Wolf at Dawn

Tonks winced as the dawn’s light hit her eyes, and smiled to herself when she remembered why she was laying, naked and sated, in her bed. She stretched and purred, like a happy cat. Last night had been the most incredible night of her life. Remus had proven himself a generous and intuitive lover. It was like he knew. Knew where to touch her, how to make her rise to him. She had reached her peak again and again under his capable hands…and mouth…and body… Oh God, everything about him is perfect. And he thought she was perfect too, her body, her mind, her spirit, perfect. And he loved her.

After that horribly embarrassing moment in the hospital wing, where she had announced her feelings for him in front of everyone…and he had rejected her once again …she had returned to her flat depressed and more alone than she had ever felt in her life. She had sat on her bed, staring out the window into the stormy night. She had wondered where she had gone wrong, why he didn’t want her, why she had been so stupid to give her heart to a man who would not love her. And she had cried, rocking slowly, her knees clutched to her chest, until she had thought her heart would break.

And then, there was a gentle tap at her door. And there he stood, soaking wet and shaking, his eyes intense. He had said he had been out walking for hours, trying to forget her, trying to forget her words. Trying to stop loving her. And his feet had led him straight to her flat, and he didn’t know why he was there and he didn’t know what he was going to do when she opened the door, but there he was.

And then she had kissed him. And he had kissed her back, with a passion and need so fierce that she felt like he was afraid to let her go. His arms had encircled her protectively, holding her like she was his very breath.

And crying in each other’s arms, he had told her that maybe there was something greater at work here, something greater than the both of them, which was why he couldn’t stop loving her. Against all sanity, against all common sense, there was something drawing him to her that was so powerful that it frightened him.

He had called her his destiny.

She had told him she felt the same way, and that maybe, it was time for them both to stop fighting destiny. And they had. And then they had expressed the feelings they had been restraining for so long in a tender, passionate, and very physically satisfying way.

Tonks blushed at the memories of the night’s exertions. I knew he would be good, she chuckled to herself, it’s always the quiet ones… She turned over in bed and reached out to her lover, the man she loved, the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

And he wasn’t there.

Puzzled, she raised her head and looked at the clock. 6:06 am. She reached for a discarded robe and crawled out of bed, sure now that she smelled bacon.

Remus’ back was to her in the kitchen, and he was indeed cooking. The table was piled high with enough food to feed a half-dozen people; pancakes, sausages, muffins, eggs. She would have thought the gesture sweet, but it was too much. She also noticed that the flat was the cleanest it had been since she had moved in. Laundry was folded in neat piles, the muggle CDs she enjoyed were put away nicely on the shelf (likely in all the right cases too), and were the floors washed?

“Wotcher Remus...” She said questioningly.

He turned around with a practiced smile on his face. Tonks suddenly realized that he was fully dressed and shaved, and his hair was still slightly wet from the shower. He even had his shoes on.

“Good morning, love.” He said, his voice unconvincingly cheerful.

“What’s all this?” Tonks asked uncomfortably, gesturing to the table and to his appearance. Something was seriously odd. She shook off the feeling and approached him, snaking her arms around him and nuzzling into his neck. “Do you do this for all the girls?” she purred. He was stiff and quickly stepped away from her.

“I made you breakfast.” He said with an odd, breathless tone in his voice. “Why don’t you sit down and eat?”

“Remus,” she replied, raising an eyebrow, “you made enough food to feed the Yule Ball. And you cleaned my flat. Obsessively. Not to mention that you’re dressed like you’re going to a job interview, and it’s barely 6am. What gives?”

“Nothing. I…just…” He said, backing away. She stared at him suspiciously. Was he going to make a run for it?

“So you’re just neurotic, is that it?” She forced herself to laugh, and found herself hoping he would say yes, because she was beginning to get scared. What if he didn’t want to be with her anymore? What if he was leaving her? What happened to the blissfully happy man she had gone to bed with last night?

“I had better get going.” He said, still backing away, “Enjoy your breakfast. I love you.”

“Whoa!” Tonks had had enough. She closed the space between them and grabbed his hand so he couldn’t escape. She drew his hand to her chest, over her heart, her eyes filled with worry. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t.” He warned, trying to pull away from her, but she gripped him tighter. “Nymphadora, let go of me.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Remus, you’re scaring the shit out of me! What the hell’s going on? Why are you leaving? Where are you going?” She knew she sounded like a whiny child, but it was either that or punch him out for being a cold-hearted jerk. (She imagined that would be "Plan B".) Remus was not himself. Something was terribly wrong, and his reaction to her words confirmed it.

“I need to get the hell out of here, you need to…you need to get away from me…” he was shaking.

“Why? What’s happened?”

“Let-go-of-my-hand-and-I’ll-tell-you.” his words were cut and angry sounding. She let go, and he gasped and staggered away from her. What do I have, “cooties”? She thought angrily. Part of her wanted to coldly laugh out loud at his behavior, but she needed to get to the bottom of this bullshit, immediately.

“Ok, I let you go. Now tell me.” She ordered.

“I woke up this morning…” he began, staring at the floor shamefully, “and you were lying there and you looked so…attractive...”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Where was this going exactly?

