Something Wicked This Way Cums

~A Sloppy Severus~

Severus was making his usual nightly prowl. Wandering the darkened halls of Hogwarts, he kept his ears open for miscreants. Suddenly, he heard a sound behind him. Turning quickly, he drew his wand, ready to punish whoever dared break curfew...

"Now, now Severus, wands will have no effect on me."

Severus nearly passed out. There, standing before him, was the eerily, glowing form of former Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. He floating a few inches off the ground and completely nude...

Snape stood in stunned silence at the glowing figure in front of him. He carefully observed his former mentor. Dumbledore's wrinkly, old body was horrifying to say the least. Three glowing, fairly solid orbs floated in his groin area bobbing up and down his long, thin, hard penis which stood out amongst the grey glowing curls of his pubic hairs.

"Headmaster," Snape gulped, "why are you naked?" he asked, sure he did NOT want to hear the answer.

"Hello, Severus," said the former Headmaster nonchalantly, as he continued to stare into the middle distance. "What brings you here tonight?"

"Answer my question first, damn you!" shouted Snape, feeling angry, but at the same time, strangely aroused to be sharing such an obviously intimate moment with his former superior. Voldemort has only ever allowed such a thing on one occasion, he mused, but that was another story.

Dumbledore sighed, and raised one, withered eyebrow.

"It is a thrilling tale," he wheezed, "And I wish to do it....-"

"Justice, yes, yes," spat Snape derisively. "Don't fob me off with that crap you fed Potter at the start of Book Six. It won't wash, Headmaster."

"Well, it was worth a try." said Dumbledore. "But you must know that even dead Headmasters have needs, Severus. And right now I have the urge stronger than ever...."

Severus' eyes popped like ping pong balls, but the wizened Wizard in front of him merely chuckled gently and finished "For a delicious sticky pot of raspberry jam!"

Snape breathed a sigh of relief, whether it was from relief, or disappointment, he was not even sure himself. The Headmaster, still starkers, righted himself, and began to float in front of him down the corridor, pausing only to look round at Snape and say:

"Care to join me in a midnight jam feast, Severus? I'm feeling decadent!"

He winked roguishly as the Head of Slytherin looked on. Snape felt his loins stir. How could he refuse?

Snape followed his former mentor to the kitchens, why he did not know, but he did none the less.

Once in the kitchens, Dumbledore motioned Severus to be seated. Reluctantly and with much trepidation, Snape sat on a bench by one of the long tables. He waited for the former Headmaster to speak...

"Now, Severus," ghostly Dumbledore said pleasantly, "I imagine you wonder why I am here in such a state?"

"Yes, Headmaster," Snape replied, raising his right brow.

"Well it seems, Severus, my dear chap, that I have left the world too soon," Dumbledore said, his illuminated form bobbing up and down in front of Snape. "They tell me that I must do three things, or perhaps I should say I must plant three seeds." The Headmaster waved his hand in front of his naked genitals, which Snape observed reluctantly and with some disgust.

"What exactly do you mean by plant?" Snape said, now paying strict attention to the three glowing balls rising annoyingly up and down Dumbledore's skinny, wrinkled, pointy prick.

Dumbledore smile pleadingly, his eyes twinkling, further irritating the potions master.

"Ah, dear Severus, you have no idea..."

Dumbledore snapped his incorporeal fingers and Snape found himself suddenly completely nude and suddenly lying flat upon the table, unable to move.

If Snape could have found the breath, he would have gasped in horror. Just within his line of vision, he was able to see the Headmaster smiling serenely, as if this was something he did all the time.

'Perhaps,' thought Severus, in alarm, ’I was unaware of my former mentor's twisted desires all those years,’ he pondered further, with a frisson of panic, ’ exactly how will events unfold. I am not sure I want to know.’

His reverie was interrupted sharply by the sound of the door to the kitchens opening once more. Snape found that the body-bind had lifted just enough for him to turn his head and see who the intruder was, and when he did, his face drained of all colour.

“Black!” he spat venomously, at the tall pearly white figure in the doorway. “You are meant to be dead!”

“Alright, Snivelly,” quipped Sirius Black, sweeping his long, ghostly hair out of his eyes. “I am dead, but I don't let it get me down, if you get my drift!” he said rubbing his crotch, suggestively.

