Kryten's Lovegood
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Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
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Category:
Harry Potter Crossovers › General - Misc
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,291
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Kryten's Lovegood
Disclaimer: I own NONE of these characters!
Kryten’s Lovegood
Hermione was jigging on her feet, and was biting her lips. She was at a Red Dwarf Convention. It was the only show worth staying in the Muggle World for, in her opinion, but then she was a sci fanatic! She had bought her friend Luna Lovegood along. Luna was really excited.
“SEE! Hermione! LOOK!” Luna squealed. “Who are they?”
Hermione turned around and she saw the four original cast members of Red Dwarf. Her jaw dropped in astonishment. Danny John Jules? In full Cat gear? She felt herself faint in her Cat t-shirt. Danny noticed her and winked. Hermione almost fainted.
“They’re the Actors, Luna, you see the sharp suited one. He’s Cat but he's played by Danny John Jules. The scruffy looking cheeky one is Craig Charles, he plays Lister, the one with the H on his head is Chris Barrie, and he’s Arnold Judas Rimmer. He is slightly better than Percy. And the one with the head shaped like a disorganized condom is Kryten; the actors name is Robert Llewellyn.”
The four men made their way to the two young women. Luna kept her eyes on Robert. She thought he was the best looking one. She looked at the way Hermione was looking at Cat.
“What are your two delicious selves called?” Craig asked.
“Oh come on, Listy, as if they’d be interested in a smeg of a slob like you?” Chris asked.
“Hell, like they’d be interested in either of you! This is a mission for,” Danny said as he brought his comb out his sleeve and brushed back his hair, and then put it back in his jacket pocket, “the Cat! So, any of you interested? I got six nipples.”
Hermione giggled. “I am Hermione Jane Granger, and this is my friend, Luna Lovegood.”
“I am Kryten,” Robert said, holding his hand out to the two females. “Tell me, are the in and out bits uncomfortable, yours Miss Granger, looks a bit too big to be amicable to daily life!”
“Kryten, you don’t say things like that to women, they’re perfect!” Craig said. He put an unlit fag in his mouth and smirked at her.
“No, Kryten, they are not uncomfortable,” Hermione said blushing at Lister’s smirking face.
“Listy, stop looking at the woman like that, even I can tell that she is too smart for a guy like you. Why should she go for someone with the face that looks like it has a gerbil stuck inside each cheek?”
“It’s all right, Smeghead,” Hermione said boldly. “I don’t like Lister anyway. I could never like a man that eats that amount of curry and never washes his clothes.”
“Well hang on a minute, I can change!” Craig exclaimed.
“First your clothes, then your diet, and then your personality. I can’t wait that long!” Hermione exclaimed. “Back me up Luna!”
She turned to her friend but Luna was in deep conversation with Kryten. Hermione smiled.
“Well, I wash my clothes, and I don’t eat half as much curry,” Chris said.
“Hey, why do you think she’d be interested in either of you? She was making eyes at me!” Danny said. “You’re sweetness, take my arm and let me lead you to the buffet.” He offered Hermione his arm and she took it. Danny turned to the other two. “See you guys later.”
He led her over to the buffet. He picked up all the fish dishes.
“I happen to love fish, apparently it gives you brains!” Hermione said.
“Oh really, I eat fish all the time, so that must make me brainier than goalpost head over there. But then that isn’t difficult.”
Hermione spluttered on a tuna pate cracker. “He is rather full of himself isn’t he?”
“Full of himself?” Danny asked. “You can’t get much fuller, it’s amazing we all fit on Red Dwarf, he’s ego squeezes out of the airlocks!”
Hermione sniggered. She looked over at Luna.
~*~*~
Luna was in deep conversation with Robert aka Kryten. She was staring at him with her goggly blue eyes and Robert continued looking at her.
“Is there a Mrs Kryten?” Luna asked.
“Androids do not get married, Miss Lovegood, they do find themselves attracted to one another if part of their make-up is organic, like me. My brain is organic, which gives me certain humanoid capabilities. Such as, loyalty, attraction.”
“What would be Kryten’s type?” Luna asked.
“A womanoid,” he answered. “She doesn’t have to be the latest model, just as long as she’s someone I can talk to.”
“Can you talk to me?” Luna asked, batting her eyelids. There was something extremely lovable about this character.
