Tearmann 3

TITLE: Tearmann3
AUTHOR: Taran
PAIRING: SS/HP
RATING: R
WARNINGS: This is a dark fic. It deals with tough subjects such as suicide. There is also mention of incest, child abuse, and rape. Don't read if these things upset you! This is AU.
FEEDBACK: Yes Please!!! taran_swann@yahoo.ca
DISCLAIMER: *sigh* Not mine. Some nasty, ugly, brilliant woman by the name of J.K. Rowling owns the whole Harry Potter universe. I'm just borrowing for a while, and then I'll send it all back the way I found it.
SUMMARY: Harry learns more about Snape's depression.
NOTES: The first part of this story was written as part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest (Scenario: An accident occurs in the dungeons.) This is a sequel to my first slash story ever. If you haven't read Tearmann and Tearmann2, this won't make a lot of sense to you. Tearmann is the Gaelic word for sanctuary.
BETA: A very special thank you to Sher for all her encouragement and support writing this most difficult story.
ARCHIVING: The Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest Archive until the end of the fest, then anywhere asked.

Tearmann 3 by Taran


Harry had been visiting almost every day for the last three weeks. The medi-witches all knew him as did most of the patients. He spent hours with Severus in his room. Severus still wouldn't talk to him, but he would sit quietly watching, while Harry told him everything that was happening back at Hogwarts. Harry would tell Severus how his classes were going, what the new Potions teacher was like. Harry wasn't sure if Severus was listening to him, but he'd talk anyhow. Maybe eventually the man would find something interesting enough to respond to.

Several evenings when Harry came to visit, Severus was sleeping already so he would just sit by the man's bed. Harry watched as he slept. He could see when Severus was dreaming, his eyes twitched constantly and sometimes he would cry. Severus also had a tendency to talk in his sleep.

At first Harry found this very disturbing and unnerving. From what the troubled man said in his sleep, Harry finally started to understand the depression plaguing him. Severus talked about the abuse his father put him through, as well as what he had suffered at the hands of other men, such as Lucius Malfoy. Harry cried after leaving on nights like that. He didn't think he could possibly have survived as long as Severus had through all of that pain.

Through Severus' dreams, Harry heard of such tortures he'd never imagined possible. Harry had always felt a little sorry for himself for the poor childhood he had experienced, but was beginning to realize what true paradise it was compared to what other's had lived through.

Some nights when Severus cried, Harry would snuggle into the bed with him and just hold him. At those times, Severus never shied away from his touch and, Harry was quite certain, was even grateful for it. Even if he woke up in Harry's arms, he didn't panic, he merely pushed Harry back and rolled away from him.

Some times Toby would come in and he and Harry would talk endlessly. Harry was really beginning to like Toby. Harry never asked why Toby was there, even though he was very curious. He just didn't seem to belong there. Harry couldn't see anything at all wrong with the young man.

Harry noticed how Severus' breathing increased and he sweated more when the other man was in the room, but he just thought that was because Severus didn't know Toby.

At school, Harry rushed through his days, barely talking to his friends. He was always in a hurry to finish homework so that he could get back to St. Mungo's and his precious Potions Master. After a while, Harry began to think maybe he was wanting to get back to Toby as well. As much as he looked forward to spending time with Severus, he looked forward to talking with Toby as well.

One evening, while Severus was sleeping quietly for a change, Harry sat close to Toby, the two young men talking softly. They were talking about Quidditch and what teams Harry had been offered a position with after graduation. Harry had been about to turn them down flat when Ron and Hermione convinced him to at least think about it. Even Hermione had agreed that it was a great opportunity for Harry to see the Wizarding world before settling into a lifelong career.

Toby agreed with Harry's other friends, which made Harry smile. He knew that Toby would have fit in with his circle of friends easily if he had attended Hogwarts. He was very smart, which would have won him over with Hermione, but also knew how to have fun, which would have gained him a lot of points with Ron.

Harry was so engrossed in the conversation that he didn't immediately notice the warm hand that had made its way onto his leg and was rubbing in soft circles over his thigh. He didn't notice anything until the hand suddenly dipped lower and brushed over his crotch. He gasped in surprise and looked down. As he raise his head to look at Toby, he was shocked again at the soft lips that pressed against his.

When he regained his wits enough to react, a strong hand was on his neck, holding him firmly in place. Harry felt a warm wet tongue run across his lips then tried to push between his tightly clenched teeth. Harry didn't know how to react. He liked Toby a lot, but wasn't prepared for this. He placed his hands on Toby's chest and firmly pushed him back, gasping for air as the kiss was broken.

"Toby, please..." Harry didn't know what he was asking.

"Come on, Harry. Let me fuck you," Toby said bluntly. Harry was taken back by the abruptness of the young man.

