Meddlesom Things

Cileo Platinum ran back in forth in her apartment trying to find her favorite beach towel. ‘Where the fuck are you? I’m ten minutes late!’ She thought frantically pulling her couch apart looking under the cushions. Damn towel was nowhere to be found. Sighing, Cileo stomped into her kitchen to grab a glass of water, opening her fridge she finds her towel. ‘Oh…very good.’ She grabs her now slightly chilled towel and runs back into her room to grab her sunglasses. ‘Okay. Beach.’ She thought and with a snap she was gone.

“I regretfully have to inform you students that I will be teaching your divination period today. Due to an unfortunate…accident…that Professor Trelawnely suffered this morning. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want you to talk to me. Just be quiet, sit at your tables, and stare into that…crystal ball.” Professor Snape stalked to the desk in the front of the room. The class quietly took their seats and began to pretend to see things in their crystal balls. Suddenly a piece of parchment landed in front of Harry Potter. He groaned knowing who it was from, but opened it anyways.
‘Heard you screaming last night Potter Have a visit from a dementor? Or you’re lover? The dark lord.’ Harry sighed, he wrote back.
‘Actually, I was with your mum last night.’ Harry sent the parchment back and waited for Draco’s reaction. Draco opened the paper and his eyes widened in fury.
“WHAT?” Draco shouted, causing everyone in the room to look his way. Harry tried to hide his laugh.
“Mr. Malfoy, shut up.” Snape said lazily, with his eyes closed. He was resting his feet on the desk. Harry looked in Malfoy’s direction, and Malfoy was giving him a slice throat gesture. Harry just flipped him off. Just then a loud snap sounded through the class. Everyone turned towards Harry and Draco thinking that they had hexed one another only to find a tall blonde girl, wearing a black bikini with a skull on her boob, standing between them. She was holding a pink towel. Everyone in the class gasped, except for Snape, who was completely unaware and dozing off on the desk.
“Huh? It happened again. At least it wasn’t the men’s restroom.” The girl said toeing the carpet with her black flip flop. The small framed girl stepped forward into the center of the room as if she was trying to apparate out.
“Fuck!” She shouted causing Snape to fall backwards out of his chair. Snapping up Snape pointed his wand at the half-naked girl in the middle of his class room, thinking what the fuck?
“How’d you get in here? Who are you working for? Where did you come from? Don’t move or I’ll hex your head on top of a hippogriff!” Snape asked strewing his questions together.
“For sure, hippogriffs are extinct. Why can’t I apparate out of here?” The girl asked Snape, putting her hands on her hips. Snape stepped out from behind the desk with his wand pointed steadily at her.
“Here at Hogwarts, there is no apparating on or off school grounds.” Snape said as he eyed her suspiciously.
“What are you talk…Hogwarts?” the girls green eyes widened as she realized the name he had used for the school. She began looking around the room, taking it all in as if she was on a tour. “Wow. This is a really cool re-enactment. I heard they opened up the castle for tourists, but I never imagined it would look so real.” She said mostly to herself as she turned her back on Snape and looked at all the gaping students. Snape noticed a tattoo on her lower back. It was a celtic knot shield. She turned back around to Snape and began studying him as if he were a wax figure.
“What’s your name teacher?” She asked. The girl knew that in most museums you had to ask the figures questions to get them to explain things. Snape didn’t say anything. She gave him a confused look.
“There must be something wrong with the programming.” She said as she took a step towards him, but Snape was being defensive and shot a stunning spell at her. To his, and the rest of the students, she just waved her hand and deflected the spell into the wall.
“Did you just try to stun me?” She asked placing her hand on hips again, and glared at Snape.
“This is not a…a program. You are in Hogwarts, this is a real class.” Snape said still shocked that this young girl deflected his spell so easily with out using a wand.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” She snapped shaking her long hair off her shoulders. The students in the class were more silent at this point, no one could believe that a half naked girl had popped into their class, and then proceeded in cussing at Snape.