“AH! Well, you see Miss, you are fully organic, and I have only a tiny Organism. You are, to put it bluntly, a full orgasm – Organism, I meant a full Organism. Not a full orgasm!”
Luna blushed at the word and then she reached out her hand to touch Roberts arm.
“It’s okay, I am not offended, Kryten.”
“Oh and it was going so well, I am sorry. I am not meant to speak out of turn. It goes against all my programming.”
“I said I am not offended, Kryten.”
“You’re lying!” Robert said in a tearful voice.
“Shush,” Luna said. “No, I am not lying. Kryten I am not lying.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
Robert felt deep down inside he had played the part for too long, genuinely he felt Kryten would be interested in this young woman, which is why he continued playing along.
“Well then, want to help me fold some tea towels?”
“All right then,” Luna replied.
~*~*~
Chris and Craig watched Robert and Danny with the two young women.
“UnSmeggingBelievable,” Chris said. “Here we are in our late forties to fifties, and I’m still Arnold Judas Rimmer, and you’re still Lister!”
“Relax will you, Chris. It’s all for fun. We get paid; it’s no big deal… and as for the age speak for yourself. I am still in my early forties.”
“As if that wasn’t enough the Android and the Cat gets the two girls. What about us?”
“Chill, it’s just a part, Chris. These two girls will just go home thinking they’ve met the characters of Red Dwarf for real. There’s no harm in giving them a little dream come true is there?”
“No, I suppose not. But why is it that Hermione is so besotted with the Cat character?”
“I don’t know, perhaps she likes a smart dresser!”
“She seems too intelligent. Surely she should be a Rimmer fan?”
“Jealous, Chris?”
“It’s because of the Brittas Empire isn’t it?”
“Look, Chris, it’s just a job.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have done that role.”
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, you were in a film with Angelina Jolie!”
“Well, all right, but it’s still not fair,” Chris whined.
“You know what, perhaps you are right, perhaps we have been playing these parts for too long.”
~*~*~
“So you really think I’m smart?” Danny asked. He didn’t care. He loved playing the Cat; he always got to talk to the pretty ones this way.
“Yes, I do.”
“Cool, then you’re smart for thinking I’m smart.”
Hermione smiled up at Danny. If it wasn’t just play acting and a real show she would grab him by his sharp lapels and snog the pants off him – literally. Hermione had always had a crush on Danny John Jules, and she was in heaven.
She briefly looked at Luna with Robert folding up tea towels. Luna looked like she was having the time of her life.
“So, what is your next move in the Galaxy?” Hermione asked.
“I go where my senses take me to, Hermione,” Danny replied. “I go where my nose leads.”
“And what does your nose lead you to now?” Hermione asked playfully.
“You, my Lady.”
Hermione laughed. A man with a clipboard and a microphone attached to his head walked up to Danny.
“Crew photo shoot,” he said, showing Danny the schedule.
“Oh, okay man, hey can Hermione be in it to?”
“No, it’s all right,” Hermione murmured.
“No, come on. I insist.”
Danny touched her hand and he held it in his. Hermione’s heart flew in her throat. Robert decided to drag Luna to the photo shoot. Chris and Craig followed.
“It’s a shame you can’t be part of the show,” Danny said to Hermione. “You would make a good female Cat.”
“I thought the show was over?”
“Hey, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”
Hermione was standing between Kryten and Cat. Luna was the other side of Kryten. Chris and Craig were behind them.
The camera’s flashed…
~*~*~
“Wow, that was the best Virtual Game I played!” Cat exclaimed. “I could have scored with the brunette, she was so hot for me.”
“Yes well, she could have gone for me!” Rimmer said taking his helmet off.
“Well, she obviously had better taste than that!” Cat exclaimed.
“Guys, does it matter, it’s Virtual. It’s got nothing to do with reality!” Lister exclaimed. “So what the brunette preferred the Cat to you, Arnie… perhaps next time it’ll be your turn.”
They set their helmets on the chairs and walked out of the room, the Cat with a huge smile on his face. He had scored! He was as sharp as his clothes and attitude suggested.
Kryten was the last to take off his helmet. That was the best Virtual experience he ever had, he wanted it to last forever, just folding towels with that pretty girl.
“Luna Lovegood!” He said, as he walked jerkily out of the room. He turned to look at the Virtual Helmet again… perhaps in some free time he’d play Virtual Red Dwarf Convention again, and again, until he met Luna Lovegood.
