The Consequences of Desperation
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,188
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
2,188
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
The Consequences of Desperation
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to JKR. The plot belongs to me. No money is being made off this piece of fiction.
This is a companion piece for “The Price of Desperation.”
Hugs and kisses to my two betas, tiddlywinks and The Eighth Weasley.
WARNING: This fic contains graphical physical violence, verbal abuse, suicide and character death. If you don’t want to read anything with these themes, then please skip this fic.
He stood at the entrance to their chambers, his head resting against the door. He was trying to calm himself down, as his psychiatrist taught him to.
There’s at least one thing that Muggles can hold over Wizards. They understand the concept of mental illness, he mused.
As much as it embarrassed him, he had sought help with Poppy soon after his wedding to Hermione to try to tone down his horrific personality. There was nothing she could do, and as there are no behavioral counselors at St. Mungo’s Although she did suggested Severus get in contact with his Muggle past and visit a Muggle ‘shrink’. When she said that, he covered his crotch with his hand reflexively. Poppy laughed at him, and when he hurriedly removed his hand and scowled at her, she laughed even harder. She said it was common for wizards to think that, and explained that the term ‘shrink’ came from the longer term ‘head-shrink’, meaning that they screwed around with your head.
Severus was dubious when he heard that, but she reassured him that it would do him good. However, all it did was dredge up old memories: of his father towering over his mother, of him cowering in a corner while his father threatened him with a horsewhip… He knew it wasn’t good for him to dwell on such things.
With a sigh he pushed the door open and stepped inside. He closed the door behind him and started walking to the bedroom.
Suddenly, a voice asked, “Where have you been, Severus?”
He turned in the direction of the voice, which belonged to Hermione. She was sitting there, in her nightdress and slippers, book in hand, obviously waiting for him.
“What are you doing up so late, Hermione? You should be sleeping. You won’t have enough energy to look after the baby.”
He was so weary. All he wanted to do was go to bed.
He was about to turn and walk off when she said, “You didn’t answer my question, Severus. Where have you been?”
He wasn’t going to tell her where he was. He was going to tell her if the treatment worked, not before. He didn’t want to be ridiculed if it didn’t work.
“I… err... I was out with Lupin.” That was plausible enough.
He thought he got away with it until she replied, “You were out with Remus? Is that so? Then explain to me why he turned up here after dinner looking for his Wolfsbane potion? He said you were supposed to bring it to him, but you didn’t. Explain that to me!”
Her voice went from deadly quiet to a high-pitched screech through her outburst.
He could feel it again. It was as if his father was trying to possess him.
“What is going on, Severus? This has been happening all through the pregnancy up to now. Where do you go?”
“That is none of your damned business!” he roared.
At first, Severus was overjoyed when Hermione told him she was pregnant, but didn’t know how to show it. Then he became scared. He didn’t have a proper role model for being a father. After several panic attacks, he suggested to Hermione that she have the child terminated. She refused to do it and told Poppy about his request. He then had to sit through a two-hour lecture with Poppy about The Joys of Parenthood. He resented Hermione for that. It was a constant reminder of his dismal childhood, and how he would surely fail.
“It is my business! I’m your wife! I have every right to know!” she yelled.
She paused for a second before asking quietly, “Are you having an affair?”
That question rocked him to the core. It was the same question he had heard his mother ask his father, in the exact same tone.
“What makes you ask that?” he asked, making sure not to let his emotion show.
“Because this isn’t the first time I’ve caught you out lying about where you’ve been. I’ll ask you again. Are - you - having - an - affair?”
Again with that tone.
Severus was trying to fight the urge to lose his temper, but it was an uphill battle, one that he lost.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like an excuse to leave me that left you blameless,” he spat at her.
“What? Where did that come from?”
“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you think I don’t know.” Stop it, Severus. You’re letting him win.
“Know what? What are you implying?” “I know what you get up to when I’m at work. You always have Potter here with you. Never a day goes past that he’s not here. I don’t need Dumbledorean omniscience to know what you do.” Stop talking and walk away. This is your father talking, not you. You love Hermione. Just walk away before it gets any worse.
“What do you know, Severus? Will you please stop being so obtuse? Just tell me what I apparently do with Harry.”
