Fixation

1/2.

Things were a mess at the best of times but today Harry was sure was the lowest point of all his previous life. Fate had a twisted sense of humour of that he was sure. And as he lay in bed he couldn’t help but feel hungry and miserable and irrationally envious of the moon that sailed back and forth on a cloud with no apparent cause but to plunge him still further into despair and the irreversability of his state.

Only hours ago Harry Potter defeated one of the most feared dark wizards of many centuries. By all rights he should have been happy and rejoycing with the rest of the wizarding world. But where Harry and Voldemort were concerned nothing was ever simple. And now was not an exception. Voldemort was gone that much was certain but he couldn’t possibly gain his dead status without leaving Harry a parting gift.

A curse. Not a life-threatening one. But without a cure. Actually it was a very ridiculous curse. He simply turned Harry Potter into a female till the end of his mortal days. His cold high-pitched laughter still rang in Harry’s ears as tears involuntarily slipped down his cheeks and onto the pillow.

Harry just knew that there was no way back to his former self. And the looks that those nearby at the time gave him plainly said that. At least they were no looks of pity because Snape along with Lucius and Draco Malfoy would never pity or sympathize with Harry Potter even if they were the spies for the Order and even if Harry was now residing in one of the guest-rooms of Malfoy Manor.

He still couldn’t figure out the last part of it. But he couldn’t care less at the time when his body was hit by a spell and the transformation began. It hurt so much that Harry could still feel the echoing pain in his bones and muscles. So yes he couldn’t care less when Lucius Malfoy wrapped him in his cloak and lead him away before others appeared at the scene.

Harry vaguely remembered as he was brought here of all the places that they were greeted by Narcissa Malfoy who listened without any sign of concern or curiousity to their accounts a glass of red wine swaying in her hands. She seemed not to notice Harry until her attention was brought to his changed form by her son along with the story of how the change came to be. It seemed to amuse her greatly because she laughed longer than common decency allowed and it was not until Lucius subdued her with a glare that she stopped and sipped on her wine instead.

She didn’t seem to appreciate her husband’s intentions of leaving Harry at the Manor and she was decidedly disgusted by the notion that she was supposed to supply the-boy-turned-into-a-girl with some clothes of her own. But if she tried to protest against her husband’s design she didn’t voice it out loud but submitted to her husband’s will and quitted the room. Though not before giving Harry a very nasty look that Harry in his state of pain, shock and incredulity couldn’t return with matching venom and ferocity. He was particularly conscious of the fact that his eyes were suspiciously itchy and he wondered in horror and alarm if he had been actually crying on Lucius Malfoy’s shoulder all through the ride.

Then he was lead away by a tiny quivering house-elf Milly or Tilly, he couldn’t quite recall the name, not that he cared much, into the room he now occupied. It was spacious and airy. He briefly thought that it was something to do with its colour that was light green or with the huge lancet window that permitted an unimpeded view of rich lush-green grounds that lay ahead.

After the soothing hot bath that followed Harry was guided to the bed where he lay ever since. He didn’t go down to dine with the rest saying that he wasn’t really hungry though his stomach groaned and grumbled loudly at that. And though he felt truly ashamed and humiliated at the change feeling that he could hardly meet anyone’s eye the fact of the matter was that he had nothing to wear downstairs. His own clothes were out of the question on the account of their present state of non-wear as well as Harry’s new gender and as for the promised clothes of Mrs. Malfoy they never followed.

What followed however was a note of the most insincere and unkind apology stating that she didn’t think that anything of hers would ever do for Miss Potter (Harry flinched and would have thrown up if he had anything to promote it) but that she had a pair of shoes that she could spare without any pain to herself. The shoes were of a very high-heeled kind and Harry was sure that no matter how many years he lived as a female he would never be able to wear them without breaking his neck. Then again he thought that maybe that was exactly what Narcissa Malfoy was aiming for. It was no consolation.

The pain, the shock, the humiliation, the shame, the hunger, the feeling of utter loneliness and despondency were too much for him and within a second Harry was overflown by tears that didn’t cease for several hours until the exhaustion gave way and he finally succumbed to some much needed sleep.

This way when he woke up it was to the sight of the pearly-white moon reigning in the sky. Standing up awkward and shaky Harry made his way to a full-size mirror that stood in one corner of the room. Biting his lower lip he stared at his reflection. The reflection of a familiar-looking girl stared back at him her nude form awash with the bright moonlight. Harry winced and closed his eyes. Many deep breaths followed before he opened them again only to find a ghostly pale girl still there, still staring back with those huge green eyes now bigger than ever. Her hair was short but less unruly, her eyelashes thick and long, her nose thinner and prettier, her full lips slightly open and trembling just like the rest of her body.

Harry ran a shaky hand through his hair as the girl did the same. Her shoulders were round and graceful, her breasts small and compact, her belly fit and toned, her hips curvy and enticing, her legs long and nicely-shaped. All in all she was a very pretty girl.

