A Cinderfella Story

A CINDERFELLA STORY



Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a wealthy landowner and his small daughter. As often happens in these stories....

“Hey! I’m a boy, you idiot!” Yelled a teenager with messy black hair and huge green eyes.

Really?

“Yes!”

You mean you don’t have big, blue eyes and long, flowing blond hair?

The boy rolled his eyes. “No, you’re thinking of the so-called ‘handsome prince’.”
In another second a blond, half dressed young man appeared. It looked as though he had been removed from the bathroom during his morning routine.
“See?”
“Potter!” The blond said angrily. “What the fuck d’you think you’re doing?”
“Proving my point. Bye now Draco.”
He waved and the blond disappeared just as he opened his mouth.

Well, I certainly see your point. Now if I may continue?

“Go ahead.”

Thank you. Now as I was saying, the boy’s mother had died during childbirth and his father decided that the boy needed a mother. Up until then, young Harry Potter had wanted for nothing, and when his father announced that he would soon have a new mother and two sisters, he was over the moon.
But sadly, as is also common in these sorts of stories, soon after marrying his new wife the boy’s father died abruptly in a freak riding accident.

“Mwhahahahahaha!”

No comments from the peanut gallery!
As I was saying...the child’s father died and his stepmother’s true nature [as well as that of his step...uh...siblings] was revealed.

An imposing man strode in, hair swinging lankly, black robes billowing. Something long and flowery and suspiciously frock-like was clenched in his hand.
“I refused to wear this!”
The black haired boy yawned and withdrew, what looked to be, a wand from his pocket.
“Do it Snape, or I’ll hex you into a real girl.” He threatened lazily.
The man shrieked in outrage, but put on the frilly dress. A handsome black boy and a rather dull-looking girl soon joined him. They both sniggered. The man in the dress glared blackly and all three whipped out scripts.
Harry rolled his eyes.
Snape, still staring at his script, pointed at Harry imperiously.
“If you wish to go to the Prince’s Royal Ball, Cinderpotter, you must first mend the laundry, wash the windows, help your sisters get dressed, make dinner, and then finish your own outfit. Only then will you be allowed to leave.” He sneered. The three flounced out and Harry gave them all the finger. Looking bored, he leaned against a wall and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

Must you do that?

“What are you going to do? Erase me?”

[sigh] I suppose not. Well, as you can see, the poor boy’s Stepmother was not the kind woman his father had married. She and her two...children were cold and heartless, treating their stepsister...

“Brother!”

What-ever. The point is that they treated him like a servant, making him do all the work and sleep in the cinders of an old fireplace that, oddly enough, doubled as a cupboard. The boy was, understandably, always dirty and so they had renamed him ‘Cinderpotter’.

“CINDERPOTTER!”
“Back to the salt mines.” Harry muttered, snuffing out his fag against the wall. He disappeared from view, but thumps, bumps and the occasional curse could be heard. Obviously he was needed to help his siblings into their dresses.

The day wore on.

This was achieved by an older looking man carrying a placard bearing the words ‘the day wore on’. His clear blue eyes twinkled suspiciously. Eventually Snape, Pansy, and Blaise reappeared in fancy, frilly frocks in bright jewel colors. They appeared to be waiting.
Snape glowered darkly.
Pansy giggled stupidly at nothing.
Blaise began tapping his foot impatiently.
Suddenly Harry burst into view, hands still busy with the laces of his corset.
“Sorry, this damn thing takes forever to put on.” He tied the corset and gestured at the indecently short black skirt, complete with matching stiff crinoline. Knee-high stiletto bitch boots rounded out the look.
“Harry, what the hell...” Blaise began weakly.
“Stick to the script Blaise.” Harry said sweetly, brushing imaginary dust off of his skirt.

Cinderpotter wished desperately to go to the Handsome Prince’s Ball. So he did everything his Evil Step...er...mother asked. Not only that but he also had time to create a really bitchin’ outfit the Prince was sure to notice. He didn’t notice the jealous glares given him by the Evil stepsiblings of DOOM! Ahahahahaha!

“Stick to the script!” They all chorused.

All right all right. Yeesh. So even though poor Cinderpotter had done all this and more, his Evil Stepmother denied him the right to go to the Ball.

