Love Me, Love My Car

DISCLAIMER: All HP characters belong to JK, Warner, Scholastic, etc. etc. I merely have fun with them. No offense is intended.

A/N: '72 Chevy Impalas are huge cars, and not entirely what most people would consider to be attractive. Just a weird little story idea that hit me one Sunday afternoon after I bumped my funny bone on my own Impala while cleaning out the garage. They really DO have huge backseats......

Beta'd by Evil Auntie Snape. Thanks, Luv!


~~~~~~~~~LOVE ME, LOVE MY CAR~~~~~~~~~~~


Draco stood in the gavel with his arms crossed petulantly across his chest. Harry had dragged him out of his favorite chair in front of the fire to see something in the old carriage house. It was freezing outside. And he had left his brandy in the house. Sighing, he watched impatiently as Harry charmed open the lock on the huge wooden doors, swinging one of them open with a distressed creak.

"Well, there she is. What do you think? Cool, huh?"

Harry positively beamed as he moved to stand next to Draco, leaning against him and crossing his arms as well.

Draco's eyes went wide as he took in the huge, dark blue monstrosity that was now filling up more than one half of the carriage house. He looked at Harry, shooting his lover the most withering Malfoy stare he could muster. It was completely lost on Harry, however, who only had eyes for his new toy.

Draco took a step forward, snorting.

"What in Merlin's tits is that? And why is it in our carriage house?"

Harry tore his gaze away from his latest acquisition, a look of puzzlement crossing his face.

"What do you mean, 'what is it'? Really, Draco, sometimes I think that you don't pay any attention to me at all."

Draco rolled his eyes.

"Of course I pay attention to you, love. I recall you talking about it, but I had no idea you were serious about actually buying this, this, automobile."

Draco said the last word as if it pertained to some sort of dreaded disease. Harry looked up at him, frowning.

"This isn't just an automobile," he said, mockingly imitating Draco's pronunciation, "It's a 1972 Chevrolet Impala convertible. 454 V-8 engine, Rochester four barrel carburetor, true dual exhaust, Turbo-Hydromatic 400 transmission, totally numbers-matching and factory original. She's relatively rare. Only 6,425 were produced, only 900 with the 454 option, and '72 was the last year for the convertible Impala."

Harry finished triumphantly, his smile fading as it met Draco's raised eyebrows. The former Slytherin was staring at him as if he had suddenly grown Cornish pixies out of his ears.

"If you think that I understood a single thing you just said, you've finally gone off the trolley."

Shaking his head, Draco approached the car warily, as if it would somehow attack him at any moment.

"What on earth are you going to do with this thing?" he drawled, kicking one of the huge, white-lettered tires

Harry leapt towards Draco, gently pushing him away from the car.

"Hey, take it easy. You'll scuff the lettering!"

Harry bent over to examine the tire for damage.

Draco had to work to stifle his laughter. Harry could be so straight, sometimes!

Completing his examination of the kicked tire, Harry stood up, wiping his hands together.

"Well, it looks OK, I guess. Merlin, Draco, show a little respect, yeah? This is a classic car. Do you know how hard it was to find one in this condition? It took Fred and George months."

Draco harrumphed loudly, shaking his head and staring up at the rafters.

"I should have known those Weasleys would have had something to do with this. I'm going to have to speak to Father and see about having their vendor's license revoked."

Those blasted red-headed twins had been responsible for assisting Harry in filling Malfoy Manor with all sorts of Muggle contraptions. Draco had known that Harry was partial to Muggle devices, having spent his childhood in a Muggle household, but nothing had prepared the Slytherin for this. It had started with Black's old motorcycle. Draco was skeptical of it at first, but once he got used to riding on it, he actually enjoyed it. In addition, riding the cycle afforded them with yet another excuse to wear tight, black leathers. Anything that put his lovely Gryffindor into a pair of arse-hugging leather trousers was fine by Draco.

But then the other things began appearing about the house. The kitchen was bursting with Muggle kitchen gadgets. The house elves were frightened of most of them. Then there were all of the audio and video devices. Harry had filled the parlor with an entirely unattractive video screen. There were various components that apparently just had to go with it. Cords and wires snaked everywhere. Harry had insisted on using Muggle electricity to power all of the junk. He had earnestly explained to Draco that power charms caused audible interference with the ADD player or whatever it was called. So for the first time ever, Malfoy Manor had been wired for electricity. Draco insisted that the offending utility poles and wires be rendered invisible.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Draco looked back at his lover. Harry had leaned down by the front fender of the car. He was squinting along the top edge of it, his face against the metal.

"What, pray tell, are you doing?"

Harry stood back up, gently running a hand across the surface of the fender.

"Oh, I just thought I saw a few imperfections in the finish. Just a trick of the light, though."

Draco was staring at him. Harry put his hands on his hips.

"What?"

"I have just one pertinent question: Why?"

It was Harry's turn to roll his eyes.

"Why not? After the hell I went through defeating Riddle, you'd begrudge me a little enjoyment? I think I've wanted one of these ever since I first saw an Impala in one of Dudley's muscle car magazines. Besides, I never say a word about your stupid egg collection."

Draco blinked as if he had been slapped. His mouth worked silently for a moment as he uncrossed his arms, one hand pointing a finger at his lover.

"I'll have you know that Faberge Eggs are considered to be works of art, and most certainly they are not stupid! I hope that you aren't trying to say that this ugly hunk of Muggle steel is in any way comparable to my beautiful eggs!"

