A Simple Case of Mistaken Identity

***DISCLAIMER*** None of this is mine, just the non-existent plot. And that was helped along by laurel_tx so it’s really her fault.


A/N: Saw the “Mistaken Identity” challenge in laurel_tx’s LJ and had this idea…unfortunately she wanted something where someone was mistaking James and Harry for each other, but I’m writing this anyway. Perhaps if you’re really drunk, it might amuse you.


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His wife, he decided, was a horrid tease. Narcissa had been tormenting him all throughout the evening meal and now, when they were finally leaving the party, had opted to pretend that she had a headache, of all things. Of course, this was said with a flutter of eyelashes and a coquettish moue, and she had thrown in a catlike stretch for seasoning. She knew full well that when she wore that particular black dress it drove him wild. Merlin only knew how it stayed on – it was strapless and cut deeply in front, but in the back, ah….it skimmed the base of her spine and stripped all rational thoughts from his mind. Not that he needed any more help with that; he had imbibed enough wine to drop a Hippogriff in its tracks.

Lucius Malfoy was what uncouth Muggles called an “Ass Man” and no mistake - he would always be thrilled that Narcissa loved to be on the “receiving end.” His lips curled into a half-smile as he thought of how he’d make her pay for all her teasing – the maddening witch had always seemed to be bending over and swaying invitingly in front of him the entire evening and he had nearly reached the point of tossing her into the nearest closet to take her up on her blatant offers.

She gave him a sultry smile from across the thestral-drawn carriage, and he had enough. “Accio!” he snarled, aiming his wand at her unsteadily. Narcissa arrived in his lap seconds later, ruining her poise by giggling. “You’ve been very naughty,” he purred, placing his hands on her waist and forcing her down to press against the rigid phallus straining at his trousers. She moaned and rocked her hips wantonly, strands of blonde hair falling from her perfectly styled upsweep and onto her flushed face. It reminded him of the times when they were both Hogwarts students and fully in the grip of their adolescent hormone imbalances, indulging themselves in closets and storerooms; if there was an empty place in that school, they had christened it.

They kissed with rising passion, but just as they were about to shift their clothing for a hurried consummation, the thud of the carriage touching the ground jarred them out of their lusty mood. Somewhat. With a quick kiss and a playful grin, Narcissa placed a binding charm on him and opened his trousers. He struggled ineffectually as his wife slid between his knees and took his stiff organ in her hands, licking with long strokes of her tongue. “Cissa! Let me go-ohhhhhh…” his weak protest blended into a moan as she wrapped her blood-red lipsticked mouth around his cock and began to suck with a fervor he doubted even a hurricane could match. Just as he could feel himself approaching orgasm, she drew off of him, winked, and Disapparated…leaving her dress behind. The spell she had cast upon him dissolved and Lucius Apparated into the manor house to seek revenge. Oh, she’d not walk right for a month after he was finished with her.

She had upped the stakes in their little game of “hide and seek” by charming all of the fires and candles against lighting spells, so he had only the inadequate light of the Lumos spell to help him find his mischievous wife. After several near-misses in which she escaped him by sudden Apparation or simply evading his drunken lunges by running from the room, he heard a noise in one of the rooms by the kitchens. He extinguished his wand-light and disrobed silently, creeping inside.

He could barely make out her blurred form by the windowsill where the shutters were open and the filmy curtains were billowing in the wind – it was so dark he could barely see his hand in front of his face – but he grinned victoriously, coming up behind her. It really was a shame that there wasn’t more light in the room so he could see her as he made his presence known. With a flick of his wand and a nonverbal incantation, he pounced, thrusting his cock deep into her bottom with a triumphant shout. She began shrieking and struggling wildly, which made it even more enjoyable for him – they had always loved to play “Muggle and Death Eater” ever since he had first shown her his Dark Mark. His head was still slightly clouded with the wine he imbibed; he thought vaguely that something was different, but he wasn’t sure what it was…had Narcissa lost weight? And when did she get so unbelievably, so deliciously tight? To be sure she employed spells to keep herself in shape, as it were, since they both thoroughly enjoyed frequent and vigorous bouts of anal sex…it was a wonder that they had managed to produce Draco, for that matter.

All this ran through his mind in an instant as he spread his arms and braced himself with his hands on either side of the curtains. He pulled out slowly, then rammed back home as hard as he could, letting loose a groan of pure pleasure. She deserved it after all, and he could hear her emit some extremely high-pitched squeaks and squeals as he set to his business with a good will. “Oh, Cissa,” he moaned loudly, his eyes closing in ecstasy.

“What are you doing, my love?” Narcissa asked. As if she didn’t know?

“Merely performing my husbandly duties, dearest,” he replied with a smirk, not missing a beat of his vigorous movements. Light flooded the room and he blinked furiously, trying to get his eyes to adjust – when they did, he found his beloved wife crouching beside him. Beside him?

“Then why, pray tell, are you fucking the House Elf?”

He froze in horror, moving his eyes from Narcissa’s highly amused gaze to what he had supposed to be his wife – Dobby was huddled against the window sill, his long ears firmly wrapped over his eyes.

For the only time in his highly privileged life, Lucius Malfoy stuttered. “I-I-I…..” How was he ever going to live this down? He envisioned pensieves lined up in Narcissa’s personal vault at Gringott’s, waiting to be picked up whenever he made an unwise comment regarding one of her dresses. He looked back at her slowly, and found her perusing him as well as his accidental conquest, lips pursed thoughtfully.

She finished her appraisal and returned her amused eyes to his mortified ones, and spoke words he never thought would pass her lips. “Well, go on, then!”



End.
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A/N: Sorry if I completely grossed you out, lol!!!!!