"No, Toby," he said firmly. "I think I should go now." Harry was suddenly very nervous and didn't know why. He liked Toby, he even kind of liked the idea of sex with Toby, but the tone Toby used scared him. He stood to leave, but was stopped by Toby's hand grabbing his wrist in a painful grip.

"Not yet. I want you and you want me, too." Toby's voice was very demanding. "I know you love him, but he's nothing. He's not even really alive. I can do so much more for you."

Harry instinctively stepped back as much as he could. He looked into the usually laughing blue-green eyes and saw only cold malice. Harry quickly pulled his wand from his robe pocket and pointed it directly at the young man's chest.

"Let me go, Toby." Harry said as firmly as his fear would allow. Toby did as he was told and stepped away from him.

"Come on, Harry. No need to get upset. You only had to say no." Toby spoke lightly but his eyes were still flashing with a dangerous light. "Maybe another time, then. Goodnight, Harry." Toby gave his most charming smile as he left the room.

Harry heaved a sigh of relief as he sat back down next to Severus' bed. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he looked at the prone man. He was startled to see the cool black eyes fixed on him.

"Well, that was something, wasn't it?" Harry asked, not expecting, nor receiving, an answer. "Are you really not quite living, Professor?" he said sadly. "I miss you, even if you don't believe it."

Harry sighed again. He reached out to pat the hand laying next to the man's head, but it was pulled back sharply. Harry was surprised as Severus had never before pulled away before the touch could happen. Harry believed this was a good sign, meaning perhaps the man was becoming more lucid. Harry gave him a warm smile.

"Goodnight, Professor. See you tomorrow. Don't forget, tomorrow is Saturday so I'll be here early."

Harry left the room feeling elated, the scene with Toby already forgotten. He never saw the dark shadow at the end of the hall watching him with a look of pure hatred as he left. He never saw the shadow creep back into Severus' room, nor did anyone hear the whispered cries of despair and pain.

~*~

Severus Snape had been listening, as he always did when Harry was present. So many times he wanted to interrupt. He wanted to warn Harry about the man sitting next to him. He was scared, though. He still felt the pain from the last time he had tried to speak to Toby, to tell him to stop.

Severus saw Toby kiss Harry. His Harry. He wanted to scream at Toby, to make him not hurt Harry, but he couldn't. He couldn't do anything. Severus was relieved when Harry pushed Toby away. Maybe Harry would be strong enough to not get hurt the way he had been. He heard what Toby said. Severus wasn't really alive and Harry loved him. Severus wanted to live, but he couldn't make his mind and body obey.

He watched Toby leave, knowing he'd be back later in the night. He watched Harry intently as the young wizard collected himself and sat down. Severus saw Harry's hand reaching out to him and instinctively pulled away. Touching hurt too much. Severus knew it was only a mental pain, but he couldn't help himself.

Harry missed him. Severus gave a mental sigh. He missed Harry, too. He missed seeing him happy and joking with his friends, seeing him looking with such one-tracked concentration at his school work, watching him eating a good meal in the Great Hall. It was all the little things Severus missed, but mostly, he missed his life.

The smile Harry gave Severus as he left was warming. Severus could almost feel himself returning it until the door closed. Suddenly he was afraid again. It was night and that meant his captor would be returning soon. Even as he thought this, the door opened again to an angry looking Toby. Severus began to shudder and shake, his eyes filling with tears. He couldn't move, he was trapped and there was nothing he could do. Even his own voice betrayed him, not allowing him to scream for Harry to come back; to save him.

Severus let his mind drift as he felt the blanket pulled roughly out from around his thin frame. He refused to feel the hands pulling his pajamas bottoms off and turning him onto his stomach. He shut his mind to man that pulled him to his knees and thrust into him hard. He couldn't, however, block out the searing pain that ripped into him as he was penetrated dry. The tears that had welled up, spilled out as his mouth opened in a silent scream. As the pain coursed through his body, Severus' mind was finally able to slip away, back into the darkest corners it could find.

Peace, however, was not to be found. Severus was being drowned in memories of other pain from other men. The first memory was of his father. He was 10 years old at the time. His mother had passed away two years previously and he was left to defend himself against the man who had never wanted him. His father had decided the day Severus' mother had died that Severus would take her place in his bed. He wouldn't be bothered to try to find another lover or wife.

It hadn't been all bad. At first the man was rather tender with his son. Severus had even enjoyed some of it. Over the last couple of years, things had changed, however. This particular memory stood out in Severus' tortured mind because of the pain and the repercussions it had on the rest of his life.

His father had had a bad day and was taking it out on young Severus. He had raped the boy senseless and then beat him. For added pleasure, he decided that his son should have to deal with the pain instead of allowing the pathetic house-elves to give the boy pain numbing potions too soon.