“You want me to be blunt? I’ll tell you what you do. You fuck him. You spread your slutty legs for him and let him pound into you with no restraint, that’s what.” So much for walking away!
“Do you realize how ridiculous you sound at the moment?” she asked, astounded. “Harry is Gay! With a capital ‘G’! You know that! You’re the one that walked in on him and Draco this past summer!”
“Don’t bother denying it, the house-elves have told me everything.” He said, sneering.
That bit was true. The house-elves were the first ones to come running to him with stories about another man with his hands on his wife. He knew that Hermione wasn’t cheating. The house-elves had not forgiven him for being so cruel to them under the guise of being under Voldemort’s thumb. Any pain they caused him with innuendo was retribution, in their eyes.
“They told you what, Severus? That Harry comes here every day to keep me company? So we can mourn Ron together? Seriously, Severus. You have to get that notion out of your head this instant! And that still doesn’t explain where you go when you bugger off.”
She had to bring that up, didn’t she? What Hermione and Potter didn’t know was that Severus had been there when the youngest Weasley male had been murdered. It happened before Voldemort fell, during a revel. Lucius Stunned Weasley while he was training at the Quiddich Pitch, kidnapped him and tortured him. Then Lucius Apparated him to the Revel. There Lucius' fellow Death Eaters rejoiced in the fact that they could finally kill a blood-traitor.
“That’s enough! I refuse to be nagged by you, Hermione!” Please, Angel. Just stop talking. Stop pushing the issue. We’ll talk in the morning. Just please stop before He takes me completely.
“Then why did you marry me? Was it pity? Or was it you jumped at the first sign of someone caring for you? Were you that pathetic that you had to marry someone twenty year-”
He didn’t realize his hand was around her throat until she started to turn blue. He then released her and watched in horror as she fell to the ground, gasping. He looked at her in disgust. Where was the Hermione he fell in love with? She wouldn’t let him get away with this. She’d be on her feet hexing him in an instant. He looked at her as if looking at her for the first time. She was weak. He made her weak. His anger and grief started to take him and he blacked out, he kicked her in the stomach then in the lower back. The two places she complained hurt the most while she was pregnant. Pregnant with the proof he was a failure.
He looked at her then spat on her.
“I am not pathetic. Never call me that again.”
He turned and walked into their bedroom, hurrying to get away from her before he lost control again. He collapsed on the bed and summoned a bottle of Firewhiskey.
Deciding that he truly was turning into his father, he drank himself into oblivion.
Severus woke up to the sound of his daughter crying. His head was pounding; his mouth felt like he had gargled the contents of the bottom of a birdcage, and his Hangover Relief potion was in the bathroom.
He dragged himself up, lurched over to the cabinet in the bathroom, and downed the potion. He almost gagged on the taste. All the while, his daughter was still crying. His head was pounding as it was and the potion hadn’t kicked in yet. Severus burst through the door and yelled at Hermione,
“Shut that fucking kid up, will you?” As his fist collided with the side of her face, something inside him said, Oh, dear. Here we go again. Way to show her you love her, Severus.
She reminded him of his mother more and more. His mother was weak, just like Hermione was being.
As she collapsed to the ground again, he said, “You’re pitiful. You can’t even look after your own child. I will have to summon a house-elf to do it for you, you weak, pathetic bitch.”
Severus turned and walked back into the bedroom. He sagged against the door, aghast.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’m being just like… Just like Him.
Severus walked over to the fireplace, Flooed an elf and instructed it to look after the child while Hermione recovered. Then he sat down on the end of the bed. He was disgusted with himself.
He decided he needed to see Albus before the day was out, to see what was happening to him. He also decided that he wouldn’t keep going to that ‘shrink’. All this had started with the visits. When he starting digging into things that were best left buried.
Damn you, Poppy, and your infernal ideas! Now all I have to do is keep my temper until the end of the day… Then I’ll go see Albus.
A piercing scream scattered all his thoughts, and he ran to see if Hermione was all right. He burst into their daughter’s nursery to see Hermione standing in the middle of the room, hands over her face.
Seeing that she was in no immediate danger, he asked, “What the fuck is wrong with you, woman?”