Harry had been rocking his head back and forth during Draco's tirade, moving his lips silently, mimicking Draco's every word. The former Slytherin raised an eyebrow, growling slightly at his lover.

Harry turned away to hide his grin.

"OK, Miss Egg Thing, I know this car isn't an art piece, but it's every bit as collectible as your eggs are. There are very few of these vehicles left in existence. Especially in this condition, and with the options that it has. It's fully functional. And she is not ugly!"

Harry reached out and took Draco's hand, pulling him towards the huge car.

"Here, take a look inside. It's nearly perfect."

Harry opened the large driver's door, which had to weigh at least one hundred pounds. Draco peered inside, wrinkling his nose as if he were inspecting a skrewt breeding pen. After a quick glance he stood up, schooling his features into the most aloof expression possible.

"I hate to tell you this, Harry, but this thing is faulty. The steering wheel is on the wrong side. No wonder Fred and George were able to get it for you. It's obviously a second."

Harry stared at Draco, a huge smile spreading across his face.

"That's one of the reasons I love you, Draco Malfoy. You're so damn full of yourself!"

He reached up and kissed Draco briefly, pulling him back towards the Impala.

"The steering wheel is on the left hand side because this is an American car. It's not faulty. That's the way it's supposed to be. Just look here. The vinyl seat covers are flawless."

Harry gestured to the shiny black upholstery covering the seats.

Draco scrunched up his face.

"Vinyl? Oh, how very luxurious."

"The seats are vinyl because the top goes down, Draco, a practical feature. They wipe up easier if they get wet. Really, if you're going to be like this, I'll just go back into the house. At least Sev was genuinely interested when I showed him this morning."

Harry put on a very bad copy of a hurt expression. Draco blew out a breath.

"Really? I'm sure he was just being diplomatic. Is he coming back for dinner this evening?"

Scowling, Harry crossed his arms.

"Yes, he'll be here for dinner. He was going to the Apothecary in Diagon Alley, so I asked him to pick up a package for me at Fred and George's."

After a pause, Harry continued, staring off into space.

"And he was sincerely interested in my car, despite what you think."

Draco sighed and leaned on his husband's shoulder.

"Fine, fine, just get on with the tour so we can get back inside. I'm getting cold."

Harry brightened immediately.

"OK, now really, Draco, look at all these options. AM-FM Stereo radio, air conditioning, electric windows, very rare option, ya know, and look here, tilt steering column, and six-way power front seat! Isn't it brilliant?"

Harry's smile faded somewhat as he noticed Draco's wide eyed gaze.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" Harry asked warily.

Draco was smiling broadly.

"For Merlin's sake, Harry, you have a hard-on!"

Harry blushed deep red in an instant.

"I do not!"

He tried to pull his t-shirt down over his obviously bulging jeans.

Draco chuckled.

"You most certainly do have a stiffy, my dear. Right when you said tilt column and six-way power seat. I saw it!"

The taller Wizard moved closer to his partner, slowly grazing his hand over the increasingly large lump in Harry's jeans. Draco nibbled at the shell of Harry's ear, whole his other hand ghosted over the smooth, tight surface of Harry's stomach. The former Gryffindor arched back slightly, pressing his arse into Draco's own stiffening cock. Draco moved to Harry's neck, kissing and licking his way down to his lover's collarbone. Harry tilted his head slightly to the side to allow Draco better access. Harry moaned softly as Draco nibbled at his sensitive skin.

Draco increased the speed and pressure on Harry's now fully erect, jean-clad prick. The shorter Wizard swayed his hips side to side, grinding his arse into his husband's groin. Draco whimpered, responding by biting down firmly on Harry's neck. Harry yelped in pleasure, pulling away and turning to face Draco. Reaching up, he captured his lover's bottom lip, returning the love bite he had just received.

Draco's breath was becoming more ragged as he fumbled to unfasten Harry's jeans. Jerking the button-fly open, Draco reached inside Harry's underwear, curling his fingers around the Gryffindor's hot, throbbing erection. Harry moaned loudly as Draco played with the slit on the head of Harry's cock, teasing the opening with his thumb. Harry jerked, momentarily breaking the kiss. He scrabbled at Draco's fly, yanking the zipper down and sliding his hand inside to grab his husband's own hardness.

They kissed wildly, both of their tongues struggling to probe each other's mouths as deeply as possible. They swallowed each other's ecstatic moans as they furiously stroked each other off. When Draco sensed that Harry was nearing release, he broke away and knelt down on his knees, quickly taking the head of Harry's prick into his mouth. Draco pushed his lover's jeans down over his hips and cupped Harry's balls, kneading them gently while his tongue tortured Harry's cock mercilessly.

The Gryffindor arched his back, gasping and wailing Draco's name as he came, shooting his hot seed down his husband's throat. Draco swallowed eagerly, never ceasing his ministrations. With a final caress of Harry's rapidly wilting prick, Draco stood up, licking his lips with abandon. Harry was panting, a thin sheen of sweat coating his forehead. Harry leaned up, kissing Draco, capturing the faintest remnants of his own flavour on his lover's lips.

Draco smiled as Harry pulled away and buttoned his fly. The Slytherin was still rock hard.

"You know, Harry, it seems I was a bit hasty in my judgment over the usefulness of this, uh, car. Considering the effect that it has upon you, by all means acquire as many of them as you want."

Harry smirked.

"I haven't even showed you how big the back seat is yet."

Draco's eyebrows shot up into his hairline as he gestured towards the Impala's interior.

"Perhaps we should inspect it for defects. Immediately!"

Harry wagged his eyebrows. "I thought you'd never ask!"