Master Snape, being a dark wizard of substantial power, hit his ten year old son with a curse that would not be detected and therefore, could not easily be removed. It would turn any pain numbing potion or spell against him, making Severus very ill and even increasing the pain. Severus had been in so much pain already, that he hadn't even noticed that a curse had been used. It was only now that he realized one had been used at all.

As Toby continued his assault, Severus' mind shifted. This time he was 15. His father had finally grown tired of him and had given him to a long time friend as a gift. Old Master Malfoy, having no need of a boy, preferring girls, gave Severus to his only son.

Lucius had been thrilled to have his own personal servant while at school, but was not happy to be denied access to his toy after he had graduated. He took his frustrations out on Severus any chance he got. This particular memory was of Lucius sitting back while his friends all took turns brutally raping and beating Severus during a Hogsmeade weekend. That had become one of Lucius' favorite tortures as it not only cause Severus great pain, but humiliation as well.

Severus was barely able to register that Toby had finished with him and was leaving the room. He heard a voice, but couldn't make out the words. Severus screamed within his mind before succumbing to the darkness.



The next time Severus woke fully, Harry Potter was once again sitting next to him. Severus wanted to weep with relief, but wasn't able to do more then look at the youth. He trusted Harry. He knew Harry would never hurt him, never use him.

He had trusted Albus Dumbledore too, but the old fool had dropped Severus as fast as he could when Severus was no longer needed. Given him away to another captor the same way his father had. He should have known better. Albus had always been like a father to him, so why wouldn't he do what Severus' father had done? True, Albus had never raped Severus, but he had used him in other ways.

Severus tried to push the thoughts away as he looked at Harry. Somehow, Severus knew Harry was different. He shifted on the bed and felt his throat give an auditory groan as the pain from his captor renewed itself.

~*~*~

Harry lifted his head from his book when he heard Severus. He looked at Severus curiously, noticing the pained look on the man's face and in his eyes.

"Professor?" he asked. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

It looked for a moment as though his teacher was going to respond, but then the lips closed tightly again with a wince. Harry was sure now. He had thought that Severus had been in pain at other times, but the medi-witches had assured him that Severus was fine physically.

Harry reached out and pulled the blanket down to Severus' waist to get a look at the slim man. Severus didn't react as Harry touched him gently, looking for anything that might be causing pain. All the while, Harry was whispering softly, telling Severus that he wasn't going to hurt him, he just wanted to help. Harry believed that Severus understood what was said, as he didn't protest in anyway like he would have in the first week Harry started visiting.

Harry was about to lower the blanket farther when he heard the door open behind him. He turned to see Toby standing in the door way looking menacing.

"What the hell are you doing?" Toby asked icily. "I told you before, he doesn't like to be touched!"

As Harry began pulling his hands away, glaring at Toby, Severus gave a shrill cry.

"Look what you did! Get away from him before you scare him to death!"

Toby shoved Harry away from the now screaming man. He put his hands on Severus' chest and leaned in to whisper in his ear. Harry didn't hear what was said, but Severus stopped yelling as suddenly as he had started.

Harry could still see the panic in the man's black eyes. He hung his head sadly, guilt weighing him down heavily. Toby was right. Harry should never have touched Severus like that. He had scared the man into a state of panic. He sat down and buried his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Toby said, laying a gentle hand on Harry's shoulder. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. What were you doing, though? You know you can't touch him."

"I thought he was in pain. I was just trying to find out what it was," Harry said dejectedly. "I didn't mean to scare him. I just wanted to help."

Toby was crouched in front of Harry, his hand moved from Harry's shoulder to cup his chin and raised it up to look him in the eye. The cold malice from two nights ago was gone, leaving only concern. Harry was once again drawn to the handsome youth.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Toby repeated. "I'm sorry for scaring you the other night and for being so pushy. I just haven't felt like this for anyone in a long time. And, I'm sorry for yelling at you now. I know you care about him very much, I just don't like seeing him scared like that. I have to keep telling the medi's to leave him alone, too," he laughed.

Harry gave in to the charm and finally smiled. He really did like Toby and he could understand the man's need from a couple of nights ago. Harry realized that Toby hadn't meant to be so rough and demanding.

This time when Toby leaned in to kiss Harry, he didn't pull away, nor was he forced into the kiss. When Severus started screaming again, however, he pulled back fast, staring at Severus inquisitively. Toby quickly turned to the patient and whispered into his ear again. This time Severus would not be calmed, though.

Within moments, two medi-wizards and one medi-witch entered the room and hustled the men out. Harry could hear them talking to Severus, but couldn't make out the words. He was confused. No one was touching Severus when he started screaming again. Harry thought hard about the whole scene and realized that Severus hadn't screamed when Harry was touching him, he only started yelling when Toby had entered the room. Also, he started screaming the second time when Toby had kissed Harry. Harry knew it didn't make sense, but he was getting a strong feeling that Severus didn't like Toby, regardless of the fact that it was Toby who had quieted the panicking man the first time.