Hermione whirled around and screamed at him, “GET THAT FUCKING HOUSE-ELF BACK HERE WITH MY DAUGHTER NOW!”
Severus slapped her across the face, shouting, “Don’t talk to me like that, you little whore! Learn your place!” Here we go again. Just fucking QUIT IT, Severus!
Hermione stared at him and then ran. He considered letting her run off, but realized that Dumbledore would wonder why she was running through the corridors wailing like a banshee. The last thing he needed was Minerva hearing her and hexing his balls off.
He pursued her through the halls, trailing her all the way to the top of the Astronomy Tower. As he climbed the last step, he could see her standing on the ledge of the window, leaning against the window frame.
“What are you doing?” he demanded as he walked over to her.
“What does it look like, Severus? I think you’re intelligent enough to work it out for yourself.”
She won’t even look at you, Severus. Stop listening to your father and tell her you love her.
But I can’t. I can’t even think the words, let alone speak them. She knew what she was getting into when she married me.
She didn’t think she’d be getting into this, though, did she? asked the voice.
I’m a complicated man. It’s who I am. She should learn to accept me.
She did. Then you had to become the one thing you didn’t want to be. Your father.
“And what of our daughter?” Don’t use the child to manipulate her! Tell her you love her!
“As much as you may despise her for looking like me, she is still your blood. You will look after her.”
He hesitated a second before asking, “You would so willingly throw your life away?"
"Only if it aided me in escaping from you," she answered tonelessly.
“Then do it,” he sneered.
DON’T SAY THAT, YOU BLOODY FOOL!!! shouted his conscience.
She won’t do it. She’ll snap out of it and realize what she’s doing. Just watch. She loves us and she’ll come back to us…Won't she?
She stepped off the ledge.
“NO!” he shouted, trying to grab her.
She glided down head-first through the air, hair twisting as she fell. He couldn’t look. As he turned away, he heard a dull ‘thunk’ as she hit the ground.
AN: Well, here it is. The promised sequel. But it’s more of a companion piece. Please be gentle if you review. I might write another to go with this, 11 years in the future when their daughter comes to Hogwarts. I don’t know. What do you think?
This is a companion piece for “The Price of Desperation.”
Hugs and kisses to my two betas, tiddlywinks and The Eighth Weasley.
WARNING: This fic contains graphical physical violence, verbal abuse, suicide and character death. If you don’t want to read anything with these themes, then please skip this fic.
He stood at the entrance to their chambers, his head resting against the door. He was trying to calm himself down, as his psychiatrist taught him to.
There’s at least one thing that Muggles can hold over Wizards. They understand the concept of mental illness, he mused.
As much as it embarrassed him, he had sought help with Poppy soon after his wedding to Hermione to try to tone down his horrific personality. There was nothing she could do, and as there are no behavioral counselors at St. Mungo’s Although she did suggested Severus get in contact with his Muggle past and visit a Muggle ‘shrink’. When she said that, he covered his crotch with his hand reflexively. Poppy laughed at him, and when he hurriedly removed his hand and scowled at her, she laughed even harder. She said it was common for wizards to think that, and explained that the term ‘shrink’ came from the longer term ‘head-shrink’, meaning that they screwed around with your head.
Severus was dubious when he heard that, but she reassured him that it would do him good. However, all it did was dredge up old memories: of his father towering over his mother, of him cowering in a corner while his father threatened him with a horsewhip… He knew it wasn’t good for him to dwell on such things.
With a sigh he pushed the door open and stepped inside. He closed the door behind him and started walking to the bedroom.
Suddenly, a voice asked, “Where have you been, Severus?”
He turned in the direction of the voice, which belonged to Hermione. She was sitting there, in her nightdress and slippers, book in hand, obviously waiting for him.
“What are you doing up so late, Hermione? You should be sleeping. You won’t have enough energy to look after the baby.”
He was so weary. All he wanted to do was go to bed.
He was about to turn and walk off when she said, “You didn’t answer my question, Severus. Where have you been?”
He wasn’t going to tell her where he was. He was going to tell her if the treatment worked, not before. He didn’t want to be ridiculed if it didn’t work.
