Paradox

Written originally for the LJ community Remus Reads....Enjoy!!!


Paradox: something absurd or contradictory: a statement, proposition, or situation that seems to be absurd or contradictory, but in fact is or may be true

Remus Lupin is himself, a paradox. He is a werewolf of course, which in any way, shape or form, seems absurd. The reality of his life, is a paradox. The very nature of his being is contradictory but in fact, very true.

He chuckles, in spite of himself, when he realizes that the situation in which he has placed himself is also somewhat of a paradox. He has just now sat down next to and across from his two best friends…and his two lovers. Sirius, the best friend and lover to his right, immediately seizes Remus’ thigh and gives it a squeeze, waxing poetic, or as poetic as Sirius can, about the fact that this is their last ride home from Hogwarts. Well, Sirius didn’t exactly call it that, he had a few more colorful words for it, but then school never was really Sirius’ thing. Remus jumps a little at the intimate nature of the contact, still warming to the idea of their relationship as being something more out in the open than a few heated exchanges behind closed doors and in darkened hallways.

Lily catches his eye and Remus feels his face turn a deep shade of red, something Sirius seems to take great pride in. Once again, paradox and it’s meaning come clear as day into Remus’ mind, for this situation in which he finds himself is indeed absurd and almost unbelievable. You see, the best friend and lover that sits across from him is none other than Lily. Lily, his best friend, James’ girlfriend and most likely someday wife; yes that very Lily. Lily knows about Sirius of course, not only because Remus has confided in her on numerous occasions, but because Sirius, ever since school let out, is telling everyone who will listen. Sirius, however, does not know about Lily, nor does anyone other than the two involved parties. Does he want them to? Sure. Would he like to tell the whole school that he, pasty faced, scarred and somewhat socially inadequate Remus Lupin bagged the hottest little red head in school? Well yes, on one hand of course he would, but on the other hand he wants to hold on to that precious information with his very life, not only out of fear of what James might do to him or even Lily, not because he knows that Sirius‘ fragile ego, as cool as he pretends to be, would likely be crushed. He wants to hold on to it, treasure it forever as his, their, secret because it was quite frankly the best night of his young life thus far. This is the sort of epic tale upon which all others judged, that moment you grab for when you are down and out for the count. And that, well that he isn’t giving up for anyone.

He hears Sirius crack some silly, half assed joke at his expense and rolls his eyes half heartedly as he and James high five each other like a pair of muggle frat brothers. He glances once again over at Lily, and smiles shyly as she returns his gaze with that knowing look. He chuckles one more time at the growing absurdity of the situation and his life in general, and looks out at the scenery screaming by, thinking back to that moment, their moment.

The images race by, unbidden in his mind, crystal clear and in vivid color. Her auburn hair that seemed to match the fresh scars on his otherwise pale skin. Her lips, parted and full against his own, soft and pliant yet also strong and demanding in their own right. His hands, shaky and unsure, and the way her body warmed to his touch. Her eyes, full of hunger and need, an almost animal like instinct that he recognized and also craved for himself. His delightful agony at the feeling of her around him, ensconced upon him. Her reassuring words as even her body shook not unlike his own. The smell of her, taste of her, in his mouth, on his skin, buried in his soul.

He drifts off, warm thoughts of Lily leading him to dreamland. He sees her in his dream, sitting under a glorious autumn tree. She looks sad, and he tries to go to her, to comfort her, but James intercepts, as if he does not even see Remus standing there, trying to reach out to her. She stands up and hugs James as he swings her around while the leaves start to fall from the tree, not gracefully one by one, but like a shower of colorful jewels. Everything is at first vivid and bright, but slowly the colors fade, everything ending up a shade of grey. Remus tries to reach for her, tries to scream for her, but she does not hear him. He watches them in their shades of grey, sees that she whispers something in his ear and he stops the swinging and gently touches her stomach….