Regrets

Regrets

It’s late at night. The moon is full and the stars are glistening in that velvet sky. I remember you used to love seeing the night sky. Here I sit with nothing to do. Well, I can think. But, then, my thoughts always return to you. It’s always the same thought.

You know how people always tell you that you can’t ever regret the things you didn’t say? Well, they were wrong. I regret everything I never said.

Like, I never told you how much I love you. You always felt like you were unwanted. I never meant to make you feel that way. I did love you. I do love you. Words cannot say how much. They never could. I am sorry. I still regret that.

I never told you how beautiful you were. I loved the way your dark brown hair fell in your face when you were reading or crawling toward me in moments of passion. Your dark cinnamon eyes; yes, I loved those too. I loved it how they seemed as if they were on fire when we made love or when you were singing. They went black when you were passionate about something or mad. You weren’t perfect, but that was okay. If you were perfect, I would not have fallen in love with you. I never knew what beauty was until I saw you.

I never told you that you changed who I was. You made me a better person. I was alone for my whole life. I went on in life and taught my classes. All I was for the longest time was nothing more than a mere shadow that roamed the castle and the dungeons at night. I can remember being a little boy and staring at the moon wishing I could fly away. You helped me do that. You made my dreams come true. When we danced for the first time, I was soaring—I was free. I fell in love with you when you saved my life. Do you remember that? I do. A year later, we married. Then, you changed my life even more—well, you and the two little girls you gave me. You gave life to my children. Our daughters were beautiful. Then, you changed my life—in a way I never thought possible.

We had a few bumps along the way. Then, we hit that bad bump. I said a few things as did you. You ran out and that was the last time I ever saw you—well. I got the call at midnight. He said you were going to live Hermione! He promised. I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could. By the time I made it to your side, you were close to leaving me. I tried to tell you these things. But, I could not. Then, you slipped away from me. It was as if I had just been stabbed in the heart by something. That hole will never be full again. I tried to marry again. I could not.

Our daughters grow more and more each day. The more they grow, the more they remind me of you. Sayde has your spirit and wisdom. She has my eyes and hair though. The boys chase her endlessly. Hayle has your long brown hair and cinnamon colored eyes. She has my knowledge and love for Quidditch. I wish you could have been there to see them both graduate—both Valedictorians. I was so proud to hand them their diplomas and licenses.

But, that doesn’t matter. You are gone now—out of my life. I regret the things I never said. I regret not being there. I regret not telling you how beautiful you were. In my heart I know you would probably have forgiven me, but I cannot forgive myself for those three words I didn’t tell you before you left me—I LOVE YOU.