Harry shook his head as another series of sobs shook his body and sat on the floor still staring at the girl in the mirror. There was a feeling as though his insides were sucked out and he knew that he had to eat. Standing up he went to the bed and after a minute of quick thinking tied the expanse of green silk around his body like a toga. Checking his reflection in the mirror with another wince at his femininity and brushing his hair to give it a less dishevelled look Harry left the room in search of food.

It was unlucky perhaps that he was not the only one out of bed so late at night because just as he was taking another turn he ran smack into the tall solid body of none other than the master of the house. Reeling from the impact Harry would have fallen in his unsteady state if Lucius didn’t caught him by his slender waist in time. Colouring with different shades of shame and humiliation Harry bent his head down and nervously tugged at the cloth mumbling a very soft ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank you’.

Lucius looked down at the girl who refused to look back and sneered.

‘May I enquire as to why you decided that roaming the halls of the Manor so late at night dressed in nothing but a sheet would be a prudent thing to do?’ he asked imperiously. He watched with satisfaction as those emerald orbs flashed with indignation and that pouty mouth curved to form an impertinent reply.

‘I’m sorry, sir, but I could hardly think about prudency of my behaviour when I was sick with hunger and just trying to locate the kitchen. I, by no means, wanted to disturb you. That was the last thing on my mind. I would much rather avoid seeing anyone at the moment.’

‘Which explains why you are so hungry. If you didn’t stay locked up in your room wallowing in self-pity and misery you wuld have been fed excellently. It doesn’t however explain why you decided to grace the halls of my ancestral home dressed in such a despicable way. I thought I made it clear that you would be supplied with all the necessary clothing.’

Harry growled. His bare feet were freezing to the cold marble floor.

‘I think you’re assuming that your wife followed your orders on that point, sir. I’m sorry to say though that she couldn’t find anything suitable for me and instead of sending something less despicable for me to wear she send me a note explaining the absence of the promised items along with a pair of extremely high-heeled shoes that I decided to forgo wearing for the moment.’

Harry glared at Lucius in rightful anger though he was shaking all over both with cold and with fear of having said too much and in too rude a form and that he would be thrown out on the street straight away. He thought that he heard the older wizard growl but then attributed the sound to his chattering teeth.

‘Come with me.’ ordered Lucius turning around and striding away. Harry wondered if they were indeed heading for the door but in several minutes found himself in a dining-room. With a wave of his hand Lucius lit the candles and motioned for Harry to take a seat. He then summoned a house-elf.

While Harry was eating away Lucius couldn’t help but stare at his companion. He found that Potter brat as a girl made a very pleasing sight. When Harry was sated Lucius poured him some wine. Harry’s hand trembled as it came in close contact with Lucius’s. The touch burnt and Harry snatched his hand away gulping down wine and hissing as it burnt down his throat.

‘There’s no hurry.’ said Lucius indulgently languidly sipping on his own glass his silver eyes still trained on the girl in front of him. Instead of answering Harry looked around and decided that if not for the present company the atmosphere could be described as romantic: the soft glow of the candles, nice wine, whispering fire, a pretty young girl, a rich handsome man... It was getting rather hot here.

Harry placed the glass on the table. Taking a deep courageous breath he addressed the wizard in front of him.

‘I’m sorry for disturbing you with my presence and I guess I can’t but be grateful for your taking me in when you really didn’t have to. And I’ve been wondering as to why did you do it? I could go home or to stay with the Weasleys...’

‘Perhaps, but Severus asked me to take you in so that he had time to conduct some research as to your state before the reporters got wind of it and spread it all over the wizarding world. As for your friends,’ he grimaced, ‘they were informed of your whereabouts and you will rejoin them in due course. Once you have recovered.’

‘Snape was going to do a research?’ asked Harry incredulously.

‘I believe that was his intention.’ replied Lucius slightly inclining his head.

‘And did...did he find some away of...er...changing me back?’ asked Harry anxiously.

Lucius sighed and shook his head.

‘As we feared from the start, the nature of the curse is such that leaves no hope for producing a countercurse of any kind, be it a spell or a potion.’

‘Oh.’

Harry let his head fall down on his chest to hide the fact that he couldn’t stop another storm of tears. His shaking shoulders and sniffs and sobs however were a major give-away.

‘Here.’

Harry looked up and took a proffered handkerchief before hiding his red overflowing eyes and blotchy face behind it. He felt rather than saw Lucius Malfoy leaving his chair and coming to stand behind his. He started violantly when he felt the older wizard’s hands cover his shoulders.

‘Come. You should rest.’

Harry nodded and tumbled into Lucius’s personal space. The man wrapped his hands around his waist and saw him to his room where with another wail of misery and pity Harry launched himself onto the bed and after an hour or so spent in constant tossing and turning fell asleep.