Without You

A/N: I have hosted this story on another sight and ave up on it. Mainly because although the sight does allow slash it only allows an R rating and I kept going a little to far for their liking. It became frustrating because this story the way I had planned it at least requires a certain amount of freedom to play with. Being restrained kind of killed me drive to write it and it became lost in my archive of unfinished stories for that sight. Then a friend Recommended AFF. Here I am a few months later and I have decided to upload the first chapter to see how it goes. I rewrote some things to the way I wanted them to be before I was forced to edit out certain things. Tell me what you think if you like I will go back revise the other chapters and continue on. A warning I am doing several other stories updates may be halted. I always tell what I’ve updated and what I'm working on in my profile.

P.S. If you like this one check out my others.


Chapter one
Dear Mr., And Mrs. Weasley,
As we will be Graduating from school in only half a years time. Professor McGonagall has asked all of us what we plan to do with ourselves and if we have "arrangements" made. Perhaps she only asked me and a select few others that last part, being as most the other seventh years will just house with their Parents while they get on their feet. Which presents me with a problem, because last time I checked I was parentless. Which by the way is hardly funny but being as the thought of rooming with the Dursleys one more year brings me near tears. Humor is my last defense. As I have always considered you and Mr. Weasley to be a mother and father to me, even when I didn’t think I needed it, Even when I didn’t deserve it, it would do me the biggest honor if you would consider housing me after I graduate. If this is too much trouble I beg pardon for my...

"Audacity and cheek! Harry what is this?" Ron Weasley gapped snatching the letter off the library table and staring at it as if it might just jump up and bite him. Seamus Finnagin peered over Ron’s shoulder, an amazing feat being as Ron hadn’t stopped growing like a weed until just this past summer and he toward over Seamus's five feet eight inches. His sandy blonde hair was in its usual style of late, meaning no style at all.

It hung in his eyes and tickled his neck as he walked in, a charming if complete utter mess. When asked, Seamus would simply reply that this was a style he had seen in a Muggie magazine. Harry and the others ignored this dip into insanity as much as possible, only occasionally sniggering at him or in Hermione’s case threatening to charm it off in his sleep.

"I believe it’s a letter to your parents aye Ron, asking if they'll let him room after we graduate." Seamus patted Ron on the back as if he had accomplished something wonderful and pointed to a line on the letter as if gesturing to a child. "See here, Right there on that line where it says Dear Mr. And Mrs. Weasley? Well those are your parents, and see here where..." Seamus didn’t get a chance to finish as Ron shrugged him off his shoulder with a grumpy shove sending Seamus comically sprawling against a library chair which promptly clattered to the floor. Harry choked back a laugh, as Seamus clamored to his feet just as the Librarian swooped out from behind him her face pinched as if she had sucked on a lemon.

"YOU AGAIN?" She huffed, wagging a boney molted finger in Seamus face. "if I have to remind you three to be quite in the library one more time you will be banned from the library for the rest of the term. Do you read me clear young men?" To which they all nodded solemnly and apologetically.

When she turned it was to mutter over her shoulder. "In my day Head boys knew how to behave, why in my day all seventh years presented themselves with decorum and self restraint." Seamus waited until she was far enough away to mutter in return, "in her day, Winston Churchill was a bloody seventh year so ha!" Harry bit back a snort, she was hardly as old as all that.

"Not that I would want to be in her day mind you, always muttering doom and gloom. She aught to link up with Filch, then they could both badger on about” back in their day”. It would be a match made in hell right." Seamus snickered. Harry tried to hold back the snort of laughter, but finding it too much it escaped.

He grabbed up his book to press against his face to hide his laughter, making him look very odd indeed to some first year girls a table over who giggled in response.

"Come off it Seamus, Harry what’s this note all about eh, you sound like a bleedin orphan or something in it," Ron almost accused.

Harry put down his book and rolled his eyes up at his best mate. His six foot frame sprawled out in the chair in a lazy position of indifference.

"Really, blimey I’m sorry, don’t know how that could be. I'll just tear it up and rewrite it so I sound like a bloke with parents.” Harry said with exaggerated chagrin.

Ron had the grace to blush, before he replied. "Come off it Harry, that’s not what I meant at all. Send this to my parents and you'll insult them."

Seamus let out a bark of laughter and chortled, "Harry’s presence that offending to them?"

Which was ignored as Ron continued. "Mum and dad will probably ask you anyway. Its only half term, so I suppose they'll get around to it. Blimey Harry mum would adopt you if she could you don’t need to beg her in a letter!"