“What?!” Harry shrieked. “You’re not going to let me go? After all I did?”
Snape smirked. “Of course not. I AM evil after all. Didn’t you see? It’s in my name. Now Blaise, Pansy dear, if you would?”
“Our pleasure Professor.”
Both grinned evilly at Harry. The green eyed boy screamed again as the two ‘stepsisters’ ripped his costume to shreds.

And so the Evil Stepsiblings and Stepmother, having destroyed Cinderpotter’s Ball gown, left to attend the Ball. Poor Cinderpotter was destroyed. He ran, weeping, to the gardens and collapsed at the first bench he found. Four curious mice (two of which were red-headed), a horse with bushy mane and tail, and a redbone dog came to investigate all the noise. Several twinkling lights began to coalesce on the bench and, with an undignified ‘whump’, a handsome man appeared.
Cinderpotter looked up in shock and awe.

“Sirius?!”
The black-haired man stopped looking around franticly to focus on the boy at his feet.
“Did Rem make it? He should have been right behind me.”
“Uh...” Harry was at a loss. But sparkles were once again coming together, quicker though this time, as if the person they were becoming was in a hurry. A slightly disheveled Remus Lupin appeared and Sirius smirked in relief.
“Ah there you are love, oops, looks like you missed a button here.”
Sirius attempted to ‘help’ Remus with his shirt and the werewolf batted his hands away.
“What the...”
“Harry, we’re your Fairy Godfathers, isn’t it obvious?!” Sirius cried joyfully.
“Fairy is right.” Harry muttered.

Cinderpotter’s Fairy Godfathers had appeared just in the nick of time. Eyes still streaming quite fetchingly, desolation looking very attractive on our tragic hero, Cinderpotter laid out the whole sordid tale. Deciding that this would never do, the Godfathers began waving their wands judiciously. And before you could say ‘bibbidi-bobbidi-bo’, the mice had become handsome stallions, the horse a young woman in driver’s livery, and the dog became a boy with fiery hair in matching footman’s livery...

“You made me the horse?!” Cried an outraged Hermione. “You made me the damned HORSE?!”
“Aw calm down ‘Mione.” Ron said as he stepped up.
“Calm down? CALM DOWN?! Why I...”
But she was drowned out by everyone else telling her to pipe down.

After changing a pumpkin into the most unsafe looking carriage Cinderpotter had ever seen, the Godfathers turned to Cinderpotter. The young man’s luminous eyes were wide with awe, but it was then that he looked down and saw that he still wore rags. He looked back up, pleading desperately with his eyes, he just knew he had to go to the Ball in something absolutely stunning. The Prince would surely notice him and fall desperately in love. The Godfathers conferred for a moment, then began work on his clothes.
When the smoke cleared, Cinderpotter was clad in a pair of black leather pants that clung like second skin and revealed, rather than concealed, anything. A startlingly green silk shirt that flowed along the lines of his body like water. Leather boots and perfectly punk make-up that made him look so deliciously brooding that it took everyone’s breath away completed the outfit. Cinderpotter held out his hands and saw many silver rings on his fingers that caught the wan moonlight and twinkled merrily.
Cinderpotter was ready to go to the Ball. He hugged his Godfathers and they urged him into the coach, reminding him that the spells would all end precisely at midnight.

“You guys kick ass!” Harry called as he was whisked away. The two men waved as he disappeared.
“Now,” Sirius said, turning to Remus with a wicked grin, “where were we?”
Remus smirked in response and Disaperated. Laughing maniacally Sirius followed.

Those two just don’t know when to quit, do they? [resigned head shaking]
What?
It’s still on? Why didn’t you say something?!
Uh...oh right...
Meanwhile at the Ball, the Handsome Prince was bored. B-O-R-E-D. Bored. His father, King Lucius, had decided he needed to be married and threw a party to find the eligible woman. Never minding the fact that Draco had told him nearly everyday for almost six years that he was gay. Queer. A gigantic flaming queen...

“They get the point!” Draco yelled, giving the patented copyrighted Malfoy Death Glare™.

Sorry.
He had spent the entire evening thus far slumped in his chair looking elegantly rumpled. Then, suddenly, HE entered.