“I… err... I was out with Lupin.” That was plausible enough.
He thought he got away with it until she replied, “You were out with Remus? Is that so? Then explain to me why he turned up here after dinner looking for his Wolfsbane potion? He said you were supposed to bring it to him, but you didn’t. Explain that to me!”
Her voice went from deadly quiet to a high-pitched screech through her outburst.
He could feel it again. It was as if his father was trying to possess him.
“What is going on, Severus? This has been happening all through the pregnancy up to now. Where do you go?”
“That is none of your damned business!” he roared.
At first, Severus was overjoyed when Hermione told him she was pregnant, but didn’t know how to show it. Then he became scared. He didn’t have a proper role model for being a father. After several panic attacks, he suggested to Hermione that she have the child terminated. She refused to do it and told Poppy about his request. He then had to sit through a two-hour lecture with Poppy about The Joys of Parenthood. He resented Hermione for that. It was a constant reminder of his dismal childhood, and how he would surely fail.
“It is my business! I’m your wife! I have every right to know!” she yelled.
She paused for a second before asking quietly, “Are you having an affair?”
That question rocked him to the core. It was the same question he had heard his mother ask his father, in the exact same tone.
“What makes you ask that?” he asked, making sure not to let his emotion show.
“Because this isn’t the first time I’ve caught you out lying about where you’ve been. I’ll ask you again. Are - you - having - an - affair?”
Again with that tone.
Severus was trying to fight the urge to lose his temper, but it was an uphill battle, one that he lost.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like an excuse to leave me that left you blameless,” he spat at her.
“What? Where did that come from?”
“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you think I don’t know.” Stop it, Severus. You’re letting him win.
“Know what? What are you implying?” “I know what you get up to when I’m at work. You always have Potter here with you. Never a day goes past that he’s not here. I don’t need Dumbledorean omniscience to know what you do.” Stop talking and walk away. This is your father talking, not you. You love Hermione. Just walk away before it gets any worse.
“What do you know, Severus? Will you please stop being so obtuse? Just tell me what I apparently do with Harry.”
“You want me to be blunt? I’ll tell you what you do. You fuck him. You spread your slutty legs for him and let him pound into you with no restraint, that’s what.” So much for walking away!
“Do you realize how ridiculous you sound at the moment?” she asked, astounded. “Harry is Gay! With a capital ‘G’! You know that! You’re the one that walked in on him and Draco this past summer!”
“Don’t bother denying it, the house-elves have told me everything.” He said, sneering.
That bit was true. The house-elves were the first ones to come running to him with stories about another man with his hands on his wife. He knew that Hermione wasn’t cheating. The house-elves had not forgiven him for being so cruel to them under the guise of being under Voldemort’s thumb. Any pain they caused him with innuendo was retribution, in their eyes.
“They told you what, Severus? That Harry comes here every day to keep me company? So we can mourn Ron together? Seriously, Severus. You have to get that notion out of your head this instant! And that still doesn’t explain where you go when you bugger off.”
She had to bring that up, didn’t she? What Hermione and Potter didn’t know was that Severus had been there when the youngest Weasley male had been murdered. It happened before Voldemort fell, during a revel. Lucius Stunned Weasley while he was training at the Quiddich Pitch, kidnapped him and tortured him. Then Lucius Apparated him to the Revel. There Lucius' fellow Death Eaters rejoiced in the fact that they could finally kill a blood-traitor.
“That’s enough! I refuse to be nagged by you, Hermione!” Please, Angel. Just stop talking. Stop pushing the issue. We’ll talk in the morning. Just please stop before He takes me completely.
“Then why did you marry me? Was it pity? Or was it you jumped at the first sign of someone caring for you? Were you that pathetic that you had to marry someone twenty year-”
He didn’t realize his hand was around her throat until she started to turn blue. He then released her and watched in horror as she fell to the ground, gasping. He looked at her in disgust. Where was the Hermione he fell in love with? She wouldn’t let him get away with this. She’d be on her feet hexing him in an instant. He looked at her as if looking at her for the first time. She was weak. He made her weak. His anger and grief started to take him and he blacked out, he kicked her in the stomach then in the lower back. The two places she complained hurt the most while she was pregnant. Pregnant with the proof he was a failure.