Harry waited outside the room until the medi-witch came out. She couldn't tell Harry what had happened, only that he should probably leave. Severus would be sleeping for several hours at least. Harry hung his head and said goodbye to Toby and returned to school.




Entering the Gryffindor common room, Harry threw himself into a vacant chair in front of the fire to think. He replayed the afternoon over and over in his mind. He knew Severus loved him. The Potions master had said so himself the night he took the Deathweed poison. Harry also knew that Severus' screaming the second time must have been out of jealousy from seeing Harry and Toby kissing. Again, he had some hope for Severus coming around.

What had Harry confused was Severus' reaction to Toby entering the room. He was sure that it wasn't his touch that had set the man off. He had touched Severus several times before over the last few weeks without such a reaction. At most, Severus would just pull away from him. He had never shrieked in sheer terror before.

As Hermione and Ron entered the common room with their books, Harry suddenly remembered that his own school books were still sitting in Severus' room at St. Mungo's. With a muttered curse, Harry left the common room, telling his friends he'd be back shortly. He would need those books for class in the morning, it couldn't wait regardless of the fact that the medi-witch had said not to visit again that night.




Approaching Severus' door, Harry could hear a voice. He thought for a moment that Dumbledore was in with Severus, though he usually visited in the morning, not late evening. By this time, most of the patients had already been settled into their beds. Harry was so distracted by his thoughts, that he automatically opened the door without knocking. He was about to apologize to whoever was in there with Severus, when he was stopped dead in his tracks by the sight that met him.

Severus was on his back, his face towards Harry, legs pressed to his naked chest. Harry looked up in horror at Toby who was kneeling behind Severus, grunting as he thrust hard into the upturned arse. Harry could see blood trickling down Severus' buttocks and a small pool was evident on the white sheets.

Harry looked into Severus' eyes and saw... nothing. His precious teacher was completely blank, void of anything. It took Harry a moment to collect himself, before he could react. Toby, noticing his audience turned to him with an evil grin.

"Harry! How nice of you to join us. You can take a turn in a moment." Toby was laughing. "Sev has an awesome arse... but then, you probably knew that already."

Harry could feel the rage burning in his chest as he pulled his wand from his robe. Never had he wanted to kill someone as much as he wanted to kill Toby now for violating Severus. He saw how violently Toby was now penetrating the catatonic man and was about to utter the Avada Kedavra curse, when Severus suddenly cried out, his eyes fixed on Harry.

"Stupify!" Harry yelled loud enough for the curse to echo through the halls of the quiet hospital. He watched as Toby fell forward onto Severus' chest.

As medi-witches and wizards rushed into the room, Harry ran to Severus' bedside. He gently pulled Toby's prone body off and dumped him onto the floor. Severus had stopped screaming by now and watched Harry through tear filled eyes. Harry whispered softly to him, his voice shaking as much as his hands as he wrapped a blanket around Severus' battered body.

Ignoring the staff completely, Harry picked Severus up and started for the door. He only stopped long enough to warn the medi-wizard blocking his way to move before Harry used his wand again, his eyes flashing dangerously. Harry proceeded to carry Severus through the hospital, not caring about the protests from the staff, until he reached a spot where he could use his portkey. They were transported back to Dumbledore's office.

*****

Breathing hard and still filled with anger, all Harry could do was growl at the headmaster to get out of his way. He allowed Dumbledore to follow him through the corridors towards the dungeons.

They were half way to Severus' chambers when Sirius yelled to Harry in surprise. He gave Dumbledore a questioning glance then looked back to his godson. Harry was very pale and seemed ready to collapse. Sirius was extremely curious about why Harry was carrying Snape, who looked a lot worse than Harry, but knew this wasn't the time for questions.

"Harry, give him to me," Sirius nodded towards Snape. He was surprised when Harry actually let him take hold of the injured man. He was even more surprised by the blood he saw on Harry's robe as he lifted Snape away from him. He looked down in horror at his former colleague. He turned to take his burden to the infirmary.

"No!" Harry called out. "Take him to his rooms."

"Harry, Snape needs medical care. He needs to be in a hospital."

"He got those injuries in a hospital!" Harry was becoming angry again, his eyes flashing dangerously. Sirius just shook his head and sighed, moving towards the stairs leading into the dungeons.

As Harry started coming down from his adrenaline high, he began to shake and felt weak in the knees. He was very grateful for Sirius' timing and for offering to take Severus. As they walked, Harry felt a hand rest lightly on his shoulder. He turned his head and saw Dumbledore's sad eyes watching him.

Again, Harry felt guilty for how he had treated Dumbledore over the last several weeks about Severus. Harry had been cold and distant with him. He blamed Professor Dumbledore for sending Severus away. He wanted to blame him now for the pain Severus was in, but looking at the devastation in the man's face, Harry couldn't blame him at all.

