Moste Tormen'ting Regretes
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Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,371
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Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,371
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Moste Tormen'ting Regretes
I tried to tell myself that I had never wanted him. I used to lie in bed at night, next to Ron, trying to remember all the ways I’d resisted him. I wanted to believe that he had forced himself on me. Imagine that. I wanted to think I had been raped as a teenager. No matter how fucked up that was, the truth was stranger.
People have always underestimated me. I figure things out a long time before they do, but they always seem to think that I have only known since the light dawned on them. Like with Lupin’s secret in my 3rd year at Hogwarts. Or with Barty Crouch Jr. masquerading as Alastor Moody. I knew. Of course I knew. As much as I wanted to imagine that he had sought me out, it was actually me who’d made the first move.
The first time he took me to bed, I had gone intending to confront him. Now that we’re being honest, I might as well mention that it hadn’t been entirely necessary for me to wear that skirt, or to open the jar of lip gloss Ginny had bought for me that Christmas. But I was so asexual at school. That shine on my lips, the subtle sashay in my step, the way I let my eyes do half of the talking, made me feel braver. I hadn’t done it because I wanted him. I did it so he would want me, so I would have some power.
It turned out I didn’t end up with any. Barty’s not really the type to let others take control. And besides, I was a daisy-fresh girl, I wouldn’t have known how to.
That first night I just came straight out with it. “I know,” I told him. He’d looked at me, with that freakishly huge eye and said he’d been expecting me. I wasn’t taken aback. I was flattered, God help my pride, flattered that he knew I could figure it out.
“I needn’t take this then,” he said, indicating his potion, waiting in a goblet. “Still, wouldn’t want anyone else getting in on our little secret, would we?” with that, he crossed the study and locked the door. My heart flew instantly into my mouth. “What’s it to be, then? Blackmail?”
Why did I say it? If I could only take those words back. Krum and I might have stayed together, I might even be married to him now, expecting his child and not another redheaded snippet to join the Weasely clan. I might have six years of happy memories, and not a darkening downward spiral.
“How about a bribe?” I said. Even polyjuice couldn’t disguise that look. He might have been using Moody’s eyes, but that look was all Barty’s. He looked like Eros. He looked like Puck. I was only 14. Of course I fell in love with him.
He changed from Moody into Barty while I was kissing him. Or rather, while he was kissing me. It was the first time I ever saw him. In my youth, I thought he was so good-looking it took my breath away. I wonder what I would think of him if I saw him for the first time now?
People have always underestimated me. I figure things out a long time before they do, but they always seem to think that I have only known since the light dawned on them. Like with Lupin’s secret in my 3rd year at Hogwarts. Or with Barty Crouch Jr. masquerading as Alastor Moody. I knew. Of course I knew. As much as I wanted to imagine that he had sought me out, it was actually me who’d made the first move.
The first time he took me to bed, I had gone intending to confront him. Now that we’re being honest, I might as well mention that it hadn’t been entirely necessary for me to wear that skirt, or to open the jar of lip gloss Ginny had bought for me that Christmas. But I was so asexual at school. That shine on my lips, the subtle sashay in my step, the way I let my eyes do half of the talking, made me feel braver. I hadn’t done it because I wanted him. I did it so he would want me, so I would have some power.
It turned out I didn’t end up with any. Barty’s not really the type to let others take control. And besides, I was a daisy-fresh girl, I wouldn’t have known how to.
That first night I just came straight out with it. “I know,” I told him. He’d looked at me, with that freakishly huge eye and said he’d been expecting me. I wasn’t taken aback. I was flattered, God help my pride, flattered that he knew I could figure it out.
“I needn’t take this then,” he said, indicating his potion, waiting in a goblet. “Still, wouldn’t want anyone else getting in on our little secret, would we?” with that, he crossed the study and locked the door. My heart flew instantly into my mouth. “What’s it to be, then? Blackmail?”
Why did I say it? If I could only take those words back. Krum and I might have stayed together, I might even be married to him now, expecting his child and not another redheaded snippet to join the Weasely clan. I might have six years of happy memories, and not a darkening downward spiral.
“How about a bribe?” I said. Even polyjuice couldn’t disguise that look. He might have been using Moody’s eyes, but that look was all Barty’s. He looked like Eros. He looked like Puck. I was only 14. Of course I fell in love with him.
He changed from Moody into Barty while I was kissing him. Or rather, while he was kissing me. It was the first time I ever saw him. In my youth, I thought he was so good-looking it took my breath away. I wonder what I would think of him if I saw him for the first time now?