“No, no, you don’t understand…you need to understand…oh God, Nymphadora...you'll hate me…" he trembled, "but perhaps that would be better…”

“Oh come off it!” She huffed impatiently. Whatever it was, they would deal with it. “What are you trying to tell me?”

“Nymphadora, once a month, I turn into the werewolf, physically. But he’s always there. And usually, I can control him, and its no more than a nuisance. But this morning…" he shook his head sadly, "the wolf wanted you. I should have left, but I didn’t want you to think I had abandoned you. So instead I had to do something with that…raw energy…so I took a very, very cold shower,” he smiled wryly, “and that didn’t help. So I tried to busy myself around your flat, thinking I could “work it off”, but seeing you now, I realize now it was a mistake. I should have just left…I still feel it…I'm not safe now…”

“Is that why you won’t let me touch you?”

“That’s why I can’t touch you. The wolf is dangerous today. He wants…you. Badly. I’m afraid to lose control. I’m afraid to hurt you.” He was shaking.

Tonks’ eyes narrowed. “What exactly is it that the wolf wants from me?”

Something flickered in his eyes, a blazing intensity that spoke of carnal lust and primitive need. Tonks’ breath caught in surprise, and her body responded as she felt something stir unexpectedly deep inside of her. She suddenly suspected she knew the answer to her question, even without his reply. “I have to go.” He turned quickly and headed for the door. You're not getting away that easily,Tonks thought. Years of Auror training worked to Tonks’ advantage as she quickly scrambled over the sofa, overtaking him and blocking the door.

“Don’t be stupid, Tonks!” he said angrily.

“When I said I loved you Remus, I meant ALL of you! I won’t let you hide parts of yourself from me just because you think they’re not pretty!”

“That is not what this is about!”

“Really? Then tell me what the wolf wants – what YOU want! I want to know, then maybe I’ll understand why you’re being such a jackass!”

He turned his head as surely as if she had slapped him, and she instantly regretted the harshness of her words. But to her surprise, when he met her eyes again, that carnal glare was back.

“He wants… to bend you over..." he breathed, "and hold you down..." he stepped closer, "and take you from behind until you scream..." his eyes blazed, "for mercy.”

Tonks bit her lip not to smile. Remus caught it.

“No, you don’t understand. It wouldn’t be gentle, or loving, or caring like last night.” He was gasping now, like he was struggling to maintain control. “It would be rough, and mean, and aggressive, and not at all what you deserve. You would hate me, and I would never forgive myself. Please,” he pleaded, “please let me go.”

“I am not some delicate little flower, Remus, surely you know that." She grinned mischeviously. "And besides, I have a feeling I would enjoy you getting a little animalistic.”

His reply was abrupt. “You could get hurt.”

“Why don’t you trust me to take care of myself? I am an Auror afterall, and that outranks an unemployed teacher any day.”

“It doesn’t outrank a werewolf.” He threatened, stepping closer.

“It does if I’m armed and you’re not.” She laughed, though she was beginning to sweat a little. He was starting to act slightly menacing. “Remus, I’m not scared and I want you, all of you, and to me that means getting a little bit of wolf action too, whether its polite or not.” Her mouth was drying up, he was really close to her now. She was feeling dizzy and more than a little intimidated. Still she refused to back down. In her most seductive voice she whispered. “If you will still have me, I would love for you to fuck me, Remus.”

She jumped as his hands shot out to either side of her head, bracing himself against the door with a bang. His body heat seared her skin. They were millimeters apart.

“You will arm yourself,” he growled, “and you will use force to stop me if you must. Promise me. Swear to me you’ll stop me if I go too far.”

A shudder ran through her. What the hell had she gotten herself into? “I promise.” She replied bravely.

“Go get your wand.” He commanded. He was panting heavily.

Tonks scurried out from under his arms and tore off to the bedroom. Shit shit shit shit shit!, she swore to herself. She pulled her wand out of the top drawer and weighed her options. Maybe she had time to undo the Anti-Apparition Jinx in her flat and get the hell out. Barring that, there was always the fire escape…or she could just leap for it. It was only the 2nd floor after all. A few broken bones might be worth not getting fucked by a – a what, exactly?

A voice, not unlike Sirius’, taunted her in her mind. Way to go, Tonks, you asked for this one!

Suddenly, Remus was in the doorway. He looked positively tortured. And hungry. “Nymphadora, are you sure you still want…?”

The familiar firmness of her apple-wood wand was warm and comforting in her hands. Well, I guess I could see how it goes and then zap him she thought darkly. “Yes, I’m sure.” She nodded.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, and Tonks thought she heard him mutter a small prayer or an oath… “forgive me” was all she could make out. Suddenly he was beside her.

“Don’t let go of your wand.” He warned breathlessly. She nodded and gripped it tighter. And suddenly he was crushing her lips with his, and she fought to match his intensity, but found she couldn’t. The more she tried to equal him, the fiercer he was. It was like he wanted to dominate her.