He would never think of towels in the same way again!
A/N My first crossover.
Kryten’s Lovegood
Hermione was jigging on her feet, and was biting her lips. She was at a Red Dwarf Convention. It was the only show worth staying in the Muggle World for, in her opinion, but then she was a sci fanatic! She had bought her friend Luna Lovegood along. Luna was really excited.
“SEE! Hermione! LOOK!” Luna squealed. “Who are they?”
Hermione turned around and she saw the four original cast members of Red Dwarf. Her jaw dropped in astonishment. Danny John Jules? In full Cat gear? She felt herself faint in her Cat t-shirt. Danny noticed her and winked. Hermione almost fainted.
“They’re the Actors, Luna, you see the sharp suited one. He’s Cat but he's played by Danny John Jules. The scruffy looking cheeky one is Craig Charles, he plays Lister, the one with the H on his head is Chris Barrie, and he’s Arnold Judas Rimmer. He is slightly better than Percy. And the one with the head shaped like a disorganized condom is Kryten; the actors name is Robert Llewellyn.”
The four men made their way to the two young women. Luna kept her eyes on Robert. She thought he was the best looking one. She looked at the way Hermione was looking at Cat.
“What are your two delicious selves called?” Craig asked.
“Oh come on, Listy, as if they’d be interested in a smeg of a slob like you?” Chris asked.
“Hell, like they’d be interested in either of you! This is a mission for,” Danny said as he brought his comb out his sleeve and brushed back his hair, and then put it back in his jacket pocket, “the Cat! So, any of you interested? I got six nipples.”
Hermione giggled. “I am Hermione Jane Granger, and this is my friend, Luna Lovegood.”
“I am Kryten,” Robert said, holding his hand out to the two females. “Tell me, are the in and out bits uncomfortable, yours Miss Granger, looks a bit too big to be amicable to daily life!”
“Kryten, you don’t say things like that to women, they’re perfect!” Craig said. He put an unlit fag in his mouth and smirked at her.
“No, Kryten, they are not uncomfortable,” Hermione said blushing at Lister’s smirking face.
“Listy, stop looking at the woman like that, even I can tell that she is too smart for a guy like you. Why should she go for someone with the face that looks like it has a gerbil stuck inside each cheek?”
“It’s all right, Smeghead,” Hermione said boldly. “I don’t like Lister anyway. I could never like a man that eats that amount of curry and never washes his clothes.”
“Well hang on a minute, I can change!” Craig exclaimed.
“First your clothes, then your diet, and then your personality. I can’t wait that long!” Hermione exclaimed. “Back me up Luna!”
She turned to her friend but Luna was in deep conversation with Kryten. Hermione smiled.
“Well, I wash my clothes, and I don’t eat half as much curry,” Chris said.
“Hey, why do you think she’d be interested in either of you? She was making eyes at me!” Danny said. “You’re sweetness, take my arm and let me lead you to the buffet.” He offered Hermione his arm and she took it. Danny turned to the other two. “See you guys later.”
He led her over to the buffet. He picked up all the fish dishes.
“I happen to love fish, apparently it gives you brains!” Hermione said.
“Oh really, I eat fish all the time, so that must make me brainier than goalpost head over there. But then that isn’t difficult.”
Hermione spluttered on a tuna pate cracker. “He is rather full of himself isn’t he?”
“Full of himself?” Danny asked. “You can’t get much fuller, it’s amazing we all fit on Red Dwarf, he’s ego squeezes out of the airlocks!”
Hermione sniggered. She looked over at Luna.
~*~*~
Luna was in deep conversation with Robert aka Kryten. She was staring at him with her goggly blue eyes and Robert continued looking at her.
“Is there a Mrs Kryten?” Luna asked.
“Androids do not get married, Miss Lovegood, they do find themselves attracted to one another if part of their make-up is organic, like me. My brain is organic, which gives me certain humanoid capabilities. Such as, loyalty, attraction.”
“What would be Kryten’s type?” Luna asked.
“A womanoid,” he answered. “She doesn’t have to be the latest model, just as long as she’s someone I can talk to.”
“Can you talk to me?” Luna asked, batting her eyelids. There was something extremely lovable about this character.
“AH! Well, you see Miss, you are fully organic, and I have only a tiny Organism. You are, to put it bluntly, a full orgasm – Organism, I meant a full Organism. Not a full orgasm!”