Dumbledore's eyes gleamed with a hint of something that we might not find out until book seven, and he motioned Black into the room.

“Have you brought the equipment I requested of you, Sirius?” he wheezed throatily.

Severus Snape fainted dead away…

Severus woke with an oddly, alarming sensations betwixt his legs. His befuddled mind slowly came into focus. He was indeed in the kitchens of Hogwarts, lying prone on a table, unable to move.

'Curious' he said to himself, attempting to think how he arrived here.

A chill blew across his body as his eyes snapped open. Above and just below him he could see the ghostly figure of the deceased Headmaster, still nude and wrinkly and quite frankly rather gross.

"Now, Severus, I must apologize for this but I need you fully aroused for this to work properly,” the Headmaster said, rather nonchalantly.

Severus Snape's eyes grew wide as he realised the odd sensation between his nethers was in fact a rather sloppy slurping sensation all around his bollocks. He heard a murmured and recognizable voice. Fear gripped him as he raised his head to look between his widely stretched legs...

"Num, num raspberry," Peaves, the poltergeist, slobbered as he licked and sucked the raspberry jam smeared all over his balls and cock.

"SWEET MERLIN IN THE NINE LEVELS OF HELL WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” Snape’s panic stricken voice bellowed.

Severus Snape was beyond being fearful, he was horrified. Peaves’ naked, pimply, little arse was facing him, hovering above his half-hard cock. The little ghost was slurping raspberry jam off of his balls! All Snape could think coherently was ’WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.’

Dead Dumbledore floated languidly above the prone body of his former Potions Master and the little poltergeist. He sensed Severus' discomfort and offered some explanation...

"Severus, I want this to be somewhat enjoyable for you. When I enter you to complete a third of my mission, it will be somewhat uncomfortable, since, as you know, ghosts are a bit chilly."

"Peaves," Dumbledore said quietly, "Prepare Severus if you will," he commanded.

Peaves stopped his slurping of Snape's nether regions to look up at the former Headmaster. "Two fingers or three, Headmaster?" he asked, smacking his lips.

"I think you should start with two and work up to four," the Headmaster replied clinically as he poured more raspberry jam over Severus' balls. "Have some more jam, Peaves. I believe it will keep our dear Severus distracted."

Severus Snape was horrified. No, correct that appalled. He was unable to move off of the long table, staring at the pimply bum of Peaves as a very naked Dumbledore floated over him. Dumbledore's cock was hard, thin and oh so very long. The three bouncing globes of light floated up and down Dumbledore's length, filling the Potions Master with dread. He felt the warm, sticky jam re-coat his bollocks and then... then... he felt Peaves fingers rub his balls, coating his tiny fist with the gooey substance. Severus Snape held his breath as the tiny poltergeist began slurping and sucking the jam off of his package. He was waiting, waiting for the little bastard to do as he was commanded.

Severus Snape clenched his eyes closed as he felt the intrusion of two tiny fingers breach his puckered entrance.

"MOTHER FUCKING, BLOODY, BLEEDING, BASTARD, REMOVE YOUR APENDAGES FROM MY ARSE AT ONCE!" he bellowed as Peaves happily thrust his tiny fingers in and out of Severus, greedily gobbling the sticky fruit off his nuts.

"Num, num. Shut the fuck up, you old bat." Peaves murmured.

“Shit, damn” Sirius said, focusing his camera on the action in front of him, “this is sick, hot, but sick.”

“Black you shut that fucking thing off right now!” Snape screeched.

“Or what, Snivelly?” Sirius mocked from the corner of the room. “Are you getting hard there Snivellus?”

"It's lucky I'm a red-blooded male," laughed Sirius, taking out a small hand-mirror and adjusting his hairstyle. "I might be dead, but that's no excuse for not looking my best, and this video will net me a fortune on Ghost-bay..."

Shrugging off his flimsy shirt, he sauntered, bare-chested across the room and casually picked up the pot of jam. A thousand fangirls sighed.

He stuck a finger into the pot and licked it sensually off of his aristocratic index finger. The former Headmaster watched. His face was like this . Lust burned in his aged eyes like so many marshmallows left too long in the campfire, but without the smoke.

"Black....." breathed the Headmaster, advancing upon the younger dead person with an uncharacteristically predatory smile playing around his wrinkled lips. "Have you ever noticed the beautiful lighting in these kitchens?"