Being so late in the evening, the halls were bare of students and even most of the ghosts had settled for the night. As they reached the lower levels, however, Sirius was stopped by Peeves blocking the way. He hated the feeling one got from walking through a ghost so he growled at the prankster to get out of the way.

Peeves was staring at Severus, his eyes wide in fear. "What's happened to my poor Sevvie?" he asked in a high-pitched squeal.

"Well, obviously he's been hurt! Now, get out of the bloody way so we can get him to his chambers!" Sirius snapped irritably. Everyone knew the high-spirited poltergeist liked the snarky Potions Master. It was obvious by the way he constantly hovered near Severus, always trying to joke with him, to make him smile. It was never understood why Severus tolerated him, but he did.

Peeves reached out as if to touch Severus' face. Harry had never seen a ghost go pale before, but he was sure Peeves had done just that. Peeves backed slowly to the wall, his vacant eyes never leaving Severus' white face. Harry believed the un-dead man was on the verge of tears. As Peeves got out of the way, Sirius hiked Severus more firmly into his grasp and moved on.

As they reached the door to Severus' personal chambers, Dumbledore stepped up and waved his wand. The door opened with a squeak and sizzle of lowering wards. Sirius headed straight for Severus' bedroom with Harry right behind. When Dumbledore reached for the floo powder, a small fire starting in the large fireplace, Sirius called over his shoulder.

"Get Remy down here, too."

Dumbledore nodded and called for Madame Pomfrey, the school's medi-witch, then woke Sirius' lover, Remus. That done, he entered the bedroom to see if there was anything he could do.

Sirius had placed Severus on the large bed and was proceeding to unwrap him from the blood stained sheet as gently as he could. Harry had thought Severus was unconscious the whole time, but now he could see the empty cobalt eyes staring straight forward. He stepped up to the bed and tenderly touched a cold cheek. Harry sighed softly, closing his eyes, as he felt tears slide down his own heated cheeks.

Sirius had just managed to get Severus untangled when he heard a gasp from the doorway. He looked up and saw Madame Pomfrey with her hand over her mouth and tears in her shocked eyes. He turned back to Severus, shaking his head sadly. It was perfectly clear what had been done to him. There was a lot of blood leaking down from between his legs, and finger shaped bruises on his hips and throat. While he had never particularly liked Severus, he certainly didn't hate the man the way everyone thought. Seeing him like this nearly broke Sirius' heart. No one should ever be violated in such a way.

As Pomfrey approached the bed, Sirius stepped back to let her work. He felt warm arms wrap around his chest. He closed his eyes and leaned into his lover's embrace, his fingers gripping Remus Lupin's arms tightly. He couldn't see Remus' face, but could feel the racing heart beating against his back. He knew Remus would be as shaken, if not more so, by Severus' appearance as he was. Remus and Severus had had a tentative friendship for several years already. Not particularly close, but enough to have made Sirius jealous on occasion.

Severus was gently rolled onto his back, revealing more bruises that seemed to be older as they were beginning to heal already. Pomfrey didn't say a word as she slowly drew her wand over the still body. As if feeling the weight of four pairs of eyes on her, she slowly turned to the captivated audience and addressed them.

"I don't think it's appropriate for everyone to be in here watching. Get out!" Pomfrey knew Severus would not like being the center of attention like this, nor was she comfortable being watched.

"I'm not leaving him," Harry whispered with defiance. Pomfrey's eyes soften briefly as she nodded.

"We'll wait in the other room," Remus said as he steered a reluctant Sirius towards the door. Dumbledore merely followed silently.

The three men sat silently waiting, each lost in his own thoughts. Dumbledore sat in one of the two large armchairs in front of the fireplace, staring into the flickering flames. Remus was on the sofa with Sirius, his head in Sirius' lap. Sirius was lazily stroking the hair off Remus' forehead, lulling him to sleep. Remus bolted upright at the soft sound of the bedroom door closing behind Madame Pomfrey.

"They're both asleep," she said quietly to the inquiring faces. Pomfrey held her hand up to stop the flow of questions she could see coming. Remus steered her over to the couch and sat her down. Exhaustion was clear in her eyes. She took a deep, calming breath before talking.

"Severus was sexually assaulted as I'm sure you've all guessed. It wasn't just tonight, either, judging by the scarring and bruises. It appears that whoever was doing it was trying to heal him with mild first-aid spells, presumably to hide the fact." Pomfrey took another steadying breath.

"The physical damage is relatively minor. He'll heal well enough. It's the emotional impact that has me worried. He wasn't well to begin with, and I'm afraid this will set him so much farther back."

Only now did Dumbledore speak, his voice weighed down by guilt and sorrow. "I never should have sent him away. This is my fault entirely." He turned his back to the room as his shoulders heaved in silent sobs.