“Severus Snape.” he said cautiously. The girls eyes grew even wider.
“Nu-huh! Shut up!” She said covering her mouth.
“Excuse me! You will not take that tone with me. Who the hell are you?” Snape asked pointing his wand back at her. Without feeling threatened the girl turned her back on Snape again and began walking around the room.
“I can’t believe I’m really in Hogwarts!” She thought out loud excitedly. She stopped in front of a scared looking buck-toothed boy. “What year is it?” She shouted excitedly at him.
“Uh..uh…it’s uh…two thousand…two thousand fo-four.” The boy stuttered, trying to keep his eyes on her face, and not her revealed body. The girl gasped so loudly that the poor kid fell over out of his seat.
“So you’re really…” The girl said as she whipped around and faced Snape, “You’re really Severus Seamore Snape?” She asked excitedly bringing her hands to her mouth again.
“How’d you know that?” Snape asked infuriated. Draco and Harry exchange looks and mouthed ‘Seamore?’ to each other, and quickly realized who they were talking too and exchanged scowls. The girl was now hopping excitedly on her flip flops, unnoticing her breast bouncing up and down as well.
“Can I touch you?” She asked as she stuck her hand towards Snape, who quickly took many steps backwards. “You’re like my idol! You and your seven kids!”
“Whoa…I don’t have seven kids, I’m not even married!”
“Yeah well not yet.” The girl paused. Her eyes widening even more, as she began taking steps closer. “Have you invented it yet?” She asked almost like a whisper.
“Invented what?” Snape asked confused.
“Severus Smoking Singles!” She asked excitedly once more. Snape just gave her a very, very confused look. The girl sighed. “THE WEED MAN! THE WEED!” She shouted at him and Snape’s eyes widened with shock.
“I…I don’t know what your talking about.” Snape said as he stepped further away from her. ‘How did the girl know about my weed’ the girl stopped moving and became very silent. ‘Oh shit. It’s 2004. He won’t invent it for another three years. OH SHIT! I’ve got to get out of here!!’ Snape watched as the girl started shaking her head slowly and backed up to the window.
“Well it was really great meeting you but I have to get back to the year 2404, where pot is legal in all four galaxies and on the Moon but only on Tuesdays. Bu bye.” She said as she started to jump out the astronomy tower window, suddenly stopped stepped back from the window and faced the class. She gasped once more as her eyes searched the room frantically.
“Harry Potter.” She shouted loudly “Is Harry Potter in this classroom?” She yelled at the nearest student. Harry began to sink lower in his seat, he glanced over at the smirking Draco. ‘No’ Harry mouthed as Draco began to stand to tell the crazy young girl where she would find him. But then the girl gasped once more.
“NO! Draco Malfoy!” The girl covered her mouth looking even more excited than when she found out Snape was Snape. “Oh god! Its 2004, Draco Malfoy HAS to be here! Which one of you is Draco Malfoy?” She asked frantically scanning the students. Draco quickly began to follow Harry’s lead and began to sink into his own chair. He glanced over at Harry who was laughing at him, but with his hands covering his face still. Draco just flipped him off. The girl quickly came back to her senses and ran back over to the window.
“I have to get out of here! There are laws about meddling with the past! I don’t want to go to Princeton!” She shouted as she climbed up into the window seal.
“No! Don’t kill yourself!” Snape shouted as he began advancing towards her lowering his wand so she wouldn’t feel threatened.
“No no…I’ve really got to go.” She said as she looked down at the ground a hundred feet below her. ‘I need to get off school grounds to apparate back to the future’
“What’s your name?” Snape said in a cool voice, trying to talk her out of jumping to her death. He really didn’t want to deal with a dead body today. The girl looked up at him and smiled brightly. She stuck both legs out the window, and sat on the window seal poised to jump.
“My names Cileo Platinum, and you’ve just been punked.” She laughed as she jumped out the window.