Nobody was paying any attention to the plight of Severus Snape as Peeves the poltergeist continued his jam-fuelled assault on Severus' manly assets. Snape looked up and saw the fiery lust in the eyes of his former mentor as they both watched Black peel off his ghostly leather trousers as he conjured a tripod from mid air so as not to miss any of the hot footage of the horny occasion....

Black swayed his hips suggestively while tweaking his own nipples, giving the former headmaster a 'come hither' look. Albus Dumbledore could not resist the younger ghost and floated toward his fellow, horny apparition willingly as his wrinkly, spindly prick bobbed up and down and stood at attention.

Severus almost felt relieved, perhaps he would get out of this unscathed.

"HEADMASTER!" a disembodied voice screeched suddenly.

"Bugger all," Dumbledore mumbled, looking disappointed.

"Don't you bugger all me, Albus, Percival, Wulfric, Brian Dumbledore," the voice wheezed irritably, "you have a mission to complete, you bumbling, randy, old fool," the voice continued to chastise as the ghostly apparition of Amelia Bones materialized, hands on hips, looking very annoyed.

"But Madam Bones I need a good fuck!" Sirius whined pathetically.

"Shit!" Severus said under his breath.

"I don't give a flying broom handle what you need, Sirius Black," she bellowed. "Who knows what would happen if Albus lost one of those precious seeds because YOU wanted a good shag?" The old witch ghost looked the young ghost over, obviously liking the view, "Sirius if you want to fuck, go find Nearlyheadless Nick, he's a little slut, believe me I know," she said casually, "indeed I might be up for a bit of a three way, meself." Amelia sighed suggestively, beginning to remove her clothes as she pointed Albus toward Severus Snape, still glued to the long table.

"Now, Albus, float your flat arse back over there and plant that package up Snape's bunghole and move on!" She ordered as her tits were released from their ghostly brazier with a noisy ‘splat,’ they sunk, sagging to the old bats knees. "EWWWWWWWWWWW!" Sirius screamed, running through the wall to escape.

Madam Bones licked her lips, preparing to pursue the young, sexah ghost, "Remember Albus you only have one night to deliver all three seeds, so shake a banger, you old perv!" With that Madam Bones took off after Sirius Black hollering for Nearlyheadless Nick to head off Sirius.

Albus gave the spot where Sirius had been standing before running off one last longing gaze and then turned toward Severus.

"Severus, I do hope you are ready for me?"

"Shit!" Severus said again.

Dumbledore positioned himself above Severus Snape, his wrinkly prick bobbed up and down dangerously.

"Peaves," he exclaimed, "remove your hand! I am ready."

Severus looked upon at his former mentor, terror clearly written across his face.

"NO!" He screamed.

"Sorry, Severus, this must be done."

With that Peaves pulled his sticky hand from Severus' stretched arsehole, laughing wickedly as he licked his sticky hand. (Um ewwwww) Dumbledore positioned his long, thin, crooked cock, ready for entry and plunged forward with his hips.

"Merlin's, wretched tits!" Severus exclaimed as the cold heat of the old dead wizards penis entered him.

"Mother, mercy and all the levels of Hell," he moaned, lost somewhere between pain, disgust, pain and maybe pleasure, but not really.

Dumbledore hummed a tune as he plunged in and out of his former Potion's Master, a silly, pleasure hazed expression across his face. "Gods, I am so close, Severus," he shouted. "So close, ooo, ooo, ooo, so tight, so tight, you little whore!"

"FUCK ME!" Severus said, though he was sure he didn't mean it the way it came out.

"OH, OH, OH, OH, SIRIUS!" Dumbledore shouted as he shot the first seed deep into Severus Snape.

"BLOODY, FUCKING, HELL! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU LOVED HIM BEST, YOU BASTARD!" Snape screeched.

"Well, Siri... um Severus, I quite enjoyed that," Dumbledore said as he floated away from the still prone form of Severus Snape. Dumbledore stopped in the pantry and picked up a jar of something and floated out through the door, still humming a silly tune.

Peaves still hovering above the Potion's Professor suddenly got a wicked gleam in his eye. "Treacle, Severus?"

Severus Snape’s brain had had enough and he fainted dead away, unknowing what the little poltergeist would get up to and unknowing what exactly had occurred…