Harry Potter and The Cockulus Infernum - Part 1

Harry Potter yawned. He slowly opened his eyes and then squinted out the bright sun that flooded the room. His head hurt. Drinking 25 whole Hard Butter Beers in the course of an evening is diffently not a good idea, Harry thought.

“Owww my ass.” Ron Weasly complained. Harry forced his eyes open, rolled on to his side to face Ron and laughed. Ron slid out of the bed and walked to the window. He pulled opened the drapes and stood scratching his belly as he stared out the window. “After bottoming for you I’m lucky I can walk. I might have been drunk, but it still hurt like a bitch. I thought I was going to die. They should call me “The Boy Who Lived.”

Harry chuckled, and flopped onto his back. “So...what do you wanna do today?” Harry put his hand into his boxers, scratched his balls and then sniffed his fingers.
“Well, we should probably clean this place up. It’s been awhile.” Ron said, as he rolled an empty Beer bottle around with his foot. “Hermione wanted us to stop by today...so we should do that afterward.”

Harry groaned. “Do we have to? I don’t want to go all the way back to Hogwarts on a Saturday. Don’t we do that enough during the week?” After their 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry and Ron had decided to rent a small apartment, against the headmasters wishes, over Zonko’s Joke Shop in Hogsmead.
Ron frown. “Harry, it’s not that far. 20 minutes if we walk proper, 10 if we nip into the passage way downstairs. And if that’s still to much work we can appar....” Harry interupted him.

“Ron Weasly, how many times do I have to tell you, you cannot apparate or dissaparte in or around the grounds of Hogwarts.” Harry said in voice that sounds so much like Hermione’s that both he and Ron burst out laughing.

A few hours later Ron, Harry and Hermione all sat together writing essay’s for portions in the Griffindor common room. It was silent for a moment until Hermione gasped loudly. “What?” asked Ron.
“I just remembered, notices where posted through the school last night. All Seventh Years are required to take a new course starting in two weeks.”

“What are you talking about Hermione?” Asked Harry.
“You know...they post notices, flyers, on our common room bulletin boards every so often...You two wouldn’t be the last to know if you hadn’t rented that stupid apartment in Hogsmead. She huffed.
“Hermione....you’re so uptight all the time. You’d be so much more mellow if you rubbed one out in a while. “ Said Ron.
Hermione looked as if she had just sat on a tack. “How very rude and extremely uncouth of you Ron. I have no desire to “Rub one out” as you so tastefully put it, and besides Ron, I have a vagina. A VA-GI-NA! Now if you’ll excuse me. I have to make my rounds. It is my duty as a prefect to make sure no one is doing anything they shouldn’t. It was wonderful to see you Harry.” Hermione smiled. “Charmed.” She said to Ron and then gathered her things and was off.
“
Wow, what crawled up her arse?” Asked Ron.
“Nothing.” Said Harry. “Rub one out?.....she’s not like that Ron.”
“Mabye something should crawl up her ass. I reckon I’d do her. Ron smiled.
“Good Luck Mate.” Smirked Harry. “Come on let’s find one of those posters Hermione was talking about. They packed their bags and headed down the main staircase, at the bottom on the left hand side stood a huge bulletin board where announcements for the entire school were posted. After some searching Harry and Ron found what they where looking for. A large poster hung very nearly in the middle, it read.

ATTENTION ALL 7TH YEARS
In accordance with new laws pasted by the Office For The Magical Education of Non-Muggle Youth, all 7th year students currently attending Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardy will hearby be enrolled in the following new course or courses:

Sexual Education and Enchantments

The first meeting of this new course will be held Monday October 12th. It will be held in Dungeon #5

Ron looked at Harry and Harry looked at Ron. “Holy Shite.”