Worthless Priceless?

Title: Worthless or Priceless?
Author: Swirly
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Summary: After Harry defeated Voldemort, he thought he would die. But someone still needed him, so he stayed. Now, he has reason to doubt that he was needed. Can he be convinced that he is needed?
Rating: M/R (NC-17?)
Warnings: Mpreg, Attempted suicide, Lemon

Chapter One: Priceless?

Harry stared down at his arm sadly. There really was nothing left for him anymore. Everything that he had thought he had to live for, was all a lie. A ruse to keep him alive. Ha.

The only reason he had woken up at all, from that peaceful existence where he had been after the final battle against Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle, had been because of them. But they had lied to him. They didn’t need him. He was useless, just as he had always been, just as he would always be. He wanted to go back, where the pain couldn’t reach him, where the sadness didn’t overwhelm him. He needed to go back. As he sat starring down at his wrist, he looked again at the bejeweled dagger that lay between his thighs. He sat back against the wall, and tilted his head back. As much as he wanted to go back to that place, something nagged him at the back of his head. Something he was missing.

He glanced back at the dagger. Maybe that was it. It was too beautiful to be stained by his worthless blood, his useless blood. Also, the mess it would cause would be too much. He didn’t want to leave behind a mess for him to clean, to prove even more, for all time, just what a useless being he was. His mind whirled over all the different ways that he could leave this plane of existence. He laughed humorlessly at himself. He couldn’t even say it to himself. He might as well admit it to himself, he wanted to kill himself. End his life for ever. After all, what was there left for him to do?

Ron and Hermione had their life together with their two children. The rest of the Weasleys, who had all made it through the war, no thanks to him of course, had all moved on with their lives. They had all settled down with their significant others, and produced children with them. None of them had a need for Harry in their lives. He had brought nothing but harm and heartache to any of them. His mind struggled past thoughts of them, and settled on his friends from school. Ha. As if he had been a very good friend to any of them. Neville and Luna were also married with their first child on the way, and talking of adopting their five foster children, orphans of the war. The rest of the old crowd from the DA, were also settled into their lives. As had the rest of the wizarding world.

Thinking of Luna and Neville’s orphans, brought to mind the orphanage that he had started, and all the children he had helped find loving families to take them in. The orphanage now stood empty, but was still there, so that when a child was left parentless and homeless in the future, they would have a place to go. There were even two Ministry workers that were responsible for taking care of and looking after all of the orphaned children, so that Harry no longer had anything to do with it. The children no longer needed him either, which was just as well, because it was his fault in the first place that they had been left without their parents.

His mind wandered onto HIM. Harry had thought that he at least needed him. But it turned that he had never needed Harry at all. HE had thought Harry needed him. HE had finally broken it to Harry this morning, that the last six years had been a lie. Of course not in those words, but that’s what they had meant to Harry. His lover, Draco Malfoy, had finally told him that he had never needed Harry. Ever. He went over the incident from just that morning in his mind.

~*~*~

“Harry, you can’t keep doing this to me. I don’t need you to do every little thing for me. In fact, I don’t need you to do anything for me. I never have. I just want you to be with me. But it’s getting to be too much, Harry. You’re so clingy all the time. Maybe we should take a break, and I can give you some space to reevaluate your life. Ever since you finished up with the orphanage, all you’ve done is be at home, and do nothing.” He stopped and looked Harry in the eye, “Look, you don’t have to make a decision right now. I’ll see you after I get back from the office. I’ll be late tonight,” He paused before pressing a light kiss to Harry’s forehead, instead of on the mouth as usual when he left for work.

Harry hadn’t really heard anything other than the fact that Draco had never needed him, and wanted them to part. It’s what caused him to make the decision he had.

~*~*~

Harry had written his good-bye note to Draco, telling him that he wished him all the happiness in the world with whoever he had found, and that since he no longer needed Harry, in fact had never needed him, he would get out of the way, and stop preventing Draco from being happy. He also said that he was sorry to have wasted everybody’s time for the past six years by inflicting his stupid useless self on everyone, and that he hoped everyone forgave him for not having died like he was supposed to six years ago, but he had thought Draco needed him still, so he had come back.

Harry came to a decision, after he reread his last letter to his love. He left it on the table next to Draco’s dinner, which he cast a warming spell over, so that his meal would be warm when he got home. Harry had set the table with one elegant place setting, with Draco’s favorite meal, Cordon Bleu with steamed vegetables and mashed potatoes made from scratch. He had set a bouquet of white roses, Draco’s favorite, in an elegant vase in the middle of the table, with one red rose that symbolized Harry’s love. He left the elegant dagger on the table propping up the note. He made his way smiling to the bathroom. He took along the butcher knife from the kitchen that he used to make Draco’s dinner. He took his wand along. He set up the bathroom. He covered the area around the bathtub with a protective covering to prevent his blood from making too much of a mess.

He lay down in the tub and brought the knife up and dragged it across his wrist. He watched in fascination as the blood, his blood, his life-force, welled up in beads before dribbling down his arm. He watched as small trickles made crimson tracks down his arm. He turned his arm back and forth, and watched as it zigzagged this way and that, and made patterns on his arm. He brought the knife up again, and cut his other wrist deeper, this time, and let the blood drip down his arm into the tub. He watched as it pooled in front of him. His other arm hung over the side of the tub and made a mess of crimson on the protective covering. As he stared at the bright red blood, he was reminded of the red markings on his Potions work made by Professor Snape. He dipped his finger in the puddle and wrote the word “useless” across his forehead, covering the lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. He was starting to get light-headed when he felt it.

~*~*~

TBC

A/N: Okay, I wasn't going to post anything else until I finished the ones I have already started, but I'm having trouble with plots, so I decided to try and work on something I've had on my computer for almost a year. Let me know if I should continue this one or try and focus on one of my other fics. (But don't worry, I'm still working on Weremouse, for those that are following it.)
Bye for now,
Swirly ^.^~