“FINALLY!” Draco crowed, leaping from the dais and grabbing Harry by the wrist. He attempted to drag him from the room, but the leather-clad boy refused to budge.
“You’re not supposed to know who I am Draco!” Harry scolded. Draco merely snorted inelegantly.
“After all I’ve suffered through tonight? No way. I’ve got you until midnight and I intend to make use of every last one of those minutes.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “What do you think I am Draco? Some kind of slut?”
Draco pressed close enough to whisper in Harry’s ear. “I thought you liked being my slut, Harry.”
This earned him a sharp slap on the ass from Harry, but when Draco began tugging again he didn’t resist.

Oh. My. God.
Well so much for following the script.
So where does that put us...uh...in the gardens the Handsome Prince and Cinderpotter were slowly falling in love...

Moans, groans, and the occasional cries of “slut”, “whore”, and “you animal!” could be heard.

[clears throat] Why don’t we just leave them alone for now?

“Best...FUCKING...idea...you’ve had...all...night.” Gasped a voice from the background darkness. Swiftly followed by a low, growl of “Gonna make you scream Potter!”

Yes. Well. Back in the palace, Cinderpotter’s Evil Stepmother and Stepsiblings had seen Cinderpotter enter and subsequently leave with the Prince. They did not, however, recognize the handsome youth...

“Yes we did.”

...but were jealous all the same as the Handsome Prince lavished more attention on Cinderpotter than he had on anyone all evening.
Then, before anyone realized the lateness of the hour, the clock began striking midnight.

The clock tower chimed three times before Harry realized what was going on.
“I have to go.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me Potter!”
“Sorry Draco, but we have to finish the story.” And Harry’s deep blush could be seen even in the gloom.
“Fuck the story and fucking finish ME!” Draco all but shouted.
Chime six sounded and Harry was buttoning his shirt as he took off towards the Palace.
“FINE!” Draco yelled at his back. “But see if I put out for you EVER AGAIN!”
Harry paused long enough to flip Draco the bird. Draco gave chase.

Just as the tenth stroke fell, Cinderpotter ran down the steps of the palace. Never having worn such heavy boots before, he tripped, rolling down the final few steps. Standing up, Cinderpotter realized one enchanted boot had fallen off. But before he could even turn to retrieve it, the clock struck its eleventh note. He jumped into his carriage and sped away just as the Handsome Prince reached where Cinderpotter’s boot fell.

Draco lifted the heavy bit of leather, rubber, and silver. He tucked it beneath his arm and sighed.
“Dammit Harry.”

Even though the coach was going as fast as it could, the final stroke of midnight fell before Cinderpotter reached home. Sitting on a pumpkin, surrounded by his animal friends once more, Cinderpotter realized he was still wearing one enchanted boot. Clutching it to his chest he silently thanked his Fairy Godfathers. He began to walk and made it back home just in time to begin the morning chores.

Harry looked up blearily from where he was hunched over a cup of coffee and glared.
“I hate you.”

He did not have long to rest however, as the breakfast summons began to ring. Taking the trays up to his Evil Stepfamily, Cinderpotter began to hum the sweet song he and his beloved had fallen in love to.

Harry slammed open the door to the to the upstairs sitting room, singing as loud as he could.
“Coming out of my cage/and I’ve been doing just fine/gotta gotta get down because I want it all/it started off as a kiss/how did it end up like this/it was only a kiss/it was only a kiss!”
His stepfamily winced collectively.
“Must you be so loud at this ungodly hour?” Snape groused. Harry plunked down the tray and the mail soon followed. Severus opened the letter on top.
“Oh goody.” He said with deep sarcasm as he read.
“What does it say?” Blaise croaked.
“The Handsome Prince is searching for the person he...ahem...spent the evening with. The young man’s foot that fits the boot will become his “husband”.” Severus explained. He looked up and quickly became disgusted with the eager looks on Blaise and Pansy’s faces.
“Oh don’t tell me you two want to marry him?”
“Well he is very cute.” Blaise mused. Pansy only giggled stupidly again.
“YOU TWO KEEP YOUR FILTY DEATH-EATER HANDS OFF!!” Harry raged from the corner where he had been lurking. “HES MINE!!”
“Touchy touchy Potter.” Snape tsked. “Well that settles it, you two will just have to try as hard as you can. No way in HELL am I going to stand by and let Potter marry Draco.”

