. And we will fight – there will be some way to overcome Voldemort, and if there are some people who can find it, it’s our crowd. Now that you’re back, we’re complete again. Finally.”

I had stood frozen in his embrace, then I struggled to look at him again. There were tears in his beautiful eyes. He hadn’t changed at all. Well, there were a few more wrinkles around his eyes, some new scars on his forehead, but he was still my old Remus. Despite the situation, the seriousness of everything that had happened, I felt an ancient desire burn up inside me. Fighting to stay calm, I simply hugged him back, snuggled my head into his chest and breathed the scent that had belonged to my dreams for so many years.

What was I to do here? Oh, yeah, alert the old crowd… My mind was struggling to process my task.
“Dumbledore said to alert the old fighters… Dung, Figgy…”, I tried.

“I already sent them a message”, Remus whispered, his mouth way too close to my ear. Hang on – too close? There is no such thing as TOO CLOSE with my Remus…
“I knew you wouldn’t rest until they had been notified, and I wanted more time with you than we had last year”, he explained.

Was that a seductive smile? Remus was never much of a sexy talker. During our relationship, I had learned to catch the slightest hint of kinkiness in his voice, his behaviour, and this was definitely one!


My head raised itself off his shoulder before I could stop it. We were still standing in the doorway, and suddenly I only had one destination in mind. Unless he had changed much, I still knew exactly how to get there: up the stairs, down the hall, a right turn at the end of the corridor. Our old bedroom…

I let go of him, gave him a wink. “Come on, Moony, lets take this conversation upstairs. After all, people could be listening at the door for all we know…” A shadow of fear crossed his face, but was replaced quickly by an expression of both knowledge and anticipation. “We’ll do that”, he simply agreed.


He took my hand, and our fingers entwined as we climbed the stairs. The walls were still decorated with pictures of the four of us, taken at graduation, during the final year of school, at one of our many visits to Lily and James’s… my eyes filled with tears as I watched images of our younger selves fool around, carefree, happy, not knowing what lay ahead… So much had changed, yet here, it seemed time had stood still. How could Remus bear to live with all these memories? Did he not have any present to replace them with?

“Things have never changed in my mind”, he suddenly whispered. “I know good times will only cease to exist if you forget what they were like. There are not many good times for me these days. What we had back then… what we were like… it’s all I ever had, all I will ever have. I cherish the times we all shared beyond anything else. Except…” He went silent as we were now standing outside an old door. Its paint was coming off, and its handle was dusty – like nobody had opened it in years. Somehow I knew this was exactly true. Twelve years. Remus had never entered our bedroom again after I had been taken to Azkaban. Good-natured and trusting, it would have broken his heart to sleep among all those memories…

“You and I”, he now whispered, turning to face me, carefully brushing my hair away from my face, “I cherish the times we shared even more. Above everything. I love you, Padfoot. I never stopped. Never will. You and I… you have no idea how I felt when Dumbledore contacted me and told me he was sending you to stay here. Or maybe you do, I don’t know. I felt like a door inside my heart was suddenly ajar, one that had been locked shut for twelve years. I missed you so much, Padfoot…”

His eyes were brimmed with tears, as were mine. I could not stand seeing him like this; I reached up and caressed his cheek. My voice was hoarse when I quietly replied, “Let’s get our old lives back, my friend…” I then extended my hand and turned the old doorknob, opening the door wide and letting my eyes adjust to the semi-darkness in the room.


Nothing had changed. Absolutely nothing.


The bed was unmade, as if we’d just left it in the morning for a hasty breakfast. Some old tee shirts and boxers were still strewn over the floor. A vase of flowers that had simply dried due to lack of water stood on the table. I recognized the flowers – they were the dahlias I had given Remus at our monthly anniversary, a week before everything fell to pieces. On the wall, I saw a picture of the two of us grinning down: the only picture we had that showed just the two of us and could be displayed publicly. I remembered the day it was taken – we had gone on a tour through the Lake District, riding bicycles because Remus had insisted. I had almost killed myself with that stupid bike! He had calmed me down with a superb picnic basket and an incredible blowjob after we were finished eating. As we had returned the rented bicycles to their owner, Remus had talked the bloke into taking a picture of the two of us. We were slightly sunburnt, but our eyes had the twinkle of two carefree young men who were certain the world was at their mercy…

Sadness at how long gone these times were gripped my heart with sudden force; I yelped and turned to look at Remus. His face showed the same expression of loss and regret as did mine, and without any words, we stepped into each others’ arms and started kissing fiercely, holding on as tight as we could, as if afraid the other was just a fragment of our imagination that would disappear any second.


The old feelings flooded my body at top speed, as if they’d never been gone. Clumsily, my fingers fumbled with the buttons of Remus’s shirt, anxious to feel his skin on mine again. His hands shook as he reached for the hem of my sweater and let his hands roam up underneath. My entire skin broke out in goose bumps. Some things do never change…


His tongue battled mine fiercely, but allowed me dominance in the end. Remus had always been the submissive one in our relationship. We broke apart for seconds to discard his shirt and my jumper, then stepped up closer and both sighed as our naked torsos touched for the first time in ages. He was still lean, but had developed a little more muscle over the years. When he touched my abs, I felt a rush of gratitude to all those challenges by the ministry I had had to face over the past year. I was no longer unhealthily thin, but all the muscles had returned. I flexed them, and we both grinned. Then, without a word, we moved towards the bed and fell down onto the tangled sheets that still faintly carried the trace of our bodies and our last lovemaking. Overwhelmed, I lowered my lips to his neck and softly nibbled down his throat until he was thrashing beneath me, moaning with need and begging me to move on at last.


It’s a matter of fact – some things do never change…


As we lay in bed afterwards, snuggling happily and content, I gently brushed some of his hair from his ear and whispered, “You know, I never stopped loving you…”


He turned around to look into my stormy eyes.
“Neither did I”, he whispered, kissing me again passionately.


If only some things never changed…

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