He looked at her then spat on her.
“I am not pathetic. Never call me that again.”
He turned and walked into their bedroom, hurrying to get away from her before he lost control again. He collapsed on the bed and summoned a bottle of Firewhiskey.
Deciding that he truly was turning into his father, he drank himself into oblivion.
Severus woke up to the sound of his daughter crying. His head was pounding; his mouth felt like he had gargled the contents of the bottom of a birdcage, and his Hangover Relief potion was in the bathroom.
He dragged himself up, lurched over to the cabinet in the bathroom, and downed the potion. He almost gagged on the taste. All the while, his daughter was still crying. His head was pounding as it was and the potion hadn’t kicked in yet. Severus burst through the door and yelled at Hermione,
“Shut that fucking kid up, will you?” As his fist collided with the side of her face, something inside him said, Oh, dear. Here we go again. Way to show her you love her, Severus.
She reminded him of his mother more and more. His mother was weak, just like Hermione was being.
As she collapsed to the ground again, he said, “You’re pitiful. You can’t even look after your own child. I will have to summon a house-elf to do it for you, you weak, pathetic bitch.”
Severus turned and walked back into the bedroom. He sagged against the door, aghast.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’m being just like… Just like Him.
Severus walked over to the fireplace, Flooed an elf and instructed it to look after the child while Hermione recovered. Then he sat down on the end of the bed. He was disgusted with himself.
He decided he needed to see Albus before the day was out, to see what was happening to him. He also decided that he wouldn’t keep going to that ‘shrink’. All this had started with the visits. When he starting digging into things that were best left buried.
Damn you, Poppy, and your infernal ideas! Now all I have to do is keep my temper until the end of the day… Then I’ll go see Albus.
A piercing scream scattered all his thoughts, and he ran to see if Hermione was all right. He burst into their daughter’s nursery to see Hermione standing in the middle of the room, hands over her face.
Seeing that she was in no immediate danger, he asked, “What the fuck is wrong with you, woman?”
Hermione whirled around and screamed at him, “GET THAT FUCKING HOUSE-ELF BACK HERE WITH MY DAUGHTER NOW!”
Severus slapped her across the face, shouting, “Don’t talk to me like that, you little whore! Learn your place!” Here we go again. Just fucking QUIT IT, Severus!
Hermione stared at him and then ran. He considered letting her run off, but realized that Dumbledore would wonder why she was running through the corridors wailing like a banshee. The last thing he needed was Minerva hearing her and hexing his balls off.
He pursued her through the halls, trailing her all the way to the top of the Astronomy Tower. As he climbed the last step, he could see her standing on the ledge of the window, leaning against the window frame.
“What are you doing?” he demanded as he walked over to her.
“What does it look like, Severus? I think you’re intelligent enough to work it out for yourself.”
She won’t even look at you, Severus. Stop listening to your father and tell her you love her.
But I can’t. I can’t even think the words, let alone speak them. She knew what she was getting into when she married me.
She didn’t think she’d be getting into this, though, did she? asked the voice.
I’m a complicated man. It’s who I am. She should learn to accept me.
She did. Then you had to become the one thing you didn’t want to be. Your father.
“And what of our daughter?” Don’t use the child to manipulate her! Tell her you love her!
“As much as you may despise her for looking like me, she is still your blood. You will look after her.”
He hesitated a second before asking, “You would so willingly throw your life away?"
"Only if it aided me in escaping from you," she answered tonelessly.
“Then do it,” he sneered.
DON’T SAY THAT, YOU BLOODY FOOL!!! shouted his conscience.
She won’t do it. She’ll snap out of it and realize what she’s doing. Just watch. She loves us and she’ll come back to us…Won't she?
She stepped off the ledge.
“NO!” he shouted, trying to grab her.
She glided down head-first through the air, hair twisting as she fell. He couldn’t look. As he turned away, he heard a dull ‘thunk’ as she hit the ground.
AN: Well, here it is. The promised sequel. But it’s more of a companion piece. Please be gentle if you review. I might write another to go with this, 11 years in the future when their daughter comes to Hogwarts. I don’t know. What do you think?