At precisely that moment the doorbell rang. The Stepmother, panicking, grabbing Cinderpotter and hauled him down into his fireplace/cupboard and locked him in. Brushing off stray ashes and composing herself she answered the door. It was the Grand Duke, looking for the mystery man who belonged to the boot he carried.

Snape threw open the door and nearly slammed it shut again. Voldemort stood there on the other side with Wormtail simpering at his side.
“What. The. Fuck.”
“I am the Grand Duke, didn’t you hear?” Voldie said with a smirk, adjusting the strap of the man-bag he wore. He swept in after snapping his fingers imperiously at Wormtail.
“So Severus, which of your two lovely...er...children will be trying on the boot?”
“Both.” Snape said immediately. Volemort looked pointedly at Pansy.
“Er...she’s a hermaphrodite?” Severus offered.
Old Mouldie-shorts shrugged. “Frankly I don’t give a shit, as long as we find out who it is soon. I need my beauty sleep.
Snape cleverly turned his guffaw into a choking sort of cough and Voldemort never suspected a thing.

The stepsiblings sat down and the Grand Duke’s faithful servant began trying to shove their feet into the boot. First was Blaise, but his toes would not even fit into it. Next was Pansy, her toes went in, but her feet were too long and her calves too fat to get the boot laced. Just as the Stepmother was trying to force Pansy’s foot, there was an enormous crash. The Grand Duke asked if there were any more eligible youths in the house. The Stepmother vehemently denied just as another crash sounded.

“MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!”
“What the...”
Harry Potter blazed into the room, wand drawn, having obviously just blasted out of the cupboard.
“Mind if I try on the boot?” He asked loudly in an oddly assured voice.
“Bloody show off.” Old-n-moldie muttered under his breath, motioning for Wormtail to present the boot once more.

But, just as the Grand Duke’s faithful servant came forward to fit the boot on Cinderpotter’s delicate, yet manly foot, his Evil Stepmother withdrew her own wand and set fire to it. The Grand Duke was crushed...

“Oh speak for yourself.” Voldie huffed, pulling out a fluffy white bunny from his man-bag and began feeding it bits of vegetables from his pockets. “I’m with Severus on this one.”

[death glare] As I was saying...the Grand Duke was crushed, but little did they all know, Cinderpotter had a surprise. With a dramatic flourish, Cinderpotter drew the matching shoe from an unidentifiable place on his person. Though I’m not quite sure we even want to know where it came from...

“The script! The script!” Harry crowd as he laced the boot.

Right.
So of course the boot fit perfectly, having been custom made for Cinderpotter. The Grand Duke knew that this handsome boy was the one his Prince would marry. Banishing the Stepmother and...er...children to prison for ever and ever, he whisked Cinderpotter back to the Palace.

You’re sending us to JAIL?!” Severus demanded in a high-pitched shriek. “Why?”

Because you’re all meanies.

Because we’re all meanies? Because we’re all MEANIES?!” What kind of asinine...”

Bye bye now. [waves]
Soon after, the Kingdom rejoiced. The Prince had finally found his...uh...Prince and [though it was just as illegal in the wizarding world as it was in the Muggle one] the two were soon wed. The wedding was a lavish one with lots of leather and bondage gear, and the party lasted for almost two weeks. Though that was partly due to the fact that the grooms went missing shortly after the ceremony itself and no one really wanted to stop to go look for them.
King Lucius was seen drinking in his study with his Grand Duke, the two would periodically mutter something about ‘foiled plans’, but nobody really paid any attention to them since they had matching man-bags and bunny rabbits.
The Fairy Godfathers visited the happy couple often. So often in fact that people began to say some really odd things about the foursome....hmmm....

“NEVERMIND!”

...and the Evil Stepfamily was released on the grounds that they weren’t really evil, just misunderstood.
And now, everyone all together!

“AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!”

The end.

“Wait, that’s it?” Draco demanded. “Where’s the fighting, the danger, the explosions?! Where’s the fucking REALISM!”
“It’s a parody honey, calm down.” Harry said soothingly, kissing his new spouse.
“Oh, well, alright. I guess that’s okay then.”
“Thank you.” Harry accepted, then turned away from Draco. “Now, the rest of you go away. I’m going to do lots of dirty, illegal things to him and don’t require an audience.”

AWWWW!


ITS OVER!