Swallow

Lucius Malfoy’s worst fear was becoming like his father.


swallow, choke and die…


He was a strong man. And proud; of where he came from, what he had done, what he would do…It was easy to meet his eyes in the mirror. It was easy to smirk with self-satisfaction. The world would serve him, he knew. Just as it should. And he would not make any mistakes. And he would not live in shame.

“Papa?”

There came the voice of an angel. The child that had come into his life, changing it forever. His little Draco.

Lucius turned and met the eyes of his son who stood outside of his bedroom, hugging the doorway, afraid to come in without permission lest he disappoint his father. The little boy wore expensive silk robes that clung to his delicate frame; there was still baby fat on his cheeks. He was only three years old and he still had the soft, sweet smell of an infant. His blue eyes were wide with awe as he gazed at his father; Lucius had to fight a smile upon seeing him.

It was not befitting of a Malfoy to openly display affection.

“What is it, precious?” Lucius said gently, sensing Draco’s nervousness.

Draco relaxed somewhat upon hearing the term of endearment. He looked up at his father with hopeful eyes and smiled. “Papa, will you play with me?” He asked.

Lucius frowned and turned away. He picked up the comb on his dresser and resumed combing out the snarls in his long, blonde hair. “I have to go to work, Draco.” He snapped, irritated because he could not fulfill his son’s request and it made him feel guilty--he was loathe to ever tell that child No.

Through the mirror, Lucius saw him wince. “Sorry, Fatha.” Draco mumbled, his eyes tearing up.

Lucius sighed. The boy was so sensitive. If Lucius had learned anything after becoming a father it was patience.

He put down the comb and faced his son, smoothing his features into an expression of detached kindness.

“What is it you wanted to play, son?” He said.

Draco looked up timidly. “Gobbastoe.” He said, his thin voice wavering.

Lucius couldn’t resist smiling at him then. The child was so adorable. Ever since he’d said his first word--Papa-- at age one, his continuing attempts at speech never failed to fill Lucius with a warmth that often cracked his cold exterior and left him struggling to rebuild his walls. Lucius preferred to stay distant from others. It was better that way. But watching his son grow and mature did make it so difficult. He was quite sure that no child so beautiful had ever walked the earth before, and the radiance of the treasure in his possession was blinding at times.

“Gobblestones.” Lucius said, a hint of laughter in his voice.

Draco brightened, hearing his pleasant tone. He watched his father avidly, hoping that he would change his mind and stay home from work that day to play with him.

“Perhaps a little bit later, Son. If you’re still awake when I get home. Go ask your mother if she’ll play with you.” Lucius said, returning his gaze to his mirror.

Draco visibly deflated and his blonde head bowed in defeat. “Okay.” He said mournfully. And then, before leaving, “Papa, will you give me a hug before you go?”

Lucius, smoothing his hair with both hands, stiffened and was silent for several seconds. “I’m running late, Draco,” He said at last, his tense and chilled tone leaving no room for argument.

Draco bit his lip and left quickly, before his father could see the tears in his eyes. He wanted his papa to be proud of him. Crying was for babies.

Lucius sighed and bent over, both hands placed flat on the dresser. He closed his eyes, feeling the silence, the emptiness. He preferred to stay distant.

It was better that way.




A/N: The lyrics at the beginning (swallow, choke and die) are from the Dashboard Confessional song Bitter Pill. This story is meant to be mostly emotional, rather than smut. Let me know if you want me to continue. Otherwise, I might not get around to it.

P.S. All that sexual stuff the story is tagged for will not occur until later chapters. Which might not be written, or posted, if reviews are not recieved. *hint hint*.


.....I'm done now.