Luna blushed at the word and then she reached out her hand to touch Roberts arm.
“It’s okay, I am not offended, Kryten.”
“Oh and it was going so well, I am sorry. I am not meant to speak out of turn. It goes against all my programming.”
“I said I am not offended, Kryten.”
“You’re lying!” Robert said in a tearful voice.
“Shush,” Luna said. “No, I am not lying. Kryten I am not lying.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
Robert felt deep down inside he had played the part for too long, genuinely he felt Kryten would be interested in this young woman, which is why he continued playing along.
“Well then, want to help me fold some tea towels?”
“All right then,” Luna replied.
~*~*~
Chris and Craig watched Robert and Danny with the two young women.
“UnSmeggingBelievable,” Chris said. “Here we are in our late forties to fifties, and I’m still Arnold Judas Rimmer, and you’re still Lister!”
“Relax will you, Chris. It’s all for fun. We get paid; it’s no big deal… and as for the age speak for yourself. I am still in my early forties.”
“As if that wasn’t enough the Android and the Cat gets the two girls. What about us?”
“Chill, it’s just a part, Chris. These two girls will just go home thinking they’ve met the characters of Red Dwarf for real. There’s no harm in giving them a little dream come true is there?”
“No, I suppose not. But why is it that Hermione is so besotted with the Cat character?”
“I don’t know, perhaps she likes a smart dresser!”
“She seems too intelligent. Surely she should be a Rimmer fan?”
“Jealous, Chris?”
“It’s because of the Brittas Empire isn’t it?”
“Look, Chris, it’s just a job.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have done that role.”
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, you were in a film with Angelina Jolie!”
“Well, all right, but it’s still not fair,” Chris whined.
“You know what, perhaps you are right, perhaps we have been playing these parts for too long.”
~*~*~
“So you really think I’m smart?” Danny asked. He didn’t care. He loved playing the Cat; he always got to talk to the pretty ones this way.
“Yes, I do.”
“Cool, then you’re smart for thinking I’m smart.”
Hermione smiled up at Danny. If it wasn’t just play acting and a real show she would grab him by his sharp lapels and snog the pants off him – literally. Hermione had always had a crush on Danny John Jules, and she was in heaven.
She briefly looked at Luna with Robert folding up tea towels. Luna looked like she was having the time of her life.
“So, what is your next move in the Galaxy?” Hermione asked.
“I go where my senses take me to, Hermione,” Danny replied. “I go where my nose leads.”
“And what does your nose lead you to now?” Hermione asked playfully.
“You, my Lady.”
Hermione laughed. A man with a clipboard and a microphone attached to his head walked up to Danny.
“Crew photo shoot,” he said, showing Danny the schedule.
“Oh, okay man, hey can Hermione be in it to?”
“No, it’s all right,” Hermione murmured.
“No, come on. I insist.”
Danny touched her hand and he held it in his. Hermione’s heart flew in her throat. Robert decided to drag Luna to the photo shoot. Chris and Craig followed.
“It’s a shame you can’t be part of the show,” Danny said to Hermione. “You would make a good female Cat.”
“I thought the show was over?”
“Hey, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”
Hermione was standing between Kryten and Cat. Luna was the other side of Kryten. Chris and Craig were behind them.
The camera’s flashed…
~*~*~
“Wow, that was the best Virtual Game I played!” Cat exclaimed. “I could have scored with the brunette, she was so hot for me.”
“Yes well, she could have gone for me!” Rimmer said taking his helmet off.
“Well, she obviously had better taste than that!” Cat exclaimed.
“Guys, does it matter, it’s Virtual. It’s got nothing to do with reality!” Lister exclaimed. “So what the brunette preferred the Cat to you, Arnie… perhaps next time it’ll be your turn.”
They set their helmets on the chairs and walked out of the room, the Cat with a huge smile on his face. He had scored! He was as sharp as his clothes and attitude suggested.
Kryten was the last to take off his helmet. That was the best Virtual experience he ever had, he wanted it to last forever, just folding towels with that pretty girl.
“Luna Lovegood!” He said, as he walked jerkily out of the room. He turned to look at the Virtual Helmet again… perhaps in some free time he’d play Virtual Red Dwarf Convention again, and again, until he met Luna Lovegood.
He would never think of towels in the same way again!
A/N My first crossover.