This was true Harry knew he always got a warm feeling when he thought about the Weasleys. They were in many ways his own family and had always sought to treat him as such. He knew sending this letter wasn’t necessary; that he already had an invitation into their home no questions asked.

"I never meant to send it anyway, McGonagall wanted me to write to some one and to show her the letter to make sure I’d done it. I thought it was kind of funny, being as she'd made me do a pointless exercise." Harry explained with a shrug."

Behind him a table of third year girls where giggling again and whispering in harsh tones.

"You ask him Gwenn."

"No you, you’re braver!"

"You!"

"No you,"

Ron rolled his eyes and turned to glare at the table of giggling girls, "quite in the library!" he admonished shaking his head.

Seamus snorted his Irish accent like a tinkle of water over stone. "Well even if you are Head Boy Ron you cant shush them if you make just as much noise with your own fellows eh now."

Harry nodded in agreement a sad truth for Ron, who found that running with Harry frequently clashed with his duties first as prefect and now as Gryffindor Head Boy. A fact that drove Gryffindors Head Girl Hermione Granger crazy.

” I say we leave mates, before those girls work up the courage to ask one of us out." Seamus laughed eyeing the Third years warily.

The others agreed with this whole heartedly.

~~~~***~~~~***~~~~***~~~~****~~~
I'll always be here for you
no matter what know
i'll be here for you
no matter where we go
if you'll be here for me too

"So what was it like, is he as good a kisser as he looks?" Padma Patil questioned her twin sister eagerly, flicking her wand to silence the radio playing Witch Weekly a popular new wizzarding band. They were lounging in the Gryffindor common room which was fairly empty except for several of their friends and a few sixth years. All other students had classes, sixth years and seventh years generally were the only ones with free periods for study. Which in the girl’s case came with a full measure of gossip.

Lavender Brown looked up from her scroll of parchment to giggle at Parvati. "you didn’t think you could snog Harry without telling us about it could you?"

Next to them Hermione Granger rolled her eyes, wondering for the hundredth time why she opted to study with them instead of Harry and Ron of late. They were nice, and they were her friends but they could be outright silly. A fact that Ginny Weasley agreed with as she shot Hermione a suffering look.

"Well I’ll just say that he's grown up a lot. In fourth year he was so… so" Parvati searched for the right word.

Ginny rolled her eyes and chipped in "Fourteen?"

Parvati's eyes lit up as she nodded in agreement. Every one remembered what a disaster the fourth year Yule ball had been. Although Ginny had fonder memories then Parvati and Padma probably did. Fourteen year old Ron and Harry weren’t the most stunningly romantic dates on the dance floor that night.

"Anyway, so we were up in Lady Gillian’s tower…" This was met with gasps and squeals of delight form the other girls, even from the sixth years across the room. Lady Gillian was a Hogwarts ghost that haunted one of its many towers. It was said that Gillian a young student at Hogwarts in the days of its founders, had met the love of her life in school. But the differences in their stations forced them to keep their love a secret.

They arranged to meet in one of the many spiraling tower rooms of the castle. This became their special spot, their lovers nest as it were. When Lady Gillian died she came to Hogwarts to haunt the tower. She was known to keep guard over that tower protecting any young lovers within and becoming quite lethal to anyone without love on their minds who approached it.

In short that particular tower room was only visited by students who wanted an assured hour or two alone with their girlfriends or boyfriends. When Ginny woke in the mornings and found the bed of a girlfriend empty it wasn’t too far a leap to assume she had spent the night in Gillian’s tower. The fact that Harry would bring Parvati there did something funny with her mood. If wanting to scratch and claw Parvarti's eyes out and hex her into the next country was funny that is.

"Yes, and it was his idea. We stayed there for four hours last night." Parvati simpered to the adoring looks of the rest of the girls. Yes a nice Ear puss hex would do nicely, Ginny thought to herself. See how smug Patil was when she had puss leaking from her ears of all colors of the rainbow.

"How good was it though, I mean he's a smash Harry all that lean body and gorgeous black hair but does he deliver?" Lavender questioned eagerly. Hermione let out a snort that was ignored.

"Kissing Harry Potter is like taking a bubble bath in wine good!" Parvati gushed, which sent Lavender and Padma into a titter. Hermione snorted again in disdain which caused Parvati to glare at her.

"Sorry, its just that taking a bubble bath in wine wouldn’t really be too comfortable, so kissing him must have been highly unlikable." Hermione counseled which sent Ginny into giggles.

Parvati was about to retort when the portrait of the fat lady swung open and Harry, Seamus and Ron clamored into the common room. Parvati brightened and flew forward to entrap Harry in a monstrous hug. She clung to his face like a leech Ginny thought as she watched; in Harry’s defense he did try to pry himself loose from the girls clutches but Ginny wasn’t in a charitable mood.

"Oi what’s this about wine? You wouldn’t hold out on your mates would you ladies?" Seamus asked with a wink. Lavender giggled, and moved over for him. Seamus eyed what space was left on the seat grinned and hauled Lavender out of her seat by the waist. She squealed in surprise as he plopped down in her seat and settled her down on his lap. "Much better, eh Lavender nice and cozy for all"

This display of randy friendliness was generally met with laughter. Seamus was a harmless flirt and they were used to his displays Ginny was also convinced that his taste ran in a different direction but she kept that suspicion to herself.

"Hey Harry I was down in the Owlery when I was nearly attacked by Herms. Poor blighter nearly died on the spot. So I did him a favor and brought the letter to you." Ginny announced handing Harry a letter wrapped in parchment.

"its from Mum, she's the only one who would send Herms, didn’t even know he was still alive he's scarcely able to fly anymore, he sits around like a dead rug I barely notice him." Ron observed as Harry opened the letter, he glanced over it a grin breaking out on his face.

He leaned down to peck a kiss on Parvati's cheek as he said. "Guess I’m going to be your house mate for a while Weasleys." This sent a spurt of alarm through Ginny. She was used to Harry staying over during summers; he'd done so for the past three. It wasn’t the fact that he was going to be rooming in her home touching her things taking showers in her house.

Ok admittedly that last had started to bother her the last few summers, she generally made it a point to be out of the house when that happened.

No it was defiantly the fact that Harry was now of age! Legally an adult, he could marry for heavens sake! What would happen if he brought girls home? The very thought made her sick to her stomach! Although since it was her parent’s house Harry would probably not bring women into it, he wasn’t that tactless.

However it would be painfully obvious what he was doing if he stayed out all night. Not that she really cared where Harry slept, and if Parvati didn’t get her grimy clingy little tentacles off of Harry’s neck she really was going to hex her into the Americas.
~~~***~~~~***~~~**~~~**~~*~