To her surprise, she felt herself becoming lost in the storm. As he tore off her robe, she felt small, helpless, in danger and yet, somehow, safe. She was so used to being independent and in control, and here he was, taking that all away, stripping her of her power and drawing out something ancient and carnal in its place. He was commanding her to his will, to bend to his needs.

And she liked it.

He quickly undressed and pulled her effortlessly up to her knees on the bed and was instantly behind her. A powerful hand at the back of her neck shoved her face into the bed and held her there. She cried out in protest, but found that it did no good. She struggled to turn her head to keep herself from suffocating, but was unable to because of his weight. Panicking, her hand tightened on her wand. Please don’t make me hurt you…she thought. Suddenly there was the slightest change in pressure on her neck and she was able to turn her head just in time to gasp as he plunged himself deep inside of her.

Remus’ hand moved to the back of her head (which was a lot more comfortable than her neck) where he grabbed a fistful of her hair as he drove into her. His other hand was splayed against her abdomen, pushing her fiercely against his thrusts, driving her to absolute madness. Tonks’ hand found his and tangled among his fingers and her pink locks. As the passion grew, she found herself sinking her nails into his hand, drawing out a deep hiss from her lover.

His erratic thrusts aroused her abused body more and more and soon she was sobbing with release as the world began to crash down all around her. She felt like she was falling for miles and miles. She tried to throw back her head to cry out but his fingers yanked her hair painfully as he held her down even more savagely. She was forced to endure her climax while fighting his grip, which added all the more to the exquisite intensity of the situation.

Remus too was losing control. His rhythm had become more deliberate, and his hand was pressing into her abdomen painfully, bruising the tender skin. She squirmed, trying both to ease the discomfort, and to take in every ounce of the pleasure he offered. He came inside of her with a mighty growl that caused shivers to run up and down her skin. She thrilled at the pulsating organ inside of her, the electric energy that passed from his body to hers. Only when he was totally spent did he release his iron grip on her and collapse onto the bed.

Tonks flipped over to her back and stared at the ceiling for a few moments, trying to catch her breath. What the fuck was that? she thought as bursts of light dazzled in her eyes. She was amazed at how quickly she had responded to his ruthless touch. This was the same man whose tenderness and consideration in the bedroom had soothed her soul her mere hours ago. And suddenly, Remus had become a different person, a different creature...domineering and demanding and feral. He was like two lovers in one; one gentle and skilled, the other breathtakingly out of control. This one's a keeper, Tonks, she advised herself, hold on to him.

Tonks turned to face her lover and was surprised to see tears streaming down Remus’ cheeks. He took a shuddering breath and buried his face in his hands. He could hardly look at her.

“I’m so sorry…” he muttered. “I was too rough.”

“Yes you were.” Tonks said grimly, hiding her grin. She should have expected this.

“I lost control…” he continued.

“Yes you did.”

“I hurt you.”

“A little.”

“Oh God, Nym, why didn’t you do something?" he exploded. "I told you to use force if I went too far! You could have stunned me…” He lamented, his face tortured and full of regret.

“I didn’t stun you because you would have stopped.” She replied, her grin escaping.

“What?” Remus was confused. “Of course, I would have stopped…oh…”, his eyes narrowed, “are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Well, if you think I’m saying that I didn’t want you to stop, then yes, I am saying what you think I’m saying.” Her eyes twinkled.

“You…liked it?” he asked, incredulously.

“Mmm-hmm.” She nodded reassuringly. “I liked it. All of it. And I’m not permanently damaged either. Bruises heal.”

“But…you don’t hate me?”

“I don’t hate you, Remus. Because now I have had all of you, and all I’ve ever wanted is you; the good parts, the bad parts, and everything in between. If anything, I love you even more for sharing everything with me.” She nuzzled in closer and placed a gentle kiss on his nose. “Besides, I knew you could do a little bit of country, but now I know you can do a little bit of down-and-dirty ‘rock and roll’ too.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He chuckled. “I’m just your mild-mannered boyfriend, who is desperately in love with you and amazed by you every single day.”

“Remus Lupin, my mostly tame werewolf...” She stared at his loving face, his twinkling eyes, and felt like the luckiest woman in the world, in spite of the parts of her body that were going to be sore for some days. It could have been worse, but Remus had tried to protect her and prepare her for it. And he had proven himself selfless by ordering her to defend herself. She knew she had nothing to fear from him, ever. “It was very sweet of you to give me the option to hex you.”

“Any time it would give you pleasure, be my guest.” He winked.

Tonks threw her head back and laughed out loud. “Watch out, I’m gonna take you up on that offer.”

“No doubt. But before you do, perhaps we should have breakfast?” He got up and pulled on his boxers. “It’s probably still warm, and I'm so hungry I could put a real dent in it now.”

“Me too! We could even eat, like a tenth of it between the two of us!” She took the hand he offered her and let him slip her robe over her shoulders. He placed a soft kiss on the nape of her neck.

“I love you Nymphadora. You really are my destiny.”

“I love you too Remus. I love ALL of you.” She looked into his eyes, as seriously as she could muster. “Though next time the wolf wants to come out and play, please just hand me my wand and fuck me. I hate it when people clean my house.”