An Active Fantasy Life Is Always Good For A Laugh
folder
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,588
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,588
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
An Active Fantasy Life Is Always Good For A Laugh
Minerva McGonagall stepped out the front doors of Hogwarts, gave the beautiful spring day a good long look, and let out a sigh of profound relief. It had been a rough few months, what with Voldemort running rampant, Dementor attacks all over the UK,and Dumbledore always away on some secret mission. Minerva was beginning to suspect that the so-called “secret missions” had less to do with mysterious methods of fighting Voldemort and more to do with Madam Rosmerta’s penchant for thick beards and twinkling eyes. A shot of something in her gut made Minerva stop on the steps for a moment; but the idea that Minerva was jealous of Rosmerta was absurd, stupid fat tart that she was. Minerva dismissed it quickly as indigestion and set off again.
As if it wasn’t bad enough trying to keep the school from falling to pieces, Harry “They Call The Wind Ginevra” Potter was mooning so badly it made her sick. How could he think he wasn’t being blatantly obvious? Minerva was tempted to grab Potter and Ginny Weasley, toss them into the Room of Requirement and seal them in there until they’d shagged it out of their systems, or she’d died, whichever came first. While in there they could even distract Draco “Deathwish” bloody Malfoy from his inane murder plots. For Merlin’s sake, Minerva was completely of the Light and even she could tell that Malfoy hadn’t read Voldemort’s How To Commit Murder In Seven Easy Steps.
Having nowhere particular to go, Minerva skirted the edge of the lake; most of the students were in classes, or studying for their upcoming exams, so the grounds were blessedly free of the babble and laughter of the little brats- er, students. Minerva stopped by the edge of the water. She recalled with a slight flush that wonderful Autumn day when she was sixteen and a student herself; she’d woken at this very spot by the lake, nude and covered in dew and slime, so sore she could barely walk; and from that moment on, the giant squid always waved a tentacle at her whenever she walked past. Good times, good times…
“’ello, Professor!” Hagrid had spotted her and walked over to greet her. She smiled back, not minding Hagrid’s presence as much as some of the other teachers. It was absolutely brilliant, how Hagrid, an enormous bottle of lube and a well-cast Memory Charm could make the blues go away. “What’re yeh doin’ out here, eh?” Hagrid enquired, stopping next to Minerva and following her gaze out over the lake.
“Just getting away from the castle for a spell, Hagrid,” Minerva said vaguely. She noticed Hagrid glancing furtively toward the Forbidden Forest; well that was no surprise. She wondered what monstrosity he had smuggled in this time. “Ready for the exams, then?”
“Eh? Oh yeah, o’ course,” Hagrid said distractedly. “Er, speakin o’ exams, Professor, shouldn’t yeh be teachin’ right now?”
“Not until after lunch,” Minerva said, wondering if Hagrid would have the nerve to ask her to leave so she wouldn’t see whatever insanity he’d concocted. “Is something the matter?” she added sweetly as his eyes strayed to the forest again.
“No! No, nothin’,” Hagrid insisted quickly. “I just, you might wanna- LOOK OUT!”
Hagrid shoved Minerva out of the way as Grawp, Hagrid’s full-giant half-brother, leapt out of the Forbidden Forest with surprising speed and ran toward the water. “Is- is he wearing… clothes?” Minerva asked incredulously. She was mildly impressed; she hadn’t thought Hagrid would have any luck domesticating the enormous giant.
“Yeah, I made ‘em,” Hagrid said, although he sounded more nervous than proud.
“Why all black?” Minerva asked. There was something familiar about Grawp’s outfit...
Before Hagrid could answer, Grawp reached the edge of the water, and in a spray of foam the Giant Squid erupted from the lake; bizarrely, it was wearing an outfit similar to Grawp’s, tailored to fit around its eight tentacles. The squid and Grawp faced each other, standing surprisingly still, and when Minerva noticed their clumsy attempts at poses something clicked in her head. “Ninjas?” she shouted.
“Er...mebbe I shouldn’t’a mentioned ‘em to Grawpy,” Hagrid said wretchedly. “But after he was so keen, I dint wanna hurt his feelings.”
Grawp’s hand suddenly darted out and he attempted to karate-chop the giant squid; the squid responded by slashing two of its tentacles at Grawp’s shins; Grawp jumped over them, and the thud he made when he landed knocked Minerva and Hagrid off their feet. “And- and the squid?” Minerva asked Hagrid weakly as they got back to their feet.
“Well, who else was Grawpy gonna spar with?” Hagrid responded reasonably.
Minerva noted that six of the squid’s eight tentacles were bent sharply at right angles – an attempt to mimic a human karate-chop pose. Grawp was trying gamely to achieve the Crane position, but lacked sufficient balance and kept falling over. Unable to help herself, Minerva started giggling. “Er…Professor?” Hagrid said tentatively.
“C-Can you m-make them pirate costumes?” Minerva choked out around her snickers.
“What? I mean yeah, I suppose,” Hagrid replied in shock. “But why?”
“B-because no one could shout ‘ARRRR!’ like your brother!” Minerva crowed, and then dissolved into helpless laughter.