"Shhhh, were going to get caught!" Dean Thomas snapped at Neville Long bottom rather harshly as they hid behind a tree facing the lake. This was possibly the most humiliating moment of his life, but it was for a friend so therefore it could be born, right? The tall dark skinned boy hoped with a wish and prayer that no one saw them.

Of all the places he could be, crouched beneath trees spying on girls was not one of the ones he wanted to be at.

His best mate and bane to his existence Seamus winked at him and whispered. "Look there is no way we’re letting Longbottom here graduate without scoring at least 2nd base, once. Hear me Thomas its our duty as his friend."

Seamus was always getting them into trouble, he had known him for years even before school unknowing however that he was a wizard. Dean hadn’t known his own father was a wizard for that matter, it was his father who had been a friend of Seamus mother. Unknowingly just before his death he had asked Mrs. Finnigan to keep an eye on his wife and young son.

He had always thought himself Muggle born until he was twelve and Mrs. Finnigan had revealed to he and his mother that his father had been a wizard. He had kept this fact from his mother, and had in fact been killed by Death eaters when he refused to join them.

That was another thing he and Seamus shared, Mrs. Finnigan herself had not revealed to her own husband that she was a witch until well after they were married. They had always been friends it seemed and Dean was always having to pull them out of trouble.

Seamus had a fair point however, Neville did not seem to appreciate the sacrifice Dean was making for him.

"Come on you guys we don’t have to do this. I'm ok with not going steady with anyone, forget I ever mentioned anything!" Neville tried to edge away, Dean grabbed the hem of his robes the brisk March air revealing his breath in sharp puffs.

Seamus shook his head, a look of diabolical glee on his features. His Irish brogue was as pronounced as always as he said "But yea did say it! And besides Dean here already wrote her the letter, what did you say in it Dean?"

Dean shrugged keeping an eye out for anyone coming up the path. "I don’t recall something about undying love and burning passion signed her secret admirer."

Neville blanched looking as if he would bolt that very minute, he stuttered something that neither Seamus nor Dean listened to.

