Half Pain

Author: Kaworu aka Severus Snape

Genre: Songfic, fluff, shounenai

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Harry/Draco
Date written: 2001
Translated: 2002

Disclaimer: Not mine. Alas. These guys belong to their respectful owners.

Tatoeba dokomade modorebaii? Oshiete

Subete wa Itami wo tomonauhodo azayaka

How far back should I have to go? Tell me.

Everything is so painfully vivid.

Draco walked along deserted street on London outskirts urged by gusts of cold wind and burning sharp drops of autumn rain. Though, he wasn't at all interested in anything of his surroundings... He was too deep inside his own mind.

Everything is too obvious... now, when it's too late to change anything. When there's nothing ahead... In the final analysis it is of none importance if he left the Dark Lord or stayed with him. There's nothing ahead...

Some times psychologically broken man wins over himself, becomes stronger, revives himself... And sometimes, maybe most often, the broken spirit just dies, leaving nothing at all. Not even pain giving an illusion of life. Just emptiness... Black and transparent at the same time, like vakuum... And it is of none importance anymore where are you and what's happening.

Though, something was still there... A ghost of distant feeling, like a fading star somewhere in far-away galaxy, crying about it's hopelessness and hoping that there will be a lost ship that lost it's way... anyone to share her last millenniums.

The star winked trying to attract the traveler lost in vakuum, he slowly opened empty grey eyes and blinked thoughtlessly.

"Hello, star. You're dying... like me".

The star winked sadly. A light smile touched Draco's lips.

"Do you recognise me?" - the star winked.

Draco clsed his eyes. And after some moments of absolute motionlessness he opened them again:

"Yes, I do".

Hontou wa Wakeaerumono nantenaikara furikaeranakatta

The truth is, we couldn't understand each other,

So I left and didn't look back

The star winked silently:

"You left".

"I know".

"You could change everything".

"No".

The star was lit by sad green light like...

fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru

I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate

Itsukano Kagayaki suteta

Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou

Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being

I never carry out my promises

So long ago, I threw away my brightness

And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

Emerald eyes. Sorrow and doom. Doom of being the one they want him to be.

Draco closed his eyes embraced by the light.

He might hate these eyes till his last breath, it was all he could hold on to... But hatered faded when met sorrow. Sorrow and doom... Bright light of hatered dyed, gave up to soft green light...

Draco opened his eyes. Somewhere far away another star appeared.

Tsumetai kokoro no soba ni iruyo Kogoete

Tsuzuki wa kobamenaikurai hora asahaka

It lies beside this cold heart, frozen

So completely mindless that it persists forever

Little flash of warm light. Draco reached out for it tryinf to spot it and maybe even to get warm... The star pulled him in obidiently embracing the frozen spirit.

"Who are you?" - Draco asked trying to dissolve in the warmth.

The star smiled softly:

"Don't you know it?"

"I know", - Draco closed his eyes sinking into warm combination of simpathy/compassion/sorrow/understanding/realization...

"This is useless", - he mumbeled.

The star smiled softly embracing him.

Kitsukazu ni kaketa kanjou hiroi atsumete

Yurushi wo motometara Numbly,

I gather the remnants of my emotions,

And searching for redemption, I...

Draco melted into the star slowly turning to reality. Draco winced from piercing cold but now he had his inner source of warmth. He looked at his watch and went to the nearest pay telephone.

He looked through the directory, found the address he needed and smiled gently:

- Hello, star...

In some hours he was walking up the stairs sorting out everything he wanted to do.

"It can't be worse, right?" - he smiled to the star within himself.

The star winked confirmingly.

fall into a light sleep Hitori no yoru ni

I'm beginning to learn kanashimi no shikumi

Anata no Nukumori kakushi

Afuredeta sonoyami ni obieru

Fall into a light sleep, on a lonely night

I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow

The hiding away of your warm presence

Makes me fear the overflowing darkness.

- What the devil brings anyone here? - displeased vioce said from the door.

The door opened and there stood dishevelled Harry Potter in utter shock from the fact that near his door stood soaked Draco Malfoy displaying absolute peace on his face if something nervous that was replaced quickly by his trademark smirk.

Draco slipped past the shocked flat's owner, threw off his soaked coat and settled himself on a couch in a living room.

Harry (at last!) closed his mouth (and door) and settled himself in an armchair across his guest looking at him suspiciously.

Draco sighed trying to put in order his thoughts. I wasn't as easy as he expected... Well... Harry didn't send him out and that was encouraging.

- I... - Draco stopped not knowing what to say. It wasn't easy at all...

Harry waited patiently for Draco to gather his thoughts.

Draco sighed havily, he disided that words weren't of much help. He rose from the couch slowly, bent over Harry and kissed him entrusting that simple motion everything he felt and wanted to say: endless sorrow of absolute emptiness, depressive craving for incradible creature to whose lips he entrusted his soul, all-consuming fear of fate, regret...

fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru

I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate

Itsukano Kagayaki suteta

Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou

Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being

I never carry out my promises

So long ago, I threw away my brightness

And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

Harry was shocked by purity of emotions in the kiss. In a few moments he returned Draco's kiss telling him of his own feelings: confusion, amazement, surprize, almost shock but not quite mixed with longing, happiness, understanding...

Simple kiss and soft movements allowed to anderstand more than any language could ever allow.

"I am sorry", - Draco's lips were softly caressing Harry's explaining everything that words coudn't reach, begging for forgiveness about everithing that was and that wasn't, all broken promises that were never spoken aloud.

"I know", - Harry held Draco's waist.

"This is useless, nothing can be changed", - Draco held Harry in desperate hope to hold on to something.

"This is of none importance", - Harry softly slimed into the kiss.

The End