Hagrid grinned sheepishly. “Yeah…an’ I c’n just see the squid holdin’ six cutlasses!”
“M-maybe we can c-convince Fawkes to sit on Grawp’s shoulder and go ‘Awk’!” Minerva wheezed.
Minerva and Hagrid stayed and watched the end of the match, adding choice commentary. In the end the squid was declared the winner, but only because it slipped two tentacles around behind Grawp and pulled off a Stealth Pantsing.
FIN
As if it wasn’t bad enough trying to keep the school from falling to pieces, Harry “They Call The Wind Ginevra” Potter was mooning so badly it made her sick. How could he think he wasn’t being blatantly obvious? Minerva was tempted to grab Potter and Ginny Weasley, toss them into the Room of Requirement and seal them in there until they’d shagged it out of their systems, or she’d died, whichever came first. While in there they could even distract Draco “Deathwish” bloody Malfoy from his inane murder plots. For Merlin’s sake, Minerva was completely of the Light and even she could tell that Malfoy hadn’t read Voldemort’s How To Commit Murder In Seven Easy Steps.
Having nowhere particular to go, Minerva skirted the edge of the lake; most of the students were in classes, or studying for their upcoming exams, so the grounds were blessedly free of the babble and laughter of the little brats- er, students. Minerva stopped by the edge of the water. She recalled with a slight flush that wonderful Autumn day when she was sixteen and a student herself; she’d woken at this very spot by the lake, nude and covered in dew and slime, so sore she could barely walk; and from that moment on, the giant squid always waved a tentacle at her whenever she walked past. Good times, good times…
“’ello, Professor!” Hagrid had spotted her and walked over to greet her. She smiled back, not minding Hagrid’s presence as much as some of the other teachers. It was absolutely brilliant, how Hagrid, an enormous bottle of lube and a well-cast Memory Charm could make the blues go away. “What’re yeh doin’ out here, eh?” Hagrid enquired, stopping next to Minerva and following her gaze out over the lake.
“Just getting away from the castle for a spell, Hagrid,” Minerva said vaguely. She noticed Hagrid glancing furtively toward the Forbidden Forest; well that was no surprise. She wondered what monstrosity he had smuggled in this time. “Ready for the exams, then?”
“Eh? Oh yeah, o’ course,” Hagrid said distractedly. “Er, speakin o’ exams, Professor, shouldn’t yeh be teachin’ right now?”
“Not until after lunch,” Minerva said, wondering if Hagrid would have the nerve to ask her to leave so she wouldn’t see whatever insanity he’d concocted. “Is something the matter?” she added sweetly as his eyes strayed to the forest again.
“No! No, nothin’,” Hagrid insisted quickly. “I just, you might wanna- LOOK OUT!”
Hagrid shoved Minerva out of the way as Grawp, Hagrid’s full-giant half-brother, leapt out of the Forbidden Forest with surprising speed and ran toward the water. “Is- is he wearing… clothes?” Minerva asked incredulously. She was mildly impressed; she hadn’t thought Hagrid would have any luck domesticating the enormous giant.
“Yeah, I made ‘em,” Hagrid said, although he sounded more nervous than proud.
“Why all black?” Minerva asked. There was something familiar about Grawp’s outfit...
Before Hagrid could answer, Grawp reached the edge of the water, and in a spray of foam the Giant Squid erupted from the lake; bizarrely, it was wearing an outfit similar to Grawp’s, tailored to fit around its eight tentacles. The squid and Grawp faced each other, standing surprisingly still, and when Minerva noticed their clumsy attempts at poses something clicked in her head. “Ninjas?” she shouted.
“Er...mebbe I shouldn’t’a mentioned ‘em to Grawpy,” Hagrid said wretchedly. “But after he was so keen, I dint wanna hurt his feelings.”
Grawp’s hand suddenly darted out and he attempted to karate-chop the giant squid; the squid responded by slashing two of its tentacles at Grawp’s shins; Grawp jumped over them, and the thud he made when he landed knocked Minerva and Hagrid off their feet. “And- and the squid?” Minerva asked Hagrid weakly as they got back to their feet.
“Well, who else was Grawpy gonna spar with?” Hagrid responded reasonably.
Minerva noted that six of the squid’s eight tentacles were bent sharply at right angles – an attempt to mimic a human karate-chop pose. Grawp was trying gamely to achieve the Crane position, but lacked sufficient balance and kept falling over. Unable to help herself, Minerva started giggling. “Er…Professor?” Hagrid said tentatively.
“C-Can you m-make them pirate costumes?” Minerva choked out around her snickers.
“What? I mean yeah, I suppose,” Hagrid replied in shock. “But why?”
“B-because no one could shout ‘ARRRR!’ like your brother!” Minerva crowed, and then dissolved into helpless laughter.
Hagrid grinned sheepishly. “Yeah…an’ I c’n just see the squid holdin’ six cutlasses!”
“M-maybe we can c-convince Fawkes to sit on Grawp’s shoulder and go ‘Awk’!” Minerva wheezed.
Minerva and Hagrid stayed and watched the end of the match, adding choice commentary. In the end the squid was declared the winner, but only because it slipped two tentacles around behind Grawp and pulled off a Stealth Pantsing.
FIN