Seamus eyed Dean the merry light dancing in his brown eyes dimming. He seemed bothered by something, “Passion and what exactly would you know about passion Dean. You and Ginny haven’t…” There were creeping footsteps coming up the path, Seamus halted eyes lighting in excitement, his problem momentarily forgotten as he grabbed Neville by the arm pulling him forward.

Neville found himself being pushed toward whoever was approaching. "But what do I say to her!" He pleaded clinging to Seamus arm, a look of utter terror on his face.

"Say, Christy I love you and I cant spend another night without you" Dean advised as he gave Neville a giant shove. As Neville stumbled towards the unknown person approaching Seamus turned to Dean a look of sudden worry on his face.

"Wait Christy, Christy Farley from Ravenclaw is that who you wrote the note too?" at Deans nod, Seamus blanched. "DEAN! SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND! A BIG SLYTHERIN BLOKE WITH ARMS THE SIZE OF... NEVIILE COME BACK!"

But it was too late Neville was tripping forward; he went sprawling out of the trees to land against something solid. "CHRISTY I LOVE, NIGHTS WITH YOU" he shouted in a panic.

He could hear Seamus and Dean’s groans of dismay. Neville turned beet red and glanced up, and nearly screamed in shock. There was a blonde gorilla in the middle of the path, swinging what looked like a claymore at his head. Neville ran, like he'd never run before as the gorilla man heaved and swung at him, shouting something about touching his girl.

"I didn’t touch your girl; I’ve never touched any girl!" Neville pleaded with him, nearly tripping on an upraised tree root. There was a roar like a great lion behind him; gorilla apparently took offense to this.

"RUN BOY RUN, CAUSE I"M GONNA TEAR OUT YOUR YELLOW BELLIED..." Neville didn’t try to sort out the stream of curses that poured from his mouth. He tore up the path as fast as he could, praying to be saved. As he cleared the tree lined area surrounding the lake he spotted his savior! "HARRY HELP!"
~~~***~~~***~~***~~~

looking at this moment, here i want to stay
I tried to halt it with magic
and it faded away

I can’t believe we have detention with Snape!" Ron hissed. Hermione glared at him and adjusted his ink bottle before it toppled off the table.

"That’s what you get for brawling, Honestly Ron your head boy!" She admonished.

Ron bristled, "and what was I supposed to do, one minute I’m walking along minding my own business and from out of the blue some Slytherin the size of a Rhino tosses a claymore at me! A CLAYMORE! Where he even got one, I will never know." He winced, his sore cheek where meaty fist had hit him sending a sharp pain in his face.

Harry nodded; his own eye was turning slightly purple. "What were we supposed to have done Hermione, he could have creamed Neville."

I’m not scared of bad days
not with you by my side
I’ll face each one down
turn around for the fight

Hermione sighed flicking her wand to halt the music pouring from a miniature wizarding Handset a fifth year girl was blasting. She turned chiding them both. "Fine but did you have to bring Seamus, Dean, Phillip, Michal, Lockely and Birchly into it. Snape took off ten points for each Gryffindor who decided to "cream" poor Notchwood. That’s ninety points!"

Ron seemed to take great offense to Hermione’s defense of Ian Notchwood the Slytherin Gorilla who had attacked Neville. "Poor Notchwood? Serves him right! Neville’s half his size! That nonsense about shagging his girlfriend was just an excuse to beat on a Gryffindor I’m sure of it. Well he found out Gryffindors protect their own. I didn’t drag the others into it they where happy to hex him!”

"Yeah Hermione, don’t ask us to stand back while a man three times his size beats on Neville, especially a Slytherin! Like that Shiton guy you dated. Ron was ever so happy to hex him into next Friday weren’t you Ron?" Harry encouraged. When Ron nodded his head enthusiastically Hermione shook her head.

"Ron you’re head boy you cant go around hexing people who make you angry! You'll loose your badge." Hermione implored.

Ron shook his head; an odd light had entered his eyes as he watched Hermione. "I don’t care Hermione. If he gets anywhere near you I’d do it again, badge or no badge."

Hermione sighed watching as Harry and Ron shuffled off to bed, for all their calamities and brashness, she couldn’t imagine having better friends.

The problem with having guy friends though, was knowing what to do with them where the boundaries where. In her mind Ron shouldn’t as Head Boy be hexing anyone, not that she was complaining after all Nicolas Shiton had turned out to be her biggest mistake. She bit back a snort of self disdain.

Mistake was an understatement he was a wife beater in the making! Always bossing her around and trying to control her even shoving her once. She'd been about to hex him into a screaming piglet when Ron had done that and more for her. Nicolas had run to the infirmary with his nether regions on backwards.

Ron had been lucky the room was full of Loyal Gryffindors who had remained tightlipped about just who had so badly hexed Nic. It had remained all between friends, but it could have been much worse. Ron needed protecting from himself she was convinced the entire male population did.

She had a feeling the rest of this year was going to be the most memorable of all their years at Hogwarts. For one thing everyone was internally aware that this was their last year together. That tended to spur people to acts of irrationality and to bond everyone together.

Already she noted the change, the pranks became more extreme, girls were a little weepier then usual and couples that no one would ever have conceived of or even thought likely were springing up. Maybe it was the sense of, last chance that hung in the air.

After this year they wouldn’t be hanging out like this anymore. Little moments like the one that had just accrued would disappear. Not because of anything they did, but because that was simply life. Graduation she was convinced was just another word for separation.

Until then she would do her best, too keep Ron that insufferable, irresponsible, brutish and...sweet young man from loosing his position as head boy. After all receiving it had been his, hers, and his mothers proudest moment. It would kill him to loose it, not to mention Mrs. Weasley would skin him.

She balled her fist, if it was up to her he never would.

Like a lot of other things.
~~~~~****~~~~~***~~~**~~~*