~~~~~~~~~~


Snape strode across the gravel towards the carriage house. He could see that one of the doors was ajar, and that there was a faint light emanating from inside.

Sighing loudly, he adjusted the large package he was carrying.

Bloody Potter! Some people never change! No consideration for others whatsoever!

Snape now regretted offering to pick up the package for Malfoy's other half at the Weasley twins shop. Why in Circe he even bothered was beyond him. It hadn't been much of a surprise to find no sign of either young Wizard in the house when he arrived for dinner. After nearly a half-hour surrounded by nervous house elves, Snape had pried the couple's location out of the terrified kitchen elf.

What in Merlin were they doing in the carriage house at this hour?

Moving through the open door, all Snape could see was that ugly American car that Potter had just acquired. Looking closely, he noticed something odd about the windows.

They were completely fogged.

Rolling his eyes, Snape strode up to the car and yanked the driver's door open.

Draco and Potter were both naked, stretched out on the huge backseat. Draco was on top, his head buried in the spot between Potter's neck and shoulders. He was asleep. Potter was gently stroking Draco's back. He grinned widely.

"Hi, Severus. We were testing out the backseat."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Indeed."

He held up the plain paper package.

"I have your, what is it?"

Peering at the label for a moment, Snape paused.

"I have your Turtle Wax."

Harry snickered softly.

"Thanks, Sev, but we used a charm instead."