Remus walked up to him and took him into a tight embrace, letting the old wizard finally release himself to the tears and pain he'd been feeling for months. He held on firmly as his mentor and friend leaned weakly into him, his hands rubbing soothing circles over Dumbledore's back. They stood like that for several minutes until Sirius finally broke the strained silence.

"What about Harry? Is he okay?"

Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Yes, Mr. Potter will be fine. He's obviously quite shaken by the incident, but he's sleeping without aid. He'll probably have more nightmares, but those should fade in time."

"Ok," Sirius said, "then what are we to do about Severus? Does he stay here now, or do we find somewhere else for him?"

Remus settled Dumbledore back into the chair, but stayed standing by his side. He looked at Sirius sadly, not knowing what to do.

"I won't send him away again," Dumbledore stated with so much conviction, no one was about to argue. "I'll take care of him right here."

"You can't, Albus. You have no more time to devote to Severus than I have," said Pomfrey with as much conviction. Albus Dumbledore was old and feeling it. She knew he couldn't possibly give Severus the care he would need, no matter how much he wanted to.

"We'll do it," Sirius volunteered. "If Remy agrees, we'll move into the dungeons with Snape. We can take turns watching over him, and Harry and Albus can be here whenever they like. You can even find a replacement for one of us and we can share the position that's left."

Remus beamed with pride at his lover. He walked over to Sirius and gave him a big kiss. "That's a fantastic idea, sweetheart. I agree completely!"

Dumbledore and Pomfrey nodded in agreement as well. "Good. I'll go over some of the things you'll need to know, tomorrow. For now, everyone go get some rest. I'll stay here tonight," Pomfrey said as she ushered the men out the door.

~*~*~


Harry rose slowly from sleep. He was disoriented at first, his mind swimming through a dense fog. He could tell without opening his eyes that he wasn't in Gryffindor Tower or his room at the Dursley's, the bed he was in was far too soft. He sniffed the air, but it was much different than the infirmary as there wasn't the familiar scent of healing and cleaning potions. The air smelled... different... strangely familiar, but he couldn't place it.

Finally, Harry gave in to wakefulness and opened his eyes. The room was dim, lit only by a small fire in the corner. His blurred vision was just able to make out a tiny table next to the bed. He squinted at it and noticed his glasses neatly set on top. As he reached for them, sitting up, Harry was startled by movement beside him on the bed. He grabbed his glasses, putting them in place as he turned to see who was next to him.

Harry looked into Severus Snape's pale face and shuddered as the memories of the previous night came flooding back. His eyes began to sting and water as he reached out and touched Severus' white cheeks. Suddenly the anger stampeded back in, filling Harry with a rage that nearly blinded him with its intensity. Harry had never felt such hatred, even for Voldemort, as he was feeling for Toby right now. Looking at Severus' pained face, Harry regretted not using the Avada Kedavra curse when he had the chance.

Harry's heart was racing as though he had just played the toughest Quidditch game of his life, but felt it stop completely as Severus' eyes fluttered open and looked at him. For the briefest moment, Harry thought Severus was really seeing him, then Severus' eyes went blank again and Harry could see there was no recognition in them. Harry sighed heavily.

"Good morning, Professor," he said as he pulled his hand back from the man's face.

"Good morning, Harry."

Harry nearly jumped out of his skin before he realized the greeting had come from the doorway. Harry looked up at his godfather with his hand over his heart.

"Bloody hell, Siri! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, Harry. I brought you some tea." Sirius set the tray he was carrying on the little table next to Harry's side of the large bed. He pulled up a chair and sat watching Harry closely. The lines of worry were etched deeply on Harry's young face.

Harry absently took the cup of tea and sandwich Sirius offered him, his eyes never leaving Severus' face. Sirius could see that Harry had been crying and was close to doing so again. He wanted desperately to comfort the young man, but didn't know how.

"Are they going to send him away again?" Harry asked so softly, it took Sirius' well trained ears to catch.

"No, Harry. Severus is staying right here." Sirius smiled at Harry's confused look. "It was decided last night. Remus is in our rooms packing right now. He and I are going to move into the dungeon to take care of him. You can visit whenever you like."

Harry threw himself into Sirius' startled arms. Sirius could feel him sobbing with relief as he patted Harry's back soothingly. He held on tight as his godson released all his pent up tension. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Severus watching them and wondered just how catatonic the man really was. Maybe Harry would be able to draw the terrified man out of this state, after all.


~*~*~*~


In the weeks following Severus Snape's return to Hogwarts, very little had changed. He was still catatonic, refusing to acknowledge anyone's presence. Harry Potter still visited him daily, as did Albus Dumbledore, and Remus Lupin and Sirius Black remained at Severus' side where they had stationed themselves. Everyone refused to give up on the man they knew was still inside.