Draco Malfoy lay in his bed thinking. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately, this was their last year and that fact seemed to be hitting him hard.

After this year he would be expected to join his father amongst the ranks of Death Eaters. He would also be expected to Marry Pansy Parkinsen at some point not long after, that particular thought left him cold and entirely cross with his life.

He had choices to make. Did he go the road he had been taught to follow, that road looked bleak and empty of any personal happiness. If he went that road not only would he be miserable but he risked death. If the Prophecy was true and Potter defeated Voldemort he as a supporter would be condemned.

Not that Potter stood a chance he snorted in disdain, so it would be foolish to join the light side. Not only would he be condemned an hunted by his own family and friends but he would also be poor alone, and certain to die a horrible death when the Dark lord won like he undoubtedly would.

His choices looked utterly grim, much like his mood at the moment. He looked around at all the things he was going to have to leave in only a few months time. He could not say he would shatter at loosing Crabbe and Goyle those two dunderheads barely had a thought in their head. Both were snoring away loudly and had Draco not already been kept up by his own thoughts it would have hampered his sleep.

They were loyal to him, true it was all they knew how to be all that the expected to be to a Malfoy, but it was something he would miss if he decided to go his own way instead of the rout everyone expected. He glanced down at the comfortable bed he was laying on. He would miss that if he chose the either light side or dark he would never be able to lay in a bed again without fearing for his life.

He would if he admitted it to himself miss walks by the lake with his friends, making fun of his classes even if secretly he enjoyed them. Most of all he found he would miss terrorizing Potter and his little friends.

This was a rather disturbing truth. No more that was the sum of it all. No more bantering back and forth, no more getting so completely and utterly enraged in the other boys presence that he gave into the temptation to do him bodily harm. No more getting to watch as Potters eyes lit up with a passionate fury as they spared back and forth.

Draco turned over in his bed, Potter oddly enough even though he hated him, also centered him. When he argued with Potter he felt sure of just exactly who he was and what he stood for. Potter called him evil and arrogant. He knew he wasn’t, Potter called him a fool and a liar, he also knew himself not to be.

When he and Harry argued who he was and what he wanted was suddenly clear. He was just Draco; he liked the finer things in life and didn’t suffer fools gladly. All he wanted was to live his life in peace and find a measure of happiness. He didn’t want to kill anyone but wasn’t averse to getting into a brawl. He wanted to be known and accepted for who he was not what his last name was.

Too bad that wasn’t ever going to happen, Potter made that abundantly clear.

Harry, If he chose the light side Harry’s opinion of him wouldn’t change they had been enemies for too long and Harry would think he was pulling something. If He chose Dark then the next time he saw Potter it would most likely be in a casket.

He felt a curious pang of loss in his chest, he ignored it. Thinking on what it was exactly he wanted from his last year at Hogwarts. He wanted clarity; he wanted to be accepted for who he was. He wanted someone to know the real him. And strangely enough he wanted that someone to be Harry himself.

“You’ve gone crazy Draco, you need some sleep.” He muttered to himself turning over in his bed.