It was now just two weeks until Harry's graduation. He had accepted an apprenticeship to the Defense Against the Dark Arts. That was what Harry had wanted for a long time and the fact that it would keep him at Hogwarts for at least a couple more years, only made it that much more appealing. In just two years, he would be able to take his masters exam and become a teacher. Harry wouldn't have to leave his precious Potions Master.

Harry's dreams of late had taken an interesting turn. His usual nightmares were being replaced by something much more exotic and erotic. For over a week, Harry was dreaming about being with Severus on a beautiful island. It was calm and serene. There was no danger there, only a sense of pure love and happiness, and always, Severus was there beside him, a gentle smile lighting his tanned face.

Harry would wake slowly from these dreams and turn over to see Severus looking at him. No one had questioned it when Harry started sleeping next to Severus. It seemed a natural thing to everyone. After all, Harry was the only one that was able to touch Severus. It was left to Harry to attend to Severus' physical needs, giving him sponge baths and the like. Harry certainly didn't mind. It made him feel useful and gave him hope every time Severus didn't object to his touch.

Severus' own dreams seemed to have calmed down since leaving St. Mungo's, as well. He no longer thrashed about on the bed, nor was he talking in his sleep. Harry took this as a positive sign. He knew sending Severus to the wizard hospital was a bad idea, but he hadn't realized just how much worse it had made him.

While Severus wasn't exactly alert, Harry had seen him on several occasions quietly observing the goings on around him. Harry was certain, too, that Severus was listening intently while Harry told him about his island dreams. Harry wished desperately that the man would give him some sort of sign that he was *really* listening, but he just watched Harry with his cool dark eyes.

Harry had quit the Quidditch team when Severus had first gotten ill. Harry wanted to be with the Potions Master as much as possible so he didn't have time for the team. He hadn't really missed it, but now that Severus was back at Hogwarts, Harry found himself restless and needing something to do.

Ron and Ginny wanted to practice before the final game of Ron's Hogwarts career and they invited Harry to join them. Harry was grateful for the distraction. He'd been worrying about Severus, and his NEWTs, so much that he'd almost forgotten how to have fun. It wasn't until he was knocked off his broom by a well aimed Bludger from Ron, that Harry remembered how dangerous the game could be, as well as fun.

Sirius, who had been watching the practice, ran to Harry's side. He quickly checked Harry over and discovered that Harry's left leg was broken and it appeared that he had a mild concussion. The young wizard was dazed, but conscious. Shaking his head, Sirius picked him up and headed towards the castle, followed closely by Ron and Ginny.

"Ginny," Sirius said, "would you go get Madame Pomfrey and have her meet us in the dungeons, please?" The 16 year old girl ran off to find the school's medi-witch. He looked down at his godson and shook his head again with a smile. "And here I thought you were so good on a broom. Even my mother could have avoided that bludger!" He laughed as Harry's growled turned into a moan.

He was still laughing as they entered the chambers Sirius was now sharing with Remus, Harry, and Severus. He rolled his eyes and shook his head at his lover's questioning look. Remus stood up from his place in front of the fire and opened the door to Severus' bedroom so Sirius could lay Harry on the bed.

When they walked in, Severus, who was laying on his side facing the door, looked up. Sirius saw Severus' eyes follow him through the room. He was just about to set Harry on what had become his side of the bed, when Severus suddenly sat upright. Severus' eyes were wide, his breathing fast and shallow, and he was trembling. Sirius was shocked. Severus hadn't shown this much vivaciousness since he was first taken to St. Mungo's so long ago.

Setting the semi-conscious Harry down gingerly, Sirius kept his eyes on Severus. He watched as Severus reached out one long fingered hand and lightly touched Harry's face. He heard Remus and Ron gasp from behind him, but astutely ignored them. He was afraid to move or make a sound that would scare Severus back into his shell.

"What's going on?!" Madame Pomfrey yelled from the outer room. Severus screamed and rolled off the bed, and under it. Remus and Ron bowed their heads sadly, while Sirius began to curse under his breath. Harry's eyes had popped open and he was staring around the room wondering where all the noise was coming from.

"Why wasn't Mr. Potter taken to the infirmary?" the Medi-witch yelled as she rushed into the bedroom. "And where is Severus?"

"He's under the bed." Sirius was having a hard time reigning in his temper.

"What the hell's he doing there?"

"Cowering, I should think. You see, *someone* yelled rather *LOUDLY* and it seems to have frightened the poor man!"

"Don't be daft! Severus isn't coherent enough to notice someone yelling," she waved her hand dismissively as she began checking Harry's injuries.

"Not coherent enough!? What do you mean not coherent enough?! You should have seen how he reacted when I brought Harry in!" Sirius was trying to keep his voice down, but was having a difficult time of it. His voice was raising even as his anger was.

"Mr. Black, kindly keep your voice down. There's no need to shout. As for Severus, he is catatonic. He doesn't know what's going on in the least."

Remus grabbed his enraged lover's arm and dragged him from the room, Ron bringing up the rear. Once into the living room with the bedroom door shut, Remus let him go. Sirius began such a tirade of colorful commentary, that would make even the shop keepers of Knockturn Alley blush.

After several minutes, Madame Pomfrey exited the room. She informed the three men that Harry had a broken leg which was now mending and a slight concussion, just as Sirius had already diagnosed. She said that no one should disturb him for at least an hour, but then to check on him frequently. Sirius growled at her and entered the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

Sirius stood just inside the door and listened until he heard the medi-witch leave. Once he had calmed down, he quietly approached the bed. Harry was sleeping peacefully, but Severus wasn't in sight. He slowly bent down and peered under the bed. Severus was curled into a tight ball, his tear stained face just visible in the light from the fireplace. When Sirius tried to reach out to him, Severus whimpered and pulled away.

"Well, I guess we'll have to wait for Harry to get you out," he said sadly. He felt awful for the once proud professor. He had been so close to breaking that shell. He had actually, finally reached out to someone. Now it seemed, he was right back where he started.


~*~*~*~


Four hours later, Harry was just waking up and Severus was still hidden under the bed. When Harry realized Severus wasn't in the bed with him, he became frantic. Remus heard him from the other room and came rushing in. He explained exactly what had happened and that Severus was still under the bed.

Harry was thrilled that Severus had reacted so much to seeing him injured. Leaning gingerly over the side of the bed, Harry looked under and immediately locked gazes with the one he loved. Harry smiled brightly and reached out his hand. He wasn't at all surprised when Severus took it in his own cold, bony hand. Harry gave just enough of a tug to indicate that he wanted Severus to come forward, which he did without hesitation.

As Severus emerged from under the bed, Remus turned and left quietly. Harry, stilling holding Severus' hand, urged him onto the bed beside him. Once there, Harry laid down with his arms tightly around Severus.

He nuzzled his face into the back of Severus' neck and whispered "I love you." Harry couldn't be sure, but as he drifted back into sleep, he thought he heard his name.

~*~*~*~

Harry woke slowly. He stretched his legs and inhaled deeply. He could smell the citrus from the shampoo he used on Severus' hair, and smiled, tightening his arms around the still form laying next to him.

"I had the most amazing dream, Sev," he whispered into the back of Severus' warm neck. "There was so much more detail then before. It was so real, so beautiful. This island, this sanctuary, was bathed in golden light all day, everyday. The sun shone even through the rain, making the rain feel like liquid sunshine. At night you couldn't possibly count the stars as there were millions and millions of them.

"The trees were as tall as the highest peeks of the castle, all filled with coconuts and ripe fruits. The ground beneath our feet was covered with multi-colored flowers, scenting the entire island with a light floral smell. The beach was a blanket of warm soft sand where we could lay for hours, talking, making love, just being together. There was a lagoon just through the trees where we could swim, the water always just the right temperature.

"The animals on the island were peaceful and tame. They moved about us as though we were merely an extension of the island, not a threat to them, therefore, not a threat by them. They were beautiful and exotic. Brightly colored birds, chattering monkeys, finely detailed snakes and lizards, not-so-wild boars, and even a few pure white unicorns.

"And the feeling, Sev! It was incredible. So peaceful and serene. There was no sense of danger, no lingering fears, only joy and love. Laying beside you on that beach, I'd never felt so complete in my life! Oh, how I wish it could be real! But even if we only ever visit it in my dreams, at least we've had that much together."

Harry sighed contentedly and pulled Severus closer. He still hadn't opened his eyes, afraid that he would lose the vision if he did. He could feel Severus' uneven breathing and quick heart beat. Harry wondered for a moment if he was holding too tight and making Severus nervous. He loosened his arms slightly and pulled back just a little, but refused to let go.

"We need a name for this island. I never dreamed of its name," he said softly.

"Tearmann," came the soft reply.

"Tearmann? What is Tearmann?" As Harry asked, it began to dawn on him that Severus had spoken. He pulled his arms away slowly, gently, and sat up staring at Severus. Severus turned and looked up at Harry, his eyes still a little glassy, but not vacant like they had been.

"Tearmann is the Gaelic word for 'sanctuary'." Severus' voice was dry and scratchy, but was the sweetest sound Harry had ever heard. Harry's own voice was caught in his throat so he couldn't speak. He reached out and caressed one pale cheek, watching as Severus closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Harry leaned forward and when their lips were just a hair width apart, whispered "I love you," before pressing their lips together.

As they kissed, Harry's heart soaring, he felt Severus' hands touch his back and linger there. Even though Severus' skin was cool to the touch, his lips were warm and gentle. He felt Severus pull back a little, so gave room for them to breath.

"I love you, too, Harry," Severus whispered across